Page 58 of A Touch of Stars and Stones (Kirrian #1)

thirty-three

. . .

Ever

E very emotion I’ve had since entering this cursed place crashes into my head, weaving inside my mind and torturing me with doubts and second-guesses.

And for a second, I miss my power. Because at least I could fight back with that and use it to somehow stop myself from feeling this way.

Weak.

Alone.

Naive.

My fingers squeeze Ten’s, and I’m desperate to go back to a few hours ago, when I was blissfully unaware of what he kept from me.

I keep trying to wrap my head around his decision to keep me in the dark, to hide something as important as who my parents might be from me, but I’m getting nothing.

What he said a moment ago is valid, but it’s hard to know that there might be information that’s still being kept from me. If people just told the truth…

None of this lessens the ache in my chest and the anguish clutching me.

The Maker’s words drift back to me—possibilities. Earth and space and time… could I go back? Erase or change the past? That question echoes in my mind like a bell chiming midday.

“I will tell you. I promise. But right now, please, let’s go back. I don’t want to be out here when my father’s guards find us.”

Without letting go of my hand, he stands and pulls me to standing. And I let him.

“Do you want to ride or walk?” he asks.

“Nettle can’t take us both.” My body draws back from the idea of being that close to him right now. It’s too much. Too overwhelming.

“You can ride. I’ll walk.”

He helps me back onto Nettle, and I gaze out at the darkness left for us. Would Nettle have taken me all the way home before I scared myself and stopped?

We plod back, the bruises now digging into my muscles in protest at all the activity, the bath now long forgotten. I pretend not to notice how far Ten came to find me and decide to thank him when I’m not so angry at him, and when I can look at him without my heart aching.

The silence stretches like the night before us, and I wonder at what point our powers will start to return.

Ten doesn’t try to fill the quiet with talk, and neither do I. Perhaps neither of us has anything else to say tonight.

The forest on my right starts to emerge from the shadows, and now that my fear is under control, I’m drawn to the question about what really lives in there. In the dark.

“How about you head to the training residence, and I’ll make sure Nettle gets back to the stable?” Ten offers.

“I stole him. I should take him back.”

“I don’t think what you did counts as stealing. He’s yours, isn’t he?”

“Not technically. Well, Lyle didn’t say who he belonged to. But said the horses were from Kirrasia.”

The low din of music and voices carries like whispers on the breeze as we approach The Court.

When we reach the training residence, Ten offers me the choice of walking again, but I stay put on Nettle.

We cross over the bridge, still guarded, but with no trouble, considering I fled against their protest earlier.

For a split second, I wonder if all of this was just a ruse to get me to return, but I shut that down.

There are too many opportunities to second-guess, and they will turn me mad.

“I trust you’ll inform my father we’ve returned!” Ten’s gruff voice calls back to the Warriors, and he doesn’t wait for confirmation.

We wind our way back towards the stable and, after looking for the stable hand, realise I’ll be putting Nettle to bed on my own, with no idea how to unsaddle a horse.

Fortunately, Ten takes over without a word between us. His hands lift me and place me on the ground, no pause to ask if he should or not, and he gets to work.

After Nettle is safely tucked back in his stall, I say goodbye, and we walk back to our rooms, the silence still heavy between us.

Lingering. Filled with words unsaid and possibilities unfulfilled.

There’s nobody in the corridor as we walk along the curving path towards our doors. The sadness I felt earlier about being alone has shifted, no longer clamouring around me, and I take a deep breath.

Our pace slows as we reach my door.

“Goodnight.” I force the words past my lips. I can’t bring myself to look him in the eye, not even in the shadows of the corridor.

“Goodnight, Ever.”

I turn, but he catches my shoulder to stop me, bringing his face to mine and kissing my cheek. It has none of the heat or passion from our first kiss when desire sparked like a flame rushing over me. This is quick and chaste like he can’t quite let me go without planting it on my cheek.

My eyes find his, that beautiful deep chocolate colour I’ve always seen as offering comfort, but now... I nod to him before opening my door and escaping inside.

