Page 254 of Alchemised

Ilva had been right: If the Undying had Luc, it was being kept secret.

“There was an attack today. A bombing,” she said, and her voice trembled. “Killed most of a battalion, the Bayard twins barely survived, and Luc—is missing.”

“Are you sure?”

She gave a stiff nod. “They used a weapon made from that resonance-interference alloy. We call it nullium. Lila was stabbed and nearly killed with it. You didn’t know this was in the works?”

He shook his head slowly. “I didn’t. There’s suspicion of a spy due to—recent sabotage. And I haven’t had the leisure to be as present as I used to be.”

She looked down, drawing a deep breath before she spoke. “We have to get Luc back. I was told to tell you it’s critical. Your top priority.”

“Right …”

“Any information you can get on his capture, who did it, where he is, if he’s alive … The Council wants you—” Her words caught. “—to do anything you can.”

“Of course,” was all he said, and he turned to go.

She watched his back, the shift of his shoulders, one dipping as he reached for the knob. She didn’t know if she was ever going to see him again.

“Wait,” she said.

He paused but didn’t look back. “I’ll call you when I have something.”

“Kaine … when I kissed you, I—”

He turned suddenly. In one moment he was across the room and in the next, he was in front of her, his expression venomous, his teeth bared. “Really, you want to discuss this now?”

Her throat was so thick with guilt, she could barely speak. But she was desperate. “Will you look at me, at least?”

A cruel glint entered his eyes as they locked squarely on her face. It was like being punched to have his full attention again.

“You want me to look at you?” His voice was light, almost cajoling, but there was fury beneath the surface. He leaned towards her. “Fine. I’m looking. I must say, it’s delightful, seeing all the guilt in your eyes.”

He sneered, drawing back. “You know, I used to think the circumstances of my servitude to the High Necromancer as cruel an enslavement as anyone could conceive, but I must admit, it pales beside you.”

He tilted his head. “At least before, I could console myself that it wasn’t my fault; acceptance was the best I could do to keep my mother safe. It’s different when I have no one to blame but myself.”

His hand came up, his gloved fingers wrapping around her throat, pulling her forward. “After all, I did choose you.”

She met his eyes, that deadened despair so visible when he looked at her.

“I envied your naïveté, how you credited me with goodness and failed to realise that it was a setup from the very beginning. When you begged for a chance to heal me, I gave in. When you touched me, I didn’t push you away. I thought, Where’s the harm? It all ends soon enough, and life has been cold for such a long time.”

She didn’t realise she’d started crying until his thumb brushed across her cheek.

“By the time I realised I’d miscalculated, you’d already forced your way in. You were so obvious, but that only made it worse; knowing you’d let me do anything to you in the hope it would save everyone else, even the people who’d sold you in the first place. At least when I sold my soul, my mother prostrated herself, begging to take my place. I suppose, in some regards, I am luckier than you.”

She gave a low sob.

“After you nearly bled to death here, I thought, at least I can keep her alive. She deserves to have someone who cares enough to try to keep her alive. I thought eventually you’d give up. But you will do anything to save the people you feel responsible for. Of course you’d weaponise your guilt in order to use mine.” He gave a low bitter laugh. “I’m sure there’s something poetic in it all, but right now all I feel is a new set of manacles.”

He let go and stepped away from her, heading for the door. “So forgive me if I dislike looking at you. I’m still adjusting to the ways these new ones chafe.”

SOREN WAS SITTING NEXT TO Lila when Helena returned to the hospital, heart dead in her chest.

In her absence, nothing had happened except meetings and arguments in which no one agreed about what to do. Helena had known it was Luc who held everything together, but it was startling to see how fast it all crumbled.

Lila’s hair was cropped short like a boy’s, the area near the wound was shaven. Her face was so swollen and bruised, she was almost unrecognisable. Maier’s careful sutures had tried to rejoin the torn skin, but that scar would stay with her for the rest of her life.