Page 57 of A Touch of Stars and Stones (Kirrian #1)

thirty-two

. . .

Aten

S he asked for time. I can give her that.

I’ll give her space. Reluctantly.

Guilt wraps its ugly talons around my chest, and I pick up the cup of ale and take another sip like it can keep the pain at bay.

This isn’t right. Regardless of it being a new moon, I can still sense her emotions lodged in my gut. I’ve hurt her. A small betrayal, but one nonetheless. And she’s right. I knew she’d want to know, and I kept it from her.

So, I obey her wishes, although it fucking kills me to watch her walk away.

At least she’ll be safe tonight.

I’ve chosen a quieter bar, one that I don’t frequent with Calix because I don’t want to be found right now, especially by either of my friends.

People gather, drinking, happily enjoying New Moon night. Music plays in one of the taverns down the street, the melody carrying and entertaining everyone around me.

And then I see them.

Warriors, three of them, clearly scouting for someone. Their uniform is standard. They don’t have cloaks like the watch guards, and they carry limited weapons. All men, and all without their power tonight.

The shorter of the three looks in my direction, and his body shifts. They’re looking for me. Great.

They flank my table, approaching with a step of caution.

“Aten. Your father has requested you see him. In the Great Hall.”

“I’m getting really fucking tired of him summoning me,” I mumble into my cup as I drain the ale.

“He said you might be more amenable to the request if you knew it was regarding Ever Hart,” the man on the right says with a grin.

Fuck.

My hand sweeps to the base of my spine as I stand, a habit to check for the knife I know is there. It always is.

“I don’t need an escort.”

“Orders are orders.”

“Even tonight?” I check. “I’m sure there are many more exciting things you’d rather be doing than fetching me.

” I raise my eyebrow and tilt my head to them.

At least two of them bristle as if I’ve reminded them of what waits for them when they’ve completed their orders. But they all keep walking. Loyal, then.

They keep me company all the way up to the imposing wooden doors of the hall. I’d expected to be dragged to his office if this was important, but they leave as soon as I put my hands on the door to enter.

It isn’t just my father who occupies the dais at the far end. Kamari, Darien, and Portia are all in their allotted seats as well. The Maker is missing, though.

I shouldn’t have let her go. I should have forced her to stay with me .

Panic, undiluted and spiked with fear, floods through my system, pumping me with adrenaline at what this could be about. It’s how I felt at her Transference, seeing her in pain. And I’m relieved that nobody in the room can pick up on that emotion now.

“Father.” I tilt forward, greeting him as would be expected with the rest of the Orders looking on.

“Care to explain why Ms Hart was seen riding off into the night?” No preamble. Straight for the throat.

“She what?” I can’t get a lock on my surprise before I blurt out my response.

“So, you didn’t know.” He grins. The bastard.

“No. Of course not. Where is she headed?” I question, crossing my arms over my chest.

“That’s what I want to find out. You clearly have a vested interest in her. I thought you’d like to help with this matter.” His consideration is spot on, but I don’t know how he knows that until I look at Kamari. Would she have shared our meetings?

“She crossed the bridge a little over an hour ago on horseback and hasn’t been seen in the training residence.

Naturally, we are all concerned.” He waves his hand, indicating the rest of the members gathered.

“A trainee going missing or fleeing is highly irregular. And we don’t want anything untoward happening to her, especially in her vulnerable position. ”

All I can hear are the veiled threats. The warnings.

Regardless of my lack of power, my mind starts to shift the words, all the words he’s spoken to me about Ever. Everything I know about her, about Fifths, all stacking into organised bundles of information.

But that usually easy process in my mind that sifts through and draws conclusions, isn’t working. All I can see are questions. Instead, I revisit the information I’m certain of. She is upset. She wants space.

She wouldn’t be stupid enough to try to go back home—to Lyle?

“Please, share with us what you just worked out, Aten.” Kamari’s voice drifts over to me, and I curse that she can still read my reactions even under the new moon.

I watch her, and debate sharing the truth with her.

I curse the doubt she’s instilled and question if her allegiance is to my father or one of her own.

“She likes her horse. The one that she rode here with Lyle.”

“You think she’s trying to leave Kirrasia?” Kamari’s head tips to the side.

