Page 37 of Before We’re More Than Friends (When We Faced the Music #1)

Raina

I didn’t gather the courage to read the letter from Dad until Thursday evening.

Mom had reminded me it was on the counter while making dinner—which she had been keeping consistent every night—and I decided to take the letter to my room and wait until I was finished with my homework, my mind clearer from talking to Susanna earlier.

She’d told me to take this step for my peace of mind, not for him.

This doesn’t mean I forgive you , I thought as I unfolded the letter. I’m doing this for my own sake .

Dear Rain,

I am sorry it has taken me so long to write to you. Adjusting to these changes has been challenging for me, and I am sure it has been for you, too. You have been on my mind every day. So far, I have been doing better than I had expected.

I do hope you, Arielle, and your mother visit me soon.

It is lonely without you guys to come home to and have conversations with.

I understand if you are not ready to see me yet after what I have done to our family, but I am hoping that forgiveness will come with time.

You are still my little girl at the end of the day .

Sincerely,

Dad

My insides twisted as I bit on my lip. He started the letter with my nickname, but the rest of it sounded like he was emailing his coworkers and not writing to his own daughter. The lack of contractions made reading it almost as painful as the crime itself.

But then again, I shouldn’t have high expectations for someone who had taken himself away from his family and couldn’t even explain why.

I knew it wasn’t a good idea to rush to my laptop when the emotions were still fresh, but I needed someone to talk to. Someone who I assumed wasn’t surrounded by the media and the rumors about my family.

The someone who hadn’t talked to me in almost three weeks for me to know.

I opened Connections and sent a message before I lost my last nerve.

Chloe

My dad sent me a letter from prison, and I honestly feel sick. I need you right now.

I waited one, two, three minutes, staring at the time at the top of my screen. But nothing. I debated disabling my account and closing my laptop. It was no use.

But then it happened. A green dot lit up next to his profile picture for the first time since the night of the Saturn Frenzy. My heart lodged itself in my throat as I typed.

Chloe

Alex? I know you’re online.

After a minute of staring at the screen, waiting for the green dot to disappear, Alex started typing. I pressed my racing heart, trying to control my breathing. Penrose looked up at me with big eyes before resting her head again.

About two minutes later, his response finally came through.

Alex

I’m sorry.

That was it. Nothing else.

I let out a breath, not sure if it was a gasp or a sigh of relief.

Chloe

Where the hell have you freaking been?

What happened to make you fall off the face of the earth and not even check our messages for almost three weeks?

Were you sick for that long?

Why did you leave me?

It was harsh, but I also had the right to be upset that he ghosted me. He’d never gone more than a few days without messaging me, except for the time when he went on a cruise without internet or cell signal. Something was wrong, and it wasn’t in my head this time.

Alex

I’m sorry I haven’t reached out since I moved here.

Everything caught up to me and I kind of .

. . blanked. I’m a terrible friend. But I freaking missed you the entire time.

And I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you when your dad was arrested—and I’m sorry that happened.

I’m sorry for all of it, but I know that word can’t make up for ghosting you.

Hope filled my chest. But I wasn’t completely sold.

Chloe

You’ve been acting weird ever since the whole name incident, and I know it’s not in my head. My entire life has changed, and for the first time, you weren’t there for me. There’s something you aren’t telling me.

Alex

What makes you think I’m hiding something?

Because I’m not. I’ve had issues with my family and making friends and didn’t have any energy left in me.

Guilty. Guilty as charged.

Chloe

I don’t know what to believe.

Alex

So I’m lying to you?

Chloe

No! But you haven’t been yourself since I mentioned meeting each other in real life and sharing our names. I’m sorry I’m coming off strong, but can you please just tell me what’s wrong? I’m not trying to be selfish.

Alex

You already know what’s wrong—I’m going through a hard time. And you are too. I wanted to give us space.

The hope inside me deflated.

Chloe

Space? Why would we need space? We’ve been through hard times before. What you’re saying isn’t lining up.

Alex

So I am lying?

Chloe

I’m just asking what else changed between us!

I know the move has been hard, but it’s not like you to ghost me for two and a half weeks.

If you didn’t want to know my name or meet me irl, you could’ve just said so.

