Page 8

Chapter 7

Life's a big party. And I hate parties

Big Al

A t least Leo was happy to see me. He’s more than worth the flight and the time away from the monstrous to-do list I left in Clearwater. Sawyer’s also worth it, even if I’d never tell him so.

Before you get on my ass for saying that, it isn’t that I don’t want him to know he’s appreciated—it’s that he’ll never shut up about it. If that happens, I’ll end up murdering him. So, you see, I’m saving his life by not letting him know how much I value his friendship.

From a business standpoint, if things go my way, I’ll officially recruit Leo and Sawyer by the time I board my flight tomorrow morning. I’ve planted the bug in their ears. Big time. We talked money and benefits—the works. We’ve discussed life after the service multiple times. Now that Redleg is taking on clients, it’s become a tangible possibility for them.

Once they’ve adjusted to civilian life, I expect they’ll head to Florida to join Tomer, Shep, and me at Redleg, along with the others I’ve recruited. Klein’s already on board when his contract is up next year. A few others are in the pipeline. So the trip was worth it on multiple fronts.

As for Maddie... I don’t fucking know what to think.

Her wall is up higher than ever, and I have no clue what I did to cause it. She stopped calling me Alan, which shouldn’t bother me. But it fucking does.

A lot.

She won’t hold my eye contact and is essentially avoiding me. Not that it’s too hard to do in a house full of people celebrating Leo’s departure from the Army. But still. It’s blatantly obvious she doesn’t want me here, and damn if that doesn’t sting.

After all this time, I was so close to kissing her. Fucking finally. There were two, maybe three, inches separating us.

And she wanted me to kiss her. I know she did. I couldn’t have imagined it. The flirty banter. The coy smiles and batting eyelashes. The way she tilted her chin, offering her lips to me.

Her body was practically begging me.

Then she went blank. A switch flipped.

Everything changed in an instant.

The man I was in my twenties and thirties would never stand for this type of constant rejection from a woman. Why chase someone when there are plenty of fish in the sea, as they say? Back then, I never lacked female company. Pursuing a woman this ardently was unnecessary, especially when I wasn’t looking for much beyond casual companionship.

But this woman?

Maddie fucking wrecked me from the moment I looked deep into her azure eyes and glimpsed the grizzly bear under the surface. The one painfully trapped in a cage of suffering. The thought of helping her free herself has consumed me.

For nearly a decade.

I haven’t been able to bring a woman into my bed ever since. I tried a few times but couldn’t follow through. Not physically, but emotionally. When I closed my eyes, all I saw was Maddie.

I’ve been living like a monk.

Pathetic, huh? I know it is. You don’t need to tell me so.

I’m beginning to suspect I’m punishing myself for my past sins, pining for someone who will never want me. Who doesn’t need me in their life.

Somebody who can walk away from me. Just like I did to Daniel when he needed me the most.

And after what I did to him, it’s what I deserve.

The way she’s rebuking me this weekend is another huge sign that it’s time for me to move on.

It’d be easier to do if she didn’t desire me too.

Perhaps that bear is starting to break free now that she’s made a clean break from her ex-husband. Maybe that’s why she’s stubbornly able to resist what she so desperately craves—me. Her body language doesn’t lie. I’ve been around the block long enough to recognize desire when I see it.

So why is she holding back? What is she afraid of?

A vision of her battered face on the night we met flashes through my mind, answering the question in an instant. No further explanation needed.

New mission: Prove to her that she’s safe with me.

My feet stop short at the edge of the patio when I hear Sawyer bitching, sounding uncharacteristically gruff.

“That dumbass couldn’t pour piss out of a boot if the instructions were on the heel.”

It isn’t the familiar phrase making my brows arch to the sky. Instead, it’s the tone. It’s an impression. One I’ve never heard from him before. Yet I recognize it instantly.

And when I latch my sights on him, his eyes shoot hoot owl wide. Suspicion confirmed.

I stomp across the yard, heading to the fire pit where most of the remaining partygoers have gathered. “Sawyer, I can’t quite place that impression. Care to clue me in?”

He gulps. “Uh.”

Enjoying the dumb look on his face, I needle him further. “Come on, kid. Do tell.”

