Page 17 of Brandishing Balance (Devil’s Psychos MC #3)
Jason
I had to leave the room. There were too many people around.
Even with Marcos in the bedroom suite with his sister and Luke and Elaine, it was too much.
Nico hadn’t moved from the recliner besides Maya all night, except to hit the bathroom.
Otherwise he sat silent vigil beside her, keeping her hand in his.
When Kara had shown up with Derrick in toe, I left the room. I couldn’t handle all the emotions flying around—not when my own were hanging on by a hair-trigger. Derrick took one look at my face and nodded toward the hall. I told Nico I would be back and then took off with the Ravager Knight.
Outside, in the parking lot, far from any doors or cameras, I pulled a joint out of the inside pocket of my cut and quickly lit it up. Taking a long drag, I sucked the smoke back before I offered Derrick the joint.
“How you hanging in there?” Derrick asked. He took the joint from me and puffed on it.
“Not good,” I spoke around the smoke I held in my lungs.
Derrick nodded as he inhaled the weed and handed me the joint. I exhaled a slow cloud of smoke, before I brought the joint back to my lips again. We stayed that way until the joint was finished: passing it and smoking, not talking.
When the joint was smoked down to my fingertips, I put it out on my shoe and tossed it under a car but didn’t make a move to head into the hospital.
Instead, I stared off into the parking lot around me as my mind grew fuzzy from the Mary Jane.
“How was Kara when she came home?” I asked, my voice low.
“You mean after she was kidnapped by Hillcrest’s men?” Derrick clarified.
“Yeah.”
Derrick blew out a breath and ran a hand over his shoulder-length brown hair.
It was pulled back into a ponytail, but pieces still hung loose.
“Shit, man.” He stuck both hands in the front pockets of his blue jeans and shrugged.
He rocked on the balls of his feet while squinting his eyes against the sun to make eye contact with me.
“Not good. But Hillcrest never touched her. His men… they never touched her either. She was held in a room with a guard in the corner staring at her for all hours of the day and night. It was psychological more than physical.”
I nodded and looked away from the guy. It wasn’t the same—not that what Kara went through wasn’t traumatic, because it was—it just wasn’t the same. What Maya had lived through… shit, I couldn’t even imagine the pain. I took one look at those videos and couldn’t stomach them.
I had no idea how Marcos watched every single one.
“Kara had a lot of nightmares when she came home. She started seeing a therapist. She still can’t sleep in complete darkness, needs a nightlight.
We still haven’t let her out of our sight and make sure one of us are with her all times.
We hired a security company for her office, on top of her beefing up security for the building itself…
I dunno, man. It’s still hard. There are still times when it hits us how much we could have lost if things were different.
” Derrick’s voice is gruff with emotion.
I nodded numbly. “How did you deal?”
“By punching people,” Derrick answered immediately.
A surprised bark of laughter exploded from me and I jerked my head to look at Derrick. The man had a slight smirk on his face, but he was otherwise serious. “You’re serious.”
“Yeah. The Knights host fight nights, there’s always some grievances with brothers, and then Brawlers Night is great too, if more dangerous. But you need to be in with the right people.”
“Mmm, yeah. Axel knows people. He fights there with his boys.”
“Yeah, I’ve seen them around. Phoenix really knows how to put on a show,” Derrick chuckled.
I smiled faintly, my thoughts still in a dark place. “So fighting?”
“It helped me and Johnny. Kevin…I don’t know.
He’s gone to therapy with Kara a couple times—ok we’ve all gone to therapy with Kara a couple times—let me make that clear.
She wouldn’t put up with us not going, made it clear we weren’t going to work out if we didn’t all talk some shit out.
But did it help? Maybe, probably. Having an outside opinion to walk us through some of those doubts and emotions that still hung on, probably helped some.
Was it a load of shit? Half-way maybe. The main thing was it got the four of us talking about the heavy shit, and that’s what we needed. To talk about the heavy shit.”
Rubbing my hand along my scruffy jaw, I vaguely wondered if I should shave or let it grow while I thought over Derrick’s words. “I think I need to fight first.”
Derrick shrugged. “Probably. I know I did. Maya’s got a tough road ahead of her.
She’s going to need you to be strong for her.
You can’t let her see that you’re breaking—not yet at least. Do that shit in private.
Later, when she’s strong, then you can break.
So you guys can build each other up, together. ”
No truer words had ever been spoken.