Page 42 of Captivated (Salvation #3)

Chapter Thirty-Six

If one more of those fuckers asks if I’m okay, I’m gonna ? —

Zeeb stood still, his arms by his side, and took a deep, hopefully cleansing breath.

I won’t do a goddamn thing. Because he knew their words came from a place of love, even if that place was rough around the edges and about as subtle as a sledgehammer.

It didn’t help that he was mucking out the stalls.

He kept seeing Nate there. Hearing him. Every time Zeeb looked at Sorrel, his mind slipped back to a Nate moment.

There were way too many Nate moments.

It was better when he was occupied. The previous day had been pretty much nonstop.

Thank God Sundays were quieter. On the dude ranch it was a day for settling in.

Chilling. Exploring the surroundings. Seven guests had arrived, which meant the bunkhouse was full to bursting, so much so that they’d put some of them in the overspill bunk room on the second floor, the one they usually used when they had female guests.

Seven guests had also meant a noisy breakfast, and Zeeb couldn’t face that right then.

I need some peace.

Which was why he was in the stable. The horses weren’t a talkative bunch, thankfully.

Bailey stuck his head over the stall gate and gave a soft whinny .

Zeeb smiled and walked over to him. “Hey you,” he said in a low voice.

“Is that better? Your stall all nice ‘n’ clean?” He stroked Bailey’s nose, and the horse pushed into his hand.

“An’ you can quit lookin’. No apples right now.

” He cocked his head. “Maybe it isn’t food you’re lookin’ for. Wanna go for a ride?”

His heartbeat quickened.

An’ I know exactly where we’re going.

The same place he’d been every morning for the past two weeks.

As he tightened the cinch, Paul led Lucy into the stable. “I thought you were supposed to be working in here.”

Zeeb didn’t even glance at him. “Goin’ for a ride.”

There was a pause before Paul spoke. “Zeeb, if you ever?—”

“Don’t,” he blurted. That single word came out more harshly than he’d intended. Zeeb sighed. “I know y’all mean well, but I don’t wanna talk about it, all right?”

“I hear you. Doesn’t change a thing, though.”

“I know that too. I won’t be long. Just need to be someplace else right now.”

He led Bailey out into the warm morning light, and over to the mounting block by the paddock fence. Zeeb leaned in close.

“You know where we’re going, don’tcha?”

It wasn’t long before he’d left the ranch behind him and was riding through the meadow. The breeze carrying the scent of wildflowers and sunshine, the birds chirping in the trees without a goddamn care in the world… These things usually lifted him, filled his heart with joy and light.

Not today.

Not for a few days.

Lord, I got it bad.

Zeeb nudged Bailey into a gallop, as if picking up speed would leave such thoughts in his dust, but he knew they’d cling to him, like horse shit on the heel of his boots, stubborn and persistent.

When he heard the creek’s happy babble, he slowed, until at last he reached the hitching post across from where the cabin sat.

It had been cleaned after Nate’s departure. Not only that, Matt had brought an overnight guest the previous week, and Zeeb had made sure to avoid it like the plague until he knew they’d vacated it.

He didn’t want to chance hearing anything that might dip his heart deeper into ice.

Except ice was wrong.

It was envy.

Zeeb clambered off Bailey and secured him to the post, then crossed the steppingstones. He stood in front of the porch, gazing at the Adirondack chairs, recalling a warm night, cold beers, and good conversation.

This was as far as he’d gotten every single time. He couldn’t bring himself to step inside. All traces of Nate were gone, he knew that.

What remained were memories that had the power to shatter him with their intensity.

I should’ve told him how I felt.

I should’ve been honest.

Nate’s words rang in his head.

You don’t see me as broken, do you?

No sir, he did not.

“What’s stopping you from going inside?”

Zeeb almost jumped out of his skin. He turned to find Robert hitching Rusty alongside Bailey.

“Boss, you gotta stop doin’ that. You wanna give me a heart attack?”

Robert crossed the creek to join him at the steps that led up to the door. “You haven’t answered my question.”

Zeeb’s pulse sped up. “I don’t need to. I know what’s in there.”

Robert went onto the porch and stood in front of the door. “Probably the same thing I know is waiting for me. Memories.” Instead of going inside, he sat on one of the chairs. Robert gestured to the other. “Sit.”

“I should be getting back now, Boss.”

