Page 59 of Captivated (Salvation #3)

Chapter Fifty

Zeeb pushed out a contented sigh. “Man, that was awesome.” And totally unexpected. That was so sweet. Even more because Toby had come up with the idea while he was stuck in the hospital.

But that’s both of them. Two great guys, unselfish to the core.

He glanced at Nate as they drove up to the cabin and stopped. “You’re awful quiet.”

Except it was more than quiet. Something was brewing. It had been before they’d even gotten to the dessert.

And it appeared whatever it was had followed them home.

“Sorry. My mind was someplace else.”

“Wanna share?” If Nate wanted to talk, that was fine by Zeeb.

We’ve got time. Anything else Zeeb might’ve had in mind could wait.

Nate switched off the engine. “I don’t think that’s such a good idea.”

“Why? You know you can tell me anything.”

He sat so stiffly. “It’s not a good idea because if I do share, it’s going to end up being a full-on, meltdown rant .”

Zeeb said nothing for a moment. “Okay then. Rant away. Sol would probably tell you it’s therapeutic, that you’re processin’ and releasin’ stuff that’s best not to keep bottled up. And let’s be honest here. If anyone’s entitled to a rant, it’s you.” He steeled himself.

Nate didn’t speak right away, and Zeeb wondered if he’d decided against it.

Whatever it was.

“You remember you told me some of the Sanctuary Hill counselors had been caught with their pants down?”

“Yeah. And you told me you didn’t want to think about that because you’d only get angry.”

Nate stared through the windshield. “Well, I did think about it—finally—and I did get angry. Except that doesn’t even come close to how I’m feeling right now.

Even more so because once the thought was up front and center, I couldn’t shake it loose, and that gave Robert’s delicious supper a sour taste.

” He scowled. “How dare they? Those bastards tied me to a bed and let Thomas perform an exorcism , for God’s sake.

They tried to make me believe I was evil, a mistake.

They projected their values and their beliefs onto me, forcing me to live my life based on those beliefs.

It didn’t matter to them that I’d never kissed a boy, touched a boy…

. They told me the very thought was an affront to God and godliness.

They made me hate myself, they tried over and over to convince me I was straight, and even then I knew I wasn’t, and I never would be.

” He gripped the steering wheel, his fingers digging into the leather.

“And I dragged those dark, hateful feelings with me like a fucking weight for years. Trying to get rid of them with therapy? It helped for a while, but that loathing would come back. Sometimes twice as strong.”

There was nothing Zeeb could say until Nate had purged the residual poison lingering in the darkest recesses of his mind. All he could do was be there when the last of it was dragged out into the light where it would finally wither and die.

Get it out, Nate. Every last drop of it.

“They did all that, and then they turned around and did the very thing they’d accused all those kids of?

Those fucking hypocritical bastards .” Nate’s face grew mottled.

“So what if I left that hellhole behind me? So what if I rejected everything they’d tried to make me believe?

It took me how many years to accept being gay was not deviant behavior?

Years of tasting their lies in my mouth every time I so much as looked at someone.

And as for even thinking about having sex…

” He shivered. “Zeeb, I swear to God, I am done. Well and truly done with all their bullshit.”

Zeeb stared at him, open-mouthed. “Wow. When you get angry, you really get angry. Want me to find a punching bag so you can hit it?”

Fuck, Nate was on fire.

“I’ve got a much better idea.” Nate’s eyes gleamed.

“You want to know what I’m going to do? I’m going to mail them a sex tape, with the message ‘See? You didn’t break me.

This is me, having the time of my life. This is me, living the life I was always meant to live.

You do not have any hold over me anymore, you hear me?

You failed , you miserable, bigoted bastards.

I am not broken, I am fucking whole .’” He was shaking.

Zeeb was stunned into silence.

Nate took several deep breaths, and Zeeb could see the rage seep from him until he was calm once more.

“Is that it? Rant over and done with?”

Nate nodded.

Zeeb bit back a smile. “A sex tape? Seriously?”

Nate stared at him for a moment, then burst into laughter, tears rolling down his cheeks.

“I have no idea where that came from. I mean, as if I would. But the thought of their faces, clicking on it and watching me…. But if I’m being honest, the very thought of someone getting that sex tape and then possibly jacking off to it?

” He shuddered. “That makes my dick shrivel to the size of a grain of rice.” He whooshed out a breath.

“God, I feel so much better for that. And I’m not going to mention it again. Ever.”

“No.”

Nate cocked his head. “No?”

“No. You’ll mention it whenever you need to talk.

