Page 56 of Can’t Let You Go (Ivy Ridge #3)

FALLON

I am the definition of a mess. I’ve kept it together on the outside, working, being a mom, and doing my best to be happy, but on the inside, I’m falling apart.

The only thing keeping me sane is Jason.

Despite me saying I wasn’t ready to move in, Presley and I practically have.

We haven’t gone home in well over a week, except to grab more clothes and other random things.

The hearing is early next week and I’m spiraling. I don’t know what to do. Do I tell Presley about her dad being back in town? What if the judge decides he’s fit for custody and we start the transition to him having partial custody? There are too many things ping-ponging in my brain.

I need Jason. I’ve been craving the comfort only he can provide.

He’s been handling me with care, and I appreciate it more than he knows, but I need more.

I need the intimacy he offers me. I can’t help but wonder that maybe this is all too much for him.

Is the custody case too much? Is that why he’s been distancing himself from me physically?

We haven’t done anything besides hold each other, or the occasional make out session here and there, though I suppose that’s my fault.

I’ve been stuck in my own head. Maybe I should make it up to him.

He’s been in the garage for about an hour now.

We put the girls to bed together, and then he went back out there.

I stand from the couch, leaving my glass of wine and Kindle behind.

Music plays softly over the stereo sitting on top of a toolbox, and I find him sitting in a lawn chair, drinking a beer.

“Hey,” I greet, running my hand over the back of his neck.

“You okay?” I round the front of the chair and straddle his legs, lowering myself onto his lap.

My arms go around his neck, fingers threading in his hair.

He leans forward, setting his beer bottle on the ground before wrapping his arms around me, pulling me even closer.

Jason rests his head, using my boobs as a pillow. He doesn’t answer my earlier question, which makes me think something really is wrong, and he’s avoiding it.

“Jase, what’s wrong?” Leaning back, I lift his head to look into his eyes. Something is definitely wrong.

He takes a heavy inhale, and my stomach clenches with anxiety. “I don’t know how to say this,” he finally says.

I try to shift from his lap, and he grips me tighter for a moment before letting me slide off. I step away from him, my heart pounding faster with each step. I rest against the countertop where all his tools are.

“I’ve been thinking. Depending on how the court hearing goes, I think maybe we should hold off on officially moving in together,” he finally states, his eyes cast to the cement ground.

“You’re…” I stutter, trying to gather my words. “You’re having second thoughts?” I should have known this would happen. He’s been distant. He’s separating himself from me. Like Brad did. He’s trying to push me away. He was the on e that brought up moving in together, and now he’s regretting it.

Jason abruptly shakes his head. “No. Not in the slightest. I want nothing more than for you two to be here, in my home, in my family. I’m worried about the court case, that’s all. They’re going to be taking a deep dive into Presley’s life. Her living situation, who her mom is dating, everything .”

He’s going back on everything he said. “So what? You’re going to give up? Break up with me?” I ask, my voice trembling. I want to be strong right now, but my heart is breaking.

“Sunshine, I never said that. You’re taking words out of my mouth,” Jason tries to say, but it’s like I’m underwater. My ears are whooshing with noise, and I can’t think, can’t breathe.

“You lied to me.” My voice breaks as I spit the words out.

Jason shakes his head . “No. I didn’t lie to you, sunshine. I’m trying to do what’s best for you and Presley.”

“He abandoned me, and look where that left me! How is this better for me? Everyone leaves, Jason! That’s what I’ve been so afraid of all this time. He left me, and now I can’t trust anyone to stay.”

Jason steps forward and tries to pull me in closer to him, but I slide away from him. “Fallon, stop.”

“No, Jason.”

"I’m not him, Fallon!” Jason yells as I turn my back to him. He stops me in my tracks, turning my legs to stone.

He comes up behind my back, wrapping his arms around me.

