Page 29 of Before We’re More Than Friends (When We Faced the Music #1)

Dallas

H ow could I blow telling Raina the truth in Chemistry so badly?

The words had been on the tip of my tongue.

I’m your pen pal, Alex. I made that bracelet for you.

I completely ghosted you like a butthole because I didn’t know what to do about meeting you in real life.

I didn’t know what to do about the complicated feelings I have for you.

And I’m sorry I was a coward and didn’t tell you until now.

But Mrs. Bennett had clearly interrupted that .

Why did I keep dragging out the inevitable? She wasn’t stupid and would put two and two together eventually. And she wouldn’t forgive me for it. If I were her, I wouldn’t.

So I was back to square one. Nice.

In the middle of working on my homework on Tuesday evening, my phone buzzed on my desk. Toby’s smiling face popped on my screen, and I clicked the answer button, turning off my music. “Hey, bud.”

“You’re not dead!” Toby’s voice blasted through my headphones as his face appeared. He was in bed, wearing his usual white nightshirt. “I was about to report you missing. ”

“I told you I’d call after finishing my homework,” I said as I propped my phone in my phone holder. “I still have a few problems left.”

“Yeah, but your after-homework is my beauty sleep time.” Toby brushed his hand through his messy brown hair and yawned.

“Because you go to bed at the time of a grandma.” I hadn’t thought the two-hour time difference would affect us, but we ended up missing way too many calls from each other and didn’t have many text conversations.

“That and because I need my morning walks.” Buster hopped on Toby’s bed, and Toby rubbed his head. “Buster, say hi to Uncle Dallas.” He shoved the screen in Buster’s face, and Buster nudged the screen.

My lips lifted into a warm smile. “I miss you, Buster.”

Buster nudged the screen again, and a loud tumbling noise came from the other end as the screen turned black. “Buster!” Toby shouted. “Why do you always do that?”

I laughed. “He’s so bad with technology.”

“Clearly.” Toby picked up his phone from the floor, adjusting the screen. “How have things been since your birthday?”

“Nothing eventful.” Except for nearly passing out at school . I was usually so open with Toby, but I didn’t want to fill him in on the truth.

“And why are you lying to me?”

I huffed. He could see through my BS too well. “How have things been for you ?”

“The next thing to hell.” He groaned, already sidetracked from my problems. “Okay, hell is a little over the top. But the longer you’re not here, the more I go insane.

I miss having someone to walk with after my parents fight on the phone about something stupid or who’s having me for the weekend when they should stick to the court-ordered schedule.

I feel like a toddler and not a seventeen-year-old. ”

Another wave of guilt washed over me. Toby’s parents had gotten divorced a year ago, and since then, he’d been in the middle of all their fights. Our walks to the dog park had been therapy for him. When he needed someone to call, I always answered.

And now we always missed each other’s calls.

“I’m sorry,” I said again. “If it were up to me, Houston and I definitely would be over in a heartbeat.”

He sighed. “I know. It’s selfish for me to depend on you when you’re going through your own crap.”

“It’s not selfish at all. I miss telling you everything.”

“So how about you stop hiding things and tell me everything.”

I rubbed my forehead, my head pounding from stress. “Promise that you won’t think I’m the biggest jerk in the world?”

His eyes widened. “Am I going to have to drive over there to give you a spanking?”

“Gosh, please no.” Toby and I had taken our first driver’s test on the same day.

While I’d passed, Toby had nine failures under his belt.

The most recent one was before Christmas and resulted in him taking out two mailboxes.

The driving instructor, whose blood pressure was probably through the roof, had no problem with failing him.

“So you know about my pen pal, Chloe, right?”

“Let me see, you’ve only talked about how much you’re in love with her but are too scared to meet her, I don’t know, fifty-something billion times?” He rolled his eyes. “What’s going on?”

“Well . . .” I drew in a sharp breath, my chest aching. “I did meet her. By accident.”

Toby let out a loud gasp. A series of barking from Buster followed. “See, even my dog is shocked.” Toby shushed Buster before facing the screen again, his chestnut brown eyes huge. “But what do you mean by accident?”

“She lives in my new city, and we slammed into each other at a school event. My food got all over her, and we were fighting when I saw the bracelet I made for Chloe.”

His eyebrows lifted. “Are you sure it’s her? I mean, you’re not the most creative person.”

