Page 19 of Burn Bag (Owens Protective Services #31)

DAPHNE

He passed out.

He really fucking passed out. “Oh, God,” I whispered. “What do I do?”

I scrambled around on my knees, searching for his phone. Between my clothes on the floor and the few pieces of random clothes he’d forgotten to fold, I couldn’t find a damn thing.

I lifted his shirt, certain it was under there, and got a whiff of his scent. I shoved it up against my nose and inhaled sharply. “God, he smells good.”

Then I saw my hubby passed out on the bed.

“Right, not the time to have an orgasm from my husband’s shirt.”

I couldn’t find the damn thing anywhere, and just as I was about to give up, I saw it peeking out from under the nightstand.

Snatching it, I yelped in victory for all of two seconds before I realized I couldn’t get into it.

Grabbing his finger, I pressed it to the screen, but there was no damn button.

Swiping up, I saw the face at the top, signaling it needed an eyeball.

“Shit. Okay, this is so wrong,” I said to Bradley. “I’m so sorry, but if you want help, I need your eyeball.”

I leaned forward, and with two fingers, pried open his eyelid.

The screen unlocked successfully and I cried out in joy.

“I am so smart. You married a very good woman. Not that you can tell right now because you’re passed out, but when you wake up, you’ll be thanking your lucky stars to have married me. ”

I scrolled through the contacts until I found a name that was familiar.

“FNG!” I shouted, my voice bordering on hysterical. I didn’t even give him a chance to talk before I pushed on. “I need your help! Bradley is passed out and I think he needs a hospital!”

“Who the fuck is Bradley?” he snorted.

“My husband,” I gritted out.

“Okay,” he said sarcastically. “And who is this?”

Right. I sort of forgot that not only couldn’t he see me, but he didn’t actually know me well enough to recognize my voice. “It’s Daphne. New wife on campus. Crazy lady who passed out at her wedding.”

“Oh shit!” he laughed. “When you said Bradley, I thought for sure this was a prank call.”

“Nope, just me, over here in desperate need of help.”

“You didn’t kill him, did you?”

I just sat there for a moment in shock. Was this really a question on their minds? And why did he sound so calm about it? “Why would I kill him? I literally just married him.”

“Stranger things have happened. So, what kind of situation do we have?”

“Well…” I glanced back at him, wondering how much information I should hand out. In the end, I went with the truth. Honesty was the best policy.

In most cases.

“A cat sort of attacked him.”

“Well, you shouldn’t be calling me. You should drive him to the hospital for a shot.”

“Like I said, he’s passed out.”

“From a cat bite? Did you get a Bengal Tiger?”

“It’s in a very…delicate spot. ”

“What could be so delicate—” He cleared his throat. “I’ll be right over.”

He hung up without another word. I started shooing the cats out of the bedroom, hoping none of them went after him again while I waited. This was the end for them. He was never going to let me keep them now.

The doorbell rang and I almost ran downstairs, but then remembered I was completely naked. That was not the appropriate way to greet one of his teammates.

“Coming!”

I ran back in the bedroom and snagged one of his shirts off the floor, once again taking a moment to sniff the amazing scent still lingering.

I was really going to have to find a way to bottle the essence of my husband.

I was just tugging on my pants when FNG strode into the room, his eyebrows shooting up in surprise when he saw Bradley.

“You said it, but I didn’t really believe it. The cat really…”

“Yes.”

He winced, walking around to the other side of the bed.

As he gripped the sheet, he seemed to be steeling himself against what he was about to see.

I shifted from one foot to the other, hoping the damage wasn’t too bad.

I hadn’t even slept with him and he was already maimed. He would divorce me for sure.

FNG lifted the sheet and paled. “Well, the good news is, everything is still attached.”

“And the bad?”

He shook his head slightly. “I don’t think you’ll be having sex anytime soon. He’ll be scarred for life.”

