Page 85 of Beautifully Broken

The sun beats down on me from the window, waking me up. I slowly maneuverer out of Trevor’s hold so I don’t wake him.

I head straight to the bathroom and wash my face. Looking at my reflection, I take in my appearance. I look like me, but I don’t feel like me.

No, I feel battered and bruised. Even with sleep, I feel exhausted and ready to go back to bed. My red puffy eyes have bags under them and I’ve lost coloring in my face.

I need help.

I know I can’t do this on my own anymore and it’s a relief to admit that. While Trevor and I talked last night, a thought came to mind. I came to the conclusion that I not only need help with my problem, but I need therapy to sift through everything with my mom.

Padding out into the room, I quietly grab my laptop out of my suitcase. I sit at the small table in the corner and turn it on. Bringing up the web browser, I search for local facilities that focus on eating disorders.

I’ve been able to narrow my choices down to two options when Trevor wakes up.

“Morning,” he says with a yawn.

I glance up from my screen with a smile. “Morning.”

He comes over and drops a kiss on my forehead. “How are you feeling?” Trevor moves to sit at the end of the bed.

“Not great,” I admit, honestly.

He nods. “Understandable. How about I get us some coffee?”

“That would be amazing. Thank you.” I smile at him.

With Trevor out of the room, I call both facilities in private to inquire about availability and exactly what they treat and how .

It’s not that I don’t want Trevor here with me, but I need to do this on my own. Having a support system is crucial, but taking the initiative on my own means I am in control of this decision, not being influenced by anyone else.

By the time Trevor comes back, I’ve made my choice. The facility has an opening today, so my next call is to the front desk to cancel my room for tonight.

“Here you go,” Trevor says as he sets my coffee down.

“Thank you. This is much needed.” I take a sip before talking again. “So, I have something to tell you.”

Trevor puts his coffee down, taking a seat at the edge of the bed again, turning his attention solely on me. “Okay, what is it?”

Getting up from the table, I move to sit next to him. “I am going to be checking myself into a treatment facility for an eating disorder. I’ve been battling this on my own for years and it’s about time I get the help I need.”

He laces his fingers with mine. “I’m so sorry, Soph. Why didn’t you say anything?”

I lift one shoulder. “Honestly, it’s embarrassing.

I thought it was something I could handle on my own.

I don’t want to be the broken girl and each time I threw up, another piece of me broke.

I thought I was weak and needed fixing. But I wanted to do the fixing or have my mom help me.

That isn't happening, so I need to do this for myself.”

He wraps an arm around my shoulders. “You are not broken. There is nothing to be embarrassed about. I’m so proud you decided to get help on your own.”

I lean into him. “Thank you. That means a lot.”

“Whatever I can do to be there for you, I will,” he says, rubbing his hand up and down my arm. “If you want me to be.”

I nod. “I’d like that. The place I’m going to has family and friend’s day so it would be nice to have a visitor.”

He leans his head on top of mine. “Done. And if you need anything else, you let me know.”

I’m glad he said that, because I do need something from him.

I move to face him. “Actually, there is something.” I play with the hem of my shirt. “If I write a letter to my mom, can you give it to her? ”

He raises both eyebrows in shock. “If you want me to, I will.”

“Thank you,” I say, getting up and going over to my bag.

I pull out the small notebook and take the seat I was in at the table.

Trevor gets up off the bed. “I’m going to give you some time to write that. I’m going to grab a shower at home and come back. Okay?”

I get up and walk over to him, sliding my arms around his waist. “Thank you. I’m glad you came here last night.”

He slides his arms around me, hugging me back. “I’m glad I did too. I’ll be back.” He places a kiss on my cheek before leaving.

I get to work on my letter.

Cheryl,

While I don’t think this will matter to you, it’s something I need to do.

You are my mom, but I can’t continue to allow you to hurt me this way.

I’m checking myself into a treatment center.

Your vicious words have affected me for the last time.

As much as I would love for us to have a relationship, I don’t foresee that happening unless you make some changes, too.

I’m working on me, but unless you do the same for yourself, I can’t have you in my life.

I love you and I hope one day we’re able to talk.

Love,

Sophia

It’s not long after I’m done that Trevor messages me to tell me he’s on his way over to the hotel. I head down to the lobby to wait for him.

Trevor walks in, smiling when he spots me. He isn’t running away even though things are complicated right now and I know I made the right decision last night to believe him.

“You ready?” he asks when in front of me.

I nod. “As I’ll ever be.”

We walk hand in hand to my car, where he loads my suitcase for me.

I hold out the letter for my mom to him. “This is for Cheryl.”

“I will get it to her tomorrow.” He takes it from me.

He pulls me into his arms, holding me tight. “I’m going to miss you.”

I smile into his chest. “I’m going to miss you, too. It’s a ninety day initial period and I can extend it if I choose. But we’ll be able to talk and you can visit. ”

He pulls back, looks me in my eyes. “You bet I will.” Then he’s pulling me back in.

I let him hold me, enjoying the comfort his arms provide to me. Before long, I’m pulling back, but not before I drop a kiss on his cheek. “Thank you. I’ll talk to you when I can.”

Trevor nods and opens my door, letting me slide in before closing it. With my car started, I roll the window down.

“You got this, Soph,” Trevor says with a sad smile before turning to go to his SUV.

I’m going to miss seeing him at the office or messaging back and forth all day.

I pull out of the parking lot, thinking about how much my life has changed in twenty-four hours. And how thankful I am for it because today starts my healing journey to having a life I love.