Page 85 of Absolution
“I just want it to be good for you,” I admitted.
He laughed. “Um, yeah, that’s why I’m requesting it, ‘cause your cock and my butthole need to become fast…hard…friends.”
Fucking Luca. I felt like my face was on fire and the stupid suit was far too tight and revealing all at once.
“Maybe we should wait for Con and he can…”
“Sam?” Luca demanded. “What is wrong?”
“Nothing. I’ve just never done that before.” There was a pause. Silence that stretched a few seconds longer than comfortable and I immediately felt like an idiot. “Never mind,” I said.
“You’ve never fucked someone before?” Luca asked.
“I’ve had sex before.”
“But you’ve never topped,” Luca clarified.
“No,” I said, mad at him and myself now.
“Would you rather Con be your first? He’s okay with bottoming, though he prefers blow jobs over anything else.”
“No.”
“But you don’t want to top me?”
I did. I fucking fantasized about it a thousand times a day. “I just want you to enjoy it.”
“I plan to,” Luca said. He glanced my way as we finally pulled into the driveway of the big house. All the lights were off other than the front motion sensor. Everyone was probably asleep, although Jamie’s car was missing from the big circular driveway so he might have been working. Luca parked the car but made no move to get out. He stared at me and I couldn’t look at him until he reached across the giant beast of his Hummer to touch my face. “Hey,” he said. “Why does this freak you out?”
“It doesn’t freak me out,” I defended.
“Right, ‘cause you’re a badass motherfucker who has no trouble throwing me over a table and fucking me until we both see stars.”
“God!” I cried, pants tightening until it damn near hurt to be wearing any clothes. “You’re such a fucking tease.”
“Not teasing. I’m legit. Wanting you to fuck me.”
I sighed and looked at him, really looked. He was concerned, and so beautiful. Men like him didn’t normally want guys like me. Not for more than just a warm hole. Fuck. “Stupid emotions.”
“Yeah, they’re a real bitch, right?” Luca smiled. He had a little boy’s smile full of delight and mischief that I just loved. “But you trust me, yeah?”
“I do.”
“It’s you, you don’t trust.”
And wasn’t that the truth. “I’m good at breaking things. Fucking things up.”
“If you expect a particular result often you get it. Sometimes you have to shift your perception to really find change.”
“You mean believe it will be great and it will be great? Thanks, Mary Poppins,” I said.
“Well, yeah. I know it will be great because you and I have a fuckton of chemistry. Every time you enter a room, I feel your pull. I look your way and think, God, I can’t wait to have that. And he’smine.”
“I feel the same way. About both you and Con.” I sighed thinking about all the things I’d fantasized doing with both of them. Luca’s many teasing comments put more visuals in my head that might never have been there before. Like the idea of him spit-roasted between Con and me. Porn did not mirror real life, but that didn’t mean we couldn’t play.
“So let’s work on that.” He got out of the car and headed toward the house. I followed, though at a slower pace, thinking hard. Wasn’t this what I’d promised to leave behind? All this self-doubt and fear of really living?
The house was quiet and dark. I followed Luca upstairs to our room, passing Seiran’s closed door and the twins before finding ours. Furniture had been added, window treatments, a slight color change, a reorganized closet, and the three of us looked like we’d been living together forever. It was weird to have the world align in just a week, but we fit. And that was all that really mattered.