Robert’s eyes gleamed. “I said sit .” His voice had an edge to it.

Zeeb heaved a sigh and sat, waiting for the words he knew were coming, knew that from balls to bones. When Robert said nothing, Zeeb rolled his eyes. “Christ on a cracker, just come out with it. I ain’t getting any younger sittin’ here.”

“Come out with what?”

“The same thing everyone on this ranch has been sayin’ to me for the past two weeks. Why should you be any different?”

“Teague came to see me last week. About you. Said he had concerns.”

Shit.

“Oh?” Zeeb kept his tone light, but cold spread its chill fingers through his body.

Things had just gotten too real for comfort. Because if the ranch foreman had concerns he felt he should pass on to the boss…

“He said you’re distracted most of the time.

Forgetful. Quiet. Actually, it was that last one that really worried him.

” A pause. “Teague said it was like working with a stranger. So when he came to see me yesterday to report things had not only not improved, but worsened, I figured it was time for a chat.”

Zeeb’s heart sank. “This a verbal warning, Boss?”

Robert’s breathing caught, and Zeeb glanced at him.

The compassion in those eyes floored him.

“Do I have to tell you to pack a bag and drive to Boise? Because it seems to me you have some unfinished business there.”

Zeeb widened his eyes. “I can’t do that.”

Fuck. He knows.

“Why not?”

“Because…” He swallowed. “I’m a complication he doesn’t need. He’s got enough on his plate.”

Robert studied him for a moment, and Zeeb squirmed on his chair.

“Boss, he’s got a lot of shit to figure out. And he doesn’t need me around.”

Robert didn’t break eye contact. “What if you’re wrong? What if you’re exactly what Nate needs?” He sighed. “He really got under your skin, didn’t he?” His gaze softened. “We don’t have secrets, you and I. At least, I didn’t think we did.”

Zeeb huffed. “Under my skin, into my veins, and he’s inching his way into my heart.”

“Oh.” Robert blinked. “Wow.”

Zeeb chuckled. “Not what you were expecting to hear, right? I mean, me havin’ the hots for a guy isn’t what you’d call news, not on this ranch. But fallin’ for one?”

Robert cocked his head. “I take it this is a new experience. Because I don’t recall you ever being involved with anyone, not in all the years I’ve known you.”

Zeeb focused on his clasped hands, his fingers laced across his stomach.

“Never had me a relationship before. Kinda scary.”

“Have you spoken with Nate since he left?”

“Spoken? No.” That’s because he didn’t answer my calls. “Texts? Yeah, plenty of those.”

“And does he feel the same way?”

“I wouldn’t know. We sorta danced around the edges, if you get my drift. Neither of us came right out an’ shared anything personal.”

“So because he didn’t, you kept quiet? Is that it?” Zeeb nodded, and Robert let out another sigh. “Both of you too damn scared to put a foot wrong.” He drew in a breath. “Question is, what are we going to do about it?”

“Nothing to do,” Zeeb remonstrated. “I jus’ have to get back on track, that’s all. Do my work. Focus on that.”

“There’s more to life than work,” Robert said in a gentle tone.

Zeeb snorted. “You sound like Walt. You know what he said to me? An’ I’m talkin’ weeks ago, back in June, when we took the herd to the south pasture. He said ‘We all deserve happiness. Maybe it’s your time to find some.’”

Robert’s eyes twinkled. “Wise man, Walt.” He stood. “Do one thing for me?”

“What’s that?”

His face tightened. “Focusing is good. Make sure you do that when you’re on a horse. I don’t want you falling and breaking something. Like your neck.”

Zeeb knew what had passed through the boss’s mind, and his gut clenched.

“I’ll take care, I promise.” Besides, Kevin Porter had been drunk as a skunk the night he’d fallen from Lightning. Zeeb knew enough never to mix horses and alcohol.

Robert’s lips twitched. “Don’t you have work to do, cowboy?”

He had a point.

Zeeb stood and gave the cabin a final glance. “Yeah, I do. An’ sittin’ here ain’t getting it done.”

“Ride back with me, then.”

“Sure thing, Boss.”

They stepped across the creek, and Zeeb deliberately didn’t turn around for one last look.

I need to stop this. It isn’t helping.

By extension, he knew he needed to stop thinking about Nate too. All it did was bring him down, muddy his thoughts, and cloud his judgment.

I just have to accept this wasn’t meant to be.

