Page 92 of Absolution

He’d been so far gone. Almost a revenant when finally committing himself to the earth. I remembered the expression on his face that day, the pure blood lust that turned his eyes red, skin ashen, arm eaten away by my magic and refusing to heal. The last bit was a hint that the magic which held him together was unraveling. Gone had been the affection and sweet smile I loved so much. Gone was his patience and understanding. Instead he’d compelled me several times, trying to force his will over mine. Then ravaged my neck, cast away only by my Father Earth power.

In all our time together, he’d never shown me that side of himself. Sure I knew subconsciously it was there, all vampires had it, but Gabe always seemed so human to me. I think that’s why it hurt more when he was suddenly staring at me without recognition, like I was food. He’d apologized in those last moments before sending himself into oblivion, told me he loved me. I hadn’t even had the chance to say goodbye or tell him that I loved him.

“I wish I could at least hear you in my head. Feel your mind or something. Anything other than this endless silence.” We sat together for a while, and I remembered how he’d always massage my hands. Sometimes he’d just hold me for hours and neither of us would need to speak. If it weren’t so cold, I might have been able to imagine him holding me.

“Sam is doing good. Happy. The three of them work well together even if their teasing drives me nuts. Hart’s been taking good care of him in your absence. That was one thing you didn’t plan for.” His abandonment of Sam, forcing Sam to go revenant was still something that hurt. But Gabe’s tie to Sam had struggled since the moment Sam had reawakened as a vampire. Too much power in that little fire witch for a very tired vampire. “Hard to believe he’s fire, right? No wonder his temper burns fast and hot. You should see his phoenix form. It’s pretty. Not at all like the pictures, but he’s getting better at mastering the form, turning the heat off and on. Doesn’t hurt him at all to change either, no matter what time of the month it is. I wonder if that’s a vampire thing or because he’s a siphon. There is nothing in any of Max’s books about siphons changing shape. I’m still searching the archives at work.”

I laid down and pressed my cheek to the dirt, wishing I could feel him there. The arboretum was always warm, soil moist and full of nutrients, work of the fairies and my strong bond to the earth. I closed my eyes and breathed in the scent of soil, flowers, pollen and earth. For a while I dreamed of changing to my lynx form and just letting the simplicity swallow me whole. Being human hurt and sometimes I just got so tired of hurting and being alone.

I’m sorry.The whisper was so faint I wasn’t sure I heard it.I love you.

Was it him? Or just wishful thinking?

I lay there a while longer, curled up amongst the black roses, eyes closed while whirls of bright colors still zipped around me. Life constantly evolving, moving, living, and dying. Something brushed my cheek like the softest fluttering of lips. I opened my eyes, expecting one of the fairies, but there was nothing.

Tears blurred my vision again. I wiped them away with the back of my hand and got up, feeling a chill wind around me like the faintest of hugs.

I’m sorry. I love you.

I blinked into the distance of racing fairy orbs and greenery lit only by moonlight and stars. Was it an outline or wishful thinking?

“Gabe?” I felt a caress along my skin like so many memories of him touching my face. The link between us wide and open, down the distance there was a tiny spark, so small, barely the flicker of a candle. Was it him? Finally after months of silence would I at least hear him again?

I love you.

Or just wishful thinking. I rose to my feet and dusted off my pants. “I have to get back to the twins. You should see them. They’re growing so fast. Walking soon I’m sure.” I stared at the flowers a bit longer, the one at my feet was edged in white. Odd. I’d never seen a black rose with white tips.

“I’ll try to come more regularly,” I promised. I’d been avoiding the garden—too many memories—buried myself in work and my children, gave the fairies free reign over the yard and arboretum. It pulsed with life that gave me energy and connected me to the earth, even when I hadn’t set foot inside until today.

I’m sorry.The voice was so faint I really couldn’t tell if it was my brain trying to comfort me or something from that tiny spark that linked us together. I headed back into the house and found Kelly scarfing down bacon in the kitchen.

“Don’t look at me like that, it’s bacon. I’ll take bacon any day over pumpkin soup. Even your pumpkin soup which is amazing. Tradition I get, but bacon…”

I laughed, feeling a bit lighter. Even if Gabe wasn’t coming back yet I wasn’t alone. “A baby, eh?” I bumped his shoulder as we headed back to the car. “You ready for that yet?”

“No, but I get where Jamie is coming from and I think there’s enough of us to handle it.”

“I’m happy for you guys,” I finally told him when we were back on the road. “Excited for Mizu and Kura to have a new playmate.” Worried about the pressure that would put on Kelly who was in college full-time, struggling through the magic studies program that I’d barely just survived.

Kelly reached over and grabbed my hand, squeezing it tightly. “I’ve had your babies as a trial run, you know. It won’t be easy, but nothing worth having is. Sam, Con, and Luca help a lot. It’s nice having everyone in one place and still having enough space to be alone if I want it. The training I had over the summer…the time with Jamie, that cemented a lot for me.”

The two months without them had been hard. I’d been afraid they wouldn’t return to Minnesota.

“My home is here with you all, even the bastard vampire who always has some sarcasm to throw at us. I know I have someone to call when I need help and fuck if Sam hasn’t been helping keep my powers in check. He’s a quick study when it comes to magic.”

Training Sam to use and control his element helped his amplifying power as well. I suspected Max had a lot to do with his control as I often sensed the vampire when I knew he was obviously not around.

“He looks all classy dressed up for work in a suit. Like a civilized person or something,” I said.

“Then comes home and every other word is fuck.”

“Or pussy,” I pointed out.

“He’s a jerk,” Kelly said.

“Yeah,” I agreed. But so were we all.

“Sam was complaining about the twins glowing eyes again,” Kelly said. “Do you think my baby will do that?”