Page 30 of Brandishing Balance (Devil’s Psychos MC #3)

Marcos

R egret flared within me, not for the first time that night.

Ever since I left Maya and Luke back the house, I’d been having second thoughts.

I had set up every precaution in place to ensure their safety, but after seeing Nico’s rage, I knew I fucked up.

Nico was clearly looking out for her wellbeing and I was only doing further damage.

Jason slid out of the ring, his father Jerry Langford—another patched member of the Devil’s Psychos—helped him down.

I watched them walk over to the locker rooms and sighed.

Add another thing to my running list of epic fuck-ups.

Nico was walking toward the door, his cousin Leo walking beside him.

They stopped at the door, Leo grabbing Nico into a hug before patting him on the back.

Clearly, Seratelli was the better man at this moment.

Johnny Taylor of the Ravager Knights slid up beside me, snapping me out of my daze.

“What was that about?” His voice was sharp, the anger evident in his tone.

This was not how tonight was supposed to go down.

Taylor needed a sit down with Seratelli, and after witnessing the don take sympathy on his cousin, I wondered if Leonardo would still allow anything more to happen tonight.

“I fucked up—again.” There was no point in denying it. Johnny was my fucking brother at this point, both by blood and marriage practically.

“Well, you better make this fucking right. I need this fucking sit down, and you still owe me a fucking turn in the ring,” Johnny snapped.

I nodded. “You’ll get your chance in the ring. Let me go talk to Seratelli.” I walked away, heading for the don.

Johnny followed me and I wondered how this would play out. Before the two of us could even get close to Leonardo though, his men closed ranks. Two of his brothers stepped in front of Leonardo, blocking my path. “I just want to talk,” I said, holding up my hands in surrender.

“I’m getting really sick of you, Candella,” Leo snapped. His brothers moved out of the way so he could step forward, getting into my face.

“Yeah, I’m pretty sick of me too,” I agreed.

“Good. Fucking fix shit with Nicolai.” The order was clear, despite the or else being unsaid, I knew it was there. Leonardo Seratelli would protect his family, all of his family, and I knew without a doubt, Maya and Luke were now considered his family.

Leo looked away from me, clearly disgusted. His eyes landed on Johnny. “Taylor, good. Get your VP and let’s hit my office.” Leo walked away before either of us could say anything.

Johnny turned away, leaving me behind.

Another one of my fuck-ups added to the list.

Marcos

At home, I unlocked the back door, helping Jason stumble in the house. How he had rode home with his eye swollen shut was beyond me, but Jason had.

The house was quiet and dark when we walked in after midnight. We both kicked off our boots and headed straight for the stairs. In Maya’s room, we found Nico curled around her sleeping form.

I sighed and went into my own bedroom, leaving them to their privacy.

Jason must have decided the same thing, because his bedroom door closed a moment later.

I had no idea how I was going to get any sleep, but I lay on my bed and stared at the ceiling, knowing it was going to be a long sleepless night.

Not even twenty minutes later, Maya’s yells pulled me from my thoughts. I jumped out of bed, my heart racing, wondering what the hell was happening. I burst into her room at the same time as she sat up abruptly in bed.

“What happened?” I demanded.

Nico also sat up in bed. He put his hand on her shoulder and she flinched away.

“Don’t fucking touch me!” Maya snapped.

Shit , I thought, watching Nico’s face fall.

“Maya,” Nico tried.

“No!” Maya’s voice cracked, as she became overcome with emotion.

I carefully stepped into the room, watching her warily. “Maya?” I asked.

She turned to glare at me instead. “What?” she snapped.

“Are you ok?” I asked her, trying to keep my voice gentle.

“Clearly not. Why the fuck do you care?”

Regret sank my heart to my stomach as her anger rolled over me. I deserved that, absolutely. “I’m sorry I lef—”

“Fuck off, Marcos,” Maya cut me off. “I don’t want to hear your shitty excuse for always leaving me the fuck alone.”

Holy shit , I thought. She sure the fuck was letting me have it. For the first time in like ever—I could see a hint of the old Maya in her anger.

