Page 16 of Burn Bag (Owens Protective Services #31)

DAPHNE

Pulling on anything I could find lying around, I dressed and headed downstairs to face the music. Last night was a complete blur, but one thing I did remember was grabbing alcohol next to my sexy new husband and tossing it back like a girl at a frat party.

“What was I thinking?” I groaned.

My new husband was sitting at the counter, looking just as rough as I did, with his head cradled in his hand. At the sound of my footsteps, he jerked his head up and winced at the bright light that still shone through the windows.

I pointed at them, hoping he didn’t mind when I pulled the shade. Making my way over to him, I nodded in thanks as he slid a fresh cup of coffee to me.

“Thank God. My head is killing me.”

“Breakfast?” he asked, but the thought made my stomach churn.

“No. I don’t think I can stomach anything yet.”

I watched with interest as he pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed heavily. What was Emily thinking, walking away from this man? He was sex on a stick.

Memories of standing at the altar flitted through my mind, and one in particular stood out. The realization that if no one had married him yet, there must be something wrong. I choked on my coffee as I remembered thinking he must have a very small wiener.

“Are you okay?” he asked, coming around the counter to pat me on the back.

I nodded, but my eyes inadvertently drifted to his crotch and I started choking again. “I’m fine. Just went down the wrong pipe.”

“You’re sure?”

I nodded over and over, my head going crazy as I tried my best to push those unwanted thoughts from my head.

“So, you want to tell me what the whole passing out thing is about?”

I frowned, wondering when I had passed out. “Oh! This morning!”

He scowled at me for some unknown reason, but I forged ahead. There was nothing to be upset about.

“It’s just a little syncope.”

“Where you randomly pass out,” he said, his tone disbelieving.

“It happened at the reception. Don’t you remember?”

He shook his head slowly as he tried to remember. “There…Shit.” His face morphed into shock as the memory hit. At least I wouldn’t have to explain the whole thing all over again. “So, I didn’t nearly kill you this morning?”

“Nope. You’re all good. Though, I suppose if you wanted to off me, that would be a good way to do it,” I chuckled. When he didn’t respond, I continued. “You know, hit me on the head with a sharp object and say I passed out and hit the corner of the table…”

“Are you giving me ideas on how to kill you?” he asked, his tone once again disbelieving.

“Well, not that I want to be murdered, but—it was a joke,” I said reassuringly.

I heard a faint meow and spun around in my chair. Hubby was by my side a second later, looking around frantically.

“You heard that, too?”

“Uh…” Shit. I completely forgot about the whole kitten thing.

But as the little gray baby came running out of the living room, I remembered it all.

How I told him about the kittens I’d rescued, how we we nt to the hotel and snuck them out because I wasn’t supposed to have them in the room, and then bringing them in his house and informing him we didn’t have a litter box.

We’d torn up some magazines and tossed them in the corner for the kittens to poop and pee in.

“Do I smell cat shit?” he asked, sniffing the air.

“Um…we should probably talk?—”

“What the fuck?” he snapped, jumping back as three kittens raced toward him.

I cringed as they started climbing his leg, digging their claws in as they desperately searched for food.

“Son of a bitch!” he shouted, wrenching one kitten from his leg.

I snatched it out of his hands just as he looked like he was going to toss it across the room.

“Why the fuck are they climbing on me?”

“They’re hungry!” I shouted above his screaming as one kitten started clawing into his chest.

“Get them off!”

“Okay, okay!” I set one down on the back of a chair, then turned for the next that was nearly to his shoulder. Just as I turned to set that kitten down, I heard an audible gasp and spun around to find kitten number three with his claws clinging to a very delicate area of his body.

Holding out my hands, I lowered myself to the ground. “Okay, stay calm.”

“You stay calm,” he gritted out. “There’s a cat attached to my dick.”

“Right,” I nodded, hoping to keep him from freaking out. Now I just had to pry the kitten off his manhood and do my best not to feel him up at the same time. Easy peasy.

I grabbed the kitten around the stomach, but as I started to pry his claws away, the other paw dug in harder.

“Please, take your time,” hubby snapped. “It’s not like I’m in pain here.”

“I’m trying! I don’t want him to rip off your balls at the same time!”

One by one, I pried the claws off him, and once he was free, he scrambled around the counter and picked up the broom in the corner, holding it out in defense.