I’d like it to be with me, but if you need to speak to someone else, you’ll do that.

Don’t fuck around with your emotional health, you understand?

Don’t hold it all in, because that’s what started poisoning your heart in the first place.

Get it out, so it’ll stop having power over you. ”

Nate expelled a breath. “How’d you get to be so wise?”

Zeeb smiled. “I’ve lived longer than you. Give it time. One day you could be just as wise.” He shrugged. “I mean, it’s doubtful, but you never know.” He grinned. “Seriously? I have no doubt you’ll be even more amazing as you grow older.”

He flushed. “Want to go inside and cuddle on the couch? Carefully, of course. I could do with some cuddling right now.”

“I had something else in mind.” Zeeb left it there, willing Nate to do the math, follow the clues…

He knew the second Nate got the memo: His breathing hitched.

“Are you sure?” Nate’s voice broke through the quiet.

Zeeb laid his hand on Nate’s thigh. “I’m sure.”

“I don’t want you to feel like you have to do this just for me,” Nate murmured, barely above a whisper.

“You think I’m offerin’ out of selfish motives?

” Zeeb chuckled. “Oh, baby, if you only knew what’s going through my head right now.

How much I want you.” He grimaced. “How pissed I am that you’re gonna have to do all the work because of this goddamn fracture.

” He squeezed Nate’s thigh. “Are you sure?”

“Well, we could sit out here for the next hour or so, debating how we both feel…” Nate swallowed. “Or I could take you inside and show you.”

Heat crawled through him, trickling through his veins, reaching his extremities.

“Sounds good,” he croaked.

Nate stared at him. “You’re as nervous as I am, aren’t you?”

Zeeb rolled his eyes. “Duh. This is all new to me too.” Then Nate was out of the car and walking around it to hold Zeeb’s door for him.

Apparently, they were done talking.

By the time they got through the front door, Zeeb’s heart was pounding.

“How do you… where…”

Nate chuckled. “The how we’ll work out as we go along. As for where, I vote for the bed. I want you to be comfortable.”

It was like watching a cocoon open to reveal the most beautiful butterfly he’d ever seen. Nate was showing his true colors, and it made Zeeb’s heart swell with pride to witness it.

A twinge in his shoulder brought him smack dab back into reality.

“ I want not to have my arm in this sling,” Zeeb muttered.

Nate widened his eyes. “We can always wait. How many weeks did the doctor say it would take for you to heal fully?”

Zeeb gaped at him. “No way. Uh-uh.” Then Nate’s lips twitched, and Zeeb gave him a mock glare. “Oh, I see. You think it’s funny to torture me?”

“You should see your face.” Then Nate froze. “Is there something we need to talk about?”

“Such as?”

“Safe sex?”

“Trust me, with this shoulder, that’s all we’ll be havin’.

” Except this was suddenly a practical—and serious—conversation.

“Okay. I’ve used condoms in the past. I don’t have any at the moment because it’s been that long since I did anything, they’d have expired.

I get a regular physical at a clinic in Bozeman, so I know everything’s as it should be under the hood. ”

Nate snickered. “Of all the analogies you could’ve made, you went with your truck.”

“Hey. Bite me.”

His eyes twinkled. “Is that a request? I had no idea you were into that. Especially after you said teeth were bad.” Nate clicked his together. “But hell, I’m willing to try anything once.”

Yeah, Zeeb was loving this new Nate more and more.

He rolled his eyes. “What I’m trying to say is, if it’s okay with you…” He looked Nate in the eye. “We go bare. And then we make it a thing to go get tested—together. There’s a clinic up in Bozeman where they do that. Butch told me about it.”

Nate gazed at him in silence, and Zeeb’s stomach gave a flutter.

“ Is that okay with you?”

Nate nodded. “Something in me likes the idea of having nothing between us. It also likes the idea of trusting someone enough to go for it.” That mischievous glint was back. “So now we’ve cleared that up, we get to fuck like bunnies? Metaphorically speaking.”

Zeeb winced. “Unfortunately, no, not with this injury. More like sloths with attitude.”

He chuckled. “I like that.” Nate stilled. “Is there anything I need to do…first? Maybe in the bathroom?”

All of a sudden, the situation switched from hypothetical to hey, this is really happening . It also became clear who was doing what.

Zeeb coughed. “Just make sure there’s nothing blocking the tailpipe.”

Nate narrowed his gaze. “You can take an analogy too far, you know.” He flushed. “But I take your point. Go on up. I’ll be right with you.” He headed for the bathroom.