“I’m. Not. Him,” he whispers in my ear. “You need to listen to me when I say I am not leaving . I want you in my life, in my home, in my bed. I want Presley to have her own room, her toys and coloring books here. I want her playing with my daughter every night, being the sister she’s never had. ”

Shuddered sobs break through my body. “You said you would fight for us, Jason. You told me you would fight for Presley.”

“This is me fighting for you. You think I want to step back? You think I want to be anywhere but at your side as you do this? Of course not. But this is me fighting for you. This is me doing what I can to protect you, to protect both of you. If that means holding off on something I want so desperately, in order to make your fight for your daughter easier, then I will do it, no question.”

Jason turns me so I’m facing him and rests his hand over my heart. Some of the fight leaves my body as I realize what I’ve done. I compared him to Brad, someone Jason is nothing like. On his worst day, Jason could never be the type of cruel Brad is.

“You’re not him,” I affirm, hating that he had to call me out on it in the first place, because he’s not.

I heard him having what I thought were second thoughts, and I panicked.

Because of Brad, my stupid trauma response is to assume the worst in people, to assume they’d leave someone who they once claimed to be a partner to.

“I’m sorry. I need you at my side through this, Jason.

I’m sorry I reacted that way. I panicked thinking you were leaving too. ”

“If you think I will willingly walk away unless you tell me to, you’re dead wrong.” His voice is strong, and I know he’s telling me the truth. He wanted me to have all my options, and be aware of all the circumstances.

I rest my head against his chest, his rapidly beating heart is thumping against my ear, knowing mine is matching pace.

“I will stand by your side and fight if you want me, or I will stand in the background and cheer you on from afar. Whatever you need to make this easier, sunshine. That might mean we have to take a step back from moving you two in for longer than we wanted. I won’t do anything to interfere with this battle, Fallon.

I want you to have the best shot you can. ”

“By my side?” I ask, knowing I’ll need to lean on him.

“By your side,” Jason confirms, his fingers digging into my hips as he pulls me closer to him.

I reach up onto my toes and crush my lips against his. I need to have this connection with him right now. Need to know that I have him, that he’s really not going to leave to do what he thinks is protecting me.

Jason’s hands skim down to my ass, squeezing my skin through my thin leggings.

Heat races through my body at his urgent touch, and I rip at his shirt, desperate for his skin against mine.

“Jase, please,” I cry, pulling away from his lips.

He tugs my leggings down, his fingers rough against my soft flesh.

My underwear is still a barrier between us, and I’m so eager for him, skin on skin.

His shirt ends up on the dirty garage floor, giving me access to his chest. I caress the soft hair on his skin.

His heart hammers like a metronome underneath my palm.

Jason kisses me again as his fingers grip at my hips, trailing around to the front of my mound, slipping underneath the fabric of my panties.

Jason bites my bottom lip, tugging softly as he finds my soaked pussy with his fingers. I groan into his mouth, jerking my hips to get closer to his touch. “Look at you,” Jason croons, one digit sliding inside me. “You’re soaked.”

He pumps his finger lazily in and out of me, giving me a tease of what I need and what’s to come.

“Jason, please, I need you inside me. It’s been too long.

” And it has. Ever since all this started with Brad, I’ve been so stressed.

I’ve neglected the intimacy of our relationship, something I love so much and crave even more.

Jason removes his finger from my needy center, lifting it to my lips. “Taste,” he mutters. I open for him, closing my lips around his finger, tasting myself on him. I suck, flicking my tongue over the tip, doing exactly what I’d do if it were his cock in my mouth.

Abruptly, he pulls out, reaching down to yank my shirt up and off me. He reaches around my back, unhooking my bra, and I let it fall off my shoulders, my breasts now free. Nipples pebbling in the cool air, I shiver as I stand bare before him in only my soaking wet underwear.

Jason undoes his belt, sliding down his pants and briefs all at once.

His dick is freed and he strokes it roughly.

