Page 61 of Captivated (Salvation #3)

Chapter Fifty-One

“What day is it?” Zeeb murmured.

It amused him that Nate’s reply wasn’t instantaneous. “Tuesday? No, Wednesday. Wait. Is it Thursday?” He sighed. “I’m not sure.”

Zeeb snickered. “So your head is about as scrambled as mine is?”

Nate laughed, a bright happy sound. “Pretty much.” He craned his neck to peer at Zeeb. “Why do you want to know? Is there someplace you have to be today?”

Zeeb stroked his shoulder. “Nowhere but here.” He chuckled. “Although we will need to get outta this bed and feed ourselves at some point.”

Not yet, though. He was too busy enjoying an early morning cuddle.

Nate bit his lip. “So… are we going to…”

Zeeb laughed. “I love it that you’re all shy this morning. Such a very different Nate compared to the one I had in this bed last night.”

“And you did, didn’t you?”

He frowned. “Did what?”

Nate’s eyes twinkled. “Have me.” The words had a raw edge to them.

Zeeb grinned. “Twice.” He cupped Nate’s cheek. “No regrets?”

“None.” Nate’s gaze locked on his. “You?”

“I can’t believe I waited this long to discover how amazing sex can be with a guy.” He smiled. “But I’m glad I discovered it with you. And to answer your question, I think there could be a rematch on the horizon.” The smile became a grin. “Another one.”

Nate propped himself up on his elbow, leaned over, and kissed him, taking his time. His fingers ghosted Zeeb’s collarbone. “So we weren’t too strenuous?”

Zeeb sighed. “No. It was still frustratin’ as fuck.”

“Think about all the fun we’ll have when you’re fully mobile.” Nate grinned. “It’ll be like the Sexual Olympics in here.”

Zeeb studied his face. Nate’s words had stirred his mind into action.

“In here.” He stilled. “Maybe that’s something we need to discuss. You plan to go on livin’ in the cabin?”

Nate frowned. “Where else would I go? I can’t stay in the bunkhouse.” He bit his lip. “Talk about an audience.”

Zeeb chuckled. “Yeah, I take your point. Then maybe what we should be discussing with the boss is my sleeping arrangements.” He didn’t relish the prospect of spending his time going back and forth between the bunkhouse and the cabin.

I’d feel like a goddamn visitor, not his partner.

Zeeb was in this for the long haul, and that meant he needed some stability.

A place to call their own.

And if that couldn’t be the cabin, then they needed to come up with an alternative.

Nate stared at him. “You want to live with me?”

His hesitancy had Zeeb backpedaling in a heartbeat.

“Unless you don’t want that.”

Nate kissed Zeeb’s chest. “I never thought anyone other than Dad could put up with me.” There was a glow to his face that warmed Zeeb’s heart. “I’d love us to live together. But are you sure?”

Zeeb rolled his eyes. “For an intelligent guy, you say some dumb shit. Of course I wanna live with you.” He smiled. “You ‘n’ me, Nate—a perfect fit.”

Fuck . The light in Nate’s eyes floored him.

“Just for that, I’ll go put the coffee on. You can stay here.” Nate threw back the sheet and got out of bed. He grabbed his jeans.

“Hey. What’cha puttin’ clothes on for? It’s just us, ain’t it?”

Nate blinked. “You mean, walk around—naked?”

Zeeb laughed. “You never do that? It feels awesome, lettin’ everything hang out.

Not that I get to indulge in it all that often.

I mean, not when we have guests. It ain’t the done thing.

And I can just imagine the comments I’d get if I tried it around the guys.

So I have to pick my moments. But here? Why not? ”

“I wouldn’t do it at home. Dad doesn’t do that either.”

He grinned. “Then try it. I guarantee, you’ll love it.” Zeeb hadn’t always felt that way, but during the last few weeks he’d chilled out about a lot of things.

Nate dropped his jeans onto the foot of the bed. “Okay. But if it feels weird, I’m getting dressed.” He went downstairs, and Zeeb listened to the familiar sounds, an air of contentment settling on him, as soft and warm as a comforter.

“You weren’t kidding, were you?” Nate called out.

“About what?”

“Letting it all hang out. I like it.”

Zeeb cackled. “Knew you would.” He paused. “You mentioned your dad just now, and you kinda jogged my memory. Something I’ve been meaning to ask about Derek.”

“What about him?”

“Last night, when you were having… um….”

