Page 80 of Beautifully Broken

It’s finally the weekend. The crisp autumn air smells of pumpkin spice as mom and I pass the local coffee shop on our way to her favorite local boutique.

Earlier, when she asked me if I wanted to spend my Saturday shopping with her, I was shocked.

After the events of the past week, mom has been quiet and avoiding me as much as possible for two people who work and live together.

It didn’t take long for me to agree. It’s been almost two years since we’ve had a shopping day together.

As I got ready, hope spread in my chest that this was her peace offering to mend our broken relationship.

As we step inside, we’re greeted by Helen, the owner. She has the store decorated with pumpkins and wreaths made up from fake leaves with cinnamon in the air.

Mom stops to chat with her as I move further into the store, checking out the inventory. By the time mom catches up to me, I’ve already found the cutest plaid skirt, a floral yellow dress and a pair of jeans.

We peruse the racks, picking out items to try on and by the time we’re walking into the dressing room, it looks like we have about half the store between the two of us. Of course, almost half of the clothes she picked out end up in my dressing room.

Trying on all the clothes she picked out first, I’m quite surprised a few pieces end up in my buy pile.

When I finally make it to my choices, the first few items I try on go straight to the put-back pile. Each time I love an item, I open the door for mom to see and so far she’s liked everything I have.

Slipping the yellow dress over my head, I zip the back and glance in the mirror as I adjust it. It’s so cute!

This is definitely going in the buy pile .

When I open the door, mom’s face falls into a frown. “That is not flattering on you.”

I purse my lips. “What?”

She sighs and her shoulders fall. “I’m sorry hun. It’s a tad short and your boobs are practically spilling out of it. You also look a little bloated.”

I nod. “Thanks, Mom.” Turning back, I roll my eyes as the door closes behind me.

We’ll see what someone else has to say about it.

Grabbing my phone from my purse, I bring up Trevor’s message thread. I tap the camera icon, snapping a photo and sending it. I don’t expect him to reply right away, but my phone vibrates in my hand a moment later.

Trevor: 3 fire emojis You should buy that

That’s what I thought. Sorry mom.

The two of us have grown close since that day in his office.

I’ve never had someone show up for me the way he does.

He’s always checking in with me, seeing how my day is going.

We chat about his photoshoots outside of the events he books at work.

We’re constantly toeing the line between friendship or more.

What started out as an innocent crush has evolved into genuine feelings for him.

He has the biggest heart out of anyone I know.

I think the only problem is, neither of us wants to risk our friendship.

A knock on the door pulls my thoughts away from Trevor. “Coming.”

I change quickly and pick up the small pile of clothes that I plan to purchase before opening the door.

Mom looks up from her phone. “Ready?”

I nod. “Yes.”

We walk to the register and I let mom pay for her items first, hoping she doesn’t see what I’m buying. But that doesn’t happen. She stands right next to me with her bag in hand, waiting for me.

Helen rings up my items, and when she gets to the dress, my mom speaks up. “She isn’t getting that one.”

My head whips towards her. “Mom, that isn’t for you to say.” I return my attention to Helen. “Sorry. Please include the dress. ”

Mom huffs and walks toward the front of the store. I thank Helen once I’ve paid and meet mom at the exit. She doesn’t even look at me, instead she pushes through the door, moving onto the busy sidewalk.

Yup, she’s pissed.

The door shuts behind us and she spins on her heel, distaste written all over her face. “I can’t believe you bought that dress. Sophia, it didn’t look good on you.”

Someone thinks it does.

I close my eyes and take a deep breath. “Mom, I bought it because I liked it. I’m sorry you don’t, but that doesn’t mean I shouldn’t have bought it.”

She rolls her eyes at me. “I seriously don’t understand why you never listen to me. Really Sophia. I better not see you wear it to the office.” She shakes her head and continues walking down the street.

I follow a step behind her, not wanting to continue this argument. There isn’t a point. Again, she isn’t willing to listen to my wants or needs.

