Page 36 of Absolution

I took it from him and set it on the nightstand then crawled in beside him. “When’s the last time you ate?” I asked.

“I had a sandwich a while ago.”

I wondered how long a while ago was, but wasn’t going to push. He needed sleep.

“Sorry about Gabe,” he whispered. “He should have stayed to help you now that you’re back. Did you eat?”

“Yes, Luca brought me home.”

Seiran stiffened. “I’m not sure I like him.”

“Why?” I asked. Wondering his take. “You were gung-ho for me dating him before I went to ground.”

“He’s working for Max.”

“That’s also not news.” Did Sei know about Galloway? Did Max know about Galloway? Crap, I hated being involved in the middle of all of this.

Seiran looked away. “He says Gabe is in trouble.”

“He might be right.”

Seiran said nothing.

I sighed. “We will figure this out.” Though I wasn’t sure how exactly that was going to happen.

“Luca says Gabe’s not right. That something is off in his head.” Sei’s tone indicated he wasn’t all that uncertain Luca wasn’t right anymore. “I thought it was just the babies. Extra stress, you know. But he’s been distant a while. He should have stayed to welcome you back at least.”

“He should be here,” I agreed. “Not because of me, but because you need him. Luca is not the one who made me go to ground.” He might be part of this whole mess, but I’d been losing it before I’d ever met him. “Gabe should have seen the warning signs before I got as bad as I did.” I could have hurt people. Only now, with my mind clear, no hint of the monster creeping up, did I realize how far I’d gone into the madness. Almost a revenant. Was that what Gabe had called it? Only I’d still felt emotion. Just an insatiable need to destroy, feed, and rage.

“I thought he’d help bring you back.”

“Who? Gabe?”

“Luca,” Seiran corrected.

“And he didn’t?” Had I just dreamed of him being at my grave playing cards?

“He said he did. I know he was there. The visitor log scans everyone in and out. Both he and Con were there a lot. But nothing seemed to help.” He frowned and looked away. “I wanted to give you my blood. Would have soaked the ground with it, or even tried to pull you out, but Gabe refused. Said it wasn’t my place, that you’d wake when you were ready.”

“He’s been at this longer than either of us. The whole undead thing,” I pointed out. The idea of Seiran ripping me from the grave gave me nightmares. It was probably a kindness on Gabe’s part to not let Seiran do that.

“He’s been off for a while. Even before the twins were born. I thought it was stress from my new job and work, and the Tri-Mega…” He sighed as I wrapped my arms around him and buried us both under the covers. It wasn’t something I would normally have done, but he looked for a minute like he was just going to fall apart.

He began to sob, a heart wrenching sound that actually had me tearing up. I fought it and just held him. “He’s not been himself for a long time. I’ve been denying it.” He sniffled and wiped at his eyes. “Not since Matthew put a knife in his chest and we dug him up. Was I wrong to bring him back?” Seiran asked. “Did I break him? Or was it my love that broke him? Our commitment?” He buried his face in my chest. “For years I put him off, refused to settle down in fear of just this. All I ever do is fuck everything up.”

Funny how his words echoed what Galloway had said. Broken by love. I wasn’t sure that was quite it. Maybe Gabe needed to go to ground and not have Sei pull him out of it. Maybe that had been part of it, but not all of it. Gabe was old enough to know better. “It’s a lot of chaos for someone who’s used to organization,” I told Sei. “I think you both need time to adapt to the changes. And it sounds like the world has gone a little nuts while I was out.”

His subdued attitude toward my presence was odd. Sure, I was clean now, but the apartment around us was still in disarray. A consequence of having children. But even this was a lot for both of them. Clothes heaped in a basket, some dirty, some clean, the bed unmade. The kitchen counters packed with bottles and baby supplies. Sei smelled vaguely of chemicals. “Did they put you on medication?”

“And upped my dose,” he whispered. “I get shots every day now. I didn’t want to. Jamie insisted. I’ve been having some bad panic attacks. Hasn’t been this bad in years. A couple times a day. Haven’t been to work, but they granted me paternity leave anyway. Am supposed to start back tomorrow.”

Gabe should have been helping with that. Their connection had stabilized Seiran. Unless it wasn’t Seiran who was unstable and it was Gabe’s chaos leaking through. Then we were all in trouble. “Sounds like the world is sort of driving us that way. To fear everything.”

Sei snorted. “Nothing scares you.”

“A lot of things scare me. You having kids scares me. How crazy fucking powerful are those kids gonna be?”

“They are just babies,” Sei defended.