Page 18 of Burn Bag (Owens Protective Services #31)

KAVANAUGH

I slid my sunglasses on my face, feeling slightly calmer than I had ten minutes ago. Once we were home, I’d think about the fact that I now had three kittens living with me. Maybe I could convince her to give them to the other wives.

Wives .

Shit, I was actually married. I glanced down at the ring on my finger and sighed.

This was not how I saw this going. Married, yes, but to a stranger?

Why the hell had I gone through with it?

Which put a few more things in perspective.

Like the fact that I needed some back-dated forms taken care of ASAP.

“I need a new name for you.”

“What?” I glanced over at her, wondering what the fuck she was talking about.

“Your name…there’s no way I can call you Bradford. It’s so pretentious and it doesn’t fit you.”

“It’s the only name I’ve got.”

“I guess I could go with Brad,” she sighed. “Have we had this conversation already?”

It did sound vaguely familiar, but I couldn’t put my finger on it. Between all the shit that had happened over the last day, I couldn’t remember crap.

“Will! That’s it!”

“Sorry, what?”

“At the wedding. Remember? We talked about this and I decided to call you Will. Although, if I’m being honest, Will doesn’t fit you either.”

“Then don’t call me that.”

“What should I call you? Hubby doesn’t work in every occasion.”

“Everyone calls me Kavanaugh.”

Her nose wrinkled up in this cute way that made me grin, but I quickly schooled my features, refusing to show her how fucking adorable I thought she was.

“I can’t call you by your last name. It makes you sound like a dog.”

“Whatever. That’s what everyone calls me.”

“Well, not me. I need something more…normal. I don’t know,” she huffed. “Nothing fits.”

“Well, I guess you can call me nothing.”

“Don’t be silly. Nothing is a horrible name.”

“I didn’t?—”

“I know what you meant. Do you really have no sense of humor?”

That struck a chord deep within me. I usually had a great sense of humor. Why was I letting this all bother me so much? I should be looking on the bright side. I was married like I’d wanted. My wife was hot. Hell, she even had a good personality. I couldn’t ask for too much more.

“Bradley,” I murmured, glancing over at her. “When I was little, my mother used to call me Bradley.”

Cocking her head at me, the faintest smile fluttered over her lips. “I like that. It suits you. A bit of masculinity, but not too rough and tumble.”

“I’m still rough and tumble,” I said, sitting up straighter and flexing my arms.

“I’m sure you are,” she said in a coddling tone. “I would never assume any differently. ”

“Just wait until I take you to the training center. Then I’ll show you just how masculine I am.”

She snickered at me just as we pulled down the drive. I could do this. I could be a doting husband to a woman I barely knew. We were just getting to know each other. It was completely backwards and made no sense, but we’d figure it out, and I’d live happily ever after.

“What?” she asked, staring at me from the passenger seat.

“Huh?”

“You were smiling and then you grimaced. What was it?”

“Oh, nothing. Just thinking about the new cats,” I lied. Although, now that we were home, I really did have to think about the fact that I was a pet owner. “You know, we should go over a few rules for the cats.”

“Sure.”

“Okay, uh…first, no climbing on the furniture.”

She nodded, but was biting back a smile. “Sure.”

“What’s so funny about that?”

“Well, have you ever had a cat?”

“No.”

“Then I guess you’ll find out why that’s funny soon enough. What else?”

That was a good fucking question. “Okay, the litter box needs to be out of sight. I don’t want to see it. Or smell it,” I added quickly.

“I will do my absolute best.”

Why did every answer sound like she was trying to placate me in an untenable situation?

“Anything else?”

I didn’t know anything about cats. What kind of guidelines, other than those, should I set up? “Not at this time, but I reserve the right to add more.”

“Of course.”

Well, that wasn’t too painful. I parked and helped her carry everything inside, blocking the door as three cats rushed me like linebackers. Luckily, they went right to her and left me alone. I narrowly escaped the claws of death and headed for the kitchen with the food .

“I’m gonna set up the litter boxes in the laundry room!” she called out.

“What? No!” I rushed down the hall to stop her. “There is no way litter boxes will be anywhere near clothes. That’s just wrong.”

“There’s nowhere else to put them. You don’t want litter on the carpet.”

Well, she was right about that. “Maybe we can just send them outside to go to the bathroom.”

She gasped, pressing her hand to her chest. “They could be attacked by other animals!”

“They have claws,” I argued. “I felt them in my balls this morning.”

“But that won’t protect them from larger animals. They’re just babies!” she cried, tears forming in her eyes. “What if they got out and we couldn’t find them? What if?—”

A single tear slipped down her cheek and I lost it. “Alright, alright. I’m sorry. I never should have suggested it. They can stay inside. They’ll…we’ll figure it out. Just…don’t cry.”

She sniffled, which was just as fucking bad, but a faint smile wobbled across her lips and her bright eyes shone through the tears, giving me a faint hope that the tears would dry up.

“How about this, I’ll put them in the laundry room, and I’ll handle all the laundry.”

That gave me pause. “ All laundry?”

She nodded vigorously, a smile blooming on her face. “You won’t have to worry about a thing.”

Well, I did kind of like the idea of never doing laundry again, but… “Does that mean you’re going to fold it also?”

“Of course. Only crazy people let their laundry sit in the basket for weeks at a time.”

I happened to agree fully. I never cared for wrinkly clothes, and a sure-fire way to get wrinkles was by leaving them in a basket. It was just wrong.

“Well, I guess that’s okay, then.”

“Perfect!”

“I’ll find something to put the cat food in. ”

I was about to turn away when I saw a little orange kitten run across her feet. Weren’t the kittens black and white? But as she carried the litter to the laundry room, sure enough, an orange kitten ran along with her.

Shrugging it off, I let it go. I had been tired and hungover this morning.

