Page 39 of Before We’re More Than Friends (When We Faced the Music #1)
Dallas
W hat did you wear when you were about to ruin an entire relationship? Asking for a friend.
Because I may possibly be my only friend after tonight.
I’d sealed the deal on Thursday after the Connections disaster. As much as I’d wanted to blurt out the truth on screen, it would’ve been as crappy as breaking up with someone over text. I hadn’t been following my morals well, but they weren’t that shot.
Clearly, I should’ve done that instead.
There was no way Raina didn’t hate my guts. Especially since she hadn’t worn the bracelet yesterday. It tore me up knowing I’d hurt her so badly, not explaining anything yet, but now I stood here staring at half of my wardrobe on the floor, wishing I’d taken the easy way out.
“For crying out loud, just wear what you normally wear,” Toby said on FaceTime while I searched my closet for something nice to wear to the bonfire Oliver was hosting.
He stuffed popcorn into his face as he watched TV with Buster.
“If I were you, I’d want to look like crap since I’d already feel like crap. ”
“Well, thanks. I know to always come to you for fashion advice.” Groaning, I slammed the closet door. “Maybe I shouldn’t even go.”
“Seriously?” Toby’s brows furrowed. “You promised you’d tell her tonight. You promised Jayden?—”
“Hayden.”
“—you promised me, and you promised yourself. And there’s no reason to do it anymore. She’s already upset with the pen pal version of you, and she deserves a proper explanation. I know the friendship with the girl you’re in love with is on the line, but it’s inevitable.”
It’s inevitable . I knew it was true, but the words still sent nausea through my system. “Maybe I’m not in love with her,” I said, the L-word sounding funky on my tongue. “Maybe it’s just my hormones kicking in late because I’d never had a female best friend before.”
Toby paused the TV. “Even if that’s true, you can’t deny that you love her platonically. And you also can’t deny that you’re acting a lot like her dad. You’re being a coward.”
A knife twisted my insides. “I know.”
“Then why are you still trying to take the easy way out?” His voice rose. “Dallas Alexander, this isn’t like you at all. If you suddenly had feelings for me, would you want to cut me out of your life instead of trying to confront your feelings head-on?”
Dang, I’d gotten myself so tangled up in this situation that I was now hypothetically bisexual. “That would be an entirely different ballgame.”
“Would it?” He narrowed his eyes at me. “Would it really be different?”
“Well, yeah.” I swallowed. “But I wouldn’t cut you out of life because of it. It would hurt because you wouldn’t feel the same way, but you wouldn’t deserve me treating you differently. ”
“So why don’t you want to do that to Raina?”
I drew in a sharp breath. “Because it’s different.”
“Is it really different, or are you just looking for excuses because you don’t want to face the fact that your life has changed?”
I hated how right he was. I hated that he could word my feelings and logic better than I could. That he knew me so well.
“You can’t even respond.” Toby sighed. “Dallas Alexander, you’re going to have to grow some balls sooner or later.” He got up from the couch, taking his phone with him. “And it’s already later.”
Tears stung the back of my eyes. Toby and I had gotten in fights before, but he’d never been this upset with me.
“I-I just thought I’d be able to push the pen pal thing aside and focus on my friendship with Raina.
That doing this would help get rid of some of my feelings for her.
But . . .” I swallowed the lump in my throat. “I’m in misery. And nothing helps.”
“And whose fault is that?” Toby propped his phone as he threw away his bowl of popcorn.
I didn’t respond. We both knew the answer.
“You’ve changed,” Toby said, taking his phone off the counter. “I don’t know what else has happened, but I don’t like what I’m seeing.”
“You don’t understand!” I shouted like a ten-year-old, my blood pounding in my ears. “And I didn’t call you so you can make me feel like a bigger asshole than I already am.”
Toby’s face pinched. “You’re right. I don’t understand why you’re only hurting everyone around you.” He picked up his phone again. “I’m going to take Buster out for a walk now.”
“After eating popcorn?”
“Burn the calories.”
Yeah, he was lying. “Okay,” I said. “Have a good evening.”
But he hung up on me before I could finish my sentence .
Shouting curses, I threw my phone across the room, hoping that my protective case would do its job. Seconds later, someone knocked on the door. I groaned. “I just dropped a few things!” My era of being a good liar had clearly ended.
The door slowly opened, and Kami appeared, her hair in a messy bun. “What’s going on?” she asked, rubbing her eyes as if she’d been sleeping. It was only six forty-five in the evening, but maybe she’d decided to take a nap.
