Page 33 of Brandishing Balance (Devil’s Psychos MC #3)

Marcos

I nodded at Jason as he plugged in a small lamp on the nightstand.

It was half the size of the regular lamp—meant to be a nightlight—and then walked away.

Nico hovered in the doorway, but must have realized that Maya and I had some shit to work through.

So he left as well, closing the door behind him.

I held Maya tightly, pulling her onto my lap as she cried. Her head fell into the crook of my neck and rubbed her back soothingly, letting her get her emotions out. “That’s it, Mi Vida,” I murmured. “Get it all out.”

When her sobs eventually slowed and only little sniffles remained, I grabbed the tissue box off the nightstand and set it beside us.

I pulled out a tissue and waited until she slowly pulled back.

Handing her the tissue, I waited patiently while she grabbed it.

Wiping her eyes and nose, she reached for another tissue; tears still streamed down her face.

“I don’t know how to do this,” she said, her voice cracking with emotion.

Fear and anguish made my heart plumet at her words. “Can’t do what, Maya?” I needed her to clarify.

“This! Survive this! I don’t know how to be this vulnerable—this fucking broken!”

“You’re no—”

“I fucking AM! Stop trying to brush it under the rug! I am broken!”

I leaned back against the headboard, arranging with her in my lap and watch her.

She doesn’t look broken, there’s a fire in her eyes that hasn’t been there in a long time, since before she came back to Mourningside nine months ago.

“You’re not broken.” I shook my head and placed my finger over her lips as she went to argue.

“You. Are. Not. Broken.” I stare into her amber eyes.

“You are fierce and strong and brave. You fought as much as you could. I saw that.”

“I begged them to kill me.”

“I know,” I murmured.

“I wanted to die.”

“I know.”

“I wished for it every day.”

“I know.”

“I still sometimes wish that I died there.” Her voice broke again as she choked on another sob after admitting that hard truth.

My heart breaks in my chest as I gripped her chin between my thumb and forefinger, I forced her to meet my gaze.

“You listen to me, and listen good,” I demanded, my voice low.

“You are a survivor. You are fierce and strong and brave.” I repeated my earlier words, hoping they sank in.

“There is nothing in this world you can’t do if you put your mind to it.

Dax fucking Hillcrest will not ruin you.

He will not get the best of you. You will be the one that ruins him.

Do you hear me, Maya? Hillcrest doesn’t win.

You will—by living your life to the fullest.”

Maya’s eyes shine bright as she stared at me intently.

“I need you to live, Mi Vida. Luz de mi vida, amor de mi vida, te necesito a VIVIR,” I growled the words in Spanish to her. Light of my life, love of my life, I need you to LIVE .

Another sob broke out of Maya at my words, but I knew she didn’t understand what I said. She didn’t speak Spanish.

“Tú también eres el amor de mi vida, pues uno de ellos.” You are also the love of my life, well one of them .

I gasped at her words, my mouth dropping open at her perfect enunciation and accent. “Maya.” I breathed her name.

“Ya han pasado diez anos, Marcos.” (It's been ten years, Marcos).

I didn’t know what to say. Obviously, it had been ten fucking years, but what the fuck? “Why?” I asked, utterly stunned that she had learned Spanish in the last ten years.

“I missed you.”

My hand slid from her chin and cupped the side of her face.

I pulled her toward me and crushed my lips to hers without a second thought.

She moaned and wrapped her arms around my neck, leaning into me.

She opened her mouth, and I slid my tongue against hers, massaging it as our kiss turned more passionate.

Breaking the kiss, I pulled away from her gasping. “Maya,” I murmured.

She opened her eyes slowly, her brows furrowed in confusion, the cute little line between them.

“I missed you, Maya. Every fucking day. My heart bled for you. My soul wept for you. Every. Fucking. Day. I woke up every day and wondered if I would ever see you again.”

Sobbing again, she wiped her tears away as best she could. “I saw you every single day. I saw your face looking back at me in our son, and it killed me that you didn’t know him, that you had no idea that he existed.”

I felt my own tears well up in my eyes and did nothing to stop them.

Watching her, listening to her was all I wanted.

If I cried while doing so, who cared. Maya needed to see my emotions too, I had always been too closed off with her back then.

I couldn’t afford to do that this time around.

“I understand why you stayed away, and I’m glad, Maya. I’m glad you protected our son.”

