Page 48 of Brandishing Balance (Devil’s Psychos MC #3)

Marcos

W ith Maya out of the house and Luke occupied with Nico, I took the morning to read my father’s journal. It was time. Johnny had hinted at it long enough.

Inside wasn’t what I was expecting, though. There were a lot of pages of abstract thoughts, like he was going for poetry but not quite. Then where would be a couple pages full of his thoughts on life and what was happening the moment. Those pages he dated at least.

One particular entry stood out a week or so before I was born.

Saw Lita this morning at the supermarket.

She didn’t see me, but she was looking ready to pop.

She was a beautiful woman as usual, but something about her pregnant just made her glow.

Oddly enough, I ran into Carmichael today too.

He was leaving the restaurant when Jen and I walked in.

We didn’t speak, but I feel like the universe is trying to tell me something.

I know Lita’s having the baby soon. I wonder if it’s really mine, and she lied about it to get money out of Carmichael?

There were more abstract thoughts following this entry, but after a couple pages I found another entry dated a couple years later.

I saw Lita today. She had her little boy with her in the supermarket. He must have been two or three by now. He looked so much like her, it was hard to tell who the father was. His eyes were blue, so he has to be Vince’s. I don’t think she’d lie about something like that to me. I hope she wouldn’t.

Yeah, pop. Me too. I wished my mother hadn’t lied about half the shit she had. Or I would have pushed her harder for more when I was older. By the time I was old enough to stand up to her, I didn’t really care if I found my father anymore. I had found my own family in Jason and Nico.

I ran into Lita today. Her and Marcos were at the supermarket. The boy is her spitting image, but his eyes…there was something in his eyes that made me question if he was mine. I didn’t confront her. She was pregnant and looked to be about ready to pop.

There was another entry from the same day down below some artwork.

God, the universe must really be trying to tell me something. I ran into Carmichael tonight. He had the balls to smirk at me. He told me that him and Lita were finally having their second child after all these years.

I shook my head and took a deep breath. Vince Carmichael had always been an epic asshole, that was no joke, but seeing the way he treated someone who was once his best friend just really drove home what a horrible person he was.

I kind of skimmed through the next couple pages, scanning for anything interesting. Lots of his thoughts and day-to-day happenings, but one entry caught my eye dated the summer I turned fifteen.

I saw Carmichael in Creekton today. The boys and I were doing a run and stopped off the highway to fill up and caught a glimpse of Carmichael walking out of the Devil’s Psychos MC clubhouse, of all places. I wonder what the fuck bullshit he’s up to now.

I gasped. That would have been twenty-five years ago. Buckley and Carmichael’s dealings went that far back? For fucks sake.

I turned the page quickly.

I ran into Marcos tonight. He was running with a couple punk kids, looking like they were causing all the trouble they could.

I was leaving the casino, and they were loitering around outside.

I don’t think he’s eighteen yet. He was scrawny, looked a little under fed.

I wonder if Lita and Carmichael ended shit? I wonder how she’s doing.

I don’t remember that. Though, if Mac went into Stella’s, he wouldn’t have worn his cut. There were no colors allowed in any of the Seratelli’s establishments.

I turned the page until I found anything else.

I often wonder what life would have been like if Marcos was mine.

Johnny and him are close in age, only a couple years different.

I wonder how different Johnny might have turned out with a big brother to look up to and not just me and the club.

Or maybe I’d have corrupted both sons, and all my pondering is for nothing.

Johnny’s a good big brother to the girls, but I think he’d have liked having someone else to grow up with.

I frown. It wasn’t really anything profound, but the man had thought of me often. He was never sure enough that I was his to do anything about it, though. I didn’t know what to think of Mac.

One thing being in this life has taught me is that people are never what they seem at face value.

Everyone is deep and complex, despite how little you may know of them.

There’s no way to deeply know a person unless you spend every minute of every day together, and even then, you’ll never know their thoughts at all times.

Another thing this life has taught me, is nothing is what it seems…ever. You have to dig deeper, you have to trust your gut. And if you can’t, you have to set up your children to live a better life than you led.

I fucked things up tonight. I made a deal with Leonardo Seratelli to undercut the Bratva.

Why? Because I thought I was going to set my children up to live a better life than I led.

Seratelli informed me tonight that he’s witnessed Vince Carmichael and Larry “the butcher” Buckley making a deal down by the Creekton docks.

How does that pertain to me? Hillcrest practically owns Mourningside County Jail and has strong ties within Illinois State Prison in Creekton. It means that if my son or our club ever needs protection on the inside, the Bratva is no longer our ally because I chose the Italians for profit.

