Page 57 of Can’t Let You Go (Ivy Ridge #3)

JASON

M y ringtone plays over the stereo speaker on my car, interrupting the podcast I was listening to. I’m leaving work to pick up Lennie and Presley from my mom’s house, then head home for dinner. The hearing is tomorrow, so we are going to have a relaxing night at home.

A look at the caller-ID has my anxiety simmering through my body.

Talia’s dad.

I press the button on the screen to answer the call, swallowing the sudden lump in my throat. Usually, they text first before we set up a call, and the only other times they’ve called unexpectedly is when they have news regarding Talia.

“Hey Lou,” I answer, trying to keep calm.

“J-Jason, son, how are you?” he asks, his words stammering. He’s had a type of stutter ever since he had his stroke.

“I’m alright Lou. How are you and Ella doing?” I don’t ask the question I really want to ask.

“W-we’re o-okay.” He pauses, more than likely to get his words right in his brain. “She’s alive.”

A heavy sense of relief seeps its way into my body. “Is she with you?” I ask.

“No. She called from a homeless shelter in O-Oklahoma. We tried to get her to call you, b-but she wouldn’t. She talked to us for ab-bout three minutes, and then when we tried to get more information, m-maybe go get her, she hung up. The call was private.”

I let out a deep sigh. “Shit.” I pull the car over, needing to process, knowing it’s not safe for me to be on the road right now.

“S-she asked about Lennie,” Lou says, stumbling over his words more with his emotion. “Asked how o-old she was now. Said she was s-sorry, but not to l-look for her anymore.”

“We aren’t going to stop,” I say through gritted teeth.

I might not love Talia anymore, but she is my child’s mother, and I care for her.

I want the best for her, even if she’s not in our lives.

And sure, we aren’t searching for her high and low, but we are still keeping an eye out for her, hoping she’s safe and healthy.

Lou sighs heavily. “That’s w-what I told her. She hung up shortly after.”

“I’m sorry, Lou. Do you need anything?”

“No. J-just calling to let you know. How are y-you two?”

I decide now is as good of a time as any to tell him about Fallon and Presley. Lou and Ella always encouraged me to move on, so hopefully they’re happy. “We’re good. I met someone.”

“G-good for you. Tell me about her.”

“Her name is Fallon. We actually met back in college, but lost touch. She moved to Ivy Ridge last summer after living with her mom in the next town over for a few years. We recently re-connected. Her daughter, Presley, is seven, and she and Lennie are best friends.”

He makes a contented sound, and honestly, that’s good enough for me. He’s not always a man of many words, even more after his stroke, but that little noise is enough for me. “I’m h-happy for you, son. Promise you’ll bring them to visit s-sometime.”

“Promise. And we will have to do a video chat soon with Lennie. She’d love to chat.”

“We would l-love that. Anytime.”

“Thanks for the call, Lou.”

We say goodbye, and the call ends, leaving me alone in my thoughts.

In a way, I wish we could find Talia, so she could see how perfect her daughter is, and how much love she’s surrounded by, but it’s hard to find someone who doesn’t want to be found.

I’ve been thinking a lot about what I would do if she came back ever since that night I spoke to Fallon about it.

It’s hard to know for sure, but I think if she came back and was clean, I’d be willing to have Lennie get to know her mom.

It would take a long time for me to trust her enough to be on her own with her, but if she fought for it and was clean, I don’t think I’d be able to deny her time with her daughter.

Her addiction is not something she can control at this point, but maybe someday, she will be able to, and then she can be a part of her daughter's life. Talia isn’t a bad person.

She’s been dealt a shitty hand and hasn’t been able to overcome it.

Another call comes through, and this time, it’s Fallon.

“Hey, where are you?” she says when I answer the call.

“On my way to get the girls,” I respond, taking a deep breath before I get back on the road. “I pulled over for a minute. ”

“Why? Is everything okay?” Her voice is panicked, so I do what I can to ease it right away.

“It’s fine. It was Talia’s dad. They heard from her earlier today, so they wanted to give me an update.”

“Oh my god, they did?” she breathes. “Is she okay?”

“As far as we can tell. All she told him was that she was at a shelter in Oklahoma, and not to look for her anymore.”

“Now what?” Fallon asks.

“Now… nothing,” I state. “It’s hard to find someone who doesn’t want to be found. We keep doing what we’re doing, and if one day she ends up coming home, then we go from there.”

“How are you doing?”

“Okay,” I respond. “I wish she was healthy so Lennie could know her, but at the same time, if she’s not healthy, I don’t want her near her. Does that make me a bad person? A bad dad?”

“No.” Fallon replies firmly. “You aren’t a bad dad, Jase. Doing what is best for Lennie is what makes you a great dad. Talia will have a lot of work to do if she ever wants to get clean, but I know you’ll do what you can to make that easier for her.”

“Thank you,” I murmur as I pull into my parents’ driveway. “I’m at my mom’s. I’ll talk to you more when I get home, okay?”

“Okay. I’ll see you soon.”

The phone call ends with a click, and all I can think about is how hard it was not to say I love you at the end of it.

I do love Fallon. So much. Both her and Pres have become so intertwined in my life, in my family, that I can’t imagine wanting to spend a day without them.

It hurts knowing Talia is out there somewhere, but at least for now, we know she’s alive, and has a bed to sleep in tonight.