Page 33

Chapter 32

You want me to do what now?

Big Al

A better man wouldn’t enjoy the idea of his woman being so worried about his safety that she makes up five additional middle names for him while chewing him out.

Undoubtedly, there’s a massive part of me that never wants Maddie to be afraid.

Of anything.

Not concerned for me or herself. Nor her children or grandchildren. For fuck’s sake, I don’t even want her to be afraid to fly.

All that said, I cannot wait to take her in my arms and kiss the fear out of her. And I’m not quite sure I’ve ever needed to claim her body as much as I do now. It’s overwhelming.

I’m unsure if I’m this wound up because of the pivotal night I had or because her phone call was tangible proof of her feelings for me.

I shouldn’t need a reminder. Especially after she confessed her reasons for staying with Travis those last few years. If that wasn’t proof of her love, I don’t know what is.

Fuck . I still can’t believe she did that.

When I think of her suffering at the hands of that monster—for me—it absolutely wrecks me.

All I’ve ever wanted to do is protect and love her.

How cruel is a fate that would have her believe she could only return my love by endangering her life?

For so many years, I’d convinced myself my feelings for Madeline were one-sided. At some point, I wondered if I was torturing myself by loving a woman who would never be mine.

That would be justice in many ways.

After all, Daniel never got the chance to find his once-in-a-lifetime . Because of me.

I don’t deserve Maddie’s love.

But I’m taking it anyway.

Maybe that makes me a sick bastard.

I’m willing to accept that.

After whipping into my parking space, I jump out without hesitation. Leo is in his space beside mine three seconds later, and Sawyer and Shep take the next spot down.

As I blow past them, I holler, “Conference room for a briefing in one hour.”

My legs propel me into the lobby and past the guard desk. I offer a wave as I buzz by.

Thankfully, the elevator doors open almost immediately. I don’t wait for the guys to catch up to me. As soon as I step inside the car, my finger franticly taps the button for my floor.

The doors virtually close in Shep, Leo, and Sawyer’s stunned faces. Feeling no regrets, I wave at them through the shrinking crack.

With my middle finger.

The Ranger salute.

“What the hell, Boss?” Shep whines from a few feet away.

That earns him a middle finger salute with my other hand.

When I reach the top floor, I waste no time springing from the elevator and speed-walking toward my office. Given the late hour, the only lights shining are in my office and the lair, which is a bit farther down the hall.

Right before I barge into my office, preparing to ravish Maddie all over my desk, I grind my feet to a stop. I shudder in a quick breath to get myself under control. Then another.

With a tenuous grasp on my restraint, I pivot on one foot and enter my office.

And there she is.

Fortunately, no one is in here with her. That makes this easier. Reaching behind me, I lock the door.

If anyone attempts to come into my office, they’re fired. And I don’t even give a shit whether they work here or not. They’re still fucking fired.

Maddie’s captivating sapphire eyes sing to me from across the room, compelling my legs to launch me forward. Her expression crumples with conflicting emotions, as if she’s unsure whether to smile or frown at me.

And damn if that doesn’t make my twisted heart beat faster.

My grizzly bear is furious at me.

Because she fucking loves me.

My feet move so swiftly she only has to take one step forward to remove the rest of the space between us.

Without speaking, I cup her cheeks and claim her lips. Gratefulness cascades over my flesh from the simple joy of kissing this woman.

She’s here. She’s safe.

And she’s mine.

Her lips part, and she moans delicately into my mouth. I angle her head to deepen the kiss, demanding every bit of her submission. Not in a possessive asshole way, but in an all-consuming way.

Because I can’t get enough of her.

Maddie’s every breath and sound are life-giving elixirs, and I drink them greedily, coming back thirsty for more. Our hands roam frantically, caressing and groping each other.

It’s still not enough.

Fuck .

What’s come over me?

She gasps for air, and I take advantage of the break to scoop under her ass, helping her wrap her legs around my waist. She lets out the most adorable shocked gasp, and a beaming smile tugs my cheeks wide.

“Where are you taking me?” she pants, her breath a shaky mess.

“To my desk.”

The corner of her mouth quirks with a sly grin. “Why?”

“I’m gonna bend you over it like I’ve fantasized about doing since I bought the damn thing.”

The column of her throat ripples with a forced gulp.

