Page 6 of Chaos Theory

SIX

After a bumpy start at the team meeting, I decide to take refuge in a safe place. The IT department seems like the natural home for a robot, and besides, I want to see what Jen thinks of Kobi.

She wasn’t at the staff meeting because she’s on a deadline to revamp the entire Go Ireland website. She says she’s taking it from the nineteenth century into the twentieth century. Every time I meet Jen she finds a new, innovative way to describe how under-resourced she is:

‘I’m ten pensioners short of a conga line.’

‘I’m like a kangaroo trying to strangle itself.’

‘I’ve about as much budget as a gambling addict in a casino who’s just put everything on red.’

She claims these expressions are common Australian parlance, but I strongly suspect that she’s just enjoying herself at our expense.

We begin making our way to the third floor.

I need to slow my pace to keep step with Kobi, who’s really not quite the nimble athlete Josh has built him up to be.

Maybe he’s stiff? Could I put some oil on those joints?

I open my phone, make a note to ask Josh about this.

Josh – lubrication? I add a cheeky winky face, for the craic.

‘Maeve, may I ask what my duties will be here at Go Ireland?’ Kobi asks me.

No small talk then. Eager to get to work. No wonder this is the future.

‘We – I – haven’t quite figured that out yet. You were kind of a surprise for us, Kobi. We didn’t really have time to make a plan for you. But what we’ll do is… Yes, this is what we’ll do… We’ll see how you get on with various tasks and then settle you wherever your strengths are.’

‘I am very strong,’ says Kobi. ‘If you need me to lift heavy boxes, I am proficient in that area.’

I think of the boxes of unused summer brochures in the storeroom that need to be recycled. ‘I’m sure you’ll be very helpful.’

I lead him towards the elevator.

We get in and the elevator of course does its usual passive-aggressive failure to recognise my voice. I sigh. ‘Oh, this thing is useless. Someone should put it out of its misery.’

‘Please, Maeve, allow me,’ says Kobi. ‘Stand aside.’

It makes sense – a machine would be more likely to recognise another machine’s voice.

I stand back as Kobi positions himself in front of the call-button panel.

I whip out my phone to triumphantly text Shane that I’ve finally managed to hack the elevator.

I’m searching for the exact right GIF to send that signifies relief, cleverness and I-do-know-what-I’m-doing when a flash of light catches my eye.

The panel innards spew forth like entrails as Kobi raises his arm to show me a bunch of wires grasped in his digits. A tiny fireworks display sputters, then all the lights go out.

‘Omigod, Kobi!’ I bundle him out of the compartment. ‘Why did you do that?’

‘You informed me that this machine was no longer useful,’ he says, cool as an air-conditioning unit. ‘I merely tried to be helpful, as we discussed. ’

‘Argh. How would you like it if someone decided to suddenly shut you down?’

He responds by telling me that he is routinely switched off and on, tweaked and prodded, repaired and rebooted.

‘Fair enough,’ I falter. ‘Just stand there for a minute, okay? Don’t touch anything.’

I log an alert with building maintenance. Was this my fault? Did I not communicate clearly enough? Josh said that Kobi was highly sophisticated, with months of bespoke programming.

With the elevator out of order, we have to take the stairs. Kobi assures me that he can climb a staircase, and while technically this turns out to be true, it takes us a good ten minutes to ascend the first flight.

‘I have always known that stairs would be the death of me,’ he says, and I can’t tell if he’s joking or being dramatic so I choose to ignore the comment.

We eventually arrive at the IT department. I hesitate outside the door.

‘Listen, Kobi, let’s not tell Jen that we broke the elevator, okay?

’ I feel very generous saying ‘we ’ . ‘It should be fixed very soon.’ Hopefully before Jen needs to descend four flights of stairs to get to the staff café .

I’ll offer to bring lunch up to her. She often works through without a break.

‘I am afraid I am incapable of deception, Maeve.’

Of course he is. ‘Haven’t you heard of white lies?’

‘Yes, Maeve. The human capacity for deception is fascinating. But it is not part of my programming.’

‘Fine,’ I say. ‘In that case, let me do the talking, okay?’

‘With pleasure,’ he says, and for a second I wonder if he was programmed to have a sarcastic streak.

We enter the room, Kobi shuffling in behind me.

Jen is right to complain about under-resourcing.

Every surface appears to be home to a piece of equipment in some state of rehabilitation.

But at least the budget has been stretched to pay for a mini-fridge in the corner, stocked almost entirely with Diet Coke cans.

I’m reminded that Jen’s nickname around the office is ‘DC’, on account of her addiction.

Shane was the first one to christen her that, and the label was so sticky that everyone calls her that now, even though DC is also Duncan Canning’s initials.

It’s unclear what Duncan’s feelings on the matter are.

‘Hey, DC! Jen – I wanted to introduce you to Kobi. He’s the robot – the cobot – who’s going to be with us for a little while.’