Well, considering I was already aware of his tiny dick, I didn’t think that would be a problem. I could get myself off well enough. Vibrators were a woman’s best friend.

God, I was horrible for thinking about my own sexual needs while my husband was passed out from a cat attack.

“I’ll just…” FNG cocked his head at his friend and grinned.

“What are you laughing at? ”

“Well, I was just thinking…this has to be a new one for the staff in the ER.”

My lips twitched, but I managed to rein in my laughter. This was not funny, and Bradley would be pissed if he knew I was laughing at him.

Wrapping him in the sheet, FNG tossed my husband over his shoulder none too gently and stalked down the stairs as if he was nothing more than a sack of potatoes.

I slipped on my shoes and ran out the door behind him, hoping this didn’t mean the end of my relationship with my husband. So far, things were not off to a great start.

“Relax,” FNG said after tossing my husband in the back. He wasn’t even strapped in. “He’s been through worse.”

“Worse than a cat attacking his privates?” I asked, wondering what that would be.

“Well, there was the time he passed out next to a mummy. That was pretty fucking hilarious.”

I paled at his words, swallowing hard, but pushed it aside. There would be another time to think about that.

“Oh, and then he had to jump out of the plane with the mummy, or something like that. And then the locusts showed up.” He started chuckling. “And then Eli sent him a scarab.”

“A what?”

“Ancient bug. It had some death note with it. Scared the shit out of Kavanaugh,” he laughed.

“I thought you all liked him,” I glowered.

“Well, yeah, but we also like to fuck with each other.”

Okay, yes, it was funny, but it would definitely not help my situation.

“Don’t worry, honey. I’m sure his little John will be just fine in a few weeks.”

My eyes bugged out at his words. “Weeks?”

A low chuckle left his lips as he glanced over at me. “He’ll probably be a little gun shy. Here we go,” he said cheerily as we pulled into the ER .

I jumped out, twisting my hands as FNG hauled Bradley out of the back and tossed him over his shoulder once again. This was so bad. What would they think of me when they found out what happened?

Mauled by cats.

“Shouldn’t he have woken up by now?” I asked as FNG carried him inside.

“Sometimes trauma keeps your brain in a sedated state to prevent you from reliving the events. Probably best in this situation.”

I rushed over to the desk, trying in vain to explain the situation to the lady behind the desk, but she didn’t seem to care at all. Based on the bored expression on her face, he could have come in on death’s door and it would just be another Tuesday for her.

“Fill out this paperwork,” she said, sliding a clipboard across to me.

My eyes widened in horror at the mountain of paperwork that had to be taken care of. “Um…see, the thing is, I just married him. I don’t actually know any of this information.”

She stared at me incredulously. “You married him, but you can’t give me any information,” she repeated.

My phone rang in my pocket and I pulled it out, glancing at the screen.

It was my mother. Now was not the time to talk to her.

What would I even say? Hey, Mom. I just got married to a man I never met until I walked down the aisle.

But don’t worry. He’s exactly what you would want for your baby girl, and now he’s in the hospital because he was mauled by cats I stole. Yeah, that would go over really well.

I shoved my phone back in my pocket and focused on things I could deal with right now. Like explaining to the nurse what I knew I wouldn’t be able to explain to my parents.

“Well…” I looked at the form again and beamed. “His name is Bradford William Kavanaugh!”

She stared at me for a beat. “Great. That answers all the really important questions.”

She snatched the forms back and went back to ignoring me. I might possibly be the worst wife on the face of the planet, but it wasn’t entirely my fault. How could I be expected to know everything about the man I married when I’d only known him for a couple of days? And half of those, I was drunk.

I paced the waiting room for a good hour, waiting for any word from the doctor. Seriously, this should not be taking so long. Did they have to amputate or something?

I covered my mouth as I considered the possibility.

It couldn’t be. There was no way. Then again, I wasn’t entirely sure what they had done to the kittens before I rescued them.

What if they carried some horrible disease?