Glancing at Nico, I could see he was just as dumbfounded as I felt. At least it wasn’t just me, then. “You’re absolutely righ—”

“I know I’m right, Marcos. Just go already. I don’t want to see you right now. You too, Nicolai,” Maya snapped at both of us.

I immediately felt bad for Nico, though. His face fell as he turned to her. “Maya.”

“Please, Nic.” She didn’t even look at him.

I backed out of Maya’s room as Nico slowly slid off her mattress.

I gave them their privacy if Nico was going to try to talk to her again.

It was clear that I was an issue, and I didn’t want to create more issues between the two of them when they had been doing so well before—well before everything happened.

Back in my bedroom, I threw myself on my mattress before my door opened and Nico stormed in. “You’re a fucking dick all the fucking time,” he announced.

I could only nod in agreement, because my brother was right of course. “Yep.”

“Going forward, you don’t get to call the shots when it comes to her. She’s MINE, not yours anymore. I get the say on what happens, and we will NEVER leave her alone. Ever. Again. You fucking hear me?” Nico was towering over me at the edge of the bed by the time he finished his rant.

I nodded. “Of course, brother. You’re absolutely right.”

Nico shook his head, clearly upset at my easy agreement. “Fuck you,” he snapped, before he turned on his heel and left my bedroom.

“Yeah,” I agreed numbly. “Fuck me.”

Maya

Sitting alone in the bedroom in the middle of night after I kicked both men out, I silently cried, tears pouring down my face.

It wasn’t fair. I hated how things had ended up between all of us.

I hated that I’d been raped and used and fucking filmed for some revenge fucking porn by Hillcrest. I hated that I was too fucking weak to fight back and that I couldn’t kill the mother fucker myself.

Most of all, I hated that I was back in this fucking house like the ten fucking years of torture and torment hadn’t happened. I hated how Marcos and Jason were just acting like shit wasn’t still all fucked up between us.

Nico hadn’t treated me like the other two had when I came back.

Somehow, he knew from the get-go that I hadn’t left of my own accord.

Marcos and Jason though, they had believed every lie I told them.

I shouldn’t blame, but I couldn’t help it.

They took me at face value and didn’t dig deeper.

They saw what I showed them, and that was it.

It hurt. It hurt more than I cared to admit. I think back to all those years ago, when I was last in this house, hiding something from them that they never realized… and I can’t help but wonder if they hadn’t been so invested in other things, would they have noticed back then?

It was something I’ve brought up to my therapist several times over the years, and she always gave me the same answer. You can’t live your life in the what-ifs . The fact of the matter was, they hadn’t noticed, and I hadn’t told them. Can’t expect them to suddenly be mind-readers.

It still hurt. And I still didn’t want to deal with them. There was too much fucking history there and the what-ifs broke my heart.

Watching Nico walk out of my bedroom just now had been hard. It wasn’t his fault the other two left me—us—home alone. He had gone to a family dinner. It was a Sunday night and Nico was required—though I wished he wasn’t. The events that happened after dinner, that could have been different.

I lay back down on my side in bed, staring blankly into the dimly lit room.

I made Nico install a nightlight the first night we were here.

I couldn’t handle the dark anymore, not after Hillcrest. I couldn’t handle bright lights either anymore, because of Hillcrest. Flashes, cameras, groups of men. It was all fucking bullshit.

How was I going to survive if I couldn’t get over myself and my trauma?

Simple answer was: I wasn’t.

I lay there all fucking night, thinking and wondering, and fucking plotting in my head. I didn’t see the sunlight peeking through the blackout curtains. I didn’t see Luke come in and talk to me. I didn’t hear Nico as he bent down to get in my face.

Tears silently slid down my cheeks, as I got lost inside my own head. Disassociating like I had desperately tried to do while I was with Hillcrest.

I was so tired of having to be strong for others, only to find out I wasn’t strong enough. It was fucking exhausting. I wanted someone else to take care of me for a change. I wanted to be put first for a change. Was that so much to ask for?