Nothing. He’s frozen. Like his brain is on the fritz.

Hilarious.

And not only to me. A chorus of chuckles surround the fire pit.

I tilt my ear toward my shoulder. “Wait, wait, wait. That wasn’t an impression of me, was it?”

“Nope. Not at all, Sarge,” he lies, stammering away. “I wouldn’t... I mean, I’d never. It was a joke. About someone else.”

“Told you to stop calling me that.” I pop open my beer and take my seat a few folding chairs down from him. “Explain the joke then. I’d love to hear it. Take as much time as you need to tell me every detail. I enjoy jokes as much as the rest of these fuckers.”

Watching him squirm is rapidly turning into my new favorite activity.

Under normal conditions, his jaw flaps constantly. Like it’s jet-propelled, probably by all the coffee he consumes. But now? He’s as silent as a mouse. Odd how that happens.

“What’s the matter? Cat got your tongue, Sawyer?” Sammy teases him, poking the tip of her shoe against his shin.

He cricks his head toward the house. “Did you hear that? I think someone rang the doorbell.”

“I didn’t hear anything.” Lionheart stands, stretching over his head. “I’ll go check while you tell Big Al your joke. Who needs another drink while I’m up?”

A few hands raise.

As Leo brushes by me, he bends down and whispers, “Are you sure you want him to join us in Florida? It’s gonna be like this all the time.”

See? I told you Leo’s in.

“Absolutely,” I answer without hesitation.

Can’t leave one of my kids behind.

“Oh! Craig’s here,” Sammy squeals, jumping off her chair. “Have a good night, everyone.”

“Where are you going?” Sawyer asks her, using the distraction to studiously avoid me.

Pausing, she tucks her hair behind her ear. “Turns out, you did hear something. But not a doorbell. My date just pulled into the driveway.”

She catches her eldest brother at the edge of the yard. Rising to her toes, she kisses him on the cheek. “I’ll see you tomorrow. Have fun with your little friends. I’m glad you’re home.”

“Where are you going?” he asks, one arm flinging to the side. His other arm holds a cooler. Guess he got tired of making beer runs into the kitchen.

“I have a date,” Sammy sing-songs, shoulders shimmying.

“Tonight, sis? It’s my fucking welcome home party,” Leo protests.

“Sorry.” She shrugs, already walking backward away from him. “When the vice president of the company asks you out for drinks, you say yes.”

Then she’s gone.

My eyes fall to the group gathered around the fire. Sawyer watches her depart like a lost puppy dog. His earlier fear of me catching him doing a Sarge impression has been replaced with something far more painful for him.

Interesting.

I fucking knew it.

Wonder if Lionheart has noticed.

To help shake Sawyer out of his funk, I recapture his attention. “Have you thought about where you’re going to live if you move to Clearwater? I know some nice areas. In fact, Tomer bought a duplex.”

Over the next hour, shit-talking, laughs, and slightly exaggerated stories fill the crisp night air.

A meek voice calls out, “Is this seat taken?”

I glance to my left, my eyes happily landing on a rosy-cheeked Maddie. “Please join me. I’d love nothing more.” I wave my palm to the open chair beside me.

Once she’s seated, she raises her wineglass toward me. “Will you hold this for a second?”

“Sure.”

With both hands free, she wraps herself in a fluffy blanket, tucking it under her legs on each side.

I hadn’t even noticed how chilly the evening had gotten. Haven’t been in Florida long enough for my blood to thin. My body’s still used to the temporal extremes of my former profession. Even with the fire, it’s cold out tonight. Especially as the hours have ticked by.

Perhaps the drinks have made it hard for me to notice the plunging temps.

Before Maddie takes the glass back, she reaches into her coat pocket and pulls out a plastic zip bag.

I point my chin at it. “What do you have there?”

She tugs open the bag. “A treat. If you’re nice, I’ll share.”

“And if I’m naughty?” I ask, too buzzed to bite my tongue.

Her eyes dart to her son and his friends on the other side of the fire, and it reminds me we have an audience.

“I’m going to ignore that remark.” She tosses a bite into her mouth, then places the open baggie on her blanket-covered lap. After she swallows, she reaches for the glass. “Wine, please.”

“What’s it worth to you?” I goad her, holding the drink just out of reach.