In the end, I guess I was being greedy, wanting to leave a better legacy to Johnny, but the universe has a funny way of showing you what really matters. Or Vince Carmichael has a funny way of fucking me over, even after all these years.

Dax Hillcrest is a cockroach that won’t die. He’s wormed his way into the underbelly of Creekton with the help of Carmichael and Buckley. I fear for the future of Creekton and Mourningside.

I sighed heavily and closed the journal.

There wasn’t anything new that we didn’t already know in there, but that last entry about coke deal was interesting.

I’ll have to talk to Johnny about it. I wonder what he thought about Mac’s pondering on me growing up when he read it.

Johnny’s always been a straight-shooter with me, even when I probably didn’t deserve it.

I think back to the time at the beach at Lake White Buffalo when Kara saw me in my cut for the first time—something I’d hidden from her all her life. Johnny hadn’t though. He had been upfront with her on who he was, what he was. I had hidden a lot from my sister over the years.

I had done a lot of shady shit that I wasn’t proud of, but lying to Kara about who I was will always be one of my biggest regrets.

It makes me wonder if I had been a better man, the kind of man that wasn’t such a coward, would I have confronted Buckley sooner? Would I have stood up to him and my club, back then when Maya was being harassed by Hillcrest? Or would I have been a coward and let her go?

It was the deep and heavy soul searching that kept me locked in my room that morning.

A melancholy mood that clung to me throughout the day.

Reading Mac’s journal might have answered some questions about whether my father ever thought of me, or wanted to know me—but those weren’t answers I really needed.

I guess I was hoping to find the answers to myself in my father’s journal, the deep-seated answers to who I was as a person. I was afraid those answers could only be found within me, and unfortunately, I knew exactly how to find them.

Only, I wasn’t going to like the process.

Marcos

I had to admit the Ravager Knights compound was something of legends.

Multiple out buildings surrounded the restaurant clubhouse.

It wasn’t just a clubhouse; no, it was a full-service restaurant that served the public.

Something I was going to have to look into as we expanded our list of club properties.

The Pit was the regulation fighting octagon in its own building set at the back of the compound.

It had its own full-service bar and concession stand, though there were no seats within the building.

The concrete risers stepped down to the lower level, or pit, where the regulation size fighting octagon stood.

There wasn’t a bad view in the house.

Not that I needed to see much, as my ass was about to be up that ring fighting in a moment. “So, what’d do you to land yourself here?” Leonard Seratelli as he stepped up beside me in the back of the Pit.

I glanced at the Mafia Don and smirked. “Was just being my charming self.”

Leo’s lips tipped up in the corner, like he was smiling. Probably the closest thing I’d get from the man.

“Hey, I wanted to say thank you, for everything you’ve done with rescuing Maya, and accepting Nico back into the family, and revisiting the deal with the Knights.”

Leo turned to meet my gaze and finally smiled. “Nico was always part of the family whether he was here or not. But you’re welcome for the other shit. You’re not so bad, Candella.” Leo held out a hand to shake.

I gripped his palm firmly. “Yeah, you’re not so bad yourself, Seratelli. Just don’t go be inviting me to family dinners.”

Leo barked a laugh as Nico walked up. “Speaking of that, I want to see Maya and meet Luke. Your mom has been dying for things to calm down so you can bring them by. Bring them to family dinner.”

“Is that an order?” Nico shot back.

“It’s a suggestion,” Leo spoke slowly, eyes twinkling.

“Then I suggest you let us use your boat for a family bonding trip. We need to woo our girl.” Nico was ever the fast talker and deal maker.

When Leo laughed and slapped Nic’s shoulder, I couldn’t believe what happened. “The boat’s yours, whenever you want it, the coke too. Bring Candella and Langford with you to dinner and we’ll talk.” Leo walked away from us, still laughing.

Utterly shocked, I turned to Nico. “Dude, what the fuck?”

Nic laughed and shook his head. “Guess we’re taking Maya and Luke fishing!”

“And going to a Seratelli fucking family dinner,” I grumbled.

Marcos

The fight in the ring with Johnny and I was a fun dance of trading punches.

It was never meant to be serious, though I did let Johnny get a few hits in because I had wronged him, but by the end of it we were playfully jabbing each other and he ended the fight by locking me in a headlock and giving me a noogie. “Good fight, big brother.”

My heart actually skipped a beat hearing him say that. I wrapped him in a hug and slapped him on the back. “Good fight, little brother.”

I felt like I had healed a hole in my heart. I still had a lot more healing to do, but I would get there. I had the people around me to make me into a better man. I just had to listen.