Page 16 of Can’t Let You Go (Ivy Ridge #3)

FALLON

June

“ S o, any guys have you interested lately?” Megan asks.

I scoff into my coffee cup. “You act as if I have time to date, and even if I did, why would a guy want to be with someone like me?” I glance up at my best friend as I gesture to myself. “All I have time for is swiping right or left on dating apps, and even that is nauseating.”

Megan doesn’t say anything, only glares at me.

“What?” I ask, though I can anticipate what she is going to say.

“You know what.”

I do. Megan has been there since the day Brad left, has witnessed what that did to my self-esteem, has heard all of the negative words I’ve aimed at myself, and has watched as I tried to build myself back up.

I’m not confident all the time, but I’m getting there.

I tend to call myself out now before she can, because I am trying to cut the negative thoughts out at the source .

“Honestly, the thought of dating right now is daunting. I’m not the same person anymore,” I say.

“All the more reason to put yourself out there. Find out who you are now. You’re a kickass, hot as fuck, single mom. Show them that.”

I glance down at my thighs. “I… it sounds silly, but I’m scared.

I’ve only ever been with Brad, and he tore me down every chance he could without me even realizing it.

Thinking about being… intimate with someone makes me nauseous.

That, and dating in itself? Exhausting. I don’t trust people anymore, Meg. It’s impossible to.”

“So take it slow,” Megan says with a shrug.

“Dating apps are a cesspool of disgusting men, Megs.”

“How bad can it really be?” she asks.

I scoff. “Oh honey.” I pull up my Tinder, and show her a crude message I received this morning.

She visibly cringes. “Jesus, people really open up with that?”

“Yep.”

“That’s… horrid.”

I sigh. “Which is exactly why I don’t open the app. Honestly, I should delete it. Besides, I need to be focused on Presley.”

Meg reaches across the table, clasping her hand in mine. “Presley is fine, Fallon. She’s happy. She’s adjusted. She has friends, and she loves her school and her teacher. It’s not selfish to focus on your own happiness.”

“Why does it feel like that, then? The guilt eats me alive anytime I’m not with her or I’m working.” I take a deep breath, glancing around the coffee shop around me.

She squeezes my hand, and I turn my eyes back to her. “I can’t say I understand it, but I will say this. You have a village now. Use us. We are here for you and that crazy little girl of yours. Try not to feel guilty about being an amazing mom who also has a life outside of her daughter.”

I nod, my eyes welling up with unshed tears. The last few weeks have been so stressful. School ends in a few days, and each day has been a whirlwind of activities, projects, and field trips.

Presley will be spending every day with my mom this summer. Thankfully she’s able to drive here every day so I don’t have to go thirty minutes past work to drop her off. It’s a lifesaver, but I’m still indebted to her.

The door to the coffee shop opens, and in strides Jason Cunningham.

The man I can’t seem to get out of my thoughts and dreams lately.

It doesn’t help that he’s so sweet to my daughter during playdates, even though he still doesn’t say more than five words to me outside of that wedding last month when I vented to him in my office.

He walks up to the counter and orders without seeing us.

Of course, Megan sees me watching him before I have the smart sense to look away.

“Oh, I see,” she states, a sly grin crossing her face.

“No,” I reply, holding up a finger. She cannot do this. No one needs to know about the little tiny feelings I still harbor for him. I need to keep that shit locked down.

She mimes zipping her lips shut, and I relax in my chair. Of course, I should have known not to trust her, because not a second later, she’s calling, “Hey, Jason!”

My eyes widen to a comically large size as she waves him over.

I don’t even look up, because I am so mortified.

How is it that after I take one look at the man, she knows I have some sort of school girl crush on him?

That’s really all it is. A crush. It’s the same one I had back in college, and it’s the same one I have now. Totally harmless, but yet, it’s there .

We’ve had quite a few meetings together for work, as well as one more event since the first one a few weeks ago, and each time, I catch him watching me, only for him to look away.

It’s probably nothing. I mean to be honest, I’m sure I’m overthinking each look he gives me.

But I can’t help the small part of me wishes his looks meant something.

Jason stops when he’s standing at our table, and I turn to look at him. “Ladies,” he greets, taking a sip of the coffee in his hand.

“Hi,” I reply.

“I heard you are officially an uncle as of yesterday,” Megan says.

A small smile appears on his face, and crap , it’s adorable.

It’s so exciting that Marley finally had the babies.

She sent a message in the group chat yesterday announcing their birth.

It was an adorable photo of the two babies in Beau’s arms, with a text stating, happy and healthy.

She was so miserable the last few weeks, complaining in our group chat about how uncomfortable she was, and then FaceTiming us, crying, because she felt bad about complaining.

