Page 230 of Alchemised

The war wasn’t almost over. They didn’t even have a plan to win. Six years of fighting for survival while waiting for a miracle that would never come.

“Weren’t you at the Ember Service?” Penny asked. “Falcon Matias was talking about the stages of transmutation, how each one correlates to a period in the war, and how we’re nearly at the final transformation where the soul becomes truly purified. Think about it. A year ago, we were hemmed in around Headquarters, no supplies, barely enough rations to keep fighting, and now we’ve retaken the entire East Island. The ports. All because we had faith.”

Helena had not paid any attention to Matias during the service. All she’d heard was Ilva’s voice in her ears, saying a month over and over.

“What?” Helena’s voice came out strangled.

A look of sympathy swept across Penny’s face. “I guess you’re not really out there at the front, are you? You must not have any idea. Things have been going so well this year.” Penny’s face was alight. “It’s because we passed the test. We held firm and didn’t let our fears corrupt us, and now Sol is bestowing his favour. We can’t lose now.”

Helena flinched as if she’d been struck and stared at Penny in such abject shock that Penny’s smile faded, and a look of comprehension and discomfort suddenly swept across her face.

“Oh, right …” Penny said, wringing her hands. “I heard about what happened with you and the Council. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to imply anything about your soul—”

Helena’s jaw started trembling uncontrollably, and then it spread until her whole body was shaking.

Penny stepped towards her, stroking her arm. “Don’t feel bad. I’m sure you—meant well. We’ve all hit points when we think anything would be worth it to make it all stop. Just think of how much things turned around after that. Maybe you were—a final test for us.”

Helena was going insane. She was about to start screaming right there in the alcove. She had never imagined this possibility.

They thought the war was being won because her proposal of necromancy had been so sharply reprimanded that the Resistance passed some final spiritual test, and all the success of the last year was a reward for it?

Without even realising it, she’d proven their mythos. No matter what happened now, no one would ever listen to her. She was cast forever into the role of doubter, of tempter. Standing there, she suddenly remembered the odd expression in Ilva’s and Crowther’s eyes as she was censured and dismissed. What a perfect opportunity she’d given them in that moment.

No wonder Ilva had told her the truth about Orion. She knew that no one would ever believe Helena’s claims.

Now Ilva wanted one last trick.

Kill Kaine. Bury the evidence, the true means of their success. Create one more miracle.

Helena forced herself to breathe. It came out as a choking gasp. Penny pulled her suddenly into a tight hug.

“It’s all right,” Penny was saying, as if Helena were a child who needed soothing. “We all make mistakes. Don’t feel bad, it’s all right now.” Penny patted her back. “You know what, the real trouble is that you’re too isolated. With everyone at the front and you always in the hospital, you never get to see how it really is.”

“I guess so,” Helena said dully. “That must be it.”

Penny was nodding as she stepped back. “It’s all right. You just stay with me. I’ll make sure no one bothers you.”

Helena was too dazed to resist as Penny pulled her out of the alcove into another room, where Alister was currently playing the piano. Soren was now playing a card game in the corner, and Lila had disappeared. Several people, including Luc, were crowded around the piano singing. Penny installed Helena on a sofa and then, after trying to coax her into joining, went over to the piano, too.

Helena sat tense, waiting for Penny to grow distracted so she could slip away, but before she could, Luc caught sight of her and immediately left the group.

He dropped onto the seat next to her. “I’m glad you’re still here. I was afraid you’d snuck out already.”

She gave a mute shake of her head.

“You all right?” he asked.

“Tired is all.”

He leaned forward. “Your trainees not pulling their weight?”

“No, they’re fine. Just—always seems to be something new to do.”

“I don’t know, I think you like being busy.” There was a teasing note in his voice.

Helena’s stomach clenched into a hard knot. “Maybe so,” she managed to say.

Soren slunk over and slid across the arm of the sofa into the space on the other side of Helena. “You two have to hide me. Someone told Mum we were gambling.”