Hell, I was probably imagining things. I found some spare Tupperware in the cabinets, but none of it was big enough for all the cat food, so I ended up with multiple containers shoved in all areas of the pantry.

At least it was out of the bag and I wouldn’t have to worry about mice.

Sighing, I rubbed my eyes, feeling like a good nap was in order. As I trudged upstairs, it didn’t take long for Daphne to join me, groaning as she stripped out of her clothes.

“Whoa,” I sat upright in bed, chuckling. “What are you doing?”

“Taking a nap. I’m exhausted.”

“But…you’re getting naked.”

“Because I like to sleep naked,” she muttered.

“Right, but?—”

She paused just as she was about to yank off her shorts. “Yes?”

“But…I hardly know you.”

She snorted at that and tore the shorts off, kicking them aside. I stared at the clump of fabric on the floor, trying not to let it get under my skin that she so rashly tossed her things around.

“We’ve had a long day and it’s only…eleven o’clock in the morning. Can we argue about this later?”

She pulled back the covers and climbed in, dressed only in her underwear. Her perky breasts were sticking up, bright and…perky! How the hell was I supposed to sleep beside a naked woman when all I could think about was how much I wanted to slide my cock inside her and consummate this marriage?

“You’re thinking too loud,” she muttered, tugging the covers up.

“That’s because my new wife is insane and thinks it’s okay to get in bed naked!”

“Well, we are married. Did you think we would have a platonic relationship? ”

No. In fact, I very much planned on making the most of this marriage and all the benefits that went along with it. But I hardly knew this swan. Hell, I hadn’t gotten the meeting that I had with Emily.

“Look, you can’t sleep naked. It’s not good.”

“Why? Because you might slip and stick your dick in me?” she snorted, but then something strange happened. She looked over at me and frowned like I was found wanting in some way. That couldn’t be. She’d seen me. What about me could possibly not live up to her standards?

“Then again, maybe it’s best we…leave things as they are for now.”

She pulled the blankets up and rolled away from me. Was she hiding from me? Why on earth would she need to put things on hold? I mean, I got it, this was all moving fast, but was she not attracted to me or something?

Sighing, I rolled over and closed my eyes. It didn’t matter. The rest of the marriage would come soon enough.

“Bradley.”

Her voice lured me from sleep, that seductive siren’s voice that made me wish I was on my knees right now worshiping her.

Fuck, she was so gorgeous. I peeled my eyes open and grinned at my new wife.

Staring down at me with big green eyes, I couldn’t help but think I was the luckiest fucking guy in the world.

“It wasn’t supposed to be you,” I whispered, still fighting off sleep.

“Well, thanks for that,” she huffed.

I shook my head slowly, unable to believe I ended up with such a beautiful woman at random. “No, what I mean is, you’re not what I chose.”

“Again,” she rolled her eyes, “very flattering.”

“You know what I mean. You’re fucking gorgeous. How is it possible you haven’t already been snatched up by some other guy?”

She smiled brightly at me, her blonde locks falling in a curtain in front of her face. I sat up on my elbow, brushing them back so I could see those gorgeous eyes.

“You really think I’m gorgeous?”

That coquettish smile nearly did me in. Why the fuck was I waiting? We were married—sort of—and she had a ring on her finger. There was absolutely no reason why I shouldn’t go for it.

I sat up, and tentatively leaned in. Maybe I was fucking crazy, but this whole thing had been fucked up from the start. Why would I decide to make better decisions now?

My lips slammed against hers and she gasped as I took her by surprise, immediately opening for me. “Fuck, I can’t wait,” I murmured against her lips.

“Then don’t.” Her hands immediately went to my shirt, tugging it over my head, but I was already skimming my fingers over her soft skin, brushing her breasts as I felt her nipples press against my chest.

“I need you,” she murmured.

Just a single brush of her hand over my cock was all it took to make me hard. I started wiggling out of my pants just as she batted at my cock playfully.

Chuckling, I undressed faster. “Give me a second.”

“I need it now,” she purred. Then her hand latched onto my cock and I hissed in a breath at her death grip.

“Careful with the goods.”

“What fun would that be?”

I frowned just as her nails dug into my cock, instantly deflating it as pain seared through my whole body unlike anything I’d ever felt before.

“What the fuck?” I shouted, screaming it over and over again.

“Bradley!” Daphne shouted, shaking my shoulders.

My eyes popped open, but the pain didn’t end. “What the fuck are you doing to me?”

“Me?” she shrieked.

Another sharp pain sliced into me and I cried out, flinging the covers off just in time to see a little white fur ball latched onto my now soft cock. Agony shot through me as I grabbed the cat and tried to yank him off, only succeeding in him digging in harder.

“Oh my God!” Daphne screamed, reaching for the cat.

“Get it off me!”

She finally scruffed him and pulled him away from me, but relief was too far away. I could only hold my pitiful cock and pray the little bastard hadn’t torn it to shreds.

“I’m never having sex again,” I muttered, rolling to my side.

I heard her in the background, running around as I writhed on the bed. I didn’t know what she was doing, and frankly, I didn’t care. I needed pain meds. Strong ones. And I needed them now.

“Tell me what to do!”

Colors swirled all around me in a dizzying pattern. This was worse than being shot. Worse than getting kicked in the balls. Only another man would understand my pain.

Daphne dropped to her knees in front of me, her eyes filled with horror as she stroked my sweaty cheek. “What can I do?”

“Don’t stick me with a mummy.”

“What?”

“No curses,” I muttered, feeling like I was going to pass out.

“Bradley, I don’t know what you’re talking about!”

In my last moments of consciousness, I gripped her hand and forced her to look at me. “If they turn me into a mummy, you’re the first person I’m coming after.”

And then everything went black.