Page 54 of Burn Bag (Owens Protective Services #31)

KAVANAUGH

Week Five…

“What is that?”

I cringed at the sound of Red’s voice, wondering if it was possible to hide the massive bird cage before he could see it. Doubtful, since it was the only thing I was carrying.

But that didn’t mean I had to appear guilty. Turning, I acted completely normal. “What are you talking about?”

A wide grin split his lips as he nodded to the cage. “That.”

“Oh, this?” I said, raising the cage. “It’s nothing. Just some decoration.”

“Uh-huh. What’s under the cloth?”

Again, I played it cool. “What cloth?”

“The one covering the cage,” he grinned.

I glanced down at the cage and then back to him. “Don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Really? You don’t know what I mean when I say there’s a cloth covering the massive cage?”

“It’s just a cloth. It’s protecting the cage.”

“Or what’s inside it,” he pointed out.

“There’s nothing inside. It’s just a cage. I picked it up because I thought Daphne would get a kick out of it.”

“Uh-huh,” he repeated. “So, you won’t mind if I join you inside.”

I quickly stepped in front of him as he approached, blocking his path. “Why would you do that?”

“Oh, I just thought I’d check out what’s going on in the house.”

“Nothing’s going on,” I said too quickly, giving myself away.

“If nothing’s going on, then you won’t mind if I go inside.”

Gritting my teeth, I tried to find a way out, but I was failing miserably. I couldn’t let him inside. It just couldn’t happen. But I had no excuse to keep him out.

Before I knew it, he was walking around me, shoving the front door open to the cacophony of sounds that now filled my house both day and night. I winced at the piercing screech I knew all too well.

Red slowly turned to me, his face a mixture of disbelief and fear. “What the hell was that?”

“That would be Marcel.”

“And Marcel is…”

“A capuchin monkey,” I muttered.

Slowly, he closed the door and crossed his arms over his chest as he stared at me. “Kavanaugh, I know this is probably the stupidest fucking question in the world to ask, but why the fuck is there a capuchin monkey in your house?”

I slid my hand across the back of my neck, rubbing hard as I cleared my throat uncomfortably. “Well, see, it all started when I was drinking one night…”

“Uh-huh. It usually starts like that.”

“And I was watching Friends .”

His eyes slid closed briefly.

“And I remembered this conversation with Fox and…well, it just sort of happened.”

“How the fuck does a monkey just sort of happen?” he snapped.

“Hey, they were using him for research! ”

Shaking his head, he cursed under his breath. “Is this where you went last week when you disappeared for two days?”

I kicked at the ground, avoiding answering the question. “Look, he was in that lab and?—”

“Jesus Christ, you’re turning into her! Are you seriously going to steal every animal that ends up in a research lab?”

“Why is that a bad thing?” I snapped. “Those animals don’t deserve that!”

“Yeah? And what’s this guy?” he asked, storming forward and tearing the cloth off to reveal a red and green Macaw. “Fucking hell, Kavanaugh. It’s a bird!”

“Well, yeah. What did you think you were going to find?”

He shook his head as he stared at the bird. “I knew it, but…you seriously got a bird.”

It wasn’t the only one. “Look, just leave me alone. I’m perfectly fine.”

Tossing his head back, he barked out a laugh. “Perfectly fine? You have a monkey and a bird!”

“And I’m fine,” I argued, shoving past him to get inside. I tried to slam the door in his face, but he followed me inside. As soon as the door was shut, a Hyacinth Macaw came swooping into the foyer from the other room, landing on my shoulder. My face heated as Red stared at me in shock.

“Holy shit. You’re a bird man,” he whispered. Slowly, he shoved past me and took in the various animals running around my house. Yes, it was bad. Yes, I looked crazy, but they were all here for a reason.

His eyes scanned the three other birds, the two Capuchin monkeys, the two turtles in the tank, multiple cats, my new puppy, and…

“Is that a fucking raccoon?” he snapped.

“He was outside and hungry!” I argued. “I couldn’t let him starve.”

“He wouldn’t have. They call them trash pandas for a reason, Kavanaugh!”

“Look, I didn’t ask for your input! ”

“No, you just went crazy and decided to put a fucking zoo in your house!”

“It’s not that bad,” I argued.

He jabbed a finger in my direction, anger leaching from every pore of his body. “Not that bad? I’m afraid to look at the rest of the house. What’s upstairs?”

When I didn’t answer, he took the stairs two at a time. I chased after him, hoping to stop him, but I was too late as he flung open the second bedroom door, slamming it immediately as he turned back to me with wide eyes. “I think I’m about to have a heart attack.”

“It’s just a fox,” I said, holding out my hands to calm him down.

It didn’t work.

Storming forward, he grabbed me by the shoulders and shook me. “You have a fucking fox in your bedroom!”

“He was wandering around outside! What the fuck was I supposed to do?”

“Leave him alone!” Red snapped. “This is not an animal sanctuary! You are in security, not the business of rescuing stray animals!”

“I can’t help it,” I shouted. “It helps me feel close to her!”

“Well, not anymore,” he said, grabbing me by the shirt and hauling me after him. “This ends now!”

“What are you gonna do?” I cried out as he pulled me down the stairs after him. “You’re not getting rid of my animals!”

I tripped on the third stair and went tumbling down, nearly taking him with me, but the bird shit on the next step did the job for me. He slid, flying down the stairs on his ass, then tumbling head over heels until he landed in a heap at the base of the stairs.

The glower on his face told me to run, but I couldn’t leave my animals behind. That’s not what Daphne would want for me.

Red pulled out his phone and dialed. I knew it was Eli before he even picked up. “Get the truck. We’re going to the airport.”

“No, I’m not going anywhere,” I snapped.

But Red didn’t listen. He stared straight ahead as he muttered, “It’s time to invoke The Mummy Clause.”

Just the name sent chills down my spine. I didn’t want to know why it was named that or what it entailed. I just knew I had to get out of there, and the sooner, the better.

I jumped to my feet, but Red was faster, running after me and tackling me to the ground.

I slammed my elbow back into his face, but that didn’t deter him.

He sat on me, pinning me to the floor as he yanked my arm behind my back and twisted hard, nearly snapping my bone.

I cried out, wiggling as much as possible to get out from under him, but Red was a huge redneck fucker, and there was no way I was escaping this hell.

“Get off me!” I shouted.

I felt him bend over, and then he whispered in my ear, “I’m really fucking sorry about this.”

The last thing I saw before I passed out was that mother fucking scarab with the death wish on it.