As I lower her ass to the edge of my desk, she asks, “What about your team?”

“I don’t want to fuck them ,” I quip, unable to hold back the joke.

Her lips thin and pull across her teeth in a sexy as fuck smile. “Very funny. Don’t you need to go talk to them?”

“Maddie, for one damn hour, I need you to turn off your concern for everyone else. Because there is nothing else on earth I need to do right now—and I mean nothing—more important than fucking you to within an inch of your life.”

Fire ignites behind her eyes a split-second before she seals her mouth to mine. Without delay, my tongue delves past her lips so I can devour her.

She’s fucking delicious.

My hands trace her supple curves. I pulse my fingertips on the swell of her hips and tug her lower body toward me. She spreads her thighs, giving me room to drive myself against her center.

We’re wearing too many layers.

Our tongues twirl and twist while I flip the skirt of her dress up.

Breaking the kiss, I spare a quick glance down her body. It’s a casual cotton dress. Nothing fancy. But fucking hell. I can’t get enough of how it looks pooled atop her thighs, giving me access to where I want to be most.

I let my palms grope her legs, desperate to soak up more of her silky skin. “Thank you for this.”

“For wearing a skirt?”

Overzealously, I nod three times. Vigorous movements that couldn’t be more out of character. “Yes. Exactly that. You’re so damn good to me.”

“Well, you dropped so many hints.” Laughing, she shrugs. “And I love you.”

My groan gets cut off when I slam my lips against hers. I’m powerless to resist kissing her after that. Each time she says those three words, it removes a layer of anguish from all the years she didn’t say it. Knowing what I know now, she wasn’t holding back the words because she didn’t feel them.

It was because she did.

And that makes me kiss her even harder.

Responding to my intensity, she roughly grabs me by my nape with one hand and sinks her other between us. While she fumbles with my belt, I sneak my fingers into her panties, cricking my finger to tease her clit with the back of my knuckle. She flexes her hips, increasing the friction.

As soon as she gets my fly open, I withdraw my hand from between her thighs and tug her gingerly off the desk so she’s standing in front of me. “Turn around, Maddie.”

She rises to her tiptoes for a chaste kiss, then winks at me before complying. Leaning forward slightly, she braces herself on the edge of my desk and widens her stance. Gracefully, she bundles up the fabric of her skirt, resting it on her lower back.

Wordlessly asking me to undress her, she makes no move to take off her panties. I’m all too happy to oblige. I snake my fingers under the waistband and leisurely remove them, exposing her to me one inch at a time. Once I get past her hips, I find myself sinking to my knees at the same pace that I lower the soft red fabric.

Red.

Mmm . My sweet, proper, demure Maddie is wearing harlot red panties.

Correction. She was .

On my knees now, I skim both hands along the outside of her legs, stroking her from ankle to hip. Every precious inch of her feels like heaven under my rough palms. She’s delicate everywhere.

Except inside, where her mama bear prowls.

From down here, I can’t see her face, but I see something else I love just as much. Her decadent pussy.

So I bury my mouth in it, licking and nipping at it from behind. I thrash my tongue through her warm, pink flesh, dragging it up and down. Her taste explodes on my tongue, making my dick weep to get inside her.

“Alan, yes, yes,” she mewls, rocking herself against my face with tiny pulses of her hips.

Her gasps and keens are music to my fucking ears.

I spread her open with both hands, zeroing in on her opening. After spearing my tongue inside her half a dozen times, I swirl it around the entrance. She’s just wet enough for me to slip inside her without hurting her. That’s gonna have to be good enough for now.

As much as I’d love to stay down here for hours and drive her mad with desire, I’m too fucking primed to wait any longer.

It might make me a selfish asshole, but I need her.

Now.

Hefting to my feet, I finish what she started earlier, freeing my cock from my jeans. I give myself two long, hard pumps with my fist to take the edge off.

“Are you ready for me, gorgeous?” I rasp out, gravel in my voice.

She arches her spine, pressing back against me, and tosses a sultry look over her shoulder. “Yes, my love.”

I lightly smack her bare ass, then roughly caress the soft globe. “Thank fuck.”

Wrapping my hand around the base of my cock, I notch the head at her entrance and begin slipping inside. The urge to thrust fast and deep is strong, but I fight it off.