When the knock at my door vibrates around the room, I’m already awake, up and ready, and have no question about who’s practically banging it down.

Sleep wasn’t something that found me easily last night. There were too many intrusive thoughts to keep my mind occupied, despite only wanting to hide from them all.

I pad to the door and open it to a grinning Calix, who looks more than rested.

“Ready to get your powers back?”

“Sure. Come in. I need my boots.” I close the door behind me, and Calix lingers, nearly bouncing with energy, and it’s on the tip of my tongue to ask what his secret is to the good morning mood.

The faint hum and gentle beating of power had slowly returned during the early hours of the morning. It wasn’t like after the Transference, this grew, rising within me, and the warmth that I’d become accustomed to feeling from the pendant at my throat did, too, as if coming back to life.

“Does your ring go cold?” I ask. “At new moon?”

“I guess. I hadn’t really noticed that.”

“I felt it. The lack of power.”

“It’s a little strange. The first time it happens. Like you’re missing something, but you’re not sure what.”

“Is it the same before the Transference, too, the new moon having the same effect?”

“Yeah. We might not have our full power, but the latent power in us still fizzles. Like everything connected to Aslendrix is cut off for the period of the new moon.”

I lace my boots as he talks.

“Ready? You might want to check in with Perrin, too. That cheek looks swollen.” He eyes my face and then turns and grabs the door and opens it for me.

And I walk right into Crimson.

Standing with Ten at the threshold of his door.

She looks over to me, then back to Ten, and gives her brother a scowl before heading towards the food hall.

My stomach twists at the implications, and my eyes flash to Ten. He doesn’t owe me an explanation, but my heart screams that he does. After everything that happened yesterday, the promises that he dropped, and now this?

“She came to yell at me, that’s all.” He jumps in before I can say anything.

“So, she didn’t just walk out of your room before dawn?” I want to make sure I’m very clear and not jumping to conclusions.

“No.” His jaw tenses. “There is nothing between us. I promise.”

“Okay, well, I don’t think Crim believes the same, Ten. So, you might want to go over it with her again. Now, are we training?” Calix’s carefree tone is gone, and he’s back to all business as he looks to Ten, then at me.

“No training this morning. I owe Ever an explanation,” Ten says.

“It’s fine, Ten. I believe you. You don’t—” I start, shaking my head and looking forward to some exercise—and some space.

“I thought you wanted to see the conversation between me and my father?” His voice hardens.

I’d forgotten he’d agreed.

“You told her?” Calix looks between us.

“He knew?” My eyes widen as my voice hitches, and I stare at Calix.

Ten moves, backing me up and back into my room, Calix shutting us all in.

“He wasn’t in the room with me. He knows we argued. Not the specifics.”

“True. His dad can be a real piece of work.” Calix shrugs. Will he ever find anything too serious to shrug off?

“Oh, I’m starting to see that.”

“Do you still want to try this?” Ten asks me.

I nod, although I’m more hesitant now that my anger has calmed overnight. “Can you stay, Calix? In case I…” hurt Ten . I keep that in my head, but I think we all know what I mean.

Ten lights a few more candles in the room, as the windows are only letting in the inky light of pre-dawn.

“Ten, you’re gonna have to tell me if you want me to pull you two apart.”

He nods to Calix, and I wait, my heart picking up pace at what we’re about to do. Yesterday, it seemed so simple. Something I was determined to do—no question of if we’d be able to.

Now, that nagging fear of what might happen between us takes root.

My emotions are key. The Maker said I needed to master them, but so far, that hasn’t gone so well.

Calm. That still well of water in my chest isn’t the mirrored surface that I need. Closing my eyes, I will it to be still, take a few deep breaths, and pretend that this is just practice with Kyra. My mind runs a gentle breeze over the water, smoothing the ripples and evening the surface.

“Any idea how we’ll do this?” I ask Ten.

“I’ll think back to the argument. I’ll focus on that. You look at what’s in my mind. Find what I’m thinking about. Like the other?—”

“Okay. Okay. Got it.” Now isn’t the time to remind me what we can do with our minds. “Do we need to… touch?” I ask, wondering if we could do this with something between us again, dampen the magic.

