Page 29 of Chaos Theory

TWENTY-SEVEN

‘Hey, Maeve, how was your weekend?’

Shane interrupts my stream of consciousness as the staff meeting ends and the shuffling dispersal of colleagues begins. I was working on my personal to-do list in my head during most of the meeting. It went something like:

Continue making progress with Kobi.

Finish all my course modules; look into getting any kind of certification.

Update my résumé.

Have a serious conversation with Josh about my career beyond Go Ireland.

Try to keep things professional with Josh.

Don’t think about Josh’s big hands, or arms, or lips…

‘Good morning,’ I say robotically, channelling Kobi. I let him have a lie-in this morning to do a full systems check.

Shane texted me a couple of times over the weekend, but I said I was busy doing coursework.

We haven’t really spoken properly since the Thursday social.

A few of the gang went on to Phelan’s, but I went straight home.

I didn’t like what Shane had said after the movie or the way he’d said it.

I kept replaying the conversation in my head over the weekend until I eventually realised what he’d meant.

He’d meant that I make no effort with people at work.

Which is a bit rich given that he makes no effort with anything at all.

I’m pleasant to everyone – isn’t that enough?

What’s the point in forming attachments here when I’ll soon be gone anyway?

He knows that. He’s always known that. It’s Shane who’s one foot out the door at all times.

At least I’m trying to do something, find something, make a place for myself. He’s the real drifter here.

‘I was busy – you know – doing my course,’ I say without meeting his eyes.

‘I think it’s great you’re doing that course.’

He’s blocking my way out of the room, or at least it feels that way.

He stands right in front of me, an insurmountable obstacle, like a mountain that suddenly materialised out of the mist. I can relate to Kobi and his navigational challenges.

Technically, I could just walk around Shane, but my legs are suddenly stiff, my knee joints locked and unresponsive.

‘Why, so you can be rid of me sooner?’ It was supposed to come out like banter, but there’s a harsh edge to my voice. I look up at him, meet his eyes. There’s a fluttering in my chest I don’t like. Things threaten to pass between us unspoken, but I break the gaze before they do.

‘I have to go check on Kobi now.’

He stands aside, finally. ‘Lunch today maybe? Rumour has it Keith’s Deli is now putting orange slices in sandwiches instead of tomatoes.’

‘Well, that sounds’ – I cast around for an appropriate response that will end the conversation as quickly as possible – ‘unappealing.’

He laughs lightly. ‘Ah – peeling, I like it.’

‘I said un appealing,’ I say sharply .

‘Okay.’ He takes a step back. ‘Uh…give us a shout if you change your mind.’

I speed-walk to the door. I’m annoyed. He’s so annoying. I probe myself for the essence of his annoyingness but fail to grasp anything specific. All I feel is that familiar feeling of wanting to be somewhere else.

I ended up telling Shane I was going to work through lunch and now I’m in the unfortunate position of having to go through with it.

While Kobi is working in the customer relations department, I’ve been back at my desk in marketing.

Everyone else in the open plan has already gone downstairs to the café or left the building to pick up an overpriced, on-trend sandwich so they can have an opinion on it.

I’m just making some notes as prep for a client meeting when my phone rings.

I glance at the screen, see Josh’s name.

A pleasant little wave goes through me, like my systems have just gotten a tune-up.

I’ve been expecting his call so we can plan when he’ll come in this week.

I haven’t seen him since the night of the Accidental Hand-Holding.

I keep telling myself that’s all it was.

‘Hey, you,’ I say breezily. I put in my earbuds and walk to the water cooler for a refill.

There’s a microsecond delay before he says, ‘Hey.’ A slight echo on the line.

‘I was wondering when you were going to call.’ Does that sound too eager? But as I say it, Josh also starts talking. ‘Oh, sorry, you go ahead.’

‘Hey. I meant to call earlier, but I was in transit.’

‘In transit? Where are you calling from?’

‘Abu Dhabi. I’m on a layover on my way to Singapore.’

‘Oh wow.’ I’m fairly sure he didn’t mention this trip the last time we spoke.

‘Sorry, it was all very sudden. Ron called me last night and said he wants me in Singapore this week for a big conference. No notice.’

‘Last night? That is no notice. Who goes to a conference last-minute?’

He chuckles. ‘You don’t say no to Ron Tron.’ He sighs. ‘He gets these ideas. There’s this new technology called “digital twin” and the world expert was just added to the conference line-up, so Ron decided I needed to be there.’

‘Did you say “digital twin”? That sounds kind of creepy.’

I pour some water from my refilled bottle onto the oversized plant next to the water cooler before replacing the lid.

‘Ha, it’s not as exciting – or as sinister – as it sounds. It’s for manufacturing systems. You can create a digital-only copy of a machine or product and interact with it virtually. It’s kind of cool.’

‘Bring me back a brochure,’ I say. ‘When will you be back, actually?’

‘Um, sometime next week.’

‘So we’re not doing our regular check-in this week then.’ I try to sound casual but instead hit a note of disappointment.

‘Sorry. Tell Kobi I’m going to miss him.’ There’s a pause. ‘And – hey – I’m going to miss you.’

I feel myself flush at this declaration. ‘Let’s keep in touch.’ I smile down the phone as I realise I’m going to miss him too.