We make it to her car and get in. She doesn’t speak until we’re halfway home.

“I hope you’re happy. What was supposed to be a good day for us is now ruined.”

I stay silent because really, what is there for me to say?

She scoffs. “Nothing to say now? Whatever, I guess you don’t care.”

Anger builds inside me.

I ruined today? Is she kidding me?

“I didn’t do anything wrong, mom. I bought a piece of clothing you didn’t like. You ruined today by throwing this tantrum because I didn’t make my decision based on your opinion.”

This time, she doesn’t respond. Her face stays forward towards the windshield. A look of pure seething pulled across it. When we pull into the driveway at home, we both get out as quickly as possible.

As I’m heading up the stairs to my room, she calls out, “I’m serious, young lady. I do not want to see you wearing that dress at my office. Or anytime you are out with me!”

She is so over dramatic !

I close the door to my bedroom once inside to drown out the sound of my mother’s stomping and complaining downstairs.

I make quick work of taking off the tags from my new clothes so I can wash them with my next load of laundry. The last piece is the dress. As I hold it in my hands, I second guess my decision. Does it really look that bad on me?

I slide out of my jeans, pull on the dress on and stride to the bathroom. Glancing at my reflection, my mother's words echo in my head.

Shit, is she right? Does this not look good on me?

Her words from the store repeat in my head as I continue to stare in the mirror, And now I’m questioning, if I’m even pretty at all? Does anything look good on me?

I’m no longer confident in my decision, which has my stomach in knots because I’m letting her get to me. The nausea hits right then too, causing me to dash to the toilet.

The violent retching starts and lasts until my stomach hurts and tears are spilling down my cheeks. I lie on the plush mat, exhausted emotionally and physically. When there aren't any more tears left to cry, I force myself to get up and brush my teeth.

Changing into pajamas, I place the clothes in the hamper before crawling into bed. My phone vibrates in my purse on the bed. Sitting up, I pull it out to see it’s a message from Trevor.

Trevor: Did you buy it?

Instead of responding, I tap his contact and call him. He answers right away.

“Hey Soph.”

“Hi,” I mumble.

I hear him turn down whatever is on in the background. “What happened?”

My heart races. He knows something is wrong just from one word.

“My mom’s a bitch,” I tell him matter-of-factly.

“What did she do?”

I fill him in on our shopping trip from beginning to end, leaving out the last part of what happened in the bathroom.

“Fuck, that’s shitty. I’m glad you bought it, Soph. That dress looks so good on you. Don’t let your mom dictate what you like to wear. ”

I sigh. “I know, you’re right. Thank you for listening to me.”

“Always. Anytime, day or night. You know that.” Silence filters over the line as I take in his words and how much they mean to me. “Hey, I have an idea. I have a shoot tomorrow. At the farm out on Route five. Would you like to come?”

I hesitate. “Are you sure you want me to? Won’t I be in the way?”

He chuckles. “You could never be in the way, Soph.”

His words have my stomach doing backflips. He’s being so genuine and sincere and it only makes me fall a little bit harder.

“Okay, then yes. But how about I meet you there?” I ask. I don’t want to hurt his feelings, but if my mom knew I was seeing Trevor outside of the office, she’d be livid.

“I get it. I’ll send you the address. Meet me there at noon.”

“Trevor, thank you,” I whisper.

“For what?” he asks.

“Being here for me,” I tell him before I think better of it.

“That’s what you do when you care about someone,” he says, and I can hear the sincerity in his voice.

I take a shaky breath. “That means a lot. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“See you tomorrow, gorgeous,” he says before hanging up.

I can’t help but grin. Trevor just turned my shitty day around with not so many words. And he called me gorgeous. He’s never done that before. Sure, he’s told me I’m beautiful inside and out, but gorgeous? That’s different and new.

Without even knowing it, Trevor just shut down any self-doubt about the damn dress and my looks. He knows what I need before I do. And now I can’t wait to see him tomorrow.