“Yep,” he responds. “Lennie and I went to the hospital this morning, and she’s already obsessed with her cousins.” He pulls his phone from his pocket, unlocking it and showing us a picture. It’s a photo of Lennie with the two infants in her arms, a wide, happy grin on her face.

“She looks so proud,” I say, my own smile growing, though inside, I’m being ripped to shreds. I would have loved to have just one photo of Presley holding her sibling.

“She is.” He swipes to another photo of him holding one of the babies in each arm. Beau stands beside him, an arm around his brother. Beau’s eyes are tired, but filled with so much joy.

“They’re so small.”

“Hard to believe there was ever a time Lennie was that small,” he says. “I’m sure you know the feeling.”

I nod, suddenly lost for words. I do remember when Presley was that little, though what I remember most is being so overwhelmed.

Brad’s family was constantly hovering, his mom and dad giving me constant critique, down to the way I would hold Presley while breastfeeding.

I haven’t heard from them since the day Brad left, and while I grieve the relationship Presley might have had with them, I don’t miss my ex-mother-in-law.

I’m happy for Marley that her pregnancy is finally over.

I’ll have to send her a message soon to see if she needs me to come over someday and watch the babies so she can nap, or I can even clean, too.

Those first few weeks after delivery are rough, and they have twins, so they have double the amount of bottles, dirty diapers, everything .

“I do,” I finally respond. “I’ve only really known them together, but it seems like everyone is happy they’re finally together. Do you think they’ll get engaged soon?”

Jason shrugs. “Who knows. If it were up to Beau, he’d have married her the day they found out she was pregnant, but he doesn’t want to rush her. Right now, they’re happy. Knowing them, they might take another fifteen years to get their shit together.”

“Nope,” Megan says, popping the p. “I’m sure it will happen by the end of summer, mark my words, Cunningham.”

He raises a brow. “You think?”

She nods. “Oh yeah. They’re done waiting.”

He thoughtfully nods. “I guess we’ll have to wait and see.” He glances around the room. “Well, I should get going, Lennie has a school event in thirty minutes I need to be at. It was nice to see you, Megan, Fallon.”

My name on his lips makes me want to shiver, but I hold it in. “Bye,” I respond.

“See ya later, Jason,” Megan replies.

I turn back to my coffee, wrapping my hands around the warm mug. I’m about to lift it to my lips when Megan startles me.

“So, no one has caught your interest. huh?” she mocks. “I beg to differ young lady.”

“ Young lady ? ” I scoff. “And no… yes?” I groan. “It’s a long story. We actually… We knew each other a long time ago.”

Her eyes widen. “Why is this the first I’m hearing about this?”

I pinch my nose. “Because, there really isn’t anything to tell. When I was a freshman in college, he was a senior. We had a few classes together, and for a while, he was my only friend. I sort of had a huge crush on him, but nothing could ever happen. He was older, graduating soon, and… I’m me.”

Megan narrows her eyes. “I can’t believe I never knew. I mean, it makes sense. He graduated the spring before I transferred there.”

“Yeah,” I reply. “We hung out all the time, but then I started dating Brad, and I know I hurt his feelings, not intentionally, but still. So we lost touch. After he graduated, I didn’t see him again until the night of Josie and Andrew’s wedding. To say I was shocked would be an understatement.”

“That’s so crazy. What a small world,” she muses. “I say you go for it. Shoot your shot.”

“What am I shooting my shot on? I told you I need to focus on Presley. ”

“And I told you no one is going to fault you for trying to find happiness, Fallon.”

“I’m a mess, Meg. I can’t do that to him, or anyone.”

“You act as if he’s not in the same exact boat you are. He’s a single parent who also has to rely on his family and friends. If anything, he’ll understand you more than anyone else can.”

“I don’t know,” I say. “It seems like anytime we’re together, he avoids all conversation. Or he ends any that I try to start. He won’t even let me apologize for the way I left things between us way back when. I’m very different from back in college. I’m pretty sure he dislikes me.”

She waves a hand. “I promise he doesn’t. It took me years to get used to his weird attitude, especially when it got so much worse after Talia left, but I promise, there’s a big softy under that hard turtle shell exterior.”

I sigh. Again, my curiosity is piqued at the mention of Talia.

At this point, I’ve gathered that she is his ex, and Lennie’s mom, but that’s it.

I really don’t know anything about his life.

I can’t stop thinking again about Jason, even when I know I shouldn’t.

He’s my co-worker, probably considered my superior, and I shouldn’t be thinking or even considering my feelings.

Not that there are any. Nope. No feelings, no crushes here.

Right? Push them all down and away. It’s fine.

I take another long sip of my coffee, hoping my reactions don’t give me away, though who am I kidding? Megan sees everything.