Page 6 of Absolution

“Only you’re not paying him.”

“No, you are,” I told Gabe pointedly. Thecibo’s were paid, though I didn’t know how much. It was Gabe’s responsibility as my mentor to foot the cost, but it bothered me. More than I realized before. “He’s a blood whore.”

“He’s willing. Why is that a bad thing?”

“Because if I wasn’t a vampire, he wouldn’t even see me.”

“You don’t know that.”

But I did.

Gabe glanced at me, his sharp, handsome features blank of emotions. I’d seen the stoic expression enough to know it was disapproval. Gabe didn’t share his emotions well. With him it was just an impenetrable wall. I pitied Seiran, because sometimes Gabe was just a jerk. He came across as cold when he was really angry. Or maybe that was just to me. “I can’t help you if you don’t let me.”

“I’m trying. I just don’t know if I’m cut out to be a vampire.” I glared out the window again. Another round hole this square peg didn’t fit into.

“There’s only one other option. And I don’t want you to give up yet.”

I shrugged. It was only a matter of time. I’d never asked to be rescued from that creek. That was Kelly’s doing. Choices I didn’t get to make. I hoped they didn’t come back to bite everyone else on the ass. “But if I decide eventually that’s the right thing for me?”

Gabe let out a long sigh. “Then I will grant your request.”

I sat back, relieved by the fact that Gabe would kill me if I asked. I wasn’t there yet, not ready to go. But the thought constantly entered my mind. Too much pain from two lives now, instead of just one. Vampires didn’t walk up to their undead existence with perfect lives and no memories of the old life. No, we dragged that baggage full of shit with us. Someday soon I’d have to let it go one way or another.

Chapter 3

Gabe pulled the car into the lot at the bar and parked. The place had to be jumping since the lot was full enough that people were parked on the grass. I got out without being asked. Maybe some quiet time with a lot of suds could help. I was still hungry but no longer horny. That was a plus, right?

I used the entrance in back to avoid the regular crowd and took off my coat—hanging it on the door—before heading to the kitchen. The dishes were piled up on the counter beside a giant sink and two dishwashers that swirled in a noisy gurgle. I’d never eaten here before my change, but I heard the food was good. The amount of washing I did paid tribute to that. The giant closet of dishes could get emptied in just a few hours on the busiest of nights. On the weekends I often washed twenty or thirty sink loads of dishes while running both washers constantly. People came to the Bloody Bar and Grill for more than just booze. Seiran’s menu drew in even big television networks food critics to talk about the amazing meals hidden away at a little vampire bar tucked away in the corner of the city.

I filled the sink with warm water and suds, pushed up my sleeves and began to dunk dishes into the flow. The heat over my hands felt good. I began to scrub the dishes and put them in the drying rack one by one. Gabe hadn’t hired me because he needed me. He’d hired me because I needed the distraction. That and I was pretty sure Sei had threatened to leave him if he didn’t get me out of the house every once in a while. I’d never had a real job before this—if you could call dishwashing a real job—but I made sure everything was spotless. Seiran was a shrew when it came to dirty dishes and even though he had a real job now, solving magic crime, he was here a lot.

The rhythm of the work kept me focused for a while. Apparently Kelly and Sei were working tonight as they both had come around to drop off more dishes and take some of the clean ones to the serving area. Kelly just gave me his usual nod hello, but Sei gave me a half hug and asked if I needed a Quicklife before heading back.

“No, but thanks,” I told him. I was still hungry, always hungry, but that stuff was gross. “Think of those like drinking a warm purple Gatorade.” The fake flavors, too much sugar, and wallop of chemicals was nothing but nasty.

Seiran shuddered, “Gross.”

“Exactly.”

He left me to my washing. I’d finished over a dozen loads before the counters were finally clear. It was getting pretty late. The dining room always wound down to just boozers after midnight. Anyone could still order food until closing at two, but it was rare to see something other than chips and salsa head to a table that late.

My fingers were wrinkled little prunes by the time all the silverware was rinsed and dried. The glasses sparkled with plates stacked in neat piles. I began moving everything to the dish closet having already been in there twice checking for anything that was looking dusty and in need of washing. The dining area probably had more dishes I could retrieve to do at least another batch. But the washers were empty and I hated going out to face people who smelled like nothing but food to me.

I pulled the plug to drain and clean the sink then peered out the door to the main seating area. Gabe’s bartender Michael stood behind the bar mixing up drinks. Kelly, Seiran and Jamie waited tables. The place was still packed with the regular drinking crowd. One non-regular sat at the bar near Michael, Luca.

He glanced up as if I’d called him—though I suppose since I’d fed from him, technically I could call him if I wanted to—and our eyes met. I turned away letting the door close heavily. I peeled out of the kitchen, pausing only to grab my coat. Luca’s blood still ran through me, easing the need, but not enough. Maybe if I’d taken more. Hehadoffered, but I would have had sex with him and I was pretty sure I’d kill him by accident.

Just thinking about it pissed me off. Maybe if he chained me down or something. Christ, just the thought of that made me hard. Fuck, was I twisted or what? How long would it take for him to fall into my bed and break my heart? What was he going to use me for? Was I just another toy to him like I’d been to so many other men?

I growled at my own self-pity. Stupid vampire bullshit. I was no Goddamned Louis. Self-hating prick that he’d been. I was a monster and that was okay. I’d done some pretty bad things before I’d been changed. Being undead couldn’t be all that different. Gabe told me I was depressed and if I wasn’t a vampire, they’d have me on medication for it. But since I couldn’t eat and my blood moved ridiculously slow, nothing could help me. I had to suck it up. HA, vampire humor, suck it up.

This whole vampire thing happened all the time. People were changed every day. Some made it. Some just threw themselves into the fire. Most lived somewhat normal lives. Gabe was a testament to that. Michael was more normal than Gabe. He didn’t have the wealth or power Gabe did, but he was smart, took care of his own and lived a good life. Most vampires seemed to be like that. I’d been exposed to the worst of them with Matthew and Andrew before I even realized I believed vampires existed. They’d taught me destruction and evil, but I’d come to the light. Crossed over to the side of good and joined Seiran and his band of do-gooders.

Yeah, right. Drafted. Kidnapped, maybe. And good was a relative term. Who made the rules of good and bad? Everyone thought they did good, or at least the lesser evil.

Most people would be happy they weren’t pushing up daisies. Mostly I wasn’t unhappy. More confused, unfocused, lost. When Matthew had been in my life, I’d had a goal—make Seiran’s life miserable because only then would Matthew be happy. But that had all been a lie. Then Andrew had stormed in, promising things he could never provide. Revenge he had no right to, like I even cared that Matthew had been torched. It had been a bit of a relief to be free of him for the few minutes before Andrew took control of me.

I glared into the distance at the dark evening in the city. I could go home. Play video games with Con. He was sure to be awake. He’d break me out of some of the funk. Remind me what it was like to be normal. At least for a few minutes. He’d maybe tell me a joke or a story about when he and Kelly were a thing and how much of a fuck-up they both were. We’d laugh because Kelly was sort of perfect now. Poster boy for the new movement of men accepted into the magic studies program. Pillar of water, best friend to Pillar of earth. A superstar. Maybe being Seiran’s friend made him that way.