“You are not going to use a broom on those kittens,” I demanded.

“What the fuck are they doing here? I don’t even like cats!”

“Well, you certainly didn’t complain when you helped me retrieve them from my hotel room last night!”

“I did what?” he shrieked.

“How do you think they all got here?”

He started shaking his head rapidly, denying it was even possible. “I don’t like cats. I would never do that!”

“Well, you did last night!” I winced as my head started pounding again. I couldn’t worry about that now. I had to get the kittens away from him and get to a store for some litter and a litter box. I had no idea what happened to the travel one I’d had at the hotel.

“Look, we just need to get to the store and buy litter and a box?—”

“Are you fucking crazy? They’re not staying here with me,” he argued, his eyes wide and furious.

“What would you have me do? Throw them out on the streets?”

“Yes!”

I couldn’t argue with him. I didn’t even know what to say.

He was my husband, but this was not my home.

Not really. But until I found them a new place to stay, they needed the basics.

I stormed away from him, tearing around the house until I found my purse lying on the entryway floor.

Snatching his keys off the table, I flung the door open, wincing at the bright light, and headed for his truck.

“Wait!” he shouted, racing after me. “Where are you going?”

“To get supplies!” I called over my shoulder.

He ambled down the steps, eating up the space between us in no time. The keys were torn from my grasp just as I was about to get in the driver’s side door. “There is no fucking way you’re driving my truck.”

“Then you’re going to have to take me. Those kittens need food and a proper place to shit.”

Groaning, he shoved his fingers through his hair before scowling at me. “Fine. Get in the truck. ”

I stomped around to the other side, thinking seriously about my choice in husband, when another truck slowed as it passed.

“Hey, lovebirds! Ready for the honeymoon?” He laughed hilariously as he hit the gas and took off. I had no idea who that was, but Bradford did, based on the look on his face.

“Lovebirds,” he muttered as he shoved the key in the ignition.

“Nice to see someone wishes us well,” I muttered, crossing my arms over my chest.

“Don’t read too much into this, sweetheart. They all know this is a sham of a wedding.”

“It wasn’t when you chose Emily,” I retorted.

“Because I chose her based on specific things and—you know what? It doesn’t matter.”

“Why did you marry me?” I snapped, turning to face him. “You had the option to walk away, but you didn’t take it. Why?”

He stared straight ahead, his jaw clenching hard with every second that passed. “I?—”

“Not good enough. If you didn’t want to marry me, you could have just said so! Tell me why!”

“I don’t know!” he shouted, finally looking at me. “I have no fucking clue why I didn’t leave. I should have. This is a fucking disaster! I don’t even know you!”

“You didn’t know her either, genius.”

“I knew her a hell of a lot better than I know you,” he seethed.

“Fine, ask me anything you want.”

If this asshole wanted to play this whole thing off like I tricked him, then I’d throw it all back in his face. Even though I technically did deceive him, and yes, he did deserve to be pissed that Emily backed out of the wedding.

“Who are you?” he snapped, his anger growing by the second. “I mean, what kind of woman picks up her life to marry a man she’s never met and brings her cats with her?”

I was about to answer when he continued rambling.

“And who the fuck borrows someone else’s wedding dress? Isn’t that bad luck or something? ”

Again, I tried to answer, but didn’t get the chance.

“What the fuck is wrong with you that you would throw away your current life to marry someone in Kansas? I mean, seriously, that might be the biggest fucked up part of this whole thing,” he ranted as he blew through a light, nearly causing an accident.

“Who moves to Kansas for a man? Have you seen it here?”

I looked outside and was about to tell him it wasn’t that different from Missouri, but he didn’t give me the chance.

“Is there something wrong with you? I mean, other than the fact that you pass out whenever the wind blows the wrong direction. There has to be something wrong with you. No sane woman would marry some random man!”

Oh, this guy was really pushing it.

“It’s Kansas!” he shouted. Turning to me with wide eyes, he shook his head again. “Fucking Kansas! What were you thinking?”

When I didn’t say anything, he swerved into a parking spot and killed the engine.

“Are you going to say anything?”

“I’m sorry, are you ready for me to talk or did you just want to keep ranting the rest of the day?”

His lips snapped shut and he turned to face the windshield, refusing to look at me.