I don’t want to hurt her, and I didn’t warm her up as much as I usually would.

Inch by inch, I press in and pull back, giving her body a chance to adjust to my invasion. The resistance intensifies with each tiny forward pulse.

“Harder, Alan. Fuck me now,” she begs. “I need you so badly.”

“Baby, I don’t want to hurt you, and you’re not wet enough yet.”

She smacks her palm on my desk, throwing her hips back and forcing me deeper. As her skin stretches taut around me, her moans become pained.

I start to pull out so I can get her there manually first.

“Don’t you dare,” she warns, casting an unforgiving glare at me.

“Maddie, I?—”

“Spit on it,” she orders.

Nope. Strike that.

She doesn’t merely order it.

She fucking demands it.

“What?”

Seductively, she drops her gaze from my face to my pelvis and back up again. Slow and deliberate, she repeats, “Spit. On. It. And. Fuck. Me. Hard.”

“ Fuuuck , Maddie.”

My dick throbs with need. Not only because of the dirty talk, which always kills me, but the lewdness of her suggestion. Not to mention the fucking way she’s commanding me. She’s frantic for my cock.

And I’m powerless to deny her.

Letting moisture pool, I work my tongue against the roof of my mouth. With the taste of her arousal lingering, I was practically drooling anyhow.

Leaning forward, I align my chin with the spot where we’re joined. And just as she commanded me to do, I let my saliva fall onto my cock. The slight warmth of the liquid dripping down both sides feels way better than it should. I withdraw from her body a tad more and release another few drops, moistening my tip.

“Good boy,” she purrs, one side of her face lifted in a devious grin.

She’s joked with me before about how she could never pull that off. Bullshit.

“You are fucking killing me, woman.”

With my dick better lubricated, my thrusts are met with far less resistance. Gooseflesh pebbles along my arms, and I expel a quivery moan. I’m literately fucking shuddering.

“Keep going,” she urges, rolling her hips to entice me. As if such a thing was necessary. That’s laughable.

Back and forth, I rock into her, getting deeper. “Fuck, baby. You feel so damn good.”

When I rear back the next time, I sputter one last dribble of saliva onto my dick. After the moisture spreads, I plunge in to the hilt, reveling in the perfection of being fully joined.

The first several strokes are so fucking exquisite I don’t dare rush them. Maddie’s pussy is meant to be savored and cherished.

Each time I bottom out, I grind flush against her for two, maybe three, seconds before withdrawing. The sounds of her tattered breathing and dainty moans drive me wild, and soon enough, I can’t resist increasing the tempo.

Going from zero to sixty, I set a punishing rhythm, thrusting into her with fervor. My upper lip curls into a snarl, and air hisses through my teeth as I claim her body again and again.

Her breathing is frantic, each throaty rasp making me fuck her harder. The smack and slap of our skin fills the room, along with the erotic scent of sex.

It’s heaven.

I’ll never be able to work in here again without getting hard.

She flails one arm around my desk, searching for something to hold on to, and knocking pens and a file folder onto the floor. Don’t fucking care. She could destroy the entire office, and I’d keep right on fucking her.

Her honeyed voice sings in ecstasy. “Keep fucking me like that. Oh my god, Alan. Yes . So good. So good .”

At her praise, I move faster, fucking her rougher and deeper. Until all she can do is take it.

She’s draped over my desk, holding the edges for dear life as we slam together. My fingertips dig into the plump flesh of her hips and ass as I pull her toward me with each forward thrust. Damn , I cannot get enough of the sight of my glistening cock slamming in and out of her pussy.

“Wish you. Could see. How sexy you look. From up here,” I tell her through staccato breaths.

She attempts to look back at me, struggling to hold eye contact. “As good as your fantasy?”

“My fantasies can’t hold a candle to the perfection of your pussy wrapped around me.”

“Love you,” she grits out, voice pitching higher.

My grunts grow louder as my balls draw up with an aching need for release. But this is too fucking good to come yet. Time for a position change.

After I pull out, I find my chair, which somehow sailed toward the bookcase behind my desk. “Get on my lap, baby. I want you to ride me.”

She pushes her upper body off my desk slowly, causing her dress to cascade down her legs. My lower lip rolls into a pout on reflex. Such a shame to cover up that ass.

