Page 44 of Absolution

“No,” Luca said firmly. “I like you. More than just your blood. I knew that before we even met from all our conversations online.”

“And Con?”

“I like him also. I thought you did too?”

“Are you suggesting…?” Was he? Or was he too drunk to realize what he was saying. “That we all fuck?”

Luca grinned. “Oh, that would be the bomb. You fuck me while I fuck Con? Wow, your blood makes me super horny too. Or we could both take him. I bet he’d be up for that. It’s been a long time since I double-teamed anyone.”

Okay, that thought almost had me spurting in my pants. I frowned at Luca, trying to be stern and thoughtful instead of horny. Porn fantasies were rarely reality. “What if he’s not into that?”

“What, us? I know that’s not right ‘cause he’s already doing me and has wanted you for ages.”

“Bottoming,” I clarified. Had Luca topped Con?

“Aw. I think he’s verse. We haven’t gone that far yet, but I don’t think he’s as much of a top as he pretends to be. He likes to be told what to do. Likes when I grip his hair and fuck his mouth. He makes lots of noise when I finger his ass.” Luca’s gaze trailed over me. “You can top me anytime.”

I sighed. “You’re drunk.”

“A little, but it’s still true.” He laid back on the couch with a dramatic sigh. “Take me, my sweet prince.”

I scowled at him. “I’m not a sweet prince.”

He began to laugh, but slapped his hands over his mouth to stifle the sound. “Forgot…Babies. Okay, how about we make out then, you badass son of a bitch?” He held out his arms.

“No sex,” I told him. Not with Sei and the babies able to wake up any minute.

Luca pouted. “You keep saying that to me. Am I not sexy enough for you? Should I cover myself in tattoos like Constantine?”

Sprawled as he was across the couch, his body relaxed, tight pants tented with an erection I knew to be impressive, he was sex. His whole being screamed sex. And yeah I wanted him. I just didn’t want more nightmares. “You’re hot. Someday I’ll do you. Just not while babies, with more power than either of us can ever imagine, sleep in the next room.”

He grinned. “That’s awesome. And we can do Con too.”

“I don’t want to fuck up what Con and I have.”

“Why would you?”

“Because sex has a way of messing up everything.”

“Or being really good,” Luca said.

I sighed. Nothing was ever that easy anymore. “The world is in chaos. I don’t think sex is on the top ten most important concerns right now.”

“For vampires, maybe. But you either spend your life worrying or you live it. Your friend Seiran spends his life worrying. What joy does he get out of it? Do you want to be like that?”

Sei was more than a little neurotic. “He can’t help it.”

“Maybe. Or maybe it’s just so normal for him that he hasn’t realized he doesn’t have to live that way? You once told me when we were talking online that you spent your mortal life wishing you could die. Now you spend your immortal life afraid to live. Is that what you want?” Luca waved his open arms. “Come here. No sex required. Even badass sons of bitches like to snuggle sometimes.”

I gave him a skeptical glare, but really he was right. I’d been asleep a long time. Spent months barely existing on the edge of insanity. A lifetime without really being touched by anyone who wasn’t ultimately out to hurt me.

Fuck. I was just like Seiran. Afraid to really live. I was a fucking vampire. Almost unbreakable. Alive, or not really? Did that even matter?

And there was Luca, offering nothing more than physical contact. Would I be just like Seiran and push everyone away? Or embrace something that could either be heaven or hell? What the hell, it’s not like I wasn’t used to a little pain.

I crawled onto the couch with him. Letting him wrap his arms around me, and rested my head on the decorative pillow beside his. It didn’t matter in that moment that we were both hard, or that the world was caving down around us. For the first time in what felt like my entire life, I just let go of the worry, the expectations, and the instinct to run, and settled into his embrace. I closed my eyes and breathed in his delicious scent, promising myself a little bit of rest, even if it was only for today.

Chapter 14