Page 102 of Alchemised

There was ice flecking his hair, lashes, and eyebrows, as if he’d come through a blizzard.

His eyes found her instantly, scanning her from head to toe. She stared back at him, a feeling like hunger rising inside her.

“What is it?” he asked as the door closed behind him. “Did something happen?”

“How did you know I was here?”

He levelled her with a hard stare. “I keep an eye on this place.”

Of course. Just because she hadn’t seen necrothralls didn’t mean they hadn’t seen her.

“Why are you here?” he asked again, scanning her from head to toe once more. “And unarmed, I might add.”

She’d hidden the knives in the lab. It would raise more questions than she could possibly answer if anyone saw them, and after Ilva’s reaction, they felt too personal to let anyone see them.

“I—didn’t know I was coming here. I didn’t have anywhere else to go.”

“If it wasn’t on Resistance business, you shouldn’t have come.”

She nodded jerkily. Of course he was right. She should have just gone to the bridge.

And jumped.

No. She blinked the thought away. The whole reason Ilva and Crowther had lied to her for so long was because they knew Kaine would see straight through her. Her feelings were always stamped right on her face.

“You’re right. Sorry,” she said, her voice so hoarse it was barely more than a whisper. “I’ll go.”

She moved slowly, careful not to look at him, but as she passed, his fingers hooked her arm, swinging her around. Her back was against the wall as he stared her square in the face.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.” She looked down quickly. His gaze was like a brand on the top of her head. “I just came because I was—worried about you.”

He scoffed. “Since when have you worried about me?”

She looked up without thinking.

His expression was hard. Defensive. The ice in his hair had melted into tiny droplets of water that trembled, glittering like stars on his face.

“I don’t know,” she confessed. The habit had crept up on her without her realising.

He scoffed. “And now—what? You suddenly can’t help yourself?”

“I came because I wanted to see you.” She realised only as she said it that it was the truth. That was why she’d come.

His throat dipped. “Why?”

Her chest tightened. “I’m afraid that someday I’ll come, and you—you won’t be here.”

He went still, his eyes darting across her face. His expression wavered, something she couldn’t decipher flickering in his eyes. He gave a low laugh. “Is this goodbye, then, Marino?”

The question jolted through her, and she reached out, grabbing hold of him. “No! No.”

A month.

She swallowed hard. “I got worried, and I—didn’t have anywhere else to go.”

She’d said that already. She felt so stupid, so blindly trusting. And she was too late, too slow; there wasn’t enough time left.

His right hand rested on her shoulder, heat seeping through her. She bit down on her lip, swallowing hard.

“You always have to come back,” she said. “All right? Don’t die. Promise—”

Her voice failed.

“Marino, what’s wrong?” He tried to step back, but she wouldn’t let go.

“Nothing! I just spent a lot of time making that medical kit for you, and I did spend an hour teaching you how t-to use it, so—I think it would be really ungrateful if you—d-died.”

He gave a hollow laugh and stepped closer so that his chin grazed the top of her head. His sigh was almost despairing.

“All right …” he said, “but only because you asked.”

The words ran through her like a knife through the chest.

She’d thought for so long that she could do anything. For the war. For Luc. That she had it within her to pay any price. Now she’d found her limit.

Kaine wasn’t innocent, but he wouldn’t deserve what would happen to him if he was caught. Even if she could rip out his talisman and take it back with her, he wouldn’t be dead. He’d just be in some cursed limbo inside Morrough.

His hand slipped away from her shoulder. He stepped back, and there was a strained look in his eyes.

“You shouldn’t have come here,” he said. “I thought there was an emergency. If you show up like this for no reason, you risk my cover. I have to guess whether or not I need to respond.”

It wasn’t until he’d told her about Blackthorne that she’d even begun to consider the magnitude of the risk Kaine was taking. Crowther and Ilva had kept her so focused on the danger that Kaine represented to them, she’d never considered the threat they were to him.

The blood drained from her head. She’d always thought of him as so much safer than her, that she was the one taking all the risks, venturing out into enemy territory, mortal as could be.

That wasn’t an accurate way to view it at all.

The Resistance spies and scouts often carried cyanide pills to escape interrogation if their capture was inevitable. That wasn’t an option for him.

Even if he ran, hid, it wouldn’t matter, because Morrough had the phylactery. He’d be far safer if he only ever sent the necrothralls, but he was here right now. He’d come because she had.

Why couldn’t Ilva see the significance of that?

“I’m sorry,” she said. “I won’t do it again.”

He looked doubtful.

“I swear,” she said. “If I ever come back, it’ll be legitimate.”

He gave a sharp nod. “You’ve given your word. I’ll trust you to keep it.”

Her stomach clenched. Don’t trust me. Don’t trust the Eternal Flame. We’re all liars.

She gave a small nod.

When he was gone, Helena stood alone. The windows were rattled by the wind, but she lingered, growing colder and colder, wondering what to do.