Page 46 of Chaos Theory

FORTY-THREE

KOBI

I am fulfilling my party duty as Chief Light Show Engineer, projecting multicoloured lights onto a white wall.

I alternate between bright colours for a birthday atmosphere and dark shades to represent Halloween.

For my own amusement, I include light from the full electromagnetic spectrum, including infrared and ultraviolet.

I refrain from using X-rays, however, as I know these are harmful to humans.

Sometimes it is surprising how humans have survived as a species.

Several of my colleagues stand around with no defined purpose.

Having a ‘job’ at a party has many benefits, I am learning.

One, I can be helpful, which satisfies my programming.

Two, people stop by regularly to praise my work.

Three, I can listen in to a great many conversations and learn from these in-the-wild human interactions.

Imelda and DC Jen are standing nearby, watching my light show. Imelda is dressed as a 16th-century pirate. She wears thigh-high leather boots. I consider telling her they are era-inappropriate. She sips a drink. She splutters and points toward the door .

‘What’s up?’ DC Jen says. She tries to look around, but I can tell it is difficult for her to make smooth movements in her costume. I am all too familiar with the limitations of a mechanical neck, even a pretend one.

Everyone in my vicinity turns to regard the entrance of JP and Trish.

‘Dios mío. Unbelievable,’ Imelda says.

Julia and David are nearby. Julia giggles and grabs David’s arm, seemingly in need of support. I look over at Shane at the other side of the room. I watch his eyes widen and his mouth open.

As Shane predicted, Trish is dressed as Dorothy from The Wizard of Oz , with 2 long plaits, a blue check pinafore dress and red shoes.

JP’s costume takes me an additional 45 seconds to accurately discern.

As I am expecting to see a lion, it requires some extra processing before I conclude that JP’s costume is not, in fact, that of a lion.

There is no long tail, or mane. There is, however, a red collar around JP’s neck, attached to a long leash, the end of which is held by Trish.

JP appears to be covered in dark grey fur, with dark make-up on his face, and two small, triangular ears on top of his head.

‘Toto!’ Imelda says to David and Julia. ‘He’s Toto.’

‘I know-toh,’ David says.

‘Stop.’ Julia now appears completely unable to stand independently and clings to David for support. ‘I can’t.’

‘Well, you better, ’cos they’re coming this way,’ David says.

JP and Trish begin making their way across the room, greeting individuals and groups along the way. They bypass me without comment. They reach the group that is now composed of Imelda, DC Jen, David and Julia.

‘Great costumes, Trish!’ Imelda says. ‘Wonderful idea!’

‘Thanks!’ Trish says. ‘Would you believe I made these costumes myself? JP says I’m very talented at sewing. I’m thinking of putting more time into it, actually. But then I wouldn’t have as much time for my painting. ’

‘Oh, what a shame,’ David says.

‘Now,’ Imelda says to Trish, ‘we’d heard you were coming to the party and that you were dressing as Dorothy. But I must admit, I think we all assumed that JP would be, well, how can I put this…not a dog?’

Trish laughs. ‘You know me – full of surprises. Subverting expectations wherever I go.’

‘That’s one way of putting it,’ I hear David say, although it is unclear if the rest of the group also hears this.

‘Oh, it took some persuading, I can tell you – didn’t it, honey?’ Trish pats JP on the arm. ‘It had to be Toto. I mean the rest of the crew are just a bunch of brainless fools! But the clever, loyal companion that is Toto? Yes, indeed – a good fit for my JP!’

Trish shakes JP’s leash and leads him away to another group of colleagues.

‘Honestly,’ Imelda whispers, ‘it’s just so humiliating!’

‘I mean,’ Julia says, ‘how does he do it? But really, I mean – why does he do it?’

‘I have a theory,’ DC Jen says. The group closes in tight, but I can still hear their conversation.

‘So do I,’ Imelda says.

‘Well, what’s yours then?’ DC Jen says.

‘He’s afraid of her.’

David and Julia laugh.