Even if that meant acknowledging Nate was a dream that had come and gone.

Robert sat on the chair on his porch, his phone in one hand, his tablet with the ranch’s records in his lap. He tapped in the number.

It answered after three rings. “Hello?”

“Derek, it’s Robert Thorston.”

There was the slightest pause. “Hey, Robert. It’s good to hear you. Sorry I wasn’t there for the last Deliverance week. I needed to be here for Nate.”

“Actually, Nate’s the reason I’m calling.”

Derek chuckled. “Now that is weird.”

“What is?”

“I was going to call you.” Another pause. “I thought Salvation had done him a lot of good—until he got home.” A soft sigh filled Robert’s ear. “He’s a mess.”

“Would that have something to do with a certain ranch hand?”

Derek’s breathing hitched. “Why yes, it would.”

“Thought as much. Zeeb’s a mess too.”

“That was why I was going to call. I was thinking of sending Nate back to Salvation on another visit. Just a regular stay at the dude ranch.”

Robert had already had that idea and dismissed it.

“This situation doesn’t need a quick fix, a Band-aid. It calls for a more permanent solution.”

“You sound as if you have something specific in mind.”

“That’s because I do. Here’s what I was thinking…”

They talked for maybe twenty minutes, a back and forth of ideas, and by the time they were done, there was a flutter in Robert’s belly, his spirits a little lighter.

“You think Nate’ll go for it?” he asked Derek.

“The way he was talking a couple of days ago? Yes, I think so. What about you? This is a big undertaking on your part.”

Robert smiled. “As soon as we finish talking, I’m going to round up Toby, Teague, and Sol. If they agree with us, I’ll call you back. Then it’ll be up to Nate.”

“I’ll be waiting by the phone.” Derek paused. “I have to do something, Robert. I can’t sit back and watch him undo all his hard work.”

“I know. I’m watching Zeeb go through hell too. This calls for an intervention.” He hung up, then sent texts to Teague and Sol.

Come on up to the house for a meeting.

Toby came out onto the porch with two glasses of iced tea. “I thought you might need this.”

Robert took it. “Thanks. I hope there’s enough left in the fridge. We’re about to have visitors.” His phone pinged, and he glanced at the screen.

Teague: On my way.

One down, one to go.

It pinged again.

Sol: Give me five minutes to finish this up and I’ll be there.

Two for two.

Toby sat beside him. “This sounds serious.”

Robert leaned back in his chair. “I finally talked with Zeeb this morning.”

“Well, someone had to. How did it go?”

He huffed.

“That good, huh?”

Robert repeated the bare details of their conversation, then followed it with a recap of his chat with Derek. “I’m sharing this with you first because you run this ranch too.” He peered at Toby. “What do you think?”

Toby smiled. “I like it. I only hope Nate does too. It’ll mean a huge change for him.”

“And for us too, but it’ll be worth it if it ends well.”

Toby kissed the top of his head. “You have a romantic soul, baby, and I love it.” He cupped Robert’s chin and gazed into his eyes. “Almost as much as I love you.”

Their lips met, and the kiss grounded Robert the way it always did, Toby’s hand on his nape, gently squeezing, rubbing, connecting them.

Footsteps and laughter on the path leading to the house floated up to him.

Toby headed for the door. “I’ll go fetch some more tea.”

Robert snickered. “Don’t bother about some for Teague. He’d give you a look and say real cowboys don’t drink iced tea.”

Toby grinned. “Then he’s missing out.”

Teague and Sol approached the patio, and Robert gestured to the chairs. “Have a seat. We need to talk.”

Teague frowned. “Is everything okay?”

“Yes. Well, no, but it’s going to be. I hope.”

Sol snickered. “Well, that’s about as clear as mud.” The two men removed their hats and sat. “What’s up?”

“I have a plan that needs discussion. And before I elaborate on it, I have to tell you nothing has been etched in stone, okay? This is simply a proposal to get your input.”

“This is downright mysterious.” Teague folded his arms. “What gives, Robert?”

He took a deep breath. “I’d like us to take on a new hand. ASAP.”

Teague’s frown deepened. “We don’t need a new hand, do we?”

Sol touched Teague’s arm. “I think you’re asking the wrong question.” He glanced at Robert. “What we should be asking is the identity of this new hand.”

Robert smiled. “Nate Caldwell.”