“Well, thanks.” I huffed. “Everything about her lines up with Chloe, and Chloe even messaged me that night talking about a guy named Dallas who dumped food on her— me .”

“Oh, man.” Toby’s short lashes fluttered. “How did she react when she found out you were Alex?”

I bit my lip. “That’s the thing.”

His mouth dropped. “She doesn’t know ?”

I stared at my desk. “I don’t think so.”

“Dallas Alexander!”

“What?” I threaded my fingers through my curls. “I thought she would’ve connected the dots by now. I picked it up in a heartbeat.”

“You said she’s going through a really hard time, right?” Toby asked. When I nodded, he shook his head. “That’s why. Her mind’s too cluttered. And if she does know, she probably thinks that you don’t know and is doing the same thing you’re doing to her.”

“Gosh, I didn’t think about it.” Had Raina been playing me the way I’d been playing her? Was she talking to her friends right now about the same thing, stressing herself sick about how to tell me the truth without ruining our friendship?

Did she feel the same way about me that I felt about her?

Don’t even dream of it.

“But I have a great solution for this,” Toby said thoughtfully.

Hope rose in my chest. “What?”

“Communication. ”

The hope deflated as fast as it’d risen. “Thanks, Sherlock.”

“Come on, Dallas, hiding it will just prolong your pain. She’ll have to know eventually. Get it out of the way instead of playing with her emotions. Playing with your emotions.”

“I know.” I rubbed my forehead again. “I just don’t want her to be upset.”

“Upset that you hadn’t told her, that you’d been ignoring her, or that you are who you are?”

The sigh I let out made my chest ache. “All of the above.”

Toby shook his head but longer this time. “I’m not going to make you do anything you don’t want to do, but I really feel the longer you wait, the worse the outcome will be.”

“You’re right. I should tell her.” I leaned back in my chair. “I will. I don’t know when the appropriate time will be, but it will be soon.”

Toby raised an eyebrow. “That doesn’t sound too promising.”

“I promise.” I put one hand on my racing heart and held the other one up. “I swear on our Tree.”

He gasped, a hand flying to his mouth. “Not our Tree.”

“That’s how much I mean it.” Swearing on our Tree was an oath as serious as till death do us part . “I’d never lie on our Tree.”

“I’ll drive over and give you a spanking if you’re lying. Maybe even two spankings.”

“You say that as if you won’t wreck the car on the way there.”

“Hey, I didn’t knock down the third mailbox. You have to be proud of me.”

“Tenth time’s a charm,” I muttered. “But I promise to never break the code of ethics.”

“I’m counting on you, Dallas Alexander.”

“Stop calling me that, Mom. ”

“I won’t until you talk to . . . What’s her real name?”

“Raina.”

“Such a regal name.”

“She’s a princess, all right.”

“Is she that bad?”

“She’s not. Now that I know her better, at least.” I sighed. “But it makes my head hurt thinking about it.” And my terrible, stupid heart that I want to rip out my chest and chuck out a window.

“You have it bad, Dallas Alexander.” Toby let out a heavy sigh. “But you’re going to regret it if you don’t face the music.”

To nobody’s surprise, Wednesday afternoon rolled around, and I didn’t break the news to Raina. I walked into Chemistry with Hayden like usual, trying to keep my nerves at bay. Raina was already at our table, head down as she flipped through her textbook.

And gosh, why did she have to look so freaking gorgeous? The way her hair flowed reminded me of a princess.

This fairy tale didn’t have a happy ending.

“Afternoon,” I said, taking my backpack off and sliding next to her. “Getting a head start?”

“Hey. Just studying for the test next week.” She looked up and smiled. “Are you feeling better today?”

“Huh?” I asked, even though I knew what she was talking about.

“You already forgot about yesterday?”

I wish. “Look, I’m sorry all of that happened. I just have trouble with my anxiety sometimes.” I was digging myself into a deep hole, one I couldn’t get out of.

“I understand. I just wanted to make sure that you were okay. You know, you always check on me, so I’m checking on you.”

I smiled, despite the knots in my stomach from her concern. “Thank you.”

Throughout the class, I was able to control my nerves, but a new feeling crashed over me instead—guilt. My stomach muscles stayed clenched, like I was trying to keep myself from throwing up all over our notes.

And Raina sat there, clueless to it all, focused on the lecture and trying not to bump her elbow into mine. Part of me wanted to take my jacket off and bump my elbow into hers just so I could feel the warmth of her skin.

