Page 30 of Before We’re More Than Friends (When We Faced the Music #1)

Raina

O n Thursday morning, Mom was sitting at the table eating scrambled eggs and a bowl of fruit, a wine glass of orange juice next to her. She had her full face of neutral makeup, minus lipstick, and was dressed in her usual blouse and skirt.

“Good morning, princess,” she said with a smile. “Happy Thursday.”

“Good morning, Mom.” I smiled before looking at the counter, where two plates of scrambled eggs and fruit bowls were. “You made us breakfast?”

“I got up earlier than usual and decided to treat ourselves.”

“Thank you.” I didn’t remember the last time Mom had made a meal for us. I opened the fridge to pour myself orange juice before grabbing my food and sitting at the table with Mom.

A few moments later, loud footsteps came down the stairs, followed by faster and louder footsteps. Arielle and Penrose walked into the kitchen. Arielle hadn’t even combed her hair, her pink nightgown covered in what was either drool stains from her or Penrose. She yawned. “Who made eggs?”

“I did,” Mom said. “Come eat with us.”

“Thanks.” She yawned again and poured herself orange juice, then brought her food to the table. “What’s the occasion?”

“Oh.” Mom let out an awkward laugh, a nervous expression covering her features.

“There’s an occasion?” I asked, a pang of hurt hitting my chest. I knew I should’ve expected it.

“Two different occasions,” Mom said. “Do you want to hear the good one or the hard one?”

“We could use something good for once,” Arielle muttered as she devoured her eggs. “This is delicious.”

“Thank you.” Mom’s cheeks flushed. “I’ve decided that now that it’s just the three of us”—Gosh, those words were a dagger to my heart—“we should put in our best effort to better ourselves. And while you girls have been doing that, I haven’t done my part.

Arielle, you sent me some information about some programs I can get into to help me with an addiction. ”

“You actually looked at them?” Arielle’s eyes grew wide, hope on her face.

Mom nodded. “I looked through some last night and found one that spoke to me. I haven’t contacted them yet, but I’m looking into it.

I just wanted to let you girls know.” Mom stared at her half-eaten plate of eggs.

“I know I haven’t been a good mother figure—or much of a mom at all.

My addiction is the last thing you guys need to be dealing with right now. ”

Arielle muttered something through her bites.

“Swallow first,” I told her.

She held up her hand before gulping the last of her eggs down. She gasped once she finished eating before burping.

“My goodness.” Mom giggled.

“Sorry.” Arielle covered her next burp. “But are you going to follow through, Mom? Or is this just another empty promise? ”

“I’m going to follow through,” Mom promised, meeting Arielle’s eyes. “I mean it this time.”

“I’m going to have to see it before I believe it,” Arielle said, taking a sip of her orange juice.

Mom sighed. “I’m not going to fight that. I haven’t earned your trust.” She took a sip of her juice and swallowed heavily. “The other thing I wanted to talk about is your first visit with your dad at April Springs Correctional Facility.”

Arielle choked on the strawberry she was eating. I leaned over and patted her back until she stopped.

Mom fiddled with her wedding ring, the gold reflecting the sunlight from the window. “I think it’s?—”

“Too soon?” Arielle cut in, trying to catch her breath. “He just went to prison last week.”

“I know, but I was thinking?—”

“There’s nothing to think about.”

“Can you please let someone else speak?” Mom snapped, her expression darkening. “I tried to be gentle about this, but you’re already disrespecting me. And I’m tired of it, Arielle. There are two other people in this household, two people who want to move things forward.”

I expected Arielle to fight back with how red her face was, but she bit her lip, not meeting Mom’s eyes. “I’m sorry.”

“I’m also not ready to see Dad yet,” I said, trying to keep my voice level while tears burned in the back of my eyes. These arguments between Arielle and my parents were getting too old. “It’s still fresh, Mom.”

“It hurts like hell,” Arielle said, her voice trembling as if she was about to cry as well. “He acted like he got in trouble for skipping school and not for a federal crime. The way he acted when telling us . . .” Arielle put her head in her hands. “I can’t see him yet. ”

“I understand.” Mom nodded, her lip trembling. “I just thought that you guys missed him.”

I did miss Dad, and I knew Arielle did too, but the look we exchanged said everything for us. Neither one of us wanted to admit it. When he’d been taken away last week, a bunch of newsmen following the car he rode in, we hadn’t watched him leave. We’d barely said goodbye.

“We don’t have to see him right away,” Mom said. “But just think about it while you give yourselves time to heal.”

“Thank you,” we both murmured.

“But I do mean what I told you, Arielle,” Mom added.

“I want you guys to understand my perspective on the situation. I know it’s not fair to you guys that I’ve been struggling with an addiction, but I want to try my best. It’s not going to happen overnight.

” She looked at her watch. “I need to get ready for work. But please keep in mind everything I said.” She looked us in the eyes.

“I know my words have been empty to you, but I do mean them.”

“I want to believe you,” I said, meaning the words with my entire heart.

“Me too,” Arielle said, finishing her bowl of fruit.

But I can’t . Both of our sentences ended with the same thought, I knew, but we couldn’t say it out loud. People thought twins could read each other’s minds, and to a certain extent, it was true.

We just knew each other like that.

