Page 40 of Captivated (Salvation #3)

Chapter Thirty-Four

Nate: Made it back. Boise feels different.

Zeeb: How different?

Nate: Too many sidewalks. Not enough horses.

Zeeb: Try shoveling manure at 6am and then tell me you miss horses [laughing emoji]

Nate: Okay, fair. But I miss your horses.

Zeeb: Zeeb’s horses appreciate the loyalty. Well, Paul’s horses really. They love him. They tolerate me.

Nate: Paul’s horses have better manners than most people I know.

Zeeb: High praise. I’ll let Sorrel know. He’s sulking. Thinks you abandoned him.

Nate: Give him an apple from me. And those horses love you too.

Zeeb: Stop. You got me blushing.

Nate: I remember how you look when you do that.

Zeeb: I just remember how you look. Oops. Gotta go. Later.

Nate: Don’t slip in any horse shit.

Zeeb: LMAO. You might have spoke too soon. Teague was in the paddock and slipped in a steamy pile. He was covered in it. We all had a good laugh, at least after we made sure he wasn’t hurt. It’ll be a while before he lives it down. I found myself wishing you were here to join in the fun.

Nate: yeah, me too.

July 29

Zeeb: Sorrel accepted the apples. He’s still moody.

Nate: Sounds familiar. I painted him today. From memory. He looked at me like he knew something I didn’t.

Zeeb: That’s his usual look. He’s wise like that.

Nate: I think it was the same look you gave me the night of the campfire.

Zeeb: Must’ve been the firelight.

Nate: Yeah. Must’ve been. How is the gang?

Zeeb: LOL the gang? Sounds like you’re talking about kids. No—wait a sec. Yeah, you nailed it. They’re good. Walt is crushing on the mailman big time.

Nate: Tell him to stop crushing and make a move. Life is too short.

Zeeb: Gotta be careful. Too many fuckers in town who don’t even try to hide their hate. People suck. And not in a good way.

Nate: You had to go there, didn’t you?

Zeeb: [grin emoji] You know it.

July 30

Zeeb: You working on a painting atm? Any WIP pictures I can see? Oh, WIP means ‘work in progress’. I’ve been doing a little research online for writing and found that. [grin emoji] That surprised ya, didn’t it?

Nate: Not surprised. Pleased. And yes, I might have a few pictures, but do you have any writing to share with me?

Zeeb: Well… maybe… it’s not that great.

Nate: Show me anyway.

Zeeb: It’s too long for a text.

Nate: Then e-mail it. I can wait patiently.

Zeeb: I think we both know that isn’t true.

Nate: Sorry, I forgot you know me. Get to work, man. I wanna see.

[email]

It’s quiet up here now. Just me, the water, the pine trees, and those big old mountains far off.

I came back to Mirror Lake today. Figured I’d check in on it, see if it still looked like it did when we went there.

It does, mostly. Sky’s the same color, kind of like the inside of a robin’s egg, and the water’s still catching it just right.

But something’s missing, and I know what it is.

Him.

Funny how a place can feel full when someone’s with you, and then hollow when they’re not.

I’ve been coming up here for years. It was always a place to breathe, to think.

But now I know it was waiting for that afternoon with him.

The one where we didn’t say much, just swam and listened to the wind working through the trees.

That wind’s still here, but it sounds different without him breathing next to me.

I’ve been trying to write this down since he left. I haven’t written ever since my dad … Nope. Not gonna go there. Guess he didn’t understand what it feels like to have something in your chest and no good way to say it. So this is me trying.

Nate had a way about him. Like he saw more than what was in front of him. He noticed things, like how the light hit the water, or how my hand shook a little when I was trying to draw. I never had anyone look at me the way he did.

I don’t know if this lake means anything to him now that he’s gone.

But it means something to me. It’s the place where I realized quiet ain’t always empty.

Sometimes it’s full of everything you’re not saying.

I sat here today and tried to hear his voice in the trees.

All I got was my own heart knocking around too loud.

But he’s where he’s supposed to be, and I ain’t gonna ask him to come back. But if the day ever comes when he finds himself missing the sound of his name being said like it matters…

He knows where I’ll be.

Nate: I don’t know what to say. This…. It’s beautiful.

Zeeb: You know what I think would make it better? If someone—naming no names—could put the words into a painting.

Nate: It’s a possibility. Zeeb? You definitely need to write more.

Zeeb: Because I need the practice? Gotcha.

Nate: No! Because people need to read your words.

Zeeb: You got me blushing. Now go paint something.

July 31

Zeeb: You had therapy today, right?

Nate: Yeah.

Zeeb: Dr. Lacey one of those therapists who make you talk about your “feelings”?

Nate: LOL Every damn session. Today he made me draw them. I ended up sketching the stable. And the cabin.

Zeeb: Hah. The boss would call that classic deflection. He likes big words.

Nate: You saw through that faster than Dr. Lacey did.

