Page 23 of Can’t Let You Go (Ivy Ridge #3)

JASON

I t’s only been a few hours, but I’m already exhausted.

I’m not great at marketing myself, but Fallon seems to be incredible at it.

She’s boasting both my business as well as the winery, and is killing it.

She’s exchanged information with so many people I’ve lost count.

Spending this time with her, one-on-one has been enlightening.

We’re heading back up to the hotel room, and Fallon seems as beat as I am.

She’s walking slowly, her posture not as straight as before, like there’s a weight pressing down on her shoulders.

I’m definitely not looking forward to sleeping on that terrible couch, but what else am I supposed to do?

It’s not like I’m going to make Fallon sleep on it, and we definitely can’t share a bed.

I can’t let myself get that close to her.

All the infatuation I had for her back in college is starting to rush in anyway, and if I’m laying in a bed next to her, smelling that delectable perfume…

I know if I let myself cross that boundary with Fallon, I wouldn’t be able to hold back.

I can’t let myself go there with her. I can’t do the relationship th ing, and I get the sense that’s where things would go if I let myself give in.

It’s almost like Fallon reads my mind when I let us into the room. She starts to speak, and stops herself, before gaining the confidence to continue. “You’re sure you don’t want to have me sleep on the couch? Or we could…” She clears her throat. “We could share the bed.”

I’m shaking my head before she even finishes her sentence. “It’s fine, really.”

She reluctantly nods, and turns back to her suitcase. “I’m going to get changed.”

Five minutes later, I have what resembles a bed set up on the couch, knowing the actual couch is probably better than the thin mattress on the pull out.

Fallon steps out of the bathroom, face washed and free of makeup, hair up in a messy loose bun on top of her head.

It’s crooked and pieces are falling out of it, but it’s pretty cute.

The sleep shorts she has on are barely covering the curve of her ass, and I do my best not to stare.

My dick throbs. She has a loose shirt on top, and I can see the outline of her peaked nipples.

Fuck. I withhold a groan, and shift so she can’t see my hardening cock in my pants. I need to take a cold shower.

“Bathroom is all yours,” she says, dropping her clothes into her open suitcase on the floor. I quickly grab my things from my bag, and head into the bathroom.

I take a deep breath, and stare at myself in the mirror.

I beg myself not to give in, not to break, or even bend.

I need to be there for Lennie, be the best dad I can for her, and as much as I want to believe it wouldn’t be, a woman, any woman, is a distraction right now.

Between work, the still new contract with Meadow Grove, and the winery, I’m stretched thin.

I’m already not there enough for my daughter.

If I can’t give enough of myself to her, how can I offer someone a part of me that doesn’t even exist?

My dick is hard as a rock, and I do my best to ignore it, but it’s no use.

Hopefully a shower will help. I start the shower, not bothering to let it heat up before I strip down and climb in.

The cold water is like a shock to my system, making me gasp and shiver.

My dick is still rock hard, clearly not deterred by the freezing water.

I wash my body quickly, avoiding all contact with my cock, trying not to give into it.

After washing my hair, thinking of anything but the gorgeous woman in the next room, I’m still hard. There’s really only one surefire way to get rid of it now, and as much as I don’t want to give in, I also don’t want to walk out of this bathroom with a clear as day erection.

I sigh, wrapping my palm around my shaft, and squeezing tightly. I swallow the groan that is threatening its way up my throat as I begin to stroke myself in quick, hard pulls.

My mind strays as I suddenly picture Fallon on her knees in front of me, hair wet and stuck to her face, her breasts heavy and hanging bare with water cascading down them. Her nipples are pointed and look eager for my touch. She looks up at me, those green eyes round and innocent.

My balls tighten and I try to stave off my climax, to give myself another minute to enjoy the fantasy, to live out this perfect moment that can never become a reality.

I squeeze tight, almost to the point of pain, and in my mind, I’m touching Fallon, playing with those pert nipples and round breasts.

Her mouth falls open as I touch her, breathy gasps and moans slipping from her lips as I kneel before her, sliding my fingers between her slick folds, tasting her pleasure.