Arielle didn’t hesitate to leave the kitchen once Mom had left, putting her dishes in the sink and running back upstairs.

I wondered if she’d cry before putting on her full face of makeup.

For the first time, my chest tightened with worry for her.

I’d been worried about Dad, about Mom, about my friends, but never just her .

We display our pain differently. But it doesn’t take away from the fact that we’re both hurting.

“You can’t be that desperate for a lead singer.”

Hayden gave me his classic puppy eyes as he leaned against the lockers next to mine. “Who says I can’t? It’s just until the end of March.”

“Why didn’t you ask Arielle?” I asked, taking my lunch box out of my locker. “That sounds way more up her alley.”

“I’m the one who told him to ask you.” I jumped as Arielle opened her locker next to mine.

“What are you, a ninja?” I sighed. “Just because I always sing at sleepovers doesn’t mean I’d make a good lead singer for Oliver’s Garage Band.” Hayden, Oliver, Caleb, and Sienna had made a band in Oliver’s garage last summer and still didn’t have a name for it.

“But you’ll get paid for three gigs,” Arielle said in a pleading voice. “The only instrument I can play is a tambourine, and I’m for sure not lead singer quality.”

“Can you seriously not find someone else to play with you?” I asked Hayden.

“Did you not hear you get paid ?” Arielle asked.

“I heard it.” As much as I worried about money now that we were only living off Mom’s income, there was no way I could be a lead singer. “Hayden, there are tons of people who can audition for your band.”

“Yeah, because who wants to join a band I’m in?” Hayden scoffed.

“Oliver’s in the band.”

He rolled his eyes. “Yeah, you and other girls for sure love that idea. ”

My cheeks flushed. “I didn’t mean that I?—”

“Trust me, I know. You’ve moved on to different things.” He gave me a wink.

I blinked. “Um, are you implying yourself, because I’m not really sorry to say that I don’t feel the same way.”

He groaned. “Will you at least come on Saturday and help us brainstorm what the heck we’re going to do? If we can just win this competition?—”

“What makes you think we’d win?”

Hurt crossed his features. “Fine. Forget it.”

I frowned. “Wait, I didn’t mean?—”

Hayden was already storming away with his lunch box clutched to his chest, his braids swaying every which way.

I faced Arielle, who was invested in digging something up from her locker. “What’s going on with him?” Hayden had always been passionate about music—even after being kicked out of four bands—but I knew something was up if he was this desperate.

“He just wants to prove himself to his parents,” Arielle said before gasping. “Found it!” She took a tampon out of her locker.

“Why don’t you just keep those in your backpack?” I asked.

“Because they’ll fly out in front of a boy when I try to reach for something.”

“I don’t think Hayden would mind.”

Arielle’s cheeks flushed before she hit my shoulder with the tampon.

“That was the softest hit ever.” I rubbed my arm three times. I fought the urge to rub again.

“Just think about it, okay?’ Arielle asked.

“Think about tampons flying out of my backpack in front of boys?”

“Don’t make me hit you again. ”

I sighed. “How can you possibly see me of all people being a lead singer in a band? Even just for a month or so?”

“You have a beautiful voice, Raina. And you get to show off your?—”

“It’s not happening.” I closed my locker before beginning to walk to the cafeteria.

Even though when I’d been little, I’d wanted to sing on the side, the dream died after a while.

I remembered the days when Arielle and I used to have concerts for our parents in the living room.

It lasted all the way until freshman year when my entire life changed.

I no longer had Isabelle to be my biggest cheerleader, Arielle was absorbed into the high school life, and Mom and Dad changed for the worse.

My life of making music was in the past—all I did was listen to it now. Every now and then, I’d write down lyrics that came to mind, but I never made anything out of them. No way would I survive in a band.

Let me rephrase that—no way would a band survive with me in it.

After Dad went to prison last week, Mom had canceled my Thursday appointment with Susanna. But now I was back in the waiting room that smelled like a hotel, scrolling on my phone.

Like I always did, I checked Isabelle’s Instagram.

It’d been a while since I checked it, which surprised me because it was one of my bad habits.

Of course she had a selfie of her, her boyfriend, and her friends at some game from last night posted onto her feed.

She was decked out in makeup and a low-cut blue-and-white uniform to match her friends.

She used to think sports games were overrated , I grumbled to myself before scrolling to the next post in her feed, which was just her and her boyfriend having a night out, beaming as they held each other. If I saw one more post of them together, I might actually block her.

But I knew I wouldn’t.

“Raina?” I looked up to see Susanna peeking her head through the door. “Come in. I missed you last week.”

I stuffed my phone into my purse before following her into her office. “Hey.”

“I know a lot has happened,” she said as she sat at her desk.

“Yeah, the news made sure to display every last part to the public.” I flipped my hair. “I’m honored that my dad is now at celebrity status.” I tried to make it sound effortless, but it was as stiff as ever. My humor game was shot.

“You don’t sound too honored.” Susanna wrote something down in her notebook. “I’m sorry about everything that’s happened.” Her voice was sincere, but it only made me remember all the condolences people gave me last week. My chest tightened. “How has the truth and the change been affecting you?”

I swallowed, resisting the urge to stare at my feet. “That’s a complex question.”

She gave me a small smile. “That’s what I’m here for.”