She arches one brow, eyeing me down. “That depends. What are your demands?”

Shit. What do I say to that? It’s been so fucking long that I can’t remember how to flirt.

Fuck it. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

“A kiss,” I whisper, keeping my voice low enough to not be overheard.

Her lips purse, drawing my focus to where I want to put all my attention for the rest of the night.

Well, one of the places I want to worship. There are a few more spots that need my TLC.

She draws her tongue over her lips, leaving them slick and even more enticing. “On the forehead? Cheek? Or...” The words practically purr their way out of those kissable lips.

My brain malfunctions. “How about the tip of your adorable red nose?”

“ Okaaay ,” she drawls, clearly confused by what came out of my mouth. “That’s... um... not what I expected you to say.”

He shoots. He misses.

I’m here to report that flirting is nothing like riding a bike. If you do not use this skill, you will lose it. Plan accordingly, friends.

Uncharacteristically flustered, I hand her the wineglass and attempt to cover up my fail. “Kidding.”

Our fingers graze as she takes it from me, creating a trail of sparks that sneak up my arm toward my chest. She lets her hand linger, prolonging the contact.

As the seconds tick by, I fall further under her spell. I can’t tell whether it’s from the fire pit or the heat between us. Either way, I’m at her mercy and willing to burn on her command.

She finally takes the glass from my hand. “Probably for the best you didn’t try to kiss my nose. Or any other part of my face. No matter how nice the proposition may sound.” Lifting the wine to her mouth, she attempts to hide her seductive grin. “Can’t be seen kissing my son’s future boss, now can I?”

Maddie is significantly better at flirting than I am.

Rather than picking the low-hanging fruit, I respond to her other comment. The one about her son coming to work for me.

I toss back a swig of my beer. “Leo told you about my job offer, huh?”

“He did.” She nibbles on more of her treat—the one she’s still not sharing—then washes it down with a demure sip of wine. “Nothing like hearing he’s planning to move to a different state on the same day he returns from more than a decade in the service.”

I narrow my eyes at her, wishing I could get a better read on her whiplash-inducing mood. This whole day has been a fucking mess where Maddie is concerned. First, my surprise appearance almost set off fireworks in her dining room. Then she doused me with buckets of cold water all night, shooting me down every chance she got. In the last few minutes, she’s gone from making flirty eyes at me to snarking and making me think she’s pissed about the job offer.

My head is spinning. And it’s only partially due to the booze.

Clearly, I’ve had enough to drink, so I set my beer bottle down on the ground. “Are you mad about him coming to work for me?”

She averts her gaze from mine, finishing her wine in a large gulp. “I’m not sure. Haven’t decided yet.” After tugging her focus from the bottom of her glass, she turns those heavenly eyes on me. “Will I need to worry about him every single day like I’ve been doing? Can you promise he’ll be safe, Alan?”

She called me Alan again.

Fuck , I needed that.

“I won’t lie to you, Maddie. Ever. The job isn’t risk-free, but it’s a hell of a lot safer than what he’s been doing. That’s for damn sure. With Redleg, he’ll have the best gear. Best tech. And he’ll be prepared to protect our clients and himself as safely as possible. I’ve got instructors who will teach him even more than he already knows—which is quite a bit. I’ll look after him, treating him like he’s my family. Same as I will for everyone else at Redleg. I’ll do everything in my power to keep him safe. That’s what I can promise you.”

When I’m done with my little speech, it’s her turn to try to read me. Silently, she studies me just like I do to everyone else.

It’s interesting to be on this end of the experience. I’d always assumed it would be unsettling to be examined like this. But her assessment doesn’t leave me feeling vulnerable or exposed.

It’s peaceful. And a bit freeing, oddly enough.

There’s nothing I need to hide from her. I’d answer any question she asked with honesty. And I’d let her see any part of me. Even the dark bits.

I’ve seen some of hers.

It’s only fair she sees mine.

Our stare is severed when a swell of raucous laughter rings out from the other side of the bonfire. Sawyer’s telling another joke, by the look and sound of it.

She tips her head toward him. “You’re taking him too?”

“Yes.”

“Good. They’ll look after each other.” Her grin widens. “And they can look after you too.”