“My meltdown. It’s okay, I promise not to get mad.”

“No, because that’s not fair to you. We’ll just say you were letting a few things out. If you figured you were sinful, what would that make Derek? He’d be doubly sinful, wouldn’t he? A gay man who’s into leather and all that kinky shit?”

There was silence for a moment.

“Nate?”

His sigh reached Zeeb’s ears. “You’re right.

That was how I saw him. I’m ashamed when I think about how I was back then.

I lashed out, angry at every goddamn thing, but Dad?

He was like a calm, placid lake. No matter how many ripples I made, the lake never moved.

It stayed right there until I was able to calm down.

” Another sigh. “There were plenty of times I was certain he’d toss me out.

If I’m honest, I think I tried to push him to do it, because then I’d have someone else to blame everything on.

But Dad? He never gave up on me, even when I tried to shut him out.

If anything, he just held on tighter. He kept telling me I deserved love—and that I had to start by loving myself before anyone else really could, without me messing it up or trying to sabotage it. ”

“Always said he was a good man. That just proves it.”

“He had to be, to put up with me. It all came to a head one day after I threw an epic fit.” Nate huffed.

“I don’t even remember why I was so angry, but I was slamming around the house, pulling clothes out and shoving them in a bag.

He stood there, and for the longest time he didn’t say a word.

Finally, I turned around and told him, ‘Don’t worry, I’ll be out of your hair soon enough.

’ He smiled at me and said ‘Is that what you think I want?’”

The next time Zeeb saw Derek, that man was going to get such a hug.

“And yeah, I thought that. I mean, I was a brat, and he had to be tired of my shit, right? Then he went over to the bag and started putting my stuff back in the drawers. When I asked what the hell he was doing, he turned and pulled me into a hug and asked, ‘Do you really want to go?’ I said yes, I wanted out of there. And still he just held on. He wouldn’t let go of me.

It was maybe a good ten or fifteen minutes before the warmth of that hug finally got through to me.

” Nate’s sigh floated on the air. “I’d shut myself off from my feelings for so long, it was like a layer of ice had formed around my heart, and Dad cracked it with a hug.

I cried like a baby in his arms. I asked him why no one wanted me.

He held on to me, and even to this day, I can still see his expression when he said ‘ I want you, Nate, but I can’t do all the running.

You need to let go of at least a little hurt and let me in.

’” Nate paused. “So I did. Best decision ever. After that, he got me into therapy, and that brought me to where I am now.”

The beep of the coffee pot pierced the silence that followed Nate’s confession. A moment later, he appeared at the top of the stairs, carrying two cups.

Zeeb grinned. “Wow. Coffee delivered by a naked man. This must be my lucky day.”

Nate glanced at his crotch and flushed. “Part of you is obviously hoping to get lucky.”

He pushed the sheet down to reveal his morning wood. “I have a number in my head. If you guess right, I’ll make you breakfast in bed.”

“And if I guess wrong, I’m making it?”

Zeeb nodded, giving his shaft a lazy tug. “Well? Give it your best shot.”

“How am I supposed to guess a number? It could be anythi—” Nate’s eyes sparkled. “Wait. I think I’ve got it.”

He said nothing but grinned, keeping up the slow pump of his dick.

Nate placed the cups on the nightstand, then sat beside him on the bed.

“This number…. It wouldn’t start with six and end with nine, would it?”

Zeeb beamed. “See, I knew you were a smart man.” He curved his palm around Nate’s cheek. “I’m so freakin’ glad you had Derek.”

Nate’s warm smile was a ray of sunshine. “Me too.” He batted Zeeb’s hand away, and wrapped his fingers around Zeeb’s shaft. “Now, what can we find to do while our coffee cools?”

He leaned back against the pillows. “I’m sure you’ll think of something.”

“You remember all those texts we sent each other when I went home?”

Zeeb chuckled. “Of course. Sending those kept me going.”

“Well, you said something in one of them that I meant to ask you about, but it kept slipping my mind.”

“Do I take it you know now?”

Nate nodded. “You said you’d been doing some writing. You also said it was fantasy, and that I was the main character.” He grinned. “So now I want to read it.”

Zeeb stilled. “I don’t know about that.”

He frowned. “You write beautifully. It can’t be that bad.”

Zeeb coughed. “Oh, I don’t want you to read it cuz it’s bad, more because…well…” Lord , his face was hot.

Nate’s eyes lit up. “Now you have to tell me.”

