Page 53 of A Touch of Stars and Stones (Kirrian #1)

thirty

. . .

Ever

S itting in his lap, I feel lost in my mind, consumed and turned on beyond reason. Stars, I’m so close to rubbing myself all over him. But I hold back. Somehow.

Because my mind doesn’t have any blocks in place, everything I’ve ever thought or imagined rushes to mind, like a river raging after a storm, mixing with the images in Ten’s head.

Lords above, I am so screwed.

But there’s no pain. No fear. And that does something to me and gives me the confidence I need to let this play out, gather pace, and run away with us. I don’t want to wait. I don’t want to stop. I want Ten to do everything and anything to me if there is no pain.

It means that our future isn’t just visions of death and despair.

Through the fog of lust and desire, his words filter in.

Move.

He’s right. But it feels like I need something to physically remove me from my position, legs splayed over him.

“I’m not sure I can move,” I confess, opening my eyes to see him watching me far too intently, the faintest curve to the corner of his mouth.

“If I trusted myself, I’d happily lift you and carry you to that bed.” His voice is rough and deep and does nothing to settle my pounding heart.

My legs shake as I tense them and lean against one, pushing my weight onto my toes and balancing as I lift my other leg up and off Ten’s lap.

Did we really do that? Did I really do that?

This tension has been between us since the first time I laid eyes on him, all the glances, the touches, the words that promised something else… and after today and that vision into the future, I didn’t want to leave it up to chance.

If everything the Maker said was true, possibilities were something I would need to learn to contend with. She said I’d see all… well, all I wanted to see was Ten.

I stagger back a step or two, my eyes unable to leave Ten when he looks so good, sprawled in the chair, his grip locked around the back of the chair legs.

He said to wait for him to calm down, so I find the bed and lie back, willing my breathing to come under control. And I go to the place that Kyra had helped me find. Full of calm and stillness. It cools my burning skin and sates me enough to think clearly.

The night sky. Darkness. Snow flurries…

But my heart won’t stop thrumming, fluttering like a hummingbird and refusing to obey.

Seconds joined into minutes, and still, I refuse to rush Ten. If I reveal to him in any other way just how desperate I am, I might die.

Stars, this is really happening.

The bed dips, but I don’t turn to him.

“If you don’t want to do this, say now, and we can just lie here.” His voice is like a caress itself, smooth and velvety and makes me only want this more.

I don’t look at him, but I do listen to that growing need in the pit of my stomach, that want that’s driving me to distraction. My fingers hook into the waistband of my trousers, and I push them down my thighs. The jumper is long enough to cover me, and my underwear is still in place.

He is giving me every opportunity, every chance to stop.

But that’s not what I want. It’s his turn to hand the control to me, and finding out we can be this intimate with limited contact makes my head rush with possibilities.

The relief, a high in itself, that I’m gaining a slice of control over another aspect of my life, moving towards not being bound by the rules that have been thrust upon me here.

And this, with Ten, is me exercising every ounce of control I can wring from my body.

“I won’t touch you. You don’t have to look at me, but you do have to do everything I tell you. And you better fucking be on board with me watching you very, very closely, Little Siren.”

“Stars, I think I might combust from his words alone.”

“Did you do that on purpose? Because I think you just spoke inside my head.”

“Shit.”

“Feel free to do it again, especially when you’re close to coming. I don’t want only to hear your little whimpers. I want to hear you screaming my name.”

“Ten!” I shove my hands over my mouth and press my legs together, the ache burning to life again and desperate for friction of any kind.

I hear the bed shift beneath me, but I daren’t look. I also hear his deep chuckle.

“Don’t you dare laugh at me, Aten Ciro, or I swear, I’ll repay this tenfold.”

“Oh, I hope you will. And I’m already looking forward to it. Now, as they looked so pretty under your top today, rub your nipples between your thumb and forefinger. Under your jumper is fine.”

I gingerly move my hand to comply, squeezing my eyes shut to banish the embarrassment.

“Good. Now, with your other hand, trail it down to your stomach, keep going, and slide it between your thighs. Show me where you… ache.”

“Here.”

