Page 34 of Can’t Let You Go (Ivy Ridge #3)

FALLON

“ M om, where is my sparkly scrunchie?” Presley calls from the bathroom.

“In the drawer with all your hair things,” I call back to her. I’m staring into my closet, trying to find something to wear to the zoo today. It’s nearly one hundred degrees, plus humidity and it’s only going to get hotter as the day goes on.

I thought about rescheduling, but something about spending the day with Jason and his daughter, only the four of us, with no interruptions, seemed too good to pass up.

Presley’s friend, Natalie, was supposed to come, but her family went out of town this week.

I have on a pair of comfy jean shorts and am debating on a tank top to wear.

It shouldn’t be this hard of a decision, he’s seen me naked, but yet, I can’t help but overthink it.

I throw my hair up into a ponytail, knowing I’ll need it up and off my neck today.

“Mommy!” Presley calls, and I pick the first tank top I see, a powder blue one and slide on my comfortable shoes, knowing I need practical over cute shoes today for footwear.

“Coming,” I call .

When I reach the bathroom, Pres is running a brush through her dirty blonde hair. “Can you braid my hair?” she asks.

“Sure, honey. What do you think about a French braid into a ponytail so it’s off your neck? I don’t want you to get too hot today,” I offer, hoping it’s a fair compromise.

“Yes!” she heartily agrees. “But only if we use my purple sparkly ponytail. I want to match my purple tank top.” She points to the purple top she’s wearing with Disney Princesses on it.

“You got it, sweetie.”

Ten minutes later, her hair is braided and ready to go.

I brush my teeth and swipe a few coats of mascara onto my lashes.

My phone buzzes in my back pocket with a text from Jason, telling me he’s here.

I shoo Presley out the door and grab the bag I packed with our water bottles, snacks, and extra sunscreen before locking the front door behind myself.

Jason’s SUV is parked in the driveway of my townhome, and he must have seen Presley’s booster seat sitting in front of the garage door, because he’s helping her get buckled.

The sun is beating down on my skin already, and I’m grateful I thought to put a layer of sunscreen on us already. I push my sunglasses off my head and down over my eyes to block out some of the harsh sun.

“Hey,” I greet Jason when I reach the passenger side back door. He’s buckled Presley in, and she and Lennie are already happily chattering. “Thanks for buckling her in,” I say.

“No problem,” he replies. “Ready?”

“Yep.” I climb into Jason’s passenger seat, and Jason closes the door behind me. It’s stupid really, but the simple action is enough to give me butterflies. It’s not something Brad ever did for me.

When Jason climbs into the air conditioned vehicle, I notice he wipes a drop of sweat off his brow. “Are you sure we shouldn’t go to the beach, or reschedule?”

He glances over at me. “It’s really up to you. I’ve got enough water to hydrate ten people, but if you don’t want to go, we don’t have to.”

I shake my head. “No, it’s fine. If anything, we can go to the inside exhibits if we get too hot.”

“Exactly. It will be alright,” he says. The girls in the backseat are totally oblivious to our conversation, only talking about which animals they’re excited to see.

Jason reverses out of my driveway, and we start the drive in silence. I don’t exactly know what to talk to him about, seeing as every conversation with us leads to something deeper and I’m not sure I’m ready for that so early in the day.

“Miss Fallon,” Lennie says, pulling my attention to her. “Are you married?”

I swallow thickly. “Um, no, Lennie, I’m not. Why?” I ask.

“I think you should marry my daddy.”

I nearly choke on the spit in my mouth, and cough.

Jason sighs. “Lennie, we talked about this.”

I shift in my seat to look back at her. “That’s really sweet that you want me to marry your daddy.” I can’t say anything else, because I’m being interrupted by both girls.

“Then we could be sisters,” Presley chimes.

“And you could be my mom!” Lennie yells.

I don’t know what to say. I look to Jason for help, but he apparently doesn’t know what to say either.

I guess the girls have been plotting against us for a while.

Well, I guess I get to be the one to break their hearts.

“I know you two would love for us to get married, but we are only friends. Friends don’t really get married.

People who are in love get married, like your Uncle Andrew and Auntie Josie,” I say to Lennie, hoping an example will help.

“Or my Uncle Beau and Auntie Marley? Are they in love?” she asks.