But I wish I knew what was wrong with me to make you feel that way.

Alex

Listen, and I mean this in the best way, but this isn’t about you. We both need distance from each other as we figure things out.

My heart dropped to the floor. What the heck was happening?

Chloe

But why aren’t you explaining anything? Why aren’t you acting like yourself?

I didn’t care that I was coming off too strong now. Something was wrong, and he was lying—this was about me.

Chloe

Please, you know how I feel when people dance around things like this. Just tell me the truth.

Alex

I can’t explain it right now, okay? But I promise this is a me problem.

It’s going to make sense very soon.

Just not right now.

I promise.

I know you deserve better than this.

Tears of frustration streamed down my cheeks.

Chloe

But why can’t you say it now? What happened to you to make you change your mind like this? Is it because I’m too much for you? Because you don’t want anything else to change?

I don’t understand.

Just tell me.

The typing bubble showed up at the bottom of the screen before disappearing, along with the green dot next to Alex’s name.

He logged off.

He left me again.

Without explaining why.

“Screw you, Alex!” I shouted before slamming my laptop shut and pushing it to the back of my desk.

I rested my head on my arms, furious tears spilling out.

I’d been holding out hope that this was all in my head, but there was no denying it.

He didn’t want me to be more than someone behind a screen.

He didn’t want every part of who I was like I wanted every part of who he was.

We weren’t best friends.

Still sobbing, I debated whether or not I should block or unfriend him. Were we really over? Would he change his mind and tell me how he felt? He couldn’t run around in circles and not explain it.

Like my dad.

I examined the bracelet Alex had made for me, the colors a little faded, before shoving it into the drawer under my desk. Even when he’d been ignoring me, I’d worn it every single day. But it was time for the bracelet to finally come off.

I’d have to update Dallas about this tomorrow. He knew I deserved better than someone who couldn’t be straightforward with me. Even Alex himself admitted I deserved better.

Wait a minute.

Wait a freaking minute.

A shockwave of terror coursed through my veins. Dallas had been interested in my bracelet from the moment we crashed into each other the night of Saturn Frenzy, which was also the last time Alex had talked to me. Dallas had always been jittery, but I thought it had been part of his personality.

But he still kept staring at that one bracelet.

Because he’d made that freaking bracelet.

Because he and Alex were the same freaking person.

I put my hands in my hair, biting back a scream.

Mom and Arielle had been in a good mood today.

I didn’t want to ruin their night. But at the same time, I wanted to let loose and scream my lungs out.

For almost three weeks, I’d been too blinded by my own problems to see who was in front of me the whole time.

Dallas was Alex.

Dallas Friar was Alex.

Dallas Alexander Friar was my Alex.

It’d been freaking obvious! His family moved for the same reason Alex’s family had.

His middle name was Alexander. His sister’s name was Kami.

It all explained why he stared at my bracelet like he was trying to dissect it.

The way his cheeks flushed and the way he stumbled over his words when he was around me.

The way he looked straight into my soul with his warm eyes like he knew me.

He had the whole time.

And he’d never even asked me about it. Not during our talks in Chemistry, not while we did tasks at the shelter, not even in a letter taped to my freaking locker or something.

He’d been in front of me the whole time, trying to hide the truth with his shyness and sweet words, and I hadn’t connected the dots.

Until it was way too late.

So what the heck did I do now? Shoot him a message and tell him to stop hiding? Write him a long-winded letter about my discovery and freak him out when he opened his locker? Barge into Chemistry or the shelter tomorrow afternoon and tell him off in front of everyone, exposing the coward he was?

Or did I play his game and act like I had no idea?

Penrose rubbed against my leg as if reminding me that I was above playing games. But if the roles had been reversed, I wouldn’t have dragged it out for this long.

You didn’t do that to people you loved.

But here I was in complete tears.

When Dallas walked into Chemistry with Hayden, looking slightly more anxious than normal but still able to smile at me, I knew I wanted to wait until we were alone to confront him. As hurt as I was, I didn’t want our private situation on display.

Unless other people had known about it and watched me be played like a fool. Gosh, I hoped not. My heart was already bruised enough.

“Afternoon,” Dallas said as he sat beside me.

“Afternoon,” I echoed, trying to keep my voice light.