Again, she sobbed, and I pulled her against my chest. I held her as she let out the pain and suffering, she’d endured the last ten years—the heartbreak and stress and harassment.

“I was so scared,” she admitted.

“I know, baby. I know.” I rubbed her back.

“He’d randomly send flowers up north, to my hospital in Chicago, just to remind me that he always knew where I was and how to find me. Keep me in my place.”

Anger raged inside me. Every time she told me more of what she’d endured over the years at the hands of Hillcrest’s mind games, I wanted to bash his fucking skull in.

I vowed that one day soon, I would. I would beat the holy shit out of him, then serve him up on a silver platter to Maya, so she could finish him off if she wanted.

Maya would be the one to kill Dax Hillcrest.

“I just wished I told you guys years ago.”

“We can’t do that, Mi Vida.” I shook my head.

“The what-if game will eat us alive. We can only move forward.” I squeezed the back of her neck so she would jerk back from the pressure point tickling her.

I needed her eyes on me. Once she was looking up at me, those beautiful amber eyes locked on mine, I continued.

“You and I have a lot to work through, but I believe in us. We can figure this out, I promise you.”

Tears slid down her cheeks as a hint of a smile tugged at the corner of her lips.

“How do you forgive ten years of pain, Marcos? Because I know I hurt you. I left you… and then I didn’t tell you I had your kid, for ten fucking years.

Marcos,” she gasped my name. “How can you forgive me for that? I betrayed you.”

I closed my eyes as her anguish and heartbreak hit me hard, mixing with my own.

God, it fucking hurt when I first learned about Luke, that she’d had my son and never told me, but I knew the truth now.

I saw the reasoning. I could understand now.

“Maya,” I murmured her name, opening my eyes.

“I can’t lie to you and tell you it didn’t hurt, because it did—so fucking much—but I understand now. ”

Another sob tore out of her and she closed her eyes in pain.

I grabbed her hands and pulled them between us, resting them on her lap as she sat upon mine.

Lacing our fingers together, I squeezed her fingers tightly.

Her eyes popped open. “I don’t blame you, Maya.

And I need you to stop blaming yourself too. ”

She shook her head, as more tears fell down her face. “I can’t do that. How can you not? After all the fucking lies, I told you—fuck! I even told you Hillcrest was Luke’s father at one point!”

Maya tried to climb off my lap, like she was going to go pace the room again, but I didn’t let her.

I held her hands with one hand and wrapped my hand around the side of her throat with the other.

I wasn’t going to let her walk away right when we were getting somewhere, hitting the nitty gritty of our issues.

No, she would stay here in my lap and look me in my eye as we had this conversation.

“You did say that. Then you told me you were in a relationship with the man torturing you for a decade and willingly kissed him,” I reminded her none too gently.

Again, Maya sobbed and closed her eyes, unable to face me. “That one killed me,” I admitted. “All I knew at the time was that was the man who kidnapped my sister and you were choosing him over me and Jason and Nico.”

I squeezed the side of her neck, adding just enough pressure to make her gasp and look at me.

Her amber eyes were wide, despite the tears flowing down her cheeks.

I wrapped my hand fully around her thin throat and squeezed just a little tighter, now that I had her attention.

“I wanted to kill you,” I told her, dropping my voice to a menacing gravel.

“You came back here after years of being away, then acted all aloof and standoffish the last half a year, and then I found you fucking with that scum of the earth?” I squeezed her neck just a little more, making her gasp.

“But I couldn’t, because you fucking told me that I wasn’t on the birth certificate.

Then you fucking said Hillcrest was the father.

” I released her throat, roughly pushing her backward enough that she had to throw a hand out to catch herself.

“Marcos, I’m sorry.” She bawled through the words, choking them out.

I had to take a deep breath to calm the rage that simmer inside me. “I told my sister I was going to take custody of him if you were going to be with that bastard. I wanted to take Luke away from you, because I didn’t want him near my son.”

Maya nodded through her tears.

“Kara told me because I wasn’t on the birth certificate that I didn’t have many options.

So she hooked me up with a friend of hers, to try to establish paternity.

” I had to tell Maya my side of the events that happened between us.

I didn’t want any more secrets, any more lies.

We needed a fresh slate. In order to do that, we’d have to air all the dirty laundry.