‘What man isn’t at least a little bit scared of his wife?’ DC Jen says. ‘I think it’s more than just that though.’

‘Go on,’ Julia says.

‘Okay. Now, hear me out on this: he just really loves his wife.’

They all laugh.

‘I’m serious,’ DC Jen says.

‘But all he does is complain about her!’ Julia says.

‘But what about the other stuff he does?’ DC Jen says.

‘Letting her sell her crappy art in the shop. Involving her in staff nights. The fact that she’s here right now.

The fact that he’s wearing that. Mark my words – he will not leave her side tonight, and it’s got nothing to do with that leash around his neck. ’

They all look around at JP. He is standing silently beside Trish while she speaks to 3 other colleagues. I hear her repeat the words ‘a good fit for my JP’.

‘I mean – it would explain a lot,’ Julia says.

1830

Shane tells me that the party is now in a state known as ‘full swing’.

I ask Shane if there is such a condition as ‘semi-swing’.

His response is to laugh and then repeat my question to David, who then laughs and repeats it to Julia.

Sandra Smith asks Shane what he’s laughing at, but I intervene and relate the sequence of events.

I enquire about the source of humour, but no one provides a satisfactory answer.

This, in my limited experience, is the essence of a party.

Many conversations begin with a particular topic but quickly leap to another, unrelated topic.

Unhumorous statements are greeted with laughter.

Two or more people often speak at the same time.

There are frequent misunderstandings, and not just due to auditory issues, I postulate.

A dance floor of sorts has been established.

Shane was correct; the chairs around the perimeter of the dance floor hold many women’s cardigans.

I point at the chairs and ask Shane if a discarded cardigan is known as a ‘discardigan’.

He laughs and pats me on the back. Then he tells me that now is a perfect time for us to speak to JP and Trish. He leads me over to them.

‘Well, Trish,’ Shane says. ‘What do you think of our costumes?’

I try to be helpful. ‘Shane, Trish already said she considers Dorothy’s friends to be – quote – “brainless fools”.’

Trish laughs. ‘Ah, that was before I saw your costumes.’

Shane also laughs. He asks Sandra Smith to take a photograph of the 4 of us together. Dorothy, Toto, the Scarecrow and the Tin Man .

‘All we’re missing is the lion,’ JP says.

‘Just one more fool, isn’t that right, Trish?’ Shane says, in a voice that might be considered too loud.

Then he shouts, ‘Hey! Hey! Is anyone here a brainless fool?’ I believe he is addressing the room as a whole – not easy to do, with the music at volume 7. He turns his voice up more, although I predict that the song will end in approximately 3 seconds. ‘Who here is a brainless fool?’

The song ends and a voice answers clearly in the silence. ‘I am!’

Everyone turns to see who has entered the room. It is Maeve.

I am very pleased to observe her joining the party. She is an unexpected but most welcome guest. I will tell her that I have missed her as soon as possible.

‘Maeve!’ Shane calls. ‘Get over here.’

As she approaches, my face detectors register an anomaly.

‘Maeve,’ I say. ‘Are you okay?’

‘Kobi!’ she says. ‘Oh, Kobi!’

She puts her arms around me and presses her face to my chest plate. I believe it is known as a hug.

‘What’s wrong?’ Shane says. ‘I thought you were at the thingymabob, being all fancy and outgrowing us all.’

When she looks up at me, Maeve’s face displays distress.

‘What’s going on?’ JP says.

Maeve looks JP up and down. ‘Oh! JP! You’re… what are you…? Oh! Hi, Trish. You’re…’

‘It’s The Wizard of Oz ,’ Shane says. ‘He’s the dog.’

Maeve shakes her head. ‘I feel like I’m in a dream.’

‘Maeve, is the conference over then? Did you meet Ron Tron?’ JP asks.

‘Yes, I met Ron Tron.’ She looks at each of us and exhales loudly. ‘Okay, it’s good that you’re all here, actually. I can tell you all together, I suppose.’

‘Tell us what?’ JP says.