“What’s she talking about?” Calix asks.

Ten just shakes his head.

“Take my hand, and hopefully, if I’m thinking about the argument, picturing it, you’ll be able to see it. But it’s going to be different…” He doesn’t finish, and I fill in the blanks for him. It’s going to be different to the other night.

He shakes out his shoulders and then holds out his hand for me, holding it out so he can clasp his in mine. An easy gesture, something simple between us, my instinct, to take it. It’s Ten. Of course, I want to take his hand, but I hesitate. “Ready?”

I grab hold of his gaze with my eyes and hope that this works.

“Just focus on my thoughts. Nothing else.” He flexes his hand, encouraging me to take it this time.

We’re really going to do this.

Our palms connect, and he wraps his fingers around his hand, holding me to him. It’s not unlike the other night, but the heat that first hits now is vicious and scalding. It feels like anger. I look at Ten, who’s already tensing his jaw.

I don’t waste any more time, and I focus on what he’s thinking.

Fury flares through me, and frustration next.

It’s a jumble, emotions flipping through me, and the calm water in my chest turns choppy, far from smooth.

“Ever, calm. That’s all you, not me.”

Shit.

Deep breath. In. Out. Again.

I see colours and images before my view lands in an office, the vision slipping into place. I’m in his father’s office, but it’s like I’m watching from the side.

They’re shouting at each other, but I can’t hear what they’re saying. I lean in as if I might hear if I’m closer, and that’s when it hits me.

I can’t hear, but I can feel.

Emotions, reactions.

They are Ten’s emotions: worry, then interest and concern, all pushing him to ask more. Then that spike of fear, which doesn’t quite fit in the picture, and I realise that’s what he picked up from his father, just as he said.

The scene continues to play out, coloured only by the emotions and feelings that went through Ten, all one-sided.

Rage burns through his whole body as he draws the knife and slams it into the desk, and I gasp for a breath, but Ten clenches my hand to stop me from pulling away.

The final feeling, utter determination like the steel of his blade, that he’ll find answers.

All the answers.

The vision fades and is replaced with a cold, unwelcoming sense, and I wonder if Ten is pushing me out by his own will.

I relax, letting my focus drop and drift from his mind, my fingers following.

As experiments go, it’s probably been the most successful, and I wonder what will happen when someone else joins our connection.

A strange, oily feeling washes over my skin at that thought, like my entire body repels the idea of someone else between us.

But wasn’t training geared around that? Finding the new powers or gifts, and how they worked with others?

Ten pants, breathing in for a few moments, and I see how much it took from him to do this.

“I was never trying to keep you in the dark. I just wanted more answers. I wanted to give you that,” he says.

“Okay.” I nod.

“You can read his memories?” Calix looks between us.

“Not quite. Ten showed me the memory he wanted to share. Like a vision, he showed me, or I found it, I’m not sure how it works.” I wring my hands together and focus on Ten.

“Are you okay? More pain?” I ask, as if the state of his damp brow, locked muscles, and heavy breathing isn’t enough of a giveaway.

“I’m fine.”

“But you still can’t touch me without feeling pain.” My voice is shy. I was hoping it might be easier, might get easier, the more we do this. But that, like so many things here, seems to be a foolish hope.

His silence is my confirmation.

“Calix, we need to fill everyone in on the plan.” Ten turns to his friend.

“Plan?” Calix asks.

“We’re all training Ever. We’ve agreed to that already, but we need to keep it a secret now. We can’t let my father, or the rest of The Chamber or Custodians know why we’re doing it, or what else we’re looking for.”

“Okay, fine. But why, and what else are we looking for?” he asks.

“We’ll explain everything later. We promise,” I add.

“Dinner tonight. Ever, ask Micah to get the word to Kyra, and she can join after. No more secrets. Nobody’s in the dark from now on. Everything is on the line.”

“Wow, Ten, this sounds…” Calix doesn’t finish.

“Trust me, Calix. This isn’t just about Ever anymore.”