Jen swivels around in her chair to face us, looks Kobi up and down. ‘Nice to meet you, Kobi. I’m the IT manager, but I don’t suppose you’ll be needing much help from me. I imagine you’re way more advanced than any of the machines we have around here.’

She gestures to a couple of old laptops and PCs sitting open on a nearby desk, surrounded by empty Diet Coke cans.

The machines look like they’re doing long and elaborate software updates, guarded by a tiny army of silver soldiers.

‘I just fix them up as best I can. If budget was a river, I’d be sailing through a desert, using dry sand for a paddle, do you know what I mean? ’

I laugh. Kobi is quiet. I realise he’s probably following my instruction to let me do the talking. I doink my elbow against his arm. ‘It’s okay. You can answer her.’

‘It is a pleasure to meet you. I believe I do know what you mean. It is a metaphor to emphasise a lack of financial resources.’

Jen laughs. ‘Fair dues, mate.’ She rolls across the floor in her chair to get a closer look at Kobi. ‘You are a fascinating creation.’

‘Thank you,’ he says. ‘Likewise.’

She laughs again, looks at me. ‘Maeve, I have to say I’m a bit jealous right now. You’re going to have so much fun with this guy.’

‘Do you think so? You weren’t at the meeting this morning. It wasn’t exactly the land of a thousand welcomes.’

She raises her eyebrows above her frames. ‘Hey, Kobi, do you want to take a look at the Go Ireland website for a few minutes? I’m in the middle of a revamp. You might find it interesting to learn more about the company.’

She settles Kobi at a workstation, then takes me to one side. ‘What’d your guy say on Friday, the guy from RoboTron?’

I think back to the hour I spent with Josh in the Liffey Room.

He explained things in a way that seemed clear and simple.

He didn’t seem to think it bizarre and strange that I should be the one chosen to babysit a multimillion-dollar robot under minimal supervision.

I can’t wait for Josh to come back, to be honest. And maybe not just to check on Kobi.

He seems like the kind of person who has stories to tell.

Because he’s done things, has some sort of life. He seems like a grown-up.

‘He said he wanted Kobi to improve how he responds to humans,’ I tell Jen. ‘To fit in better in the workplace.’

‘Ah. Interesting.’

‘Why? What do you mean?’

‘Well, think about it. How do you measure that?’

‘I hope that’s a rhetorical question. Jen, AI is not my strong suit. You’re the one with the IT skills.’

‘This is exactly my point. To help him fit in, you don’t actually need IT skills. What you’re really measuring is the human response to the robot. Do the rest of the gang like him? Scratch that – do they accept him? That’s all you need to do, mate. Can’t be that hard. He seems harmless enough.’

I exhale. ‘Well, he is eager to help. That’s got to be a good thing, right?’

We both smile and look over at Kobi. That’s when I notice it. The fine white lead emerging from his midsection. I follow the length of it with my eyes. It’s connected to the laptop’s USB port.

Jen rushes over to him. ‘Mate, what are you up to there?’

I recognise the Go Ireland home page on the screen. Something looks different, but I can’t quite put my finger on it.

‘You are welcome,’ says Kobi as Jen yanks the lead out of the computer.

She stares at the screen. ‘Oh no.’ She whispers it so quietly it sends chills up my spine.

She hurls herself into her swivel chair, lands back at her desk with a clatter. She stares intently at the screen as she bangs at the keyboard. ‘No, no, no.’

‘Kobi!’ I turn to him. ‘What did you do?’

‘DC Jen asked me to assist with the company website. And you spoke of gen AI. Even though generative AI is not my area of expertise, I was able to connect the website to a new tool that is most efficient. It can generate new words and images from old ones. Thus, I have refreshed the website with minimal financial investment. I believe DC Jen might call it “paddling with sand”.’

Kobi seems to think he’s done us a great favour, but Jen’s reaction suggests otherwise. ‘Jen, what’s happened?’

She doesn’t look at me. ‘Snakes on a bike, unbelievable! He’s only gone and replaced all the text and images with random nonsense. This is a disaster.’

I move closer to the laptop, peer at the Go Ireland website.

Everything is the same, yet everything is different.

Where the tagline across the top used to say, ‘Welcome to Go Ireland,’ the text now reads, ‘The top of the mornin’ to ye!

’ Our sophisticated colour palette is now lurid green; shamrocks pulsate across the page like shooting stars.

I squint at the images of tourists enjoying their time in Ireland – their smiles are too big, their fingers too many.

We’re now in the business of day trips to Uncanny Valley, apparently.

Jen turns to the mini-fridge by her desk, opens it with one foot. I rush over to grab a can for her. ‘This is gonna take me all day to fix. At least.’

‘Oh, Jen, I’m so sorry. I didn’t know he was going to?—’

She cuts me off. ‘Look, just get him out of here, okay?’

I herd Kobi towards the door, then turn back in the doorway.

‘I’ll bring you up some lunch,’ I say, suddenly remembering the broken elevator.

She doesn’t look at me. ‘Don’t worry about it – I won’t have time for lunch today.’