Page 42 of Anyone But Me

The next week passed by rather uneventfully.

Jax had been right. Taking the weekend off and not preparing everything for the week ahead hadn’t completely messed me up.

I actually felt better after my weekend off.

I wasn’t sure if that had more to do with the woman I spent the weekend with or the fact that I only had to work three days because of Christmas.

VisuSphere gave their employees time off on Christmas Eve and Christmas and allowed us to work remotely for the week between Christmas and New Years.

That meant I didn’t have to go back to New York until the following weekend.

I wanted to go back before that to spend time with Jax, but my sister and brother had both spent Christmas with their significant others’ families, so we were doing our whole family Christmas celebration the day before New Year’s Eve, then my brother’s family was staying through the weekend, and Olivia would be back in Philly.

I figured it might seem a little strange if I went back to New York, just to return to my parents’ house a few days later.

Jax had been very vocal about me staying, so I had time with my family.

Christmas Eve and Day had been nice, but a little lonely. My moms were there, as well as all four of my grandparents and Uncle Jamie and Uncle Ethan, but being the only one under sixty didn’t make for the most fun holiday.

The six guests left after an early dinner, and I had excused myself to my room at that time.

Since then, all I had been able to think about was Jax and where we went from here.

I made a list in my head—finish my bucket list, talk to Olivia about my feelings, then finally work up the nerve to talk to Jax.

If any of those steps went awry, this whole thing could blow up and I could end up with an even worse heartbreak than before.

The most important step was talking to Olivia.

This would never be able to go anywhere if she wasn’t okay with it.

It was easy to separate both of my lives when I was away from everyone in New York, living in the bubble me and Jax had created for ourselves.

Being back home and seeing signs of my sister everywhere I went was a harsh reality check that I was sure would get even worse once she was actually present.

My thoughts were interrupted by a knock on my door. “Come in!” I yelled to the person on the other side.

The door opened and my mama walked in and sat down beside me on my bed. “Are you doing okay? You were awfully quiet today.”

“I’m good.” I let out a long sigh when I realized how unconvincing that sounded.

“I guess it’s just weird being the only one left at home for holidays.

For so long while we were growing up, I assumed I’d be the first to settle down and have a family, but then Marcie dumped me, and that all blew up.

Now I’m twenty-eight, single, and spending Christmas alone at my moms’.

It just feels like my life took an unexpected turn and I haven’t been able to fully get on my feet since. ”

“Aw, sweetie.” My mama put her hand on my knee. “You are a beautiful, successful, smart young woman. You have so much to be proud of. Don’t judge the merit of your life based on whether you have a significant other.”

I shrugged. I knew what she was saying made sense, but it was also hard to take advice from a woman who had been happily married for over thirty years.

When my mama was my age, she had already met and started dating my mom.

“It’s just hard when I’m always surrounded by so much love.

” I shook my head when I realized how bad that sounded.

“Don’t get me wrong, I’m very thankful for our family.

I think it’s amazing that I have two moms who are still madly in love after all of this time. You just set the bar really high.”

“I understand that, sweetie, but you have to understand that you kids only saw the good parts most of the time. You’re not wrong.

I am still madly in love with your mom, but it wasn’t always easy.

True love never is. There’s always going to be one thing or another standing in your way at some point.

You need to push through that. That’s what makes it love. ”

I knew the one thing standing in my way right now was my own fear.

Fear Jax didn’t actually feel the same. Fear she would change her mind when life became too mundane and boring with me.

Fear my sister wouldn’t be okay with me dating her best friend.

“Was it weird for you to date Uncle Jamie’s best friend?

Was Uncle Jamie always okay with it or did he try to fight you two on it?

” I knew my Uncle Jamie and Uncle Ethan had an amazing relationship with my moms now, but I had no idea if that had always been the case.

Much to my surprise, my mama chuckled loudly in response to my question. “Oh, honey, that was a big roadblock for us.”

Great . My mama must have noticed the way my face dropped, because she squeezed my knee.