What if his dick fell off? It would all be my fault.

I would officially be the worst wife ever.

The doors whooshed open behind me and a familiar-looking woman strode in, her strawberry blonde hair perfectly coifed framing her beautiful pale skin.

And she was staring at me like she wanted to murder me. Suddenly, I remembered where I’d seen her. This was the woman who cornered me in the bathroom at the wedding. She appeared kind on the outside, but inside, a demon lurked, waiting to kill me.

Walking right up to the front desk like she owned the place, the woman behind the counter gave her all her attention.

“Yes, I’m Isla Thorne. I got a call about Bradford Kavanaugh?”

“Yes, you’re listed as his emergency contact.”

I gasped in surprise that this woman—this viper who already hated me—had information on my husband that I didn’t.

It wasn’t rational. She’d known him for longer, but the demon inside me wanted to rear its ugly head and strike at the woman, taking her down before she could poison my day-old husband against me.

“I need you to fill out these forms,” the woman said kindly.

She wasn’t that nice to me. Hell, she tried to kill me with her eyes!

“He’s currently with the doctor and he’ll be out shortly to fill you in.”

Anger surged through me and I stormed over to the desk, slamming my hand down on it. “Hey, I’m his wife, not her. If the doctor is going to tell anyone anything, it’s going to be me!”

The nurse cocked her head at me, a devilish grin spreading across her face. “The only thing you could tell me about him was his name. ”

“Right, well…we just met.”

“Clearly, a bad choice,” the nurse muttered. “Can you prove he’s your husband?”

My mouth gaped for just a moment. I had literally nothing proving we were married. “She was there!” I snapped, pointing at red lady.

The woman beside me rolled her eyes with a sigh. “It’s true. They’re married.”

After assuring my nemesis that the doctor would be out soon, we walked away, but I was still furious.

“Why are you doing this?” I snapped, fearing I was on the verge of crying.

I didn’t like it when people outright hated me for no reason.

It caused horrible emotional reactions that I couldn’t control.

“I don’t hate you,” the woman said. “I just don’t know you.”

“No need to hate her,” FNG chuckled. “Can’t we all just get along?”

“No,” the woman snapped. “She doesn’t even know him.”

“And you left him for another man,” FNG pointed out.

I gasped, surprised anyone would leave Bradley. It had to be the small dick thing, but that wouldn’t make me run away. I was made of stronger stuff.

“He made mistakes,” the woman muttered.

“Isla, you’re married. Put the claws away.”

Isla. It figured she would have some gorgeous, movie star-worthy name. I hated her even more for that.

“I may be married, but I still care about him.”

“And he has me to take care of him,” I said defensively.

“Clearly,” she muttered.

Luckily, the doctor walked out and ended the cat fight before it could go any further. I wasn’t in the mood to argue with her when I’d had so little sleep and was still a tad hungover.

Isla and I both rushed over and stood in front of the doctor, who took a step back in surprise. “Um…Mrs. Kavanaugh.”

“That’s me,” I said, pursing my lips to keep from grinning like an idiot.

“We’ve assessed the damage and?—”

“Excuse me, can we have this conversation in private? ”

Isla glowered at me, but I didn’t care. I was going to have to set some boundaries with this woman. Bradley was my husband, and no former girlfriend was going to push me out.

The doctor looked uncomfortable, but nodded as he waited for Isla to leave. “Your husband is doing fine. He’s awake and heavily medicated. We cleaned the wounds and he didn’t need any stitches. It’s just going to be painful for a while.”

I winced and nodded. “Anything special I need to do?”

He shook his head. “I’ve prescribed him some antibiotics, but other than that, keep the wound clean. That’s really all you can do for now.”

“Thank you. Can I see him?”

“Right away.”

I turned around and waved to FNG that I was going back. Then I stuck my tongue out at Isla just because I could. Hopefully, Bradley wouldn’t divorce me by the end of the day. I’d never live this moment down.