Page 43 of Before We’re More Than Friends (When We Faced the Music #1)

Dallas

I roamed in the dark for at least half an hour, ignoring my phone as it constantly buzzed in my pocket.

Once my legs started aching, I sat at the root of a tree and cried my eyes out, wishing I could go back to Dallas and sit in my Texas Ash Tree instead.

Wishing I could never see anyone here again.

Kami soon found me and drove us home without making me say goodbye to anyone. The last thing I needed was for my new friends, who I’d consistently lied to about me and Raina, to see me covered in snot and tears.

I hadn’t even made it to March before everything collapsed.

I’d skipped going to the shelter on Sunday, knowing I wasn’t in the right headspace to take care of animals. It was the first time I’d missed a scheduled day of volunteering.

The delusional part of me hoped if I stayed in bed all day, I’d wake up with amnesia.

On Monday, Kami opened my door around six thirty in the morning. The sun hadn’t peeked out behind the curtains yet, and I wanted nothing more than to stay in the eternal darkness.

“Mom wants you to get ready for school,” Kami said as she opened my door. “You already had a full day to recover. ”

I groaned. “Tell her I threw up or something.” I’d been close to it, given that my stomach had been in knots since Thursday.

“She won’t buy that.” Kami sighed. “Just come down for breakfast.”

“Fine.” I rolled out of bed, nearly kicking Houston, who sat at the foot. “Let me get dressed first.”

Kami nodded and closed the door.

I opened my closet before deciding that I couldn’t do this right now and shutting it again.

School was the last place I wanted to go.

As soon as I’d gotten in the car Saturday night, I muted all my text notifications.

I knew my worried friends had probably blown up my phone, but I didn’t want to face them.

Gosh, had I learned nothing from ghosting Chloe? I was already back to pushing away people who loved me.

Someone needed to give me an award. Or punch me in the face.

I stumbled my way downstairs, where Mom, Dad, and Kami were eating cereal at the table.

“Good morning, Dallas,” Mom said with a smile. “Are you feeling better today?”

“No.” I slouched in my seat. “I’m not ready to go back.”

“I think he should stay home,” Dad said as he flipped through his Kindle. “The kid has been through it.”

Mom shook her head. “I already let him stay home from the shelter yesterday. He can’t miss school because of a friendship situation.”

Oh gosh, if only it were just a friendship situation. Kami had given Mom and Dad a summary of what happened Saturday night, but they had no idea about the extent of things. That I’d fallen in love—and flat on my face.

“Are you sure you’ll be okay?” Kami asked me as she ate her cereal.

“I never said I would,” I muttered, picking at my own cereal .

“Please improve your attitude, Dallas,” Mom warned. “I know what happened with Raina this weekend was hard, but you can’t just mope around all day about it. You’re going to have to pick yourself up and put on a brave face.”

I knew it wasn’t fun to be someone who drained the energy in the room, but forcing myself to feel differently hadn’t worked. Shoot, I wished I’d gotten over everything by now and was ready to face my mistakes head-on. “I wish we hadn’t moved here.”

“I’m sorry that it’s been difficult,” Mom said. “But it will get better.”

“I still think it would’ve been better if you hadn’t waited to tell them,” Dad said as he took a bite of cereal.

“Gerald, we’re not having this conversation again.” Mom’s face hardened. “The past is in the past. Dallas hit a bump in the road.”

“I wish it were more than a bump,” I murmured, staring at the cinnamon flakes in my bowl.

Mom got up from the table. “I’m getting ready for work.”

“Come on, Leah,” Dad said. “Don’t be like that.”

“Be like what? My whole family has been upset with me for over a month and a half.” Mom’s gaze bounced to the Peanuts calendar on the wall, where Snoopy looked way happier than any of us right now.

Guilt twinged in my chest. “I-I’m not upset with you,” I rushed to say, hating that I’d hurt someone else. “I’m just . . . upset.”

“I’m not upset with you either,” Kami said. “You followed your passion like you should have. You’re a woman who’s free to make her own decisions.”

“But I’m also a mother,” Mom said, her voice shaking like she was about to cry. “I’m supposed to make decisions that are best for my family before thinking about myself. ”

“Leah,” Dad said softly. “Don’t be upset.”

“I will once you stop making me feel like I did something wrong,” Mom huffed and stormed out of the kitchen.

Kami raised an eyebrow at Dad. “Are you guys still fighting over the move?”

