Page 20 of Can’t Let You Go (Ivy Ridge #3)

JASON

July

“ J ason, what are you doing next weekend?” Isaac asks as we finish up our meeting.

I try to join a meeting once a month since we started the contract with Meadow Grove.

Fallon already left after giving a cheerful update about the feedback she’s received from her most recent brides and how much they’re loving Blue Ox.

It’s exciting, and the brewery has been busier as a result. Laila has taken it upon herself to revamp our social media pages too, and that, coupled with the extra publicity from having the beer at weddings, has been an awesome upgrade.

I glance up at Isaac, who has his phone in his palm, the calendar app open.

“Um,” I reply, pulling up my own calendar. “Right now, nothing. But you never know.”

“I’d pay for it, but would you be interested in going to a conference in the Twin Cities with me?” He taps out something on his phone, showing me the screen. “It’s an event and vendor weekend, and I thought it could be good for you to go, maybe get your name out there too.”

He passes me his phone, and I look through the event and the schedule.

In all honesty, I don’t know how I feel about going.

A few of the speakers look interesting, and I know I'd probably have a good time, but the thought of leaving Lennie on top of the overall effort it would take to leave for a weekend deters me from giving an answer right away. I would rather stay home and soak up some extra time with my daughter, but he’s right. It could be good for business.

“I’d have to get back to you, it depends on if I can find someone for Lenners,” I reply, passing him back his phone.

“No problem,” he replies. “I’ve asked Fallon and a few of the girls to come too, so it would be a group of us. Let me know, and I can get your room booked.”

“Great,” I reply, but I’m trying not to react.

I’ve been avoiding Fallon since our late evening chat a few weeks ago when Lennie was sick.

I panicked, and I still don’t know why I called her.

I didn’t need to dump all my feelings and emotionally vomit on her.

But I did. Internally, I grimace. I can’t let myself fall into something with her, not again.

I was destroyed after she left the first time, and I was destroyed each time Talia left.

People leave. I can’t let myself get attached, and I definitely can’t let Lennie get attached. It’s not good for either of us.

I admit, it was nice to chat and it felt familiar, comfortable, but, still.

I didn’t need to do that to her, no matter how many times she said it was okay.

And going as far as bringing up the Christmas party?

I can’t believe I did that. That night was something I tried to forget, but never could.

It was the closest we’d ever gotten to something more.

Something that will never happen between us.

Hearing her say I’ve changed though? That settled deep in me.

I wish I was still the person I was in college, but life happened.

“I’ll let you know,” I tell Isaac, standing up from the chair. I have to get back to the brewery today and get some work done there, so I head out of the conference room and down the hall.

“Jason!” I hear Fallon’s cheery voice call.

She’s in a great mood today, if her voice and excitement during the meeting are any tell.

I halt my steps, turning to face her. As always, she looks adorable in her business attire.

Today she’s wearing a navy blue blazer that brings out the hint of blue in her green eyes I’m so drawn to every time I look at her. “Hey,” she greets. “How’s it going?”

“Fine,” I reply curtly . I can’t let myself give her more, because I can’t trust myself with her. I need to try and distance myself again after the talk of the Christmas party.

She raises a blonde brow. “Fine? Presley was raving about their trip to the museum the other day.”

“Lennie was too,” I say. “She had a lot of fun.”

“They’ll have to do it again.”

“Sure,” I state.

“Are you going to the conference next weekend?”

I shrug. “Not sure. I just found out about it. It depends on if my mom can watch Lennie. If I even want to ask her to.”

Fallon nods in agreement. “I think it will be fun. If you can find someone for her, you should come.”

“I’ll try,” I snap, already irritated that I have to ask my family for more help. If I can get over my stupid guilt, I think to myself. “I need to get going.” I jerk a thumb over my shoulder in the direction of the parking lot.

“Right,” she responds, her posture deflating. Great, now I feel like even more of an asshole than I already am. “I’ll see you later?”