As I drop to my seat, I beckon her over with a crick of my finger. On shaky legs, she slinks toward me. The moment she’s within my reach, I grab her by the waist and tug her the rest of the way. It draws the sexiest throaty laugh out of her.

I keep hold of her hips, pulsing my fingers to hurry her along. “Sit down on my cock and make yourself come. I want to feel you.” I drop one hand to raise her skirt, bunching it in my grip.

After clamping her hands onto my shoulders, she straddles me and lowers gracefully onto my lap. As she welcomes me inside her body, our eyes lock.

I see everything. All of her.

Her pain. Her worry. Her gentleness. Her regret. Her relief that I’m safe.

And most of all, I see her love for me. Pure, raw, and unrestrained.

She shields nothing from my view.

My throat grows thick with emotions that threaten to choke me. The only way to breathe is to drink her in.

So I join our lips, tenderly kissing her and treating her with the gentleness she deserves. The reverence of a man utterly in love with her. A man who will gladly worship at her feet.

“Is this the point when I get to take out my frustrations on you?” she taunts, her hips beginning to move.

A smirk I can’t stifle affixes to my face. “Do your worst.”

“What if I didn’t let you come?”

“How would you do that?”

“Maybe I’d hold perfectly still, keeping you inside me. And I wouldn’t let you move.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Then I’d slide my hand between us to play with my clit until I come. You’d have to watch me shatter in your arms and feel me quivering around your cock. But you wouldn’t get any relief. You’d have to suffer, powerlessly waiting to see if I decide whether I’d let you come.”

My grin kamikaze dives off my face. “Why would you do that to me?”

She grinds her clit over the base of my dick faster, her bottom lip trembling. “Maybe it’s what you deserve tonight.”

“I had to go off the grid.”

“Had to? Really?” More insistently, her hips gyrate. “But that’s not the only reason I’m mad at you. There’s more.”

I pump up into her. “Like what? And more importantly, how can I make it up to you?”

“Jury’s still out. For now, I’m gonna slam myself on your cock until my pussy clamps onto it and chokes the life out of it. Let’s start there.”

“Sounds perfect,” I growl. “Exactly what I deserve.”

My eyelids flutter shut, and my head lolls against the chair as she rides me at an almost brutal pace.

“Open your eyes,” she orders, giving my head a little jerk with one hand roughly gripping my hair.

Damn , I love when she’s rough with me.

“This what you want, baby? Want to look into my eyes as you make yourself come on my cock? Make me look into yours when I empty myself inside your quivering pussy?”

She nods, simpered mewls escaping despite her lips being tightly fastened.

With our faces hovering an inch apart, our ragged breaths mingle. This is hot and frenzied. Carnal.

She’s showing me a side of her I rarely see. Fire and ice.

If I don’t kiss her now, I’ll go insane.

Cupping my hand around her nape, I tug her forward, claiming her lips. She doesn’t merely let me kiss her; she punishes me through it. Her teeth nip at my lips, and her tongue spears into my mouth recklessly. As she pulls away, she keeps my lower lip suctioned between hers.

When she lets me break free for air—yes, when she lets me —I grit out, “Come real sweet for me, Maddie baby. I need to feel you. Shatter for me.”

She slams our mouths together, her hips flexing wildly. Her slick inner walls undulate and quiver, and her whimpers crescendo as she detonates.

My furious grip on her waist tightens, helping her ride me harder and faster. Using my hold on her svelte body for leverage, I pump up into her frantically as my own climax uncoils from deep inside me. Sparks of pleasure traverse my body, and my release explodes in blinding waves of ecstasy.

Our lips break apart when she tosses her head back, her mewls and whimpers filling the air. I rest my face along the silky curve of her throat, and we ride it out together.

Gradually, her head rolls around her shoulders until it flops forward, bringing her eye to eye with me.

As I hold her gaze, shock seizes my chest at what I see.

Instead of warmth and light, there’s an icy darkness. Not from evil or malice.

It’s pain.

“Talk to me. What’s wrong, baby?”

Her chin quivers, tears welling before she even gets the first word out. “Alan, I’m furious at you... for making me...”

Emotions cut off her words.

Keeping my voice level, I gently urge her to continue. “What is it? You can tell me anything.”