“I just dropped a few things,” I repeated, my hands shaking as I tried to pick up a few clothes from the floor. Houston whined when I tried to pull my shirts from underneath him.
Kami blinked at the chaos that was my room. “You dropped your entire wardrobe?”
“Yes,” I muttered. “I’m getting ready for Oliver’s bonfire at seven thirty.”
She still stared at all my clothes as I put them in piles on my bed. “Are you going on a date right after?”
I wish . “I just want to look decent, okay?”
“What was with all the shouting?” She rubbed her eyes again. “You look upset.”
“I’m not.” I tried to get Houston off my clothes again, but he wouldn’t budge. “Gosh, why can’t you move?”
Houston gave me puppy eyes before crossing one paw over the other.
“Yeah, totally not upset.” Kami sat down on my bed, clearly not going anywhere. “Is it about Raina?”
“Sheesh, is she the only thing my life revolves around?” I snapped. “All people want to talk about is me and her!”
Kami didn’t flinch, staring at me as if she already knew the answer.
I collapsed onto the floor, putting my head in my hands. “I’m sorry.” I drew in a deep breath before rambling to her about the full situation. My words were so jumbled that I had no idea if I was making sense.
When I was done, she looked just as surprised as Hayden had been, her mouth hanging open as her black lashes fluttered.
“And you’re just telling me this now?” she asked.
“I’m just as guilty of keeping relationship secrets as you were,” I muttered, trying one last time to get Houston off my clothes. He stuck out his tongue as if he were taunting me.
“This is eating you alive, Dallas.” She slid off the bed and sat on the floor next to me. “You definitely need to tell her at the bonfire tonight.”
“I know. It just makes me so sick to my stomach knowing it’ll destroy everything.” Images of what Raina’s face would look like flooded my mind. The hurt, the frustration, the fury. “There’s no way she isn’t going to be upset from how she responded on Connections.”
Kami put her hand on my shoulder. “It probably won’t be pretty, but you can do it. I know you still have a good heart.” Her eyes locked with mine, heavy emotion lacing the deep brown. “It wouldn’t hurt so much if you didn’t.”
I couldn’t have agreed any less. My heart was selfish, confused, and everything in between. “I wish I didn’t have one.” I stared at my lap. “If I didn’t, I wouldn’t love so hard.”
“I know. I wish I didn’t, either.” She brushed through my curls. “If you want, I can come to the bonfire with you.”
“Wouldn’t that be awkward?” I asked. “You know, since you rejected Oliver?”
Kami waved a hand. “He probably has his eyes on the next girl anyway.”
“Well, you’re welcome to come. Sienna is bringing her cousins, and I think Hayden’s sister is coming too.” Lana and Kami shared some classes, and they’d gotten along at my birthday party .
“It’d be better than staying in the house like I always do.” She fiddled with the zippers of one of my jackets. “I hadn’t really gone anywhere outside of school and the shelter. Even you have more of a social life than I do.”
I snorted. “That’s something different. But I do want you to come. It’ll be fun. And it’ll make me feel better.”
She gave me the warmest smile I’d seen from her in a while. “Then I will.”
The green-and-blue bracelet with a black star was foreign to my skin as I twisted it around my wrist in the car, counting the minutes until my incoming doom.
“You’re going to break that thing,” Kami said as I followed her out of the car.
“It may as well already be broken,” I said, hiding the bracelet with my jacket sleeve. A gust of wind blew by, sending a chill down my spine. “I don’t know if I can do this.”
“Don’t back out of this.” Kami rubbed my back. “It’s a beautiful night out.”
“That’s the problem.” There wasn’t a cloud in sight, and the stars danced more than I’d seen them since I’d moved here. It was perfect for a bonfire. Perfect for spending time with people you loved.
Not perfect for throwing up s’mores.
“Hey, guys!”
I jumped, stumbling backward, to see Oliver open the gate next to his house. “Oh, hey,” I said, putting a hand to my chest.
“Sorry I scared you.” Oliver laughed before his gaze traveled to Kami, but his smile didn’t falter. “Hey, didn’t know you were coming.”
“I can’t miss out on s’mores,” Kami said, smiling back .
“You made the right choice.” Oliver’s smile widened as he gestured for us to go into his backyard. “Almost everyone is here already. Just waiting for Raina and Arielle.”
The hairs on my neck stood up, the palms of my hands sweating. “Cool,” I said, sounding anything but thrilled.
Oliver raised an eyebrow but didn’t question me. He led us into the backyard, where everyone was sitting around the fire. Hayden was playing his acoustic guitar and singing with Caleb.