Page 6

Chapter 5

From the emails of Big Al & Maddie

To: justmaddie2

From: ALancaster

Subject: Sorry

Maddie, I fucked up last night. I apologize.

To be clear, I’m not sorry for punching your husband. He deserves it. I’d do that a million times over.

But I’m sorry for what I said to you when we were near the bar. It’s not my place to judge you or your marriage.

No man should ever raise his hand to you in anger. Especially your husband. You deserve better than someone like him. I just don’t understand how you can keep taking him back when there are people who want to help you get free.

Even still, that doesn’t give me the right to say those things.

I’m very sorry.

I hope you’re okay. I’ve been worried sick about you. I’m sure you won’t reply to me, but at least send word that you’re okay to Leo. He’s concerned too.

Again, I apologize. I only want you to be safe and happy.

Alan

* * *

Three years later

To: justmaddie2

From: ALancaster

Subject: Let’s try this again

Hi Maddie,

I heard you filed for divorce (again). Congratulations.

Oops! Silly of me not to (re)introduce myself. I’m sure you don’t remember me.

I’m the guy you met one time outside an Army base in Georgia. We spent the night together but never so much as touched. Still one of the most memorable nights of my life. I’ve played it back in my mind no less than once a day for going on eight years now.

Anyhow... yeah, that’s me.

Oh, I’m also the guy who fucked up royally the last time he saw you, thus destroying all remaining shreds of our friendship. Same guy who hasn’t stopped beating himself up over it.

Self-deprecating jokes aside, I thought I’d reach out since my time in the service is over, and I’m transitioning to a new life. I need practice communicating with people from the outside world. You know? Those who don’t exclusively express themselves via acronyms and four-letter words. For that reason, and only that reason, I was wondering if we could start messaging again.

Heads up. Vulnerable moment incoming in 3, 2, 1.

I’m sure you’re surprised to hear this, but that’s not why I’m reaching out. Here’s the truth.

I miss our random nonsense-babbling emails when insomnia strikes. I miss your sweet side and your surprisingly dirty mind. I even miss your terrible jokes. I guess I just miss you. I miss our friendship, as sporadic and unusual as it was. I liked calling you my friend and being in your life.

What do you say? A bad joke, for old times’ sake?

This is still my email if you ever want to talk.

And if you don’t, I hope you’re happy and healthy. You deserve to be happy, Maddie. Nothing he did to you was your fault.

Your Alan

(I say “your” because I’m not Alan for anyone else. Not making it creepy. Unless you want to make it creepy.)

* * *

A month later

To: ALancaster

From: justmaddie3

Subject: New Email

Hi Alan,

New life. New email. Third time’s the charm, perhaps? I think three is a lucky number for some people. Maybe it’ll be lucky for me as well.

Maddie

(newly divorced—yes, it’s official)

* * *

To: justmaddie3

From: ALancaster

Damn, Maddie. It’s great to hear from you. You have no idea what a sight for sore eyes your name in my inbox was. New email. Old email. Courier pigeon. Morse code. Any way you reach out is fine with me.

Did you get my email from last month in your old account? Or was this message totally unprompted?

So, new life, huh? Tell me everything.

And since you’re emailing me after three years, then I’d like to say that three is certainly a lucky number for me. It wasn’t always, but it is now.

Looking forward to reconnecting with my friend.

Alan