Page 32 of Absolution

I think I figured in that moment—because it was my birthday—what the hell? Why not? What was the worst he could do? Kick my ass? Been there done that a few dozen times. I could give as good as I got if we went that route.

“Like something you see?” I asked, daring him to continue staring. He’d looked me over more than once and I’d never met a straight guy who did that to another guy. Seen them roll their gaze over plenty of leggy chicks, but never a short chink from the bad side of town.

“Yeah, actually I do.” He leaned against the side of the game. “You done playing?”

“Depends on what you’re offering? If you want the machine then fuck off, I was here first.”

He laughed and with it showed fang. Vampire. I should have been afraid. Had heard enough evils about them in church and from my family, though the news reported daily that advancements were being made toward equality, but I was seventeen. He was attractive, interested in me, maybe. “I bite,” he teased.

“What’s in that for me?”

He grinned and held out his hand. “Name’s Matthew.”

“Sam,” I told him as I shook his hand.

“Well, Sam. This is what’s in it for you.” He yanked me forward into a kiss. It was brutal, amazing, and invigorating all at once. He fed at my mouth, teeth scoring my tongue. The taste of my own blood should have clued me in that the guy was bad news. But we were all young and stupid once. I followed him home to an apartment that wasn’t much better than the one I lived in.

Whatever dream god worked for vampires, thankfully, didn’t make me relive that first night for which I was thankful. It had been awful. Painful, humiliating, and yet I’d come a half dozen times. Matthew would bleed me until I passed out, and then bleed me some more. When he thought I was halfway awake he’d fuck me or bring in some “buddy” to fuck me. Looking back, it was a nightmare.

Why did I go back to him? I knew I’d gone home at some point because I would go to school all day feeling like a zombie only to have him pick me up as soon as the sun set. On the rare occasion I tried to avoid him he always found me. I guess that would have been the blood. He fed from me so much he could probably have told me to pretend to be a monkey and dance on my head and I’d have done it.

Two months after that first day we met and he took me with him one night. Told me that I would be leaving it all behind. I hated them anyway. Hated my life, so it was okay. I changed my name and became his. Sadly, all I was was a possession to him.

If going to ground was just a replay of the highlights and lowlights of my life it was going to be a short trip. But there was no hashing through Roman’s time or the horrible hours spent in that fucking tower. I did remember the first time I realized Matthew didn’t see me because he really wanted Seiran.

We were watching the news. Well, he was watching. I was on my knees with his dick down my throat while some guy I never even heard his name plowed my ass. Matthew got off on sharing me. It did little for me as proven by my limp dick. He didn’t care so long as I kept sucking.

“Breaking news. Dominion’s Regional Director Tanaka Rou’s son Seiran has been accused of murder. A co-worker has been found dead on his doorstep, and a professor killed with his wards. Police are investigating possible magic for both homicides. The Dominion has claimed that this is an attempt to frame the Rou family and remove them from power. The Director has yet to make a statement.”

Seiran’s picture flashed up on the screen. It wasn’t a mug shot, something from school maybe. He was smiling, long hair, almond-shaped, bright blue eyes, pretty enough to be called androgynous. And apparently some rich bitch’s son.

“Damn that kid grew up fine,” Matthew said. He gripped my hair and forced me to take him in further, gagging me with each thrust. At least I hadn’t eaten that day. The consequences of throwing up on him were never good. “I had him for years. Was his first. Taught that pretty little boy to sing. I bet he misses me.” He came, shooting down my throat at the same moment I stared at Seiran Rou’s picture thinking that I kind of looked like him. It suddenly made sense why Matthew always had me wear colored contacts. At the time I thought it was because he just hated the boring dark brown of my Chinese heritage, but staring at Seiran, and his pretty blue eyes, it all clicked into place. I was a replacement. I’d hated Seiran for that, which was stupid because it wasn’t like it was his fault.

I dozed for a bit, memories leaving me to rest a while before returning. I guess it wasn’t really dreaming since I was dead. The experience was certainly more relaxed than I recall death the first time around. That had been a cold searing pain until my heart stopped, then nothing until I awoke undead thinking I was still drowning. The fact that I was sort of dreaming meant I was still alive right? It wasn’t a full stop. More like a semi-consciousness. I couldn’t feel the weight of the dirt anymore, or even my body. Instead I just seemed to be in a warm cocoon of random memories. I dreamed of dancing with Luca again, letting that one linger a while and pushing away the intruding thoughts of his anger at the shifter. Yeah, he’d gotten in our space, but I’d handled him. Could have thrown him out myself. Maybe I would apologize and we could start over. Talk it out, set guidelines. If it was a territorial thing I could learn to live with it as long as he learned to minimize it.