“I don’t think she’s that foolish.” I fucking hope she’s not.

“Yet, she’s fleeing under the cover of darkness on the only night that she would have an advantage over the watch guard,” my father accuses.

“She’d have every advantage over them if she waited,” I defend.

No one is confident of her abilities, and that grey area is all I have against them.

“Where is the Maker?” For once in my life, it would be useful to hear the old crone in my head.

Or at least ask her for help. If she knew what Ever was doing.

My father turns and appears to be consulting with the others.

He is frightened of something. That fact won’t leave me alone—that fear I felt from him when we argued in his office. Why would he be afraid?

He turns his attention back to me and steps forward from the others, yet another subtle move he’s always keen to make.

“The new moon will pass in a matter of hours. Ever must remain in Kirrasia. Do you understand? Warriors will be sent to bring her back, so I suggest you use the head start to try and find her before they do. And before Aslendrix returns to us.”

He holds my stare—his warning—as the blood burns in my veins at his threat. My eyes slip to Kamari’s, left in the dilemma of what she has or hasn’t shared. Do they all know what happens when Ever and I touch?

My heart punches against my chest as I turn to leave.

How the zuns am I going to find her?

There are more Warriors on duty tonight. It’s the same every new moon. It’s the time when the scales are even between everyone, Aslendrix’s power not tipping them either way. And while many choose to celebrate, others use it as an opportunity.

We might be peaceful, but that doesn’t mean that the occasional bar brawl won’t break out. And our borders are the most defenceless now, without the power to foresee or defend against approaching visitors.

My father is right, if Ever wanted to leave Kirrasia, tonight would be the best opportunity she had.

I clear the bridge and pass the training residence, already knowing she isn’t there.

From my conversations with Ever, I doubt she’d be foolish enough to wander into the forest, even mounted.

My legs stride out into a steady jog, covering the ground swiftly, keeping the edge of the forest in the shadows and head in a southeasterly direction towards the Ember. With any luck, she’ll come to her senses and stop before she gets too far.

I scan the darkness, peering through the gloom, heading in the general direction of the east guard post between the Jade and Ember.

Lyle would have crossed close to it, but it’s still a way off, and if I’d never been here before, I’d retrace my steps and follow them back.

The thought that she might use this logic pins an urgency through my body and my pace quickens.

If she’s chosen east or west, I don’t know how I’ll find her.

The cliffs on either coast of Kirrasia are impressive.

The ones to the west are guarded and patrolled, given the proximity to Nehandun, whereas the rough sea on the east provides a natural defence, so ships don’t tend to pass north from Estereah.

That coast whispers of more than just currents and rocks dragging ships to their doom. Or so the stories from Torazan say.

I run until the patches of grass and the greenery from the edge of the forest start to give up and disintegrate into the sandy ground of the Ember.

My lungs tighten, and I consider how futile running out in the middle of the night to look for her might be.

But there’s something in my chest, driving me, needing to find her. To ensure she’s safe.

I should never have let her fucking go.

A faint snort from a horse has my heart pounding, and I still, listening for it again.

I open my mouth to shout but think better of it, not wanting to startle her.

Slowly, I advance until I can see the slightly darker silhouette of Nettle.

And next to the horse, sitting on the ground in the middle of nowhere, looking out at nothing, is Ever.

Relief hits me harder than a punch from Calix to my stomach, and I send up a small word of thanks to Aslendrix, a reaction I then reconsider, given the predicament she’s put Ever in. But I’m grateful rather than mad right now.

A small twig snaps under my boot, sending Nettle’s head rising as he notices my approach.

“It’s just me, Ever,” I offer.

She doesn’t reply. But doesn’t tell me to go, either.

I pause a few feet from her and wait for her to say something. The instinct to feel for her emotion is right there, but I tap it back down, smother it and wait.

“I wanted to go. At least, I thought Nettle would just take me. But as the trees and grass started to thin, I remembered how much nothing there was. And I didn’t want to get lost out here.

I lost my nerve.” Her voice is full of anguish and defeat, and it kills me inside.

I’m not sure if she’s still angry, so start off with facts, easing her into talking some more.

“My father’s sent Warriors after you. You can’t leave Kirrasia.”