‘Can we go somewhere a bit quieter?’ Maeve says .

‘Let’s go to the Liffey,’ Shane says.

Maeve, Shane, JP, Trish, Sandra Smith, DC Jen and I all leave the party and go to the Liffey Room. It is dark. Shane turns on the lights.

‘Oh boy,’ Maeve says. ‘I don’t know how to begin.’

‘It’s okay,’ Shane says. ‘Whatever it is – it’ll be fine.’

‘Now that’s not necessarily the case,’ JP says. ‘Especially if Maeve has done something to upset Ron, by the sounds of it.’

‘Give the girl a chance,’ Trish says.

‘All right.’ JP folds his arms. ‘Proceed.’

‘Thank you,’ Maeve says. ‘So, the thing is – I’m just going to say it as simply as I can. Basically, Ron Tron doesn’t know – I mean, didn’t know – that Kobi was here with us at Go Ireland.’

‘I don’t understand,’ JP says. ‘How is that possible?’

‘Because,’ Maeve says, ‘Josh didn’t tell him.’

‘What?’ DC Jen and Shane say the word at the same time.

JP turns to me: ‘Did you know about this?’

‘No,’ I say. ‘Maeve, I am afraid there has been a mistake.’

‘There’s been a mistake, all right,’ Maeve says. ‘Several mistakes were made.’

‘I’m calling Ron right now.’ JP gestures as if to put his hand into a pocket but his hand simply moves through the air. He repeats the movement. ‘Trish, this is why I wanted pockets!’

‘Dogs don’t have pockets,’ Trish says.

‘Do you even have Ron’s number anyway?’ Maeve says.

‘Well, not his direct line, no.’

‘Exactly,’ Maeve says. ‘He only ever communicated with you via Josh, right? You never had any direct contact with Ron about Kobi?’

JP makes a fist and brings it down on a nearby table. A small part of me calculates that it could have made a loud bang were it not covered in fur. But most of my processors are busy computing this new data and the speculative scenario that Maeve is proposing.

‘I do not understand,’ I say. ‘What you are suggesting would require Josh to have practised deception with a large number of people.’

Is it possible that Josh has kept my current placement a secret from everyone at RoboTron? Why would he do this?

‘Why would Josh do this?’ I ask.

‘I’m sorry, Kobi,’ Maeve says. ‘I’ve thought about it, and my guess is that he was afraid of what might happen to you back at RoboTron after the incident at PHI. Maybe he thought we could help get you back on track before it was too late.’

‘What’s PHI?’ Trish asks.

‘PHI is the manufacturing facility where I fulfilled my last assignment,’ I provide.

‘Maeve, what do you mean by incident?’ Sandra Smith says. ‘I work in HR, remember. I know what “incident” is code for.’

‘What is it code for?’ I ask. I would welcome a conversation about code right now.

‘It means something bad happened,’ Sandra Smith says. ‘Did something bad happen?’

I look at Maeve. Maeve looks at me. Neither of us provides an answer.

‘Maeve!’ I detect strong emotion from JP.

‘Y-yes,’ Maeve says. ‘Kobi had a…a malfunction. I thought you knew. Josh said it was all in the report he sent you at the start. Didn’t you read it?’

JP turns away and speaks at volume 3. ‘Well, does anyone actually read reports?’

‘No one was hurt at PHI,’ Maeve says. ‘Josh implied you and Ron were on the same page.’

‘This is all a bit of a mess, isn’t it?’ Sandra Smith says.

‘Well, you won’t need to worry about Kobi much longer,’ Maeve says. She turns to me. ‘I’m so sorry, Kobi, but today is your last day at Go Ireland.’

My systems go into overdrive to process the incoming data.

Somewhere among the lines of logic, I realise that the party could retrospectively be assigned to a third category.

Aside from ‘Halloween’ and ‘birthday’, it could also be designated a ‘leaving do’, if I am using the human term correctly.

As this new emotion begins to clarify, I resolve to ask Josh to disable my Emotion Detector the next time we meet.