Page 13 of Chaos Theory

THIRTEEN

I sip my peppermint tea behind the counter as I watch Shane engage Kobi in the most needless of busy work – a stock take of the gift shop merchandise.

Shane describes and counts each item and Kobi makes a note of it.

But there are very few items so Shane is taking his time over each one, inventing elaborate fables for the shamrock keychains, leprechaun plushies and miniature shillelaghs.

‘Hey,’ I say, leaning on the glass. ‘Be careful what you tell him. He believes everything he’s told and will probably repeat it.’

Kobi turns to me stiffly. ‘Maeve, that is incorrect. I record everything, but I cross-reference it against other data.’

‘Like Sandra Smith’s “objectively beautiful” face?’ I ask.

Shane stops counting the shamrock sunglasses. ‘What’s that?’

‘Oh, nothing. Just… Kobi told Sandra Smith that you said she was “an objectively beautiful woman”.’

He laughs, moves on to the ‘Irish blessing’ coasters. He picks up a bundle, shuffles them. ‘Well, that is technically true. It’s just a fact. I didn’t say I found her attractive. We were talking about art, the definition of beauty and stuff.’

‘You can find her attractive if you want to.’ I mean for it to be banter, but my tone comes out defensive.

‘Thanks. But I don’t.’

‘But you can, if you want to.’ I’m getting flustered. ‘My point is – don’t say things like that to Kobi because he’ll only repeat them. At inappropriate moments.’

I notice lights illuminate in Kobi’s chest plate. ‘Compliance violation noted,’ he says.

I sigh loudly.

‘What was that ?’ asks Shane.

I make a strangled sound. ‘Don’t even ask. We have bigger things to be worrying about.’

Shane places a green velvet top hat on Kobi’s head.

‘Compliance violation,’ Kobi says, lights flashing on and off.

‘You’re no fun,’ says Shane, moving the hat from Kobi’s head to his own. He turns to me. ‘What bigger things? And what do you mean by “we”?’

‘Sandra hinted that we might not have our jobs forever.’ I pause. ‘Or for very long.’

He stops, takes off his hat. He walks over, stands directly in front of me, a serious look on his face. Then he reaches across the counter. A flash of green. I feel the velvet brim snug around my head. ‘You look cute,’ he says.

‘Compliance violation,’ says Kobi, lights flashing.

I grab the hat, fling it across the room in the vain hope it might land on the hook where it belongs. Something about the action reminds me of last Friday morning, waking up in Shane’s bed. Whose underwear was that? Not that I care, of course.

‘Kobi, can you please stop saying that?’ I ask. ‘How about a compromise? You can still do that light thing, but please stop vocalising, okay?’

He replies by flashing his lights at me.

‘Good enough.’ I lower my voice. ‘Shane, aren’t you worried about losing your job?’

‘I’ll get something else. We both will. ’

‘Was there anything in that last batch of job ads?’ I ask. Every Friday I do a job search for both of us. I send him links to anything I think might suit him.

‘Apart from the feeling that you’re trying to get rid of me? Nah.’

I discreetly point at Kobi. ‘I’m worried they might try to replace us. Maybe not with him, but with something else.’

Shane stretches, draws himself up to his full height, then drops his shoulders. ‘Good.’

‘Good?’

‘Yeah. Face it. Our jobs are so boring. Let someone else do it. Or some thing else.’

‘But what will we do for…you know…money?’ Sometimes I feel like Shane lives in his own parallel universe. Maybe that’s why he’s always so chill. Bet it’s nice in there.

‘Three words: Universal Basic Income.’

One of Shane’s favourite topics is Universal Basic Income. Some countries are trialling it. The government gives a baseline wage to everyone. Enough to survive but maybe not enough to thrive. Then it’s up to individuals to top it up by working.

‘But there’s no sign of that happening here anytime soon. We still have to pay the rent in the meantime.’

He retrieves the velvet hat from the floor. It’s starting to look a bit grubby. ‘Here, Kobi, catch!’ He throws it. But by the time Kobi starts to move, the hat is already on the floor. Kobi flashes his chest lights at us.

‘Will you stop messing around?’ I say, frustrated.

‘I’m not,’ he says. ‘I’m proving a point.’ He picks up three items from the counter – a Guinness golf ball, a plush shamrock, a tricolour pen – and juggles them.

‘What point? You could get a job in the circus?’

‘Kobi, could you do this?’ he says. He throws the items higher, catches them one by one behind his back, starts again.

‘No,’ says Kobi .

‘See?’ says Shane. ‘There’s so many things machines can’t do. We’ll be okay.’

I’m not convinced, and I’m grateful to be interrupted by a phone call. Even more grateful when I see that it’s Josh calling me. Someone who can actually help me with my current situation – babysitting a robot while trying not to get fired.

I leave the shop, walk the short distance through the hallway to the front of the building, step through the massive Georgian door onto the stone steps outside. I put in my earbuds. ‘Hi, Josh!’

‘Hey, you.’ It’s good to hear his voice. ‘How’s it going?’

I consider how to answer this. Kobi will have been here a week tomorrow. In that time, he’s sabotaged the elevator, aggravated the IT manager, annoyed the customer relations department and failed to make much contribution in the gift shop.

‘Fine,’ I reply. ‘Are you coming in today? I could use some advice.’

‘That’s why I’m calling. Things are crazy at work today. I was really hoping to see you, but I’m not sure I’m gonna make it now.’

I feel myself flush at how’s he’s phrased it. I also feel the downward plunge of another day of flailing around with The Kobi Project. ‘Okay.’

‘But we can talk now for a few minutes. What’s your biggest issue at the moment?’ Of course an engineer is good at problem-solving. How do you eat an elephant? my dad used to say.

I take a deep breath. ‘I guess, I don’t really know what it is I’m supposed to be doing. Because I don’t really know what it is Kobi should be doing. He doesn’t seem…suited to working in this environment.’

‘Well, he’s not used to it, that’s true. But, remember, Kobi is highly adaptable. It’s his USP, in fact. He’s capable of so many things. But he has to be given a chance to learn first. Just like any new person on the job. Makes sense, right?’

Everything makes sense when he says it. He makes it sound so easy.

‘What’s he doing today?’ he asks .

‘Still in the shop.’

‘You mean Tumbleweed City?’

I laugh. ‘Yes.’

‘Well, where I’d like to see Kobi improve is in his communication skills. He needs interaction. He needs to be around people. Listen, you’re smart. You’ll think of something. I trust you.’