“Well, I’m not leaving,” she snaps. “Apparently, I don’t have the guts to do that.”

I scuff the hard ground with the tip of my boot. “We can just sit out here. Like that first night when things were simple.” Before you knew you were a Fifth. But were things ever simple for her? And hadn’t I kept things from her then, too? Smaller things, but still.

“The night you said you’d help me?” She chuffs in a mocking tone as if she’s not buying anything I say.

“I’m always helping, Ever. Even now.” Keep to the truth. No more lies.

“At your father’s bidding again?” she taunts, turning her head towards me.

“He warned me to find you before the guards he sent did. I wasn’t going to let that happen.” Just the thought of them putting their hands on her, because they would tonight, had my hands flexing at my sides.

“Has he passed on any other pieces of wisdom you want to fill me in on?” The hollow edge to her voice sends a shiver down my spine, reminding me this is my fault. Even in the pitch of night, I wish she’d look at me, tell me we’ll get through this—that she’ll forgive me.

I sit down beside her, my knees resting between my elbows as I stare out into the darkness.

“He’s watching you. He’s scared of you, or what you represent, maybe.

I don’t fucking know. But I do want to find out.

And I don’t want anything to be between us from now on.

I’m sorry I chose not to tell you. It was a mistake. ”

She rolls back onto the dirt and looks up at the stars rather than face me.

“This isn’t how I thought today would go,” she sniggers. I thought it would be about you and me. And instead, it’s more bullshit about what everyone in this place wants to keep from me.” She huffs out a deep breath. “Parents, Ten. You didn’t think that’s something I’m entitled to know about.”

“Of course, but I don’t know anything. Not yet.” My defence is weak, and I question my own decision not to tell her everything. “I promise, there is nothing more to tell you.”

“I want to see your father. I want to know what the Order is keeping from me. Because they are, right? You said that. I’m not just being paranoid.”

“Look, I have no right to tell you what you should or shouldn’t do. But I think there’s a different way.”

“Oh, really? You’re going to burst in with this great plan about training me again? I thought it was because you wanted to protect me. To help me.”

Her voice catches, and I hear the sadness behind the anger, and I vow to undo it.

“It is. Don’t you get that? We don’t have enough time, Ever.

The first trial is less than a couple of weeks away, and we’ve only just started.

Training takes months. We have scraps of time, carved from sheer will to work at this.

At least on my part. What he wants is for you to fail.

” She doesn’t say anything to that, and I hope she can hear the urgency in my voice.

“He doesn’t want you finding out whatever it is he’s keeping hidden.

Whatever it is that he’s frightened of. He wants you in the dark. ”

“Great. You and he have that in common, then.”

The need to reach out and put my hands on her and implore her to hear me, blisters my skin.

“Listen to me. He wants me to make sure you’re not asking questions, and says that I should remember that there’s more at stake here if you do.

I’m not listening to him. I’m not doing his bidding.

I’m helping you, even if you feel betrayed right now.

But if we show our hand or start asking too many questions now, then we may never know. We’ll lose our advantage.”

“You call this an advantage?” she scoffs.

“I say we make it one. Kamari is another problem.”

“Kamari?” She turns to me at that.

“She was there with my father when he sent me after you. They all were. I can’t say at the moment, who knows what, but I don’t trust her now.”

“This is all ridiculous. Is it that big a deal? A Fifth?”

“When you see my memory of our conversation, you’ll see. I hope,” I offer her that. “But I think it is a big deal, Ever. There’s a reason for all of this. We just need to find it.”

She’s quiet for a while. The darkness stretches over us. Only the occasional sound from Nettle stirs the night.

“It’s late. Do you want to go back?” I turn to her and see her arm resting at her side. My fingers inch across the dirt to touch her, but she interrupts me before I can.

“Okay, but tomorrow, you show me the conversation with your father, and then together, we’ll decide on what to do next.”

“Okay.”

“Because I feel like the girl who’s going mad again. Seeing things, feeling things. And you promised to tell me if I was.”

“You aren’t going mad.” I grab her hand at that, needing to give her some form of reassurance.

She turns her head, and I barely make out the light in her eyes. “But if people keep choosing what they will and won’t share with me, how will I ever know what’s real or what’s not?”