Page 76 of Beautifully Broken

The running water from the sink masks the sound of me flushing the toilet. Walking over to the sink to wash my hands and ensure vomit didn’t make its way onto my clothes, I grab a tissue to wipe my mouth.

This is the part I hate. Having to look at myself in the mirror afterwards. My watery eyes are bloodshot, and I look exhausted from my muscles tightening repeatedly before the violent release stopped.

As I grab another tissue to fix the mess under my eyes, I mentally kick myself. I should know by now that this is what happens, but every time, I’m still faced with the self-hatred that I allow her to affect me the way she does.

Knock, knock.

And there she is. She must have watched me come inside the house.

“I’ll be right out,” I shout over the running water.

Taking one last glance in the mirror to make sure I look “put together enough”—my mom’s words, not mine—I turn the water off and make my way into the hallway.

Dragging my feet, I head straight for the kitchen, where I know she is waiting for me. At least everyone is outside in the back, so there isn’t anyone here to witness her berating me.

Heaven forbid someone should hear how big of a bitch she is .

Mom is standing by the open back door of the deck, letting in the summer air. At the sound of my footsteps, she turns around and heads towards me.

My mom scowls as she looks down at my pink floral sundress and black flip-flops. “Really, Sophia? You couldn’t wear something more appropriate for today? You know how important this event is,” she scolds .

Personally, I think I’m wearing the perfect outfit for this party. I didn’t want to sweat my ass off in jeans and a t-shirt, not that jeans and a t-shirt would’ve been an acceptable outfit either.

It’s the constant picking at everything about me that is the cause for why I do what I do.

She makes me feel so bad about myself. Like I’m not good enough for anything or anyone.

What’s worse is I can’t get away from her.

I still live at home. She pays most of the bills and I work for her.

The only reprieve I get comes on my solo drive into the office.

“What’s wrong with my outfit today, Mom?” I question, feeling defeated that I’ve disappointed her yet again.

She motions with her hand up and down my body. “It makes your arms look huge. Are you still on your diet and exercise routine?” she replies.

“Mom, I’ve literally worn this out with you at least a dozen times. You’ve never said anything about it before. Why is this an issue today?” I cross my arms over my chest, suddenly feeling self-conscious.

“I’ve never seen you in that dress before, Sophia. I swear,” she says, turning away to walk out onto the deck.

Patiently, I wait to head in the same direction, hoping my mom won’t call me to follow her. Stepping onto the deck, I spot Trevor taking pictures and walk over to him.

I lean on the railing next to him. “How’s it going?”

He turns his head and smiles at me. The butterflies returning to their home in my stomach and I stare out at the party to avoid getting lost in the blue sky of his eyes. “Good. How are you holding up?”

“Oh, you know, living my best life,” I tell him with a chuckle.

Trevor turns his body to me, leaning on one of his elbows. “Hey, at least it’s almost over.”

I nod. “This is true.”

“Sophia!” Mom yells from down below, pulling my attention away from Trevor.

Mom lifts her hand, waving me over to whomever is beside her.

She is ridiculous.

Any time I am near Trevor or even glance towards him, mom does any and everything she can to pull me away .

I give him an apologetic look. “Duty Calls. I’ll talk to you later.”

Leaving Trevor, I head straight to my mom with a fake smile plastered on my face.

***

A few hours later, all the guests have left, vendors have been paid and now it’s just mom and me in our kitchen.

She takes a seat at the island. “Sophia, have a seat. Let’s chat.”

It takes everything in me not to roll my eyes as I grab the stool next to her.

“Let’s discuss your friendliness .” The words come out of her, dripping with malice. Like me, being a nice person is an actual issue. Isn’t the first lesson we learn in life is to treat others how we want to be treated?

I frown. “Mom, aren’t you the one who told me it’s important the office feels like a family?”

She rolls her eyes at me. “Yes, but there is a line, Sophia. Flirting is not what I meant.”

I keep quiet at her comment. Is my small crush on Trevor that obvious? This must be why she’s always pulling me away from him. Unfortunately for her, his sweet demeanor, smile, smooth as whiskey voice and captivating eyes always pull me back in. I can’t help how I feel.

She lifts her hand, placing it on my shoulder. “Sophia, I just want the best for you and your future. I want you to have everything you want. You can do better.”

But what about what I want?

It’s always been about what she thinks is best for me. It’s never about what I want out of life. I used to think it wasn’t worth arguing about with her. She doesn’t listen to me. There’s always something hurtful coming out of her mouth directed at me, and I’m so sick of it.

“I get it, Mom,” I say, hunching my shoulders.

“Good, glad you understand.” She taps the island and gets up, walking away.

Heading straight to my room, I close the door behind me.

Alone at last .

The quiet is a nice reprieve after today. I always enjoy the events. Seeing a vision come together and everyone enjoying my hard work makes the job fun, but after five hours of interacting with people, my social battery is depleted.

After a shower and my nightly routine, I climb into bed with the latest book I’m reading. I’m trying to let my book engross me into another world, but the conversation with my mother keeps creeping into my mind, bringing Trevor to the forefront.

Trading my book for my phone, I bring up my message thread with Trevor.

Sophia: Hey

He messages back right away.

Trevor: Hey you

Sophia: Make it home okay?

Trevor: I did. You get your peace and quiet?

Sophia: After my mom tried to tell me about what I deserve in life…

Trevor: Again?

Sophia: Yup. I told her I got it so she wouldn't go on.

Trevor: I’m sorry, Soph. Not to sound like your mom but you deserve better than that.

Sophia: Lol. You don’t sound like her. You actually listen to me.

Trevor: You know I’m always here for you.

Sophia: I appreciate you.

Sophia: I think I’m headed to bed. I’ll see you Monday?

Trevor: See you Monday. Call me if you need to talk.

Sophia: Night

Placing my phone on the charger, I feel slightly better.

Trevor gets it with my mom. He sees how she is at work and with me.

It’s nice to have someone to talk to about my life and know he won’t gossip about anything I tell him.

He’s loyal, trustworthy and so damn kind.

It’s no wonder my feelings for him are developing into something more than friendship.

But my mom would never approve, doing whatever she could to keep us apart.

And I just don’t know what to do about that.