Her lips fold inward, and her cheeks wobble. “I don’t wanna worry about you like this.” She shakes her head, eyelids shuttering and tears careening down her flushed cheeks. “I’m mad at you for making me love you this damn much. It’s like I can’t breathe without you. I’ve had to rebuild my life too many times already. And I don’t think I’m strong enough to do it again.”

I scoop her hair to one side to reveal more of her face. “Why would you have to do it again?”

“If I lose you,” she forces out right before she cuts herself off with a sob.

“ Aww , baby. I’m doing everything I can to keep myself safe. Keep you safe. And everyone here.”

“I know you are. It’s just you made me love you, and now I’m scared of losing you. Alan, I’m so damn tired of being terrified.”

Tears streaming now, she collapses against me. She buries her face in my shoulder while I stroke her hair. Her shaky breaths and sniffles tickle my neck, and her tears dampen my skin.

And I let her cry it out.

I’m a solid gold asshole. All night, I was focused on how the meeting with the chief yielded such great intel. It was a boon for our case against Lenkov. I was excited about what we could accomplish and overwhelmed by all we needed to do. Yet I was filled with hope that the end was within our grasp. Finally .

And she was here, worrying herself into a frenzy because she hadn’t heard from me. This wasn’t some minor nervousness or unease.

My Maddie was fucking petrified.

Instead of loving her through it and reassuring her, I came in here with big dick energy and let lust take over.

I’ve never felt such a primal need to claim her before. And it blinded me to her needs.

Guilt sets down roots in my chest, quickly branching out toward my limbs. I was so focused on myself that I didn’t consider her emotions. And she suffered because of my selfishness.

How could I let this happen again? Will I ever learn?

“Maddie, I’m so sorry you were worried when I went dark. As much as I regret upsetting you, it was necessary. I wouldn’t have accomplished everything I did without taking that risk. And baby, I learned so much tonight. So I wouldn’t have changed that part.”

She partially lifts her head off my shoulder and cranes her neck to meet my gaze. “I understand.”

“Yeah, but I shouldn’t have charged in here and gone straight to this. I selfishly let my desire control me. I should’ve talked to you and given you time to tell me what you were feeling. I should have been more compassionate about your fears. And for that, I deeply apologize.”

“I forgive you. But don’t ever do that again. I was so scared, Alan. I love you so damn much.”

“I love you too.”

She presses her lips to mine for a chaste kiss, our mouths lingering for a breath before she pulls away.

“I’m not sure I’ve ever seen you so wound up before.” She raises her brows suggestively. “Intimately speaking. What was that all about?”

While reflecting on her question, I hold her close and caress her upper back.

I try to parse together my emotions and memories from this evening to see if there was a spot in time where something changed in me. Was it a testosterone rush? Or was it something more?

Then the reason smacks into me.

In a hushed voice, I admit, “To tell you the truth, I’ve been wondering the same thing myself. But I might have figured it out.”

“I’m listening.”

“One of the things I’ll be sharing with the team tonight is what I learned about Chief Bigsby. He told me what Lenkov did to the woman he loved and to his children. I couldn’t stop picturing you.”

My voice trembles, so I pause for a breath. “He was a broken man. It’s decades later, and he still feels the pain as fresh as the day he lost her. Without a doubt, I would be the same way if I lost you. By the time I saw you, relief flooded my veins. Because you’re here, you’re safe, and you’re mine.”

Her tender compassion pulses through her touch and shines in her eyes.

“The only way I could process all the emotion was through our bodies. It was like I had to have you. Needed that connection to remind me you’re okay. It wasn’t a conscious thought, but I suspect it drove my actions.”

“That makes sense,” she says softly, swirling her fingertips through my freshly trimmed beard. “I needed you too. Different setup, but ultimately, the same underlying cause. I was so...”

I draw my fingers through her hair, content to let her take her time to finish.

“I was relieved you were safe. And I needed to be connected to you too.”

We press our foreheads together. Our eyes close, and our breathing syncs up.

For a long time, we stay that way. Bodies still joined intimately, and hearts beating the same rhythm.

While holding her silently, I make a decision that’s languished in the back of my mind for quite some time. The reason I’ve been training Leo to take over Redleg isn’t only because I want to retire after a long career. It isn’t because of my age or because I’m financially stable enough to do it.

The reason is right in front of me.

I want her to live each day with the peace and safety she never had.

I want fear to be only in her past.