I agree, and say goodbye, and then I’m heading out the door to my car.

I can sense her eyes on me as I walk away, and know I hurt her feelings after opening up to her the way I did during that phone call, but I don’t have the mental capacity to deal with that right now.

I climb in my car and notice a bunch of messages in the group chat with my brothers.

Beau

**sends photo of Arlo and Ariel**

Look at how freaking cute my kids are.

Thomas

So cute.

Though, they still kinda look like wrinkly old men.

Beau

**sends photo of Arlo with his middle finger up**

Andrew

Dude, did you make your infant flick us off?

Maybe I need to have a kid so I can make them flick you off.

Beau

You guys are ridiculous.

But yeah, you guys totally should have a kid. It’s amazing. Jase gets it.

Me

I get it .

Yeah, it’s amazing, but Beau also has an amazing partner to share it with. I’m doing this alone.

Beau

See? He gets it.

Andrew

Maybe I should ask Josie if she’s ready to have a baby.

Thomas

Anyone want to go for a drink tonight? I’m bored.

Me

Can’t. If I’m going to ask Mom and Dad to watch Lennie next weekend for a conference Isaac invited me to, I don’t want to make them watch her tonight too.

Andrew

Wait.

I’m a genius.

Someone please tell me I’m a genius.

Thomas

No one knows why you’re a genius, dumbass. You haven’t said anything besides “Wait.”

Andrew

What if Josie and I watch Lennie next weekend? That way we can figure out if we’re ready for kids. I mean, I know Lennie’s five, but maybe we can start there, and then I can borrow one of Beau’s kids next.

Beau

You’re not allowed to “borrow” my kids, Andrew.

Andrew

I didn’t say kidS. I said KID. Single. Uno.

Beau

Good lord.

Me

Wait, really? You and Josie would be open to watching her the whole weekend?

A heavy weight lifts off my chest. This would save me from the familiar guilt of asking my mom and dad for help yet again, and Lennie would get some one-on-one time with Andrew and Josie.

I won’t tell anyone, but I’m pretty sure Andrew is her favorite uncle.

Or maybe Tommy. He’s definitely a close second.

I let myself get a hint of excitement over the prospect of going away for the weekend, but shut it down, because I don’t want to get too overzealous when nothing is set in stone.

My phone buzzes in my palm with more texts.

Thomas

Still guessing that’s a no on the beer tonight.

Me

Shit, yeah. I forgot I told Lennie we could have a bonfire tonight. You can come over if you want.

Thomas

Yeah. I might. I’m lonely, and I think Arson is bored of me.

Me

Bring him. Lennie will wear him out.

Andrew

Great, what time should Josie and I come over?

Me

Oh, everyone’s coming over now?

Andrew

I’ll bring chips.

Beau

I’ll ask Mar, but I think we’re out. The babies are in a weird sleep cycle right now. Marley’s barely sleeping.

Me

No worries. Let us know if you need anything.

Beau

Will do. Gabriel and Jane are hanging out for a few hours today, so we’re good now. I should be napping, actually.

Thomas

Get some sleep, lil’ bro.

I swipe out of the current group chat, and open up the one that is already buzzing with even more texts. Andrew’s already making plans for the weekend.

Andrew

I checked with Josie, she’s totally down to take Lenners for the weekend.

Me

That would be amazing.

Josie

I can’t wait to spend the weekend with Lennie! It’s an Auntie and Lennie weekend!

Andrew

Petals, I’m going to be there too?

Josie

I know, but still.

Me

I really appreciate this, you guys.

I let out a heavy sigh of appreciation for those two.

Could I really go? In all reality, the choice is up to Lennie.

If she wants me to stay home with her, I will, but if she’s okay spending the weekend with Josie and Andrew, then I don’t see why I couldn’t go.

I’m still wary of leaving for the weekend, but I have to admit to myself that it will be good for a change of pace and some time on my own.