Page 36 of Captivated (Salvation #3)

Sol brought the cups to the desk. He gave Nate a warm smile.

“It’s good that you know enough about me to trust me.

And trust is a precious commodity with you, I think.

” He glanced around him. “Maybe I should have my EPPP certificate framed and put up on the wall where folks can see it.” Nate frowned, and Sol smiled again.

“Examination for Professional Practice in Psychology.” He sat in the chair, leaning back.

“So before you tell me what’s brought you here, let me share what I know about you, which isn’t a lot.

After the cookout I put two and two together and came up with conversion therapy. ”

“Zeeb said you’d worked it out.”

Sol picked up a pen and drew a notepad closer. “And you were subjected to that for how long?”

Nate gave him the bare bones. “Once I got to the youth home in Idaho, they arranged for me to see a therapist. And when I left there to live with Dad—” He paused.

“Zeeb suggested I call him Derek to avoid confusion when I talked about my biological father, but you know what? That man fucked me over so bad, he doesn’t deserve to keep that title.

So I think I’ll call him Caleb, and Derek can be Dad, because I’m closer to him than I ever was to my real dad. ”

“Wise man. Go on.”

“Dad sorted me out with another therapist, Dr. Lacey. I’ve been with him for eight years.”

Sol nodded, making a note. “Now… why did you want to see me?”

Nate reached for the cup and took a sip. “This is going to sound weird.”

“Why not let me be the judge of that?” Sol gave another smile. “Not that I ever do much of that. Judging, I mean.”

Nate drank a little more, then launched into a repeat of everything he’d told Dad earlier. When he was done, he gave Sol an expectant glance. “Does any of that make sense to you?”

“Tell me as much as you can about the therapy you’ve experienced so far.”

Relief swamped him.

He doesn’t want to talk about what went on at the camp.

For the next ten minutes, Nate relayed as much information as he could, including his feeling that the therapy had somehow stalled, and Dad’s suggestion of equine therapy. Sol listened, taking notes, nodding here and there but without commenting.

“It feels as if I’ve finally made a breakthrough, but part of me needs to know what brought it about.” He gazed earnestly at Sol. “I know that doesn’t make sense but I can’t get away from it.”

Sol tapped his pen on the desk. “To start with, you have to realize healing is a complex, non-linear process. Because you’re correct.

Salvation hasn’t provided some sudden cure.

Interacting with the horses has helped you gain insights into your own emotional state, I have no doubt about that, but while it does offer some unique benefits—and yes, it has been transformative in some cases—it isn’t a standalone solution. ”

Nate let out a heartfelt sigh. “Then what’s going on?”

Sol smiled. “ My feeling is, what you’re seeing is a lot of different elements intertwining to create a moment of significant progress in your recovery.”

“What elements?”

Sol put the pen down and leaned forward, his hands around his cup.

“Don’t undervalue your years of therapy.

They’ve helped you develop coping mechanisms and given you a foundational understanding of your trauma.

They might even have prepared you to engage in the equine therapy.

So your time here could be seen as a culmination of all the hard work you’ve already put in.

” Another smile. “You’ve been on a long-term therapeutic journey, and you’re now in sight of your destination.

” Sol tilted his head to one side. “Does that make sense?”

Nate nodded slowly. “Yeah. I guess you’re right. But what about these other elements? What are they?”

“Believe it or not, it could also be down to something as simple as timing. Sometimes, breakthroughs happen when an individual reaches a point of readiness, often influenced by life circumstances.” He studied Nate.

“Maybe the cost of carrying your trauma became too great, prompting a desire for change, an internal shift, if you like.”

Nate’s breathing hitched. Oh my God.

Sol gave him a thoughtful glance. “I think I just struck a nerve.”

“I’d been here a week. And one morning I stood on the porch, staring out at the creek, and I felt so freaking tired of it all. Tired of letting the past define me. I told myself something had to change. And that I was the only one who could bring that change about.”

Sol beamed. “You see? Timing. Emotionally, you were ready.” He put down his cup and folded his arms. “There’s one more element you need to consider.”

“What’s that?

Sol locked gazes with him. “The impact of your relationship with Zeeb.”

“My…” Nate swallowed. “My relationship?”

He nodded. “You’ve formed a connection with Zeeb.

You introduced a new dynamic, if you like.

Don’t dismiss the importance of a trusting human relationship.

It can be instrumental in trauma recovery.

” He didn’t break eye contact. “Zeeb’s consistent presence and support may have nurtured an environment where you felt secure enough to confront and process deeply held emotions.

In layman’s terms… Zeeb made you feel safe. ”

What came to mind was waking to find Zeeb’s arm around him, cocooned in warmth and safety.

Nate’s cheeks burned. “There’s something I need to tell you. Zeeb’s spent the last three nights at my cabin.”

“I know.”

Of course he knows . Butch would’ve mentioned it.

“Fine, but what you don’t know is where he’s been sleeping.”

Sol clasped his hands on the desk. “In your bed?”

“Yes. No. Well, on it.” When Sol didn’t respond, Nate blurted, “I feel guilty about that.”

Sol frowned. “Why?”

Nate swallowed. “It… it feels like I’m… using him. The thing is, I sleep better when he’s there. When he’s… holding me.” He stared at Sol, his stomach clenching. “Is Zeeb just a crutch? Am I being selfish?”

Sol lapsed into silence for a moment, and Nate’s pulse quickened. Then Sol leaned back into his chair. “I understand your motives in asking him to stay. But I think there’s another motive you might have overlooked. Or maybe even intentionally ignored.”

Nate blinked. “And what’s that?”

Sol looked him in the eye once more. “You like it. You fall asleep in a man’s arms—something I’m guessing you’ve never done before—and you like how it feels.

And while yes, that might be selfish, there’s something else you need to take into consideration.

” He smiled. “Zeeb must like it too. He doesn’t say no, does he? ”

Nate expelled a slow breath.

Sol nodded. “So to answer your original question, I think you’re experiencing a breakthrough because of your accumulated experiences of therapy, your own emotional readiness to heal, and what I like to call new relational dynamics.

All of which has brought you to a pivotal moment.

The equine therapy might have been what brought you to Salvation, but recovery is a multifaceted thing.

Combine that therapy with those elements I just mentioned, and…

” He tilted his head to one side and smiled. “Does that make sense?”

Nate returned his smile. “Yes.” It really did. All the pieces locked into place, allowing him to see the whole.

And will all those pieces make me whole? Something Nate hadn’t been for such a long time.

“So my next question is this.” Sol’s steady gaze locked on his. “Where do you go from here? What will you do with all you’ve learned?”

Nate thought for a moment. “I guess I need to keep moving forward.”

Sol’s smile lit up his face. “A good answer.” He picked up his cup. “Not much time left before you leave. What will you do with it?”

Nate already knew the answer to that.

Spend as much of it as I can with the horses—and Zeeb.

Especially Zeeb.