“Not exactly in the way you’re thinking.

” She moved her hand from my knee and sat up taller as if she was preparing to give a lecture.

“I guess you’re old enough now to hear more of the details of when your mom and I met.

I sometimes forget that you kids aren’t five years old anymore.

Anyway, as you know, Uncle Jamie asked your mom to be his fake girlfriend, because he was afraid to come out to our parents.

It turned out, I was struggling with the same thing.

Jamie and I weren’t nearly as close back then.

Honestly, we barely spoke at all. So, neither of us had come out to each other because we didn’t know how the other person would react. ”

My eyes widened at this confession. I couldn’t imagine my siblings being anything but one-hundred percent accepting. I also couldn’t imagine a time when people didn’t realize my mama and Uncle Jamie were gay.

“I know, right?” my mom said with a laugh when she noticed my face.

“Anyway, your Uncle Jamie somehow got your mom to go along with his hare-brained scheme, and she came to our family reunion as his girlfriend.” When her face got a dreamy look on it, I knew that meant she was going to start talking about my mom.

“I know it sounds cliche, but as soon as I saw your mom, my heart just knew that she was the one I had been looking for. The only problem was that she was my brother’s girlfriend and completely off limits, so I tried my best to behave.

Your mom wasn’t quite as good at that, and after I came out to her, she kissed me.

” My mom sighed wistfully as she stared out my window.

“It was on the roof of your grandma and grandpa’s house, and it was the most perfect first kiss ever.

Except, of course, for the fact that I thought my brother’s girlfriend had just cheated on him with me.

I tried to pull away which led to your mom letting it slip that she wasn’t actually Uncle Jamie’s girlfriend, and was, in fact, very gay.

The hard part of the whole thing was how Jamie found out about us. ”

I cringed thinking about the part I read in Laurel Lake’s book that I knew she based off of my moms’ story. It was a scene that no child wants to picture their parents in. “You mean when your nana caught you?”

My mama shook her head. “Your Uncle Jamie actually caught us first.” She pointed a finger at me.

“Just kissing. I promise. But yeah, things really blew up from there. He was scared that if we continued what we were doing we would end up outing him, which he ended up being right about. When that happened, things really went south. I’ve never seen your Uncle Jamie so mad in my entire life.

It even tore me and your mom apart. I didn’t know if I’d ever see her again. But you know what?”

“What?” My palms were getting sweaty listening to her story. Of course my mama didn’t know why I had asked the question, so she wasn’t trying to make me nauseous, but that’s certainly what was happening. If this is what happens when your sibling finds out, I didn’t know if I could handle it.

“Even with how badly that whole thing went and how angry Uncle Jamie was, he still had our backs. I don’t even think it took a week before Jamie was the one who brought your mom and I back together.

So, even when things look bad or hopeless, there’s one thing you can always count on—true love.

That love can be from a significant other, friends, or family.

It doesn’t really matter. What matters is that’s what gets us over the mountains. ”

I wiped my palms on my comforter as the feeling of relief swept through me.

Of course, I knew my moms’ story had a happy ending, but I was glad to find out it didn’t take forever to happen.

I was getting way ahead of myself, though.

I was only speculating that Jax had feelings for me.

That hadn’t even been confirmed yet, which is why I had to stick to my plan.

Plans had always worked for me. They were my safety net.

“Is there a reason you asked, sweetie?” Something about the way she was looking at me made me think that my mama had figured out exactly why I was asking her that.

There was a sparkle in her eyes and a certain upward twitch of her lips that she always seemed to get when she was excited about something.

But, did that mean that she liked the idea of Jax and I together?

I shook my head, partly to deny her question and partly to shake all of these thoughts away. “No. I was just curious.”

My mom stared at me for a long time as if she was waiting for me to crack. When I didn’t, she stood from the bed and smiled down at me. “I just want you to know if there’s ever anything you need to talk about, you can talk to me. I don’t want you to feel like you can’t.”

“Of course. I know.”