You’re sick , I hissed at myself. You’re a sick person .

I needed to do something about this sooner rather than later before I drowned in the ditch I’d thrown myself in.

When I arrived at the shelter, my first task was to clean the dog kennel cages with Arielle, one of the largest and worst tasks. It seemed like the majority of my tasks at this shelter consisted of cleaning cages.

My life literally was becoming a pile of crap.

“You look thrilled,” Arielle said as I joined her in the dog kennel. Her hair was pulled into a high ponytail, and she already had dirt on her sneakers. Or at least what I hoped was dirt.

I put on my gloves. “Not the first task I want to do after school.”

“Please, I get put on cleaning-related jobs all the time while everyone else gets the fun jobs.” She adjusted her gloves. “I don’t think Mrs. Landers likes me.”

“Did you date Oliver too? ”

She snorted. “I’m one of the few girls who hasn’t.” She opened the first cage. “I’m guessing you heard about his thing with Raina.”

Yeah, and it made me want to puke . “I’m not surprised. She’s pretty.” I fought against the heat that rushed to my cheeks . Why do I blush so easily? “I mean, you’re obviously pretty too.”

“Thank you.” She giggled, her eyes lighting up. Way less icy than Raina’s. “How are you adjusting here?”

“It’s been better than I expected.” I opened a cage to start cleaning. “But I still miss Dallas.”

She nodded as she opened the cage next to mine. “What was your favorite thing about home?”

“The memories,” I said, trying to ignore the sadness weighing on my chest. “Especially with my best friend.”

“I’m sorry you had to move,” Arielle said with sincerity in her voice as she wiped down the cage, wincing at the disgusting walls. “Anything else?”

“Why do you ask?” I raised an eyebrow.

“Just getting to know you.” She gave me a smile that seemed genuine, but there was something she wasn’t telling me. I, of all people, would know. “We haven’t talked much.”

“Okay,” I said, keeping my tone indifferent.

Now she raised an eyebrow at me as if I was the one who was up to something. “What?”

I see what you’re trying to do . I didn’t know how much Raina had talked about me—Alex—to Arielle, but if Raina had said something that made her think of me, I wouldn’t have been surprised.

Everyone had picked up on the weird way I acted around her, and if Arielle knew the slightest bit of information about Alex, she could put two and two together.

And I’d be done for if she did.

“Okay,” I repeated, paying more attention to the dirty cage in front of me than to her .

“Did I make you uncomfortable?” She was way too good at playing innocent if she really was up to something.

“No, I’m just thinking about my best friend. We used to do tasks like this together.”

“Aw.” There went that nod. “What’s his name?”

Yeah, there was no denying it. She wanted to connect the dots.

“Connor.” It was Toby’s middle name, but I knew I hadn’t shared that with Chloe.

I took out my phone and scrolled through my favorites.

“Here’s a picture of us and our dogs, Dave and Austin.

” Dave and Austin? Buster and Houston? Seriously?

“Aww, they’re adorable.” Arielle beamed.

I fought the urge to smirk. I knew I had to keep things consistent so I didn’t get tangled in this web of lies, but it wouldn’t be hard. But as I cleaned the cages, worries filled my head.

What if she tells everyone else about Connor?

What if she talks to Kami or my mom about Austin, only to realize that his name is Houston? What if she still knows I’m lying anyway ?

Gosh, I took back what I said. This web of lies was going to choke me while I was still in it, but I was too much of a chicken to escape in time.

I didn’t think I’d use the notebook Raina had given me anytime soon. After my songwriting session with Hayden, when he asked me to join his band, I wasn’t in the mood to write down any of my thoughts. But my whirlwind of emotions was killing me.

After tossing and turning at two in the morning, I got out of my bed, waking Houston up from the foot of my bed. I rubbed his back before turning on my desk lamp and opening my notebook. The pages were white and fresh, welcoming my creativity.

I opened the new pack of pens Raina had given me and picked up the black and green pens. Pour your entire soul onto those pages , Hayden’s voice said in my head.

I hope I have enough pages for the size of my soul .

I made an index on the first few pages before writing down everything. I didn’t think about who might see it or censor out how I was feeling. Everything I wanted to say was important and belonged here. And if all else failed, I could just rip the pages out and throw them far, far away.

Flashbacks of the talent show popped into my head, but I shook them away. I wasn’t going to let what happened get to me anymore.

It was time to give what I loved a second chance.