Dad sighed. “Some days are easier than others.”

“You shouldn’t make her feel so bad about it.”

“Right, because I’m the problem,” he grumbled, getting up from the table as well. “I’m always the problem.”

Kami and I exchanged a worried look. Dad often had the upper hand in the relationship, making most of the decisions for the family.

I started to wonder if there was a power imbalance that was causing him to fight with Mom.

He was never sunshine and rainbows, but he was never constantly on edge either. The thought made my stomach pinch.

Why did everything have to fall apart at once?

Hayden was waiting at my locker when I arrived at school. When he saw me, the dark brown in his eyes grew wide.

“Where the hell have you been?” he asked, crossing his arms over his chest. “I blew up your phone on every app I could find you on and knocked on your door.”

“I’m sorry,” I said, a wave of guilt washing over me. It was official—I was the worst person ever. “I stayed in my room and kept my notifications off. But I needed time to myself.”

“I mean, I get it, but I was worried sick about you.” He sighed. “At least let me know next time so I don’t have a heart attack.”

“I’m sorry,” I said again, really meaning it. “Still friends?”

“Of course.” He gave me a fist bump. “Always will be.”

I exhaled, some of the tension in my chest loosening. “Good. I don’t want to hurt anyone else.”

“Yeah, you did a number on Raina, that’s for sure.”

I flinched. “I’m not ready to see her again.”

“I know, but I’m proud of you for finally getting the truth out. That took a lot of courage. And balls.”

“I’m not proud of myself.” I scratched my forehead. “I should transfer schools and find a new shelter.”

Hayden’s thin brows furrowed. “Didn’t running away from your problems get you in this mess?”

I groaned. “I hate how right you are.”

He shrugged. “It takes a lot of being wrong to be right.” He looked up at my head. “Gosh, did you even brush your hair this morning?”

“I’m surprised I even managed to put on clothes,” I muttered. “I was not in the freaking mood.”

“I can tell.”

“Hey.”

Hayden and I walked through the hallways before English class, talking about what happened Saturday night. Apparently, Oliver had cut the bonfire short after I’d left, which made guilt engulf my stomach. It’d been my first bonfire with everyone, and I’d literally killed the flame.

At lunch, Hayden and I talked to Oliver and Caleb about the whole thing, and I apologized for ruining everything. They seemed more concerned about me than anything else, and it made me feel even worse about being a bad friend.

How had I lived with a guilty conscience for so long?

After lunch, the moment I’d been dreading all day had finally come. Hayden quickly squeezed my hand before I followed him into the Chemistry room.

As always, Raina was already sitting at the table, her head down as she scribbled in her notebook, her glossy lips pursed as she concentrated. Gosh, why did she have to look so freaking stunning in every situation?

I swallowed the lump in my throat and sat beside her. “Hey.”

She didn’t bother to look up at me before shifting away, using her body to obstruct the view of what she was writing in her notebook. Whatever she was writing clearly had nothing to do with Chemistry.

The only type of chemistry between us was our fatal attraction.

Because I clearly didn’t know when to shut up, I said, “I hope you had a good Sunday.”

She grumbled something that sounded like a curse word, shifting away even more until her back was toward me.

I winced, taking that as my cue to leave her alone.

Sitting next to Raina during class felt like sitting next to a fire-breathing dragon. Each breath she took was loud enough for the entire class to hear, sending my pulse wild.

She hates me.

But even with her back toward me, I couldn’t control my thoughts. Her bronze locks spilled down her back in that elegant way again.

Had I seriously lost my mind to the point that I was attracted to the back of her head?

I debated whether or not skipping this class for the rest of the year and repeating eleventh grade was worth it.

In the middle of writing notes, our elbows bumped. Raina scooted farther away, letting out a small grunt. But even through the heavy silence between us, I wondered if her heart was pounding as hard as mine was.

When the bell rang, she quickly shoved her stuff into her backpack, still turned away from me .

“I meant everything I said Saturday night,” I told her as she put her backpack on.

She finally faced me, her icy eyes nearly piercing my insides. “And I meant it when I said to stop talking to me.” She shoved her chair into the table before leaving the classroom.

My heart, which hadn’t gotten the message, fell to the floor and cracked open. I sighed, staring at the stupid bracelet on my wrist. I needed to burn it. She’d never forgive me.

This love would never be anything but unrequited.