He pushed out a sigh. “Fine. I wrote about us….” He coughed again. “Fuckin’.”

Nate gaped. “Seriously?” He grinned, then glanced around the room. “Where is it? I want to read it.”

“Now?”

He nodded. “Besides, it might give me some ideas about what else we can do.”

Zeeb already had a list, and if they did half the stuff on it, they’d both be exhausted—and very happy bunnies.

Nate’s chest was covered in a sheen of sweat, and he felt pretty damn good. Aching but good. And a very specific ache that reminded him of how they’d spent the last ten minutes.

“Can we make it last longer?” he asked.

Zeeb chuckled. “Ask me again when I’m not tied to one position. And just how long did you want it to last? This isn’t porn, y’know, when two guys go at it for a half hour. That ain’t real sex.”

“I wouldn’t know. I’ve never watched porn.” His face tightened a fraction. “Except what they made me watch in the camp, and that doesn’t count. Not that I remember much about it.” He regarded Zeeb with amusement. “Do the guys in the bunkhouse know you’ve watched gay porn?”

He snorted. “Like I’d tell them .” Then he blinked. “Whoa, a real porn virgin. You’re an endangered species. Then my advice is, don’t start now. The real thing is so much better.”

Nate sighed. “I have a lot to learn.” His hand was on Zeeb’s chest, and there was a rhythm to the rise and fall of Zeeb’s breathing that made him feel anchored. Safe.

There were only a couple of people who made him feel that way, and one of them would be at Salvation in a few days’ time.

“Where did you just go?” Zeeb asked him.

“I was thinking about Dad. I didn’t finish what I wanted to say. You distracted me.”

“Sure that shouldn’t be dick-stracted you?” Zeeb snickered. “I’m sorry. Well, my dick isn’t, but you know.... Anyway, go back to your story.”

Nate chuckled. He dragged his fingertips through Zeeb’s damp chest hair. “It took me a while, but I realized Derek was nothing like my father. He treated me better, for one thing. He was kind, patient, and he encouraged me to find a dream—a passion—and chase it. He never once said art was unmanly.”

“My dad could’ve taken a lesson on that from him,” Zeeb muttered.

Nate laced their fingers. “Derek adopted me when I was eighteen. I couldn’t believe how simple the procedure was.

And every day after that, things got a little bit better.

I still had some trouble believing it was all real, and yeah, I pushed him now and then, but just like he always did, he held on.

And finally, a couple of years ago, I came to a decision.

” He paused, and Zeeb tightened his grip on Nate’s fingers.

“Go on. Can’t leave me hanging like that.”

“It was June fifteenth. He called me down to breakfast, the same way he always did, and when I went into the kitchen, he was chatting as he plated things up. I came up behind him, and when he turned, I held out an envelope.”

Zeeb was so quiet.

“He took out the letter and read it, then sighed, folded it up again, and put it back in the envelope. I remember feeling so crushed, so disappointed.” Nate swallowed.

“Then I saw he had tears in his eyes. He pulled me to him and said ‘Of course you can call me Dad. You’re my son, Nate. Always will be. I was never sure if you wanted a father, so I stayed quiet.’”

Zeeb made a choked sound.

“The thing was? I did want a father. I wanted him, someone who built me up, not tore me down. Someone who showed pride in my work, instead of telling me I was wasting my time. He was the father of my heart, and I couldn’t have asked for a better man to call Dad.”

“Come here.” Zeeb held his arm wide, and Nate snuggled against him, careful not to exert any pressure. “Thank you.”

“For what?”

“Sharing. It feels as if I know now what brought you to Salvation—and to me.”

Nate closed his eyes, conscious of feeling truly at peace, maybe for the first time.

“And trust me, there’s nothing anyone can teach you about sex. This ain’t Show ‘n’ Tell. It’s more like learning as you go.”

“I know. I can’t wait for the next part.”

Zeeb chuckled. “What did you have in mind?

“Is there a schedule or something?” When Zeeb didn’t reply, Nate opened his eyes.

Zeeb blinked. “A what?”

“A schedule. For… stuff.”

Zeeb raised an eyebrow. “Okay, you lost me.”

Nate gestured vaguely at the bed, wondering if he’d have made his meaning any clearer with diagrams.

“You know, for when we take turns?”

Zeeb frowned.

Nate changed tack. “Change lanes?”

There was a beat of silence. Then Zeeb’s eyes widened.

“Oh. That.”