Page 90 of Absolution

“Had one of the IT people at work help me with that part,” I told them all. “But it’s LED so it’s safe and won’t burn out.”

“That is amazing, Sei.” Jamie whipped out his phone and began taking pictures.

“Oh I have to get mine too!” Hanna rushed back into the house. Ally took Kura out of her seat, and I got Mizu. Hanna came back out and called, “Everyone pose with the twins.” I let her snap a few pictures.

Mizu yawned, and Kura snapped her lips wanting her nook. I had them in the pocket of my kilt, but was hoping to keep the kids awake a little longer by holding on to them.

“The twins are already sleepy,” I said, though they’d had a nap today. Hanna had talked about taking them trick or treating. I had protested briefly, worried more about their safety, but as long as we did the normal Samhain stuff, I didn’t care if their momma wanted to walk them around and gather candy they couldn’t eat anyway.

“Dinner should be ready,” Hanna said as she led us inside.

“Seiran,” my mom called as we walked in the door. She was positively glowing with happiness as she crossed the room and kissed me lightly on the cheek before bending to kiss each baby. Mizu opened sleepy eyes and reached for her. She took him from me with an ease of movement only a mom could have. Kura made sleepy noises, but looked pretty comfortable in Ally’s arms. “I hope you’re hungry. The soup should be ready.”

I followed her toward the dining room. The harvest theme ran throughout the house. My mother always hired professional decorators to make it memorable, but this year’s design was simpler, less commercial Halloween and more true Samhain. Maybe that was Hanna’s influence. The double glass doors from the dining room were open to let in the brisk air of the evening. Two tiny pumpkins and one larger one sat on the end of the table. My mom went to the door and shut it, closing out some of the cold and immediately the warmth of the fireplace eased some of the shivering in my bones.

“The big pumpkin is yours. The little ones are for each of the babies. I thought you might want to light them before dinner,” my mom motioned to the chair on that end of the room. I took Mizu from her as I made my way across the room. His eyes were all over the bright orange blobs on the table. The past few weeks, each time we’d gone to the grocery store I’d pointed them out to him and Kura. I’d even taken them to a tiny patch that a co-worker owned so they could touch the leaves and take in the bright colors of the fall.

The large pumpkin was carved with an intricate tree spanning almost the full length of one side and was duplicated on the opposite side. My name was written in the base of the tree in large letters. The two smaller gourds were similar, only instead of a large tree, they were little seedlings, sprouting out of the ground, each of the twins’ names carved into the tiny stalk.

Baby fingers on my cheeks brought me back into the now as I realized tears were falling from my eyes. Mizu’s little fingers reached for my hair on one side, and touched my face on the other.

“Sorry, baby. Daddy’s okay. Just tired.” I glanced around the room and realized that other than immediate family, no one else had entered the dining room with us. When Hanna had said it was a small party, I figured she would have invited some friends from work.

Everyone took their seats, and waited for me it seemed, to light the candles and get on with it. “Sorry, everyone.”

“No worries, Sei. Do you want me to take Mizu while you light the pumpkins?” Hanna appeared at my side, and held out her arms. I let her take him. Jamie handed me a lighter stick. I flicked it on, opening my pumpkin first, and reached inside to light the little white wick.

The candle inside roared to life, casting the flickering shadow of a tree on the wall. When the two smaller pumpkins began to glow too, I felt more lighthearted. It would all work out. Sure being alone sucked, but I was really only as alone as I wanted to be. Everyone in the room was more than willing to come when called, whether it be for baby patrol or just a last-minute movie night. I stared around the room at my family and really loved them for being there. Even though there was an empty chair beside me, I didn’t feel as though he were far away. Maybe since this was the night of thin veils he was here somehow.

That was just wrong. He wasn’t dead. He wasn’t really there anymore, I reminded myself. Even if I couldn’t feel him in my head most of the time. The earth told me he still had some sort of existence, but couldn’t clarify it for me. The earth was a simple thing despite all its complexity. The earth had reabsorbed Gabe’s mortal form, though it told me the pulse of his energy had not been broken. Which I took to mean someday he’d return.

I thought briefly of Galloway who’d gone to ground for five hundred years, leaving his Focus to fall into madness. Would that be my fate? I wasn’t sure I’d last five hundred years alone. Especially not if I outlived the family that surrounded me right that moment. What would I have left without them if Gabe was still gone? My heart still ached too deeply to even contemplate finding love again.

My eyes went blurry. Damn tears. I blinked them back, refusing to let them fall. Waiters began bringing out bowls of pumpkin soup and slices of the cornbread I’d been craving all day. I could focus on food and family. It was the twins first Samhain. I had already taken dozens of pictures and done a little walk around our house with them, a small tea candle lit to cleanse the space and make way for prosperity. Sakura and Mizuki seemed to like the flickering of the candle, or it could have been the fairies that trailed along with us as we walked.

Hanna and I set up the twins in their highchairs. I was used to my food being cold by the time the kids had eaten, but the waiters didn’t even bring our bowls until the twins had finished their pumpkin soup and were gnawing on pieces of bread. Both were my recipes, and I could feel the warmth of having them served for the holiday spread through me.

Jamie cleared his throat as I was pushing my bowl aside. When I looked up all eyes were on him and Kelly.

“Kelly and I have talked about this for a while.” Jamie looked at Kelly who nodded. “And we wanted to announce this tonight, not to take away from the holiday, but as a symbol of upcoming growth.”

I blinked at them. Were they saying what I thought they were saying?

“We’ve decided to have a baby.”

The room sat in dead silence. Jamie smiled at me. “You’ve shown us how much we really want our own, Sei. We want our babies to grow up with yours, so Kelly and I are in the process of choosing a surrogate.”

“Will she be a witch?” My mother asked.

“Only if she gives up all rights to us,” Kelly replied. “The baby will be ours. In fact my older sister has volunteered to donate a few of her eggs, so the baby will be part me, part Jamie. We just need someone to carry our baby to term.”

“A water-earth mix?” Had that ever been done, I wondered? Would the baby inherit water since that was the stronger element? Baby. There would be more babies. I burst into tears.

Jamie was at my side rubbing my back in an instant. “I didn’t want to upset you. We were going to wait. But we really want our baby to be close in age to Mizuki and Sakura. We just don’t know how long...” Gabe would be gone. I knew what he was trying to say. No one wanted to wait on the unknown.

I let myself fall into his arms and just cry it out. I was happy for them. Really, I was. My babies would get to play with their babies, and they’d all get to grow up in one big happy family. Only Gabe was supposed to be there too.

The sting of his absence ached more than the memory of his decline. Jamie often reminded me not to dwell on the last few months before he’d gone to ground. Sam had said that Gabe wasn’t Gabe. And that was the truth as far as I could tell. Time eased a bit of the pain, but holidays would always be hard.