“They served me at work,” she murmured, her voice thick with emotions.

“I know. I told them that was the best place to find you.”

She nodded, resigned. Sniffling, she reached for a tissue from the forgotten box next to us. “I understood why you did it.” Her voice was scratchy.

“I had to do what I felt was right for Luke. The thought of that monster around you was bad enough, but you made that choice—or so I thought—but the idea you were subjecting our son to him too—fuck, Maya. I lost my damn mind.” I wrapped my hands around her waist and pulled her closer.

Bending my knees, I forced her weight to fall toward me.

Her hands landed on my bare chest; her hands cool against my warm skin. She watched me warily, waiting.

“I’m sorry that I tried to take Luke from you, even if it never got that far, I’m sorry that was my intention.”

“Marcos.” Maya shook her head. “Don’t—”

I shook my head cutting her off. “We’re airing our dirty laundry tonight, Maya. We’re getting it all out there.”

She sighed softly. “I don’t think we can do that in one night.”

“No, we probably can’t. Not when a lot of what we need to talk about involve my brothers too.” I sighed, thinking of Jason and Nico. We would need to discuss what happened in those last couple of days together, but that was a conversation for a different night.

“Marcos, I am truly sorry for everything I’ve said or did since I’ve come back.” She sighed heavily. “Everything was intended to hurt you intentionally, to keep you away. I needed the distance. I couldn’t have you guys looking at things too closely—Nico especially.”

I laughed dryly, “Fucking Nico.”

A smile tugged at her lips. “Yeah, ever the persistent one.”

“I’m sorry I didn’t think to push or fight harder. It felt like every time I tried to get answers, you pushed me away harder.”

“I did.” She nodded. “I had to.”

“Yeah,” I deadpanned.

Silence fell between us as I held her in my lap, her hot core pressed against my dick.

I rubbed circles into her the sensitive area just inside her hipbones, absentmindedly as I stared into her eyes.

Her fingers traced over the tattoos on my chest, tracing over her name on my heart.

The tat I got after our first year together, when I knew she was it for me.

Needing to get all the truths out there, I continue our conversation. “Your mother told me the truth. Elaine gave me a copy of his birth certificate; she thought I should have a copy in case anything happened to you and I needed to get custody of Luke.”

Maya gasped, her eyes flying to mine.

“Yeah. I saw you listed my name as his father on his birth certificate. When did you do that?”

Her eyes softened as she met his gaze. “I did it from the beginning. Your name has always been listed as his father. I took one look at him, and I knew he was yours.”

I leaned forward and kiss her softly, sensually, needing the connection between us. I slid my hand up her side, grazing her breast before I cupped the side of her face and held her against me, deepening the kiss.

Maya’s hands on my chest slid up and around my neck and she leaned into me, pushing me back into the headboard with her weight dropping on my chest. It was a delicious feeling, holding her on top of my body after so many years.

She’d lost weight though the last couple weeks, and I didn’t like how light she was. Her ass wasn’t as round.

Moaning, Maya pulled away and yawned deeply, making me realize it was still the middle of the night. “Sorry,” she muttered, sheepishly.

I can’t help but grin. “Don’t worry about it. Do you want to try laying down again? Jason brought in a night light.” I nodded my head toward the mini lamp on the nightstand.

Her smile was a bright cool balm on my broken soul.

“I don’t think I can sleep yet.”

I nodded, knowing that was probably the case, despite her yawning. Enjoying the closeness of having her in my arms, I slid down the mattress and held her tight against me as I laid down with her on top of me.

Shimming us around, trying to grab the sheet and blankets, Maya chuckled as I jostled her slightly.

Finally, I managed to grab everything and pulled the covers over us.

I hit the remote on the nightstand for the overhead light and shut it off, plunging us into darkness.

“Shit, sorry,” I muttered, when Maya stiffened against me.

Blindly, I reach out for the mini lamp and turn it on, basking us in a dim light.

Maya relaxed atop me and let out a heavy sigh. “Thank you.”

I rub my hand over her back while I squeezed her hip with the other. “Anything, Mi Vida.” I spoke softly, as if the dim lighting created a more intimate setting between us. “Now tell me about learning Spanish.”

A startled laugh burst out of her and I felt myself breathe easy for the first time in a while. She was alright—would be alright. We would be alright.

Together, we’d figure it all out.