Page 10 of Beautifully Broken

Ezra

I carry Blaire to the bed and sit with her tucked against my chest.

The second we sink into the mattress, Blaire tries to slide out of my lap, but I don’t let her. “Let me help you. Please. Give me a chance to prove that I can be the man that should have stayed by your side. Please Blaire.”

Blaire lifts her head off my chest and stares up at me with rose-colored cheeks. “Why should I? I don’t know who you are anymore. The only thing that’s the same is your eyes and your stubborn attitude. How can I trust you when I don’t even know where you’ve been for the last decade, Ezra?”

She’s right. And it's time for me to tell her the truth. I just hope I can make it through without sending myself into a goddamn panic attack.

Haven’t been able to do it, even to Andi. Let’s see if I can do it for the girl I would die for.

Nodding, I swipe away a tear on her cheek. “You’re right.”

Blaire’s eyes go wide and I grin. “Don’t give me that look.

We may not have seen each other in a decade, but you should know that still to this day, I worship the ground you walk on.

You may not trust me, but the man that loved you is sitting right in front of you.

And if I have to get on my knees and tell you every second of the past ten years to gain a sliver of your trust, I will. ”

Glancing down at her lap, Blaire pulls at the strands of her shirt. Her hands start to shake and before I can stop myself, I cover her hands with mine. Her gaze darts up to mine and I see the war raging in her head on what to do or say.

Her mouth opens and closes a few times and by the way her chest is rapidly rising and falling, I know we are not off to a good start .

“Ivy?” I ask. She doesn’t answer, and I watch for a moment as she continues to spiral. Raising the palm of my hand. I graze her cheek, then brush my thumb under her chin to tilt her eyes up toward mine.

“I–I don’t know. I don’t fucking know. This is all too much right now. Part of me wants to sit and hear everything you have to say. But the other part wants to run as fast as I can away from all of this. It's just too damn much.”

Think, Ezra. She is not safe out there.

Her eyes dart around the room, and I grasp her hand, gaining her attention. “Hey. Why don’t you go take a shower? Reset. I will be right here waiting for you when you are done.”

Blaire hesitates for a moment, but then nods and makes her way to the bathroom.

I follow right behind her and turn on the shower for her before heading into the walk-in closet and grab her one of my t-shirts and a pair of sweats.

I could snag one of the many items she hasn’t shoved into her bag, but I’m selfish and want to see her in mine.

Silently, she watches as I place a towel on the warming rack before standing toe to toe with her in front of the shower.

Words fail me and I lean down, placing a kiss atop her head, then leave her to be alone in her thoughts.

As I sit back on the bed, staring at the door, time stands still.

I need to get myself together because I know if I mess this up, I will ruin my one shot at truly reclaiming Ivy.

***

The bathroom door opens, the steam from the shower flowing into the bedroom. Blaire’s long blonde hair is in a knot atop her head and my shirt falls to her mid thigh.

She is absolutely perfect.

Blaire’s gaze meets mine, and I open my arms wide.

Come to me, baby. Please give me a chance.

With her head held high, she cuts the distance between us and crosses her arms over chest, her lips pursed and her eyebrow cocked .

There’s my brave girl. I knew she was in there.

My arms drop to my side and I itch to pull her into my lap, but I don’t.

“I’m giving you one chance to tell me the full truth. If you hesitate, hold back, or I sense you’re lying, I will walk out that door and you will never hear from me again. I survived this long on my own with Carson. I can and will do it again, and there is nothing you can do to stop me. Got it?”

“Yes ma’am. I meant what I said Ivy. I will get on my knees if that's what it takes for you to give me a chance.”

Slowly, I slide off the bed, and her resolve breaks as a grin spreads across her face.

Pushing against my shoulder, she shakes her head. And because I am desperate, I latch onto her arm and pull her to my lap.

I sit us back against the headboard and tuck her against my chest. My arms wrap around her, almost caging her in.

Call me selfish, but I need to feel her against me as I say the words I am ashamed to utter out loud.

What if she hates me? What if she doesn’t want to be with the monster I’ve become? What if all the work I did to be a better man was for nothing?