Zeeb: That’s cos I pay attention.

Nate: Yeah. You always did.

August 2

Nate: You ever sit in the stable and just… think too hard?

Zeeb: Daily. That place knows things.

Nate: I think I left something in there.

Zeeb: We both did, maybe.

Nate: Maybe.

Zeeb: You okay, Nate?

Nate: I’m fine.

Zeeb: So we’re back to fine again? I call that a step in the wrong direction.

Nate: At least that would be a direction.

Zeeb: ???

Nate: Dad wants me. Later.

August 4

Zeeb: Tonight for dinner we had chicken and dumplings. One of my favorite foods. Wished you’d been here so I could share it with you.

Nate: So you could steal my dumplings the way you stole my home fries?

Zeeb: I wouldn’t touch your dumplings.

Nate: You’re smirking, aren’t you?

Zeeb: Damn. You really do know me.

August 5

Zeeb: You been busy or just don’t feel like talking?

Nate: Two-way street. You’ve been quiet too.

Zeeb: Weekend got busy. Leather guys left, 6 guests arrived. And they all want to ride. My ass is numb.

Nate: Get Walt to give you a rubdown. He’d like that.

Zeeb: [laughing emoji] Like I’d let him anywhere near my ass.

Nate: You have good hands.

Zeeb: Where did that come from?

Nate: Thinking about the rubdown you gave me.

Zeeb: Oh. Right.

(pause)

Zeeb: One of the guests asked if I was okay today. Said I looked distracted.

Nate: That doesn’t sound like you.

Zeeb: I told her I had dust in my eyes.

Nate: And was that true?

Zeeb: Nope. But it was easier than telling her the stable was missing something.

Nate: You okay?

Zeeb: I’m fine.

Nate: ???

Zeeb: Now you know how I feel.

August 6

Nate: I finished the painting of the lake today. Not Mirror Lake - the first one you took me to. Didn’t know I missed that spot so much.

Zeeb: Haven’t been there since.

Nate: Why not?

Zeeb: Something about it makes me kinda restless.

Nate: And that makes me sad. I keep thinking about you diving into the lake.

Zeeb: SNORT I know what you’re thinking about.

Nate: Spectacular view.

Zeeb: You’re talking about the lake, right?

Nate: Maybe?

Zeeb: And there you go again, making me blush.

Nate: It was pretty memorable.

Zeeb: I could say the same about you. Keep seeing you kneeling in front of that stove.

Nate: Don’t.

Zeeb: Why not? [smiling emoji] It was pretty memorable.

Nate: Gotta go.

August 7

Nate: Got something to show you. [image]

Zeeb: That’s me. You drew me?

Nate: Do you like it?

Zeeb: It’s like looking in a mirror.

Nate: That didn’t answer my question.

Zeeb: Course I like it. Specially cuz you drew me with Sorrel.

Nate: Happy memories.

Zeeb: Yeah. Seems like it was so long ago. Time is weird.

Nate: I keep this by my bed.

Zeeb: You want nightmares or something? LOL

Nate: I did it so you’re the last thing I see at night. The first thing I see in the morning.

Zeeb: Don’t know what to say.

Nate: You don’t have to say anything.

August 8

Nate: Therapy today. We talked about “unfinished chapters.”

Zeeb: And?

Nate: Didn’t tell him what chapter I keep rereading.

Zeeb: Color me intrigued.

Nate: I’ll give you a hint. It starts with Z and ends in eeb.

Zeeb: Fuck. You know how to knock the wind outta someone, don’t you?

Nate: Is that what I did?

Zeeb: I’ve been writing some more.

Nate: That’s great.

Zeeb: Not gotten much done. Harder than I remember.

Nate: fiction or non-fiction?

Zeeb: [smiling emoji] let’s go with fantasy.

Nate: Now I’m intrigued. Do I get to read it?

Zeeb: Hell no.

Nate: Why not?

Zeeb: You’re one of the main characters.

Nate: Are you the other one? And why can’t I read it if it’s about me?

Zeeb: because you’d get a swollen head. Okay, that came out all wrong. Butch is yelling. Later.

August 8

Zeeb: Got something for you.

Nate: Oh?

Message sent: Fifteen attachments.

Nate: Holy crap!

Zeeb: Yeah, I went back to Mirror Lake to take some pics for you so you can see what it looks like as the weather changes. The water is quite a bit warmer too. Great for skinny dipping with someone.

Nate: I… gotta go.

Zeeb: Nate?

Nate: I can’t tell you how much these mean to me. Thank you for them. Can we talk later?

Zeeb: Definitely.

August 9

Zeeb: Rode Bailey up the ridge this morning. He stopped. Just stood there.

Nate: What did you see?

Zeeb: Nothing. Everything. Wish you’d been there.

Nate: I’m starting to think maybe I should never have left.

Zeeb: Maybe you’re just not done here.

Nate: I don’t think I am.

Zeeb: So… what are you waiting for?