I scoff, feigning offense. “What makes you think I need looking after?”

“You might have the body of a god, but you aren’t one.” She chuckles softly, tucking herself deeper into her little blanket cocoon. “After all, no one can whistle a symphony on their own. It takes an orchestra.”

“That’s beautiful. Who said it?”

“I don’t know. I heard it often growing up.” Glancing down, she grabs a chunk of what looks like some type of bread or cake from the baggie on her lap. “Here. You can have a bite.” She holds up a piece for me.

I squint at the offered treat. “What is it?”

“Banana bread.”

“Mmm.” I jut my neck forward, opening my mouth.

“You want me to feed you? Does this look like a full-service establishment?”

“My hands are dirty,” I fib.

“Still a flirt, I see.” She clicks her tongue at me, adding a shake of her head to sell her faux annoyance. “You’re just trying to get me to touch your mouth.”

“Busted.” I let my jaw hang lower, wobbling it from side to side. “Come on, Maddie. Don’t tease me.”

“Pathetic,” she chides through a burgeoning smile as she brings the bread to my mouth. “You aren’t allergic to walnuts, are you?”

Compassionate soul.

“Nope.”

“I can’t believe I’m hand-feeding a grown man like he’s a toddler. What has become of my life?” Right before she places it in my mouth, she winks at me. “Here you go, stud.”

Gently, I bring my lips together before she can pull back, intentionally grazing her fingertips with the tip of my tongue. She’s sweeter than the bread.

I hold her eye contact while I chew, hoping I don’t look as idiotic as I feel. Never attempted sexy eating before.

If the carnal look on her face is anything to go by I must be doing something right.

Her lips part, and her gaze locks on my mouth.

Jackpot.

I still got it.

I’m suddenly distracted from my attempted flirting when my brain registers how fucking delicious this stuff is. “Damn, Maddie. This tastes amazing.”

“Thank you,” she whispers, bringing her hand to her mouth to suck the moist crumbs off the pad of her thumb.

Fuuuck .

“Did you make it?”

She nods once, just a tiny move like she’s proud but doesn’t want to be viewed as such. “Yes. It’s always been my thing.”

You’ve always been my thing, Maddie.

One side of my face lifts with a crooked grin as I bite back those words. She doesn’t want to hear them anyhow.

And I don’t want to be rejected again.

“So what did I hear you call your company?”

With conviction and a dash of pride, I answer, “Redleg Security.”

She slopes her head, angling her ear toward me. “Red leg? Like the color and body part?”

I hold up my pointer finger. “One word. Redleg. It’s an homage to our Army background. Before joining the Rangers, I was Field Artillery. A long time ago, FA soldiers used to be designated with red stripes running down the outside of their pant legs. It seemed fitting since I’ll be hiring as many vets as possible.”

Her face brightens. “Oh, I like that. Very clever.”

I swipe another chunk of banana bread from her hand, tossing it into my mouth before she can object.

Her eyes flash wide, and her mouth rounds. She draws back a few inches from me, cuddling the bag to her chest. “Stop. Thief.”

The sweet sound of her laugh travels right to my heart.

“If you want to stop me, you’ll need to throw me in jail. Because that stuff’s delicious, Maddie.”

She tosses the rest of the bag at me. “Here. Enjoy.”

I’d snort this stuff if I could.

After a contented sigh, she sips her wine. “How long are you in town?”

“I fly out tomorrow at 1100 hours.”

The skin between her brows pinches. “So soon?”

“Busy life back home.”

Her focus shifts to the flames in front of us. “That’s too bad,” she mutters so quietly I almost miss it.

Unable to resist, I add, “Well, I came to welcome the big guy home. I did that. Nothing else for me here. Unless...”

Her cheek twitches. “Unless what?”

With my heart in my throat, I answer truthfully. “Unless it’s someday.”

Give me a fucking reason to stay, Maddie. Just one damn reason.

The corners of her mouth downturn, and her expression fills with pity.

Or regret, perhaps.

“Oh, Alan,” she murmurs, subtly shaking her head. “It’s not. I’m sorry.”

I adjust my body positioning so I’m no longer square with her and pick up my beer bottle.

Right before I take a drink, I mutter, “I’m sorry too.”