“EJ. Start talking.”

“What did you just say?” I ask, emotion clogging my throat.

Tilting her head to look up at me, she smiles. “Don’t get all sappy on me. It’s just a nickname.”

Oh, how wrong you are, Ivy.

Get yourself together, Ezra. Now is not the time to go all sappy.

“The day I left was the second worst day of my life. I had nowhere to go, but every mile that passed as I drove away from Ripper Valley felt like my heart was being ripped out of my chest. Please believe me when I say that I truly believed Carson would leave you alone. If I would have known his intentions, I wouldn’t have left.

I was heartbroken, but I knew the first thing I needed to do was get clean, so one day, if I found my way back to you, I would have a chance. ”

Blaire nods and I continue, “Somehow I found myself in New York City. I was living on the streets and quickly found out getting sober was going to be almost impossible. I tried to get clean on my own, but the withdrawals made me hallucinate demons I tried to tell myself didn’t exist, but my body wouldn’t listen. ”

Memories fly through my mind like a bloody carousel, spinning at top speed, and I tilt my head back to rest on the headboard.

Swallowing the lump in my throat, I keep my eyes fixed on the ceiling.

“I used to blame the hallucinations, the drugs, and whatever sick individual that threatened me for what I became. But I soon realized while I was pointing fingers at others, one was always pointing back at myself and that was who was the true culprit of the destruction I caused.”

Blaire shifts in my arms and I tighten my hold on her, squeezing my eyes shut as panic rises in my chest. “My hands are stained with the blood of thousands. Most, at first, were those who tried to kill me for whatever drug I could get my hands on. But soon, it became an almost instant decision. If they looked like they were up to something, they were dead within the hour. The name Ripper of the Upper West Side started circulating and, before I knew it, I was being approached by faceless men with a pocket of cash and a photo of my next kill.”

“Eventually, all the cash added up to get me a place to live. I told myself to stop. That it was just a means to an end, but I couldn’t.

I was addicted. It was the only thing that stopped me from running back to Ripper Valley and dragging you away from that fucking town because I thought you were better off.

Because you loved me through one addiction, but there was no way you could love me through one that was rooted in bloodlust.

“The years bled into the next until one day when I finally heard back from the PI I hired to check on you. He said you looked like an average small-town girl and Carson was still the King of the Valley. He said you looked happy, so I figured Carson kept good on his promise, but he—”

“Didn’t see that he was slowly killing me from the inside.” Blaire’s small voice interrupts me and I tear my gaze away from the ceiling.

Her eyes are bloodshot and her thumb swipes away a tear falling down my cheek. “I’m so sorry.”

“I know.”

My head drops to hers and I let out a sigh. My chest shakes as sadness, anger, and guilt consume me.

“Keep going. I need to know everything. ”

I shake my head against hers. She’s right.

Leaning back, I stare into her darkened gaze, knowing my next words could change everything.

“I couldn’t stop. I tried, but the high was too addicting.

Then Andi came into my life. I thought she was a setup from the NYPD at first. But I couldn’t have been more wrong.

She works for an underground agency that rescues hundreds of victims a year while delivering the proper punishment to their captors.

To this day, I have no idea why she sought me out, but I owe her my life.

“She gave me one choice. Get sober and work for her, or she would kill me. Instantly, your face flashed in my mind and I knew if I got sober, maybe I had a chance at winning you back. So I got sober and morphed into a person I didn’t recognize.

The things I saw. The people I killed. Who I became was far scarier than the man living in his car shooting god knows what into his veins and killing for the hell of it. ”

My entire body lights on fire and I climb out from behind Blaire. It feels as if the room is closing in on me and a bead of sweat drips down my forehead. My feet pace in a circle on the carpet before I tear my shirt over my head and drop to my knees before Blaire, resting my head on her knees.

Blaire cups my face in her hands and tilts my head to look up at her. “EJ. Get up. You don’t have to do this.”

“Ivy. You don’t understand. I kill without abandon and get high on the fact that I am the last face they see before they enter the gates of hell.

I crave it. I need it. But I need you more.

And I am fucking scared that once you get a glimpse of the monster I truly am, you will hate me even more than you already do.

