Page 30 of Anyone But Me
I woke up the next day to a knock on my door.
I blinked my eyes open and stretched before standing up out of bed and dragging myself across the room.
When I opened my door, I wasn’t surprised to see Jax, since she was the only one I expected to be in our apartment, but that didn’t stop me from taking a deep breath at the sight of her standing right in front of me.
“Hey,” I said breathlessly.
Jax stared at me for a few seconds before her lips split into a smile. “Good morning.” She looked down at her feet. “Sorry to wake you, but do you think we could talk?”
I swallowed hard. I didn’t know if there was anyone in this world who could hear the words ‘Can we talk’ and not panic, but I certainly wasn’t one of them. “Yeah, definitely. Can I just have a few minutes to get changed and brush my teeth and stuff?”
“Of course. I’ll be here all day.” Jax winked at me before walking away.
At least the wink meant she most likely wasn’t mad.
That didn’t stop me from obsessing over what she might want to talk about the whole time I got ready.
I took my time picking out my outfit, fixing my hair, and brushing my teeth.
I wasn’t trying to waste time… okay, that was actually exactly what I was doing, but the closer I got to being ready, the faster my heart beat, and I could barely take it.
When there was nothing else I could possibly do, I left my room.
Jax was lying on the couch, looking at something on her phone while she snuggled Speck.
Speck looked up at me, but quickly laid his head back down, clearly not willing to give up his snuggles from Jax to greet me. I get it buddy. Trust me.
“So, what’s up?” I asked as I took a seat on the recliner.
Jax put her phone down and pulled Speck closer to her as if she was using him for protection. “Are you mad at me?”
“Mad at you?” I had no idea why she would think that. She hadn’t done anything wrong. “Of course not. You’re the perfect roommate.”
“Are you sure? These past few weeks, it’s felt like you don’t want to be around me at all. I get that you’re busy with work and writing and new friends, and that’s fine, but I just wanted to make sure I didn’t do anything wrong.”
Poor Jax. I hated that I had made her feel that way, especially when the only thing she had done wrong was being way too perfect and impossible not to fall for.
“I’m sure. Seriously. I just got caught up in my own stuff.
” And inside my own head. “I’ll make sure I do better at being present more.
I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you feel like you had done something wrong. This is all me.”
“Thank God.” The world’s biggest smile returned to Jax’s face, and she threw her hands in the air, causing Speck to jump off of the couch and onto my lap instead.
“I was so worried I had done something wrong. Are you busy today? It’s okay if you are, but if not, can we please hang out? I’ve really missed you.”
“Yes.” It took everything in my power not to jump from my chair and wrap Jax in a tight hug. “I missed you too.”
Jax suddenly looked shy as she picked at the blanket that was lying on the couch. “Do you wanna watch a movie or something?”
“Sure.”
There was a tension in the room that was so palpable, there was no way I could be imagining it. It made me wonder if maybe Annika wasn’t completely wrong. The problem was, I wanted to know but I was scared to find out.
Jax sat up and patted the spot next to her on the couch. “You can see the TV much better from over here.”
She didn’t have to say anything else. I quickly got up from my chair and carried Speck with me over to the couch.
I tried to sit him in between us as usual, but he insisted on laying across both of our laps, which forced me and Jax close together.
Not that I was complaining. Sitting this close to her was such sweet torture.
I loved it as much as I hated it. In all honesty, the love was probably stronger, but my sympathetic nervous system apparently hadn’t gotten that message.
My body was reacting as though Jax was a kidnapper holding me hostage.
After a few minutes of flipping through movie options, my heart rate slowed down and my pores stopped emitting so much sweat, and I could finally fully enjoy this closeness.
When we agreed on a random romantic comedy that neither of us had ever heard of, Jax hit play.
A few seconds later, she hit the pause button.
“I’ve been meaning to ask. Do you still want to go skiing in my hometown so I can practice having someone meet my parents?
The ski resort opens the weekend after Thanksgiving, so if you didn’t have anything planned with your family that weekend, I was wondering if maybe you wanted to come visit. ”
“That actually works out perfectly. Thanksgiving day is the only day Olivia and Ronan will be at my moms’.
If I’m being honest, I was kind of feeling bad over the fact that Ronan and Olivia had other families to celebrate with.
I was thinking about just coming back here for the weekend.
Going to your parents’ house sounds so much better. ”
It went against everything I had been trying to do these past few weeks, but right now, sitting on the couch with Jax, I didn’t care about any of that. I didn’t want to miss out on moments like this.
After Jax hit play on the TV remote, she snuggled tighter up against me. I could feel her eyes on me, but I kept mine on the screen. “This is really nice,” she whispered softly.
If I was going to tell her how I felt, this was the perfect time, but I couldn’t get the words to come out.
Even if Jax really did like me, which I was starting to think might be the case, what did that look like in the long run?
When would she become bored of me in the same way Marcie did?
The nice thing about Marcie was that I didn’t have to see her after she broke my heart.
There was no way to avoid Jax if something went south.
Plus, I had my list to focus on. The New Carter wouldn’t fall head over heels for the first girl who gave her attention.
I knew what I needed to do. I needed to focus on my list and becoming the best version of myself. After that, I could focus on what these feelings meant and if they were worth pursuing.
I leaned over and placed my head on Jax’s shoulder. For now, I was going to enjoy whatever this was.