“Yes they are,” I agree, thankful she’s getting it. “And maybe soon they’ll get married.” If the text I received from Beau earlier this week is any hint, I’m thinking it will happen sooner rather than later.

“Auntie Megan and Uncle Isaac got married too, Mom,” Presley pipes in.

“Yes, they did, because they’re in love.” I need to veer this conversation away before we get into the territory of why I’m not still married. “What animals do you guys want to see first?” I ask, and thankfully, that helps to change the conversation.

In their own world again, I shift so I’m facing forward in the seat. Jason glances over at me.

“Good job,” he says, and I raise my brows.

“You weren’t much help,” I tease.

He shrugs, an apologetic look crossing his face. “Sorry. I was trying to come up with something, but you beat me.”

“Right.” I give him a gentle shove on the shoulder. “Well if it happens again, it’s all you, buddy.”

We pull into the parking lot of the zoo, and for it being so hot, it’s still quite busy. We find a parking spot and get the girls out, grabbing our bags and a few extra water bottles to throw in the bags.

I slather sunscreen on Presley, and Jason does the same to Lennie, and ten minutes later, we are walking into the zoo entrance.

Once we’ve paid, the girls are already pointing out the exhibits they want to see. The decision is made to see the monkeys first, so we head in that direction.

Jason and I walk side by side in silence, and as the minutes pass on, the awkward tension grows. In college, I never felt the need to fill the silence with him, but for some reason, I do now. Though, before I can think of something to ask him, Jason speaks.

“Can I ask you something? You don’t have to answer, I guess I’m curious.”

“What’s up?”

“I’ve heard bits and pieces, but I wanted to see if you’d be willing to tell me the story of why you moved here?” He sounds so tentative, so worried, that I immediately want to open up and tell him everything, something that is no easy feat for me.

“I can. It’s really not all that great of a story to be honest. Long story short, Presley and I needed a fresh start."

"That must be the super condensed version."

"It is."

"Tell me the rest of it."

"You really don't want to hear that whole sob story."

His eyes grow serious as he looks at me. His tone gives no hint of argument when he says, "I really do."

"Alright, well you might want to buckle in, cause you're in for a bumpy ride."

“I’m ready,” he offers.

“Obviously, you know I got married. After college, I started working as an executive assistant in the Cities, and Brad and I were happy, well, at least what I thought was happy. I got pregnant with Presley not long after, and things were still good. As soon as she hit two, we decided to start trying for our second.”

Jason is nodding, not saying anything, but also showing me he’s still listening.

I continue the story, telling him how I had trouble getting pregnant for years, and things started to get strained, but then as soon as we stopped trying, things were better.

When I get to the part about finding out I was pregnant again, I see the slight twist of agony appear on his face.

It doesn’t take much to know something happened.

I don’t have two kids running around the zoo today with us.

“I had a miscarriage when I was barely over eight weeks pregnant. Brad was on what I thought was a business trip to Orlando, but I hadn’t heard from him outside of a few random texts.

” I take a deep breath. “In reality, I don’t know where he was.

Still don’t. He left me. Took me and Presley off the insurance plan, which I found out while I was in the hospital having a procedure for the miscarriage.

He stopped by the house the day after I was in the hospital, told me he was done, he’d met someone else.

It’s not something I like to remember, but he said some pretty awful things to me, and about me.

He left without saying goodbye to Presley, and I got the divorce papers in the mail a week later. ”

I don’t risk glancing over to Jason, afraid of what I might see. Surely, there will be pity, that’s usually what happens when people hear what happened, but I’m afraid there might be something more there. Something I don’t know if I’m ready to see from him.

The girls lead us into the aquarium section of the zoo, and I’m thankful for a reprieve from the sun. “Mom, look at this fish!” Presley shouts, pointing at a gruesome looking fish.

After I tell her how cool the fish is, I call both her and Lennie over to drink some water. We reapply sunscreen to the girls before heading back outside. The inside break is short lived, and both girls are ready to see the zebras.

Jason still hasn’t said a word about the demise of my marriage, and I’m not quite sure what he could say. I get over myself for a moment and glance up at him. Sweat is beading on his brow, same as my own, but the shade from his baseball hat is preventing me from seeing his eyes.

“Fuck,” he murmurs under his breath. His brows furrow and he stares down at the ground. “I don’t even know what to say, Fallon. Sorry probably doesn’t quite cut it.”