I wanted to be better for you. I thought I could just walk away.

That’s why I came to you, but I was wrong.

After seeing what Carson did to you, the craving came back.

“I want to kill him. I want to wrap my hands around his neck and watch the life drain from his fucking face, then bring him back just before he dies, so I can cut him to pieces inch by inch.”

Blaire’s eyes go wide and her face slightly pales.

Fuck. I knew it. She can see how crazy I am. Dammit !

My chest tightens and my skin feels as if a million fire ants are biting me at the same time.

Tears cloud my vision, but my gaze stays locked on Blaire.

“I’m sorry Ivy. I’m sorry I left you with that monster.

I’m sorry for becoming someone just as bad as him.

But please give me a chance. I swear I will never lay an unwanted finger on you.

I promise I will protect you until my last dying breath.

Please give me a chance. I–I love you.” My head drops to her lap and a thick silence fills the room.

After what feels like an eternity, Blaire brushes her thumb against my cheek. Slowly I lift my head and my heart breaks at her bloodshot eyes staring down at me.

“I—” I go to speak, but she cuts me off.

“Let me speak.” I nod and she continues, “Carson is a monster.

He is the devil in disguise and has made my life hell for the past decade.

Even when I hated you, every day I wished you would come and drag me away from Ripper Valley.

And then you did. Unfortunately, by that time you did, I was already damaged beyond repair.

I am spoiled goods because of my brother.

I hate looking at myself in the mirror, because every time I do, I see what he and his goons did to me.

“Then you touched me and it all went away. I hate the man you have become, but I also hate the woman I have become. But I would be a hypocrite to sit here and say that I can’t accept your new lifestyle when, deep down, I feel the same.

I want to kill every last one of those men back in Ripper Valley, and I want to end with my brother as icing on top of the revenge cake.

“I have no fucking clue what the next few hours, days, months will look like because, frankly, you scare the shit out of me. What I do know the man I once loved is still behind that thick, ivy coated skin of yours. And in the spirit of honesty, you are the only shot I have at getting revenge. So if that means working together, I will do whatever I have to do to make sure my brother takes his last breath before he takes mine.”

My mind races a mile a minute as Blaire searches my face for a reaction.

Sorry baby, you are about to be just as confused as I am because that was not what I was expecting you to say at all .

Blaire’s hand drifts to the word “ivy” tattooed across my heart, tracing the letters with shaky fingers. Hurt, sadness, anger, and maybe even longing wash over her face, and I can’t help but feel the same.

Suddenly, she stands before me and holds out her hands for me. “Get up, EJ. As much as I enjoy seeing you on your knees for me, I think you have more than proven your point.”

A chuckle escapes me, and I take her hands and rise to my feet.

Blaire leads us to the windows and together, we stand, staring out at the storm filled sky.

Raindrops stream down the window and, because I have this incessant need to touch her at all times, I wrap my arms around her chest and rest my head atop hers.

Together, we let out a sigh and stare out at the bustling city below.

“Tomorrow?” I ask.

Blaire nods, not bothering to ask for clarification.

“I love you, Ivy. I know you may not feel the same, but that doesn’t matter to me.

Every waking moment of my existence has been filled with me loving you and I will never stop.

Even if you throw me to the side when this is all done.

Know that you are it for me. You are ingrained in my veins and my love for you will extend beyond any lifetime. ”

I watch in the reflection of the rain-covered glass as she squeezes her eyes shut and swallows.

I am about to reassure her once more that I will never lay a finger on her when I see something that feels like a ray of sunshine bursting through the storm.

A smile. My Ivy Girl just fucking smiled and I know in my bones it’s not at the idea of getting the hell out of this penthouse.

And just like that, the panic, anguish and hurt falls away into the dark shadows of my mind.

Oh my beautiful Ivy, you have no idea what you just did. You just gave hope to a monster whose heart only beats for one thing.

You.

I walked through hellfire and rain on the path to reclaiming ivy and I plan to do just that.

Carson Wilson, watch out. Ivy is coming for you, and you know what they say about revenge? It’s a dish best served with a whole lot of bloodshed.

The End…For Now.