A drop of cum slides from the tip, and he takes it between his thumb and forefinger.

Reaching down, I grip his wrist, the one stroking his cock, and bring his fingers back to my lips.

I flick my tongue over the subtle wetness, enjoying the little taste of him that I get.

With my other hand, I wrap my fingers around his length, caressing and teasing him the way he did to me.

Jason drops his head back, letting out a feral groan as I continue to work him, all while sucking his fingers.

The sound is so fucking hot that another burst of heat swoops in my belly.

“Turn around,” Jason commands, and I follow his direction immediately.

In front of me is a countertop that Jason has a few tools on, so I push them to the side, a few clattering to the floor.

I rest my elbows on the wood, jutting my ass out and swaying.

“Sunshine.” Jason steps up behind me, his hands rubbing over the skin of my ass, squeezing harshly.

He pulls the fabric of my underwear down, and I kick them off, and I’m completely bare to him.

To this incredible man who I fully believe when he says he will fight for me, for my daughter.

“Please,” I beg. “I need you, Jase.”

Jason’s palm rests at the base of my spine, and I turn back to glance at him.

He’s staring down at my pussy, eyes completely enraptured.

His fingers are gripped around his cock.

The blunt tip of his cockhead presses against my opening, and I gasp as he slowly pushes in, taking his time.

This is what we need. We started off frantic, but now, it’s intimate, like we’re taking our time, savoring the moments when it’s only us.

He fills me, inch by inch until I’m completely full of him, his pelvis flush against my ass. “Fuck, I’ve missed you,” Jason says, his voice rasping as he slowly slides back.

Instantly, I miss the fullness, but luckily he doesn’t make me wait long before he’s pushing back in, giving and taking as he finds a pace.

Jase runs his hand up to the middle of my back before reaching around, cupping my breasts as they move in motion with his hips.

I reach down to circle my clit, bringing me to a near immediate climax.

I clench around his shaft, loving how he groans, pinching my nipple. “That’s it, sunshine. Come on my cock like the good girl I know you are.”

“Oh god,” I cry, his words sending me into another spiral. The moment his release hits him, his body shudders against mine, and his warm cum fills me up, spilling out of me down my thighs as he thrusts a few more times.

Jason holds there until he starts to soften, and he pulls out of me, letting our combined release drip between us.

I rise from my bent position, leaning against his chest, tilting my head back.

He takes my lips in a kiss so soft that I melt.

I adore how soft and sweet he can be with me, but also how hard and rough he can take me.

Something niggles inside of me, and I know what it is.

I know I love this man. I need to find the right moment to say it.

I don’t want it to be too soon, but yet, I’m still scared.

Scared he might not say it back, though his actions prove otherwise every day.

“Stay here,” Jason says, giving me one more peck on the lips. He returns a few moments later with a wet cloth, and cleans between my thighs. Once I’m at least semi-clean, Jason wraps a blanket around my body. “Come on, let's get to bed.”

He leads me through the house where I clean up a little more in the bathroom, and he heads back to the garage to pick up our discarded clothing.

I throw on a pair of underwear and one of his shirts before climbing into bed to wait for him.

As much as I would love to sleep naked tonight, I know sleeping naked with two little girls who love to come in bed and wake us up in the mornings is not smart.

A few minutes later, Jason comes in wearing a fresh pair of boxer briefs.

He slides into bed next to me and pulls me into his chest. “I’m sorry about reacting earlier.

I panicked, thinking it was happening all over again,” I admit, realizing how much it sent me over the edge to think he was leaving.

I lean my head against his skin, hearing his steady heartbeat.

“I know, sunshine. But I’m here, I’m not leaving. I will show you every day that I won’t leave you. I will never leave you the way he did.”

I nod into his chest, his warmth and his heartbeat soothing me.

“Thank you,” I say.

Jason tilts his head to mine, kissing my forehead. “Goodnight, my sunshine.”