I dreamed of kissing Con, though it had never happened. I’d fantasized about it often. Sometimes when he slept at night, he had nightmares. More than once I’d curled around him in his bed, offering him soft words and touch as comfort. Nothing sexual, but it often made me hard lying next to him. He rarely awoke to find me there, but my presence always seemed to calm his nightmares. Too bad the same didn’t work for me.

I sank into a deeper sleep for a time. Dreamed of new things that I knew had to be all in my head because they’d never happened to me. I’d never even been on any airplane and yet I dreamed of flying over the city. When I’d been locked in the tower at Roman’s mercy to fuel his spell against Seiran and Gabe I’d often wished I could fly away from it all.

Seiran, Jamie, and Kelly could all change—escape the human form that bound them by strict rules—I longed for that. Seiran would often forget he was human at all when he changed into a lynx. Kelly never talked about it, but I’d spent enough new moons with him at his parent’s Olympic-size pool to know that it wouldn’t take much for him to lose himself in the wild. He’d turned down an invite by the former water Pillar to spend the winter training with her in Cancun using the excuse that he was in school and didn’t want to fall behind. I was pretty sure he feared that he’d swim out into the ocean and never come back. Humanity really sucked sometimes. I could totally understand wanting to leave it all behind.

No one spoke of it, but I knew. Jamie watched him sometimes like he was worried. I got that. I sort of liked Kelly too and didn’t want him to swim off into the sunset never to be seen again. But that didn’t stop me from wondering what it was like. I was some sort of witch, right? I had weird powers that amplified everyone else’s. I borrowed abilities from others sometimes, and with Sei’s help in the past few weeks had learned how to cast a few very basic defensive spells. The Dominion was against my training, which made sort of sad sense. I mean if I could fuck with the power of a Pillar, did they really want me to be fully trained out there somewhere strong enough to take over the world? I laughed to myself. Dictator Sam—how stupid. I’d have made a horrible ruler since I hated people.Kill them all!Sei and Kelly were better at that. But the ability to change, even just a few nights a month, I’d like that.

I let the dreams of flying take me for a while. I soared over open fields covered in snow and forests of trees, riding on thermals, relaxing into the flow. I lost another chunk of awareness. My body felt light as a feather. I thought I heard Luca’s voice, Con’s calm tones floated through quite often, urging me to come back. Come back from where? Flying?

I thought maybe I heard Sei’s voice too. But it was too far away. I focused instead on the flight—found myself as a raven with thick black wings. The feathers were soft and warm.

I dozed in and out, finding myself back in the dirt, but waking up as a bird. The last time, I sat on the ledge next to an air vent inside the top cathedral-like ceiling of the tomb. Another dream I was sure, since I looked down to find Luca sitting on the concrete lip by the door. He was just in jeans and a T-shirt, jacket behind his back to cushion him from the wall. He had a deck of cards set out in a game of solitaire. He was talking, but I couldn’t understand the words. That was often the way of dreams. He looked good at least, not angry. I wondered if we could work it out. Or if I was just asking for more trouble like I had every time I’d gone back to Matthew.

The thought made me turn away and tuck my head under my wing for a while. It was a tiny nap. The next time I roused it was Con sitting on the lip, bare feet buried in the dirt. He wasn’t playing solitaire. Instead he seemed to have laid a gash in his arm and was sprinkling the blood around the dirt.

The droplets felt like ice. Stinging needles that awoke my senses. Jarring in the cold absence of physical sensation. It no longer felt like a dream, but something more real, yet still blurry at the edges.

I swayed slightly and let the fresh air from the vent soothe me. Cold wind breezed through, taunting from the outside. The slats were small and edged to keep out the light while letting air inside. A few strands of dried brown grass near the edge meant there’d been a nest there at one time, or an attempt to make one that had been removed. I squeezed though the tiny opening wondering where this new dream would take me.

Outside I stood on the edge looking down at the giant rocks all around me and in the distance even larger rocks. I’d have preferred to have flown over a forest or even an icy lake, but I would take to the sky anyway. The cold wind blew through the stone village. I could see thermals circling upward. If I could catch one of those maybe I could cruise all the way to some nice trees.

I spread my wings, flapping them like I’d done it all my life, but didn’t get any height. Was I doing it wrong? In the rest of the dreams I’d already been in the air. Maybe I just had to catch the wind. I stilled my wings and studied the ledge. A small thermal swirled near the edge. I wandered down and felt the warmth blow at me and began to move my wings again. I stepped off the ledge and was flying, well hovering, but hot damn, close enough!