I come with a groan, white spurts hitting the wall of the shower as I come harder than I have in months, possibly years. I don’t focus much on my pleasure anymore, using it more as a simple release than anything. I watch as the water washes away all signs of my orgasm, of my slip in self-control.

My dick is no longer hard, so I do one final rinse, and shut off the water. I dry myself off and change into my pajamas. Thankfully, I decided to bring a pair of pajama pants, instead of planning on sleeping in my usual boxers and no shirt.

My phone buzzes on the countertop.

Josie

**sends a photo of Lennie snuggled into the couch with a bowl of popcorn and a huge grin on her face.**

We’re having so much fun!

Me

You guys are going to be great parents someday. Thanks for watching her.

Josie

Thanks, Jason.

Me

Let me know if you need anything.

Josie

Will do. Have fun this weekend! I heard through the grapevine it’s just you and Fallon now.

I don’t know why, but I want to confide in my sister-in-law. She’s an easy person to talk to, and I know she’ll be honest with me. I can’t say I’ve ever confided in her before, but I hope she knows both Fallon and I well enough to help me in this scenario.

Me

I need advice. You can’t tell anyone.

Josie

Wait!

I’m not good at secrets. At least not from Andrew.

Me

Crap. Nevermind.

Josie

You can’t not tell me now!

Me

Fine, but at least try not to tell anyone.

Josie

Me

There was an error with the reservation, and Fallon and I are sharing a room. With one bed.

Josie

Oh my god.

Me

Yeah.

Josie

Are you sharing the bed?

Me

I’m sleeping on the couch. My back is not going to be pleased with me in the morning.

Josie

Is this… Are you trying to tell me something?

Crap. Crap. Crap. I said too much, now she’s going to get all excited and think something is going to happen between us.

Josie

Do you have a crush on Fallon?

Oh my god. You totally do.

You two would be perfect together. I can see it now.

You should totally go for it.

Me

Josie. You’re WAY ahead of yourself there. I don’t have a “crush” on her. We have some… unresolved history.

Josie

HISTORY?? Why don’t I know this??? Wtf?? Do any of your brothers know?

Me

I think history is a big word for it. We went to college together when I was a senior and she was a freshman, and I had feelings for her then, but she met her ex-husband, and I took it hard and kinda blocked her out.

In all honesty, I think that’s where some of my issues with trust started. I thought we had something, but she shattered it in the blink of an eye.

The realization settles low in my gut. I mean, I know I have trust issues, clearly. But I guess I never put it together. Maybe that was the start of them.

Me

I didn’t see her after that, not until your wedding.

Josie

So are you telling me something might happen? Do you want it to?

Me

No, nothing can happen. I have to focus on being a dad.

Josie

That’s not what I asked. I asked if you wanted something to happen.

Me

It can’t happen, Josie. Regardless of whether I want it to or not.

Josie

You’re depressing. I think you can be happy in a relationship and be a good dad, all at the same time. You don’t have to sacrifice one for the other, Jason.

Me

I can’t, Jos.

Josie

Fine, but… have fun this weekend. There’s nothing out there that says you can’t have fun and let go.

Me

Thanks. Don’t tell Andrew.

Josie

I’ll do my best, but he always knows when I’m keeping a secret.

Me

Thanks again for watching Lennie.

Josie

Anytime, seriously.

I step out of the bathroom and into the chilly room, noting that Fallon is already in bed, the covers pulled up and over her shoulders. She’s lying on her side, and is scrolling on her phone.

“Should I get the lights?” I ask, and she nods, so I flick off the main light, leaving the room only glowing by the small lamp at Fallon’s head.

“I still think this is stupid,” she mumbles. “There’s no reason we can’t share the bed.”

“Fallon, really, it’s fine. I promise.” I sink down onto the unforgiving spring couch, and pull the blanket up over my shoulder. I shimmy a bit as I try to get comfortable, and grimace as my back cracks, and the springs jolt.

“You’re sure?” she asks, clearly seeing the look on my face.

“Positive.”

She shakes her head, and flicks the light off, bathing the room in darkness.