“Push the fabric aside and run your fingers through yourself. Are you wet? Does your finger slide against your skin?”

“So wet. I’ve… that’s… not what it’s been like before.”

“Fuck, this is harder than I thought. Take your finger and press it against that little bundle of nerves…”

I do as he says, and my back arches as my other hand squeezes harder on my nipple, and I moan. Loudly. Into the room. “Yes, more. That’s… yes!”

“Oh no, not so fast, Little Siren. You’re going to push that finger all the way inside of you. Because that’s what I’m fucking desperate to do. I’m salivating just thinking of what you might taste like. Hmmm, sweet, creamy…”

“Stop, stars, please.”

My hand does as he commands, though, as if his words are tethered to my body, and I’m just doing his bidding. My hips move, undulating of their own accord, because as soon as my finger presses inside of me, I know I need more. I crave it.

“You’re blushing, Ever. So fucking sexy, laid out for me. Your body betrays you and tells me every little thing it wants so that I can do it to you until you’re begging me to fuck you.”

“I’m begging. Now. Please. Ten… Please!”

The pressure inside of me builds, so tightly, so nearly there, every time I press deeper, pull my finger out, and in again. He’s stopped giving me instructions, but I’m way past that, just following the urge of my body, the direction of my desire.

My voice sounds strangled and thready, and I moan out as the wave of pleasure spikes at the apex of my thighs and tumbles down through my limbs, leaving me quaking and shivering.

“Yes. Oh fuck, Ten, yes, yes, yes!”

There’s a ringing in my ears, but my lips curve up in a smile, and my limbs feel like they’ve been rung out. I don’t remember it being like that. A small building of tension, a pulse, and a feeling of relaxation afterwards. Not this…

“You are so fucking beautiful, shattering for me.” His voice is quiet. Far away, even. I want to turn to look at him, to face him, but I can’t seem to move.

Another period of silence. All I can hear is the low, steady beat of my heart and the faint sound of my breathing. Or maybe Ten’s.

“Do you want me to leave?” he asks.

“No.” I don’t. “I want you to stay as long as you want. But I can’t move.” This time, I push the words purposefully rather than just shout them in my mind.

“I can’t risk falling asleep with you because I know I’m going to reach out and wrap you in my arms. And neither of us wants that. Not tonight, anyway.”

His voice inside my head has my eyes flying open, and my body popping up from the bed.

“Ah, I see that got you moving.”

“You did it on purpose?” I ask as I take him in, propped up on his side, his arm under his head, resting on his bicep. Lords above, he looks divine. His eyes are darker than I’ve ever seen, but now, promise delicious things and not just comfort.

“I did. And you need to stop looking at me like that, Little Siren.”

“Sorry. I’m a, going to just go, err to wash up.” I scramble off the bed, my legs suddenly chilled from the air as I vanish into the adjoining room. Not to hide. Or escape. But I need the space.

As reality comes back into focus, the memories of everything we’ve done today do, too. The good and the bad.

I needed to do… something.

“Do you want a bedtime story? Because, ironically, we just did exactly what I was teasing you with, so you should be more than ready for sleep,” he calls.

“I’m not sure I can sleep now. My head is buzzing.” I exit the washroom and sit on the edge of the bed, keeping a safe distance with no danger of touching.

“In a good way?” There was doubt in his words.

“Yes.” I take a sip of water. “Have you, um, done that before?” I ask.

Ten rolls onto his back and cradles his head with his hands, looking up at the ceiling.

“Shared visions or thoughts with someone, so intimately, so detailed that for all intents and purposes, we are having sex in our minds? No.”

Heat blazes my cheeks at his words, but I don’t stop my next question. “But the other thing?” My voice is soft, betraying the ugly feeling unfurling in my stomach.

“Have you?”

I look away, neither of us seemingly wanting to look each other in the eye. “No. Only by myself. I’ve not been with anyone else.”

He doesn’t say anything else, and after a moment, I look back over to him and see he’s sitting up on the bed now. Gone is the carefree Ten I just had to myself.

“The chair, your mind, what you were asking of me, and you’ve not slept with anyone?” His voice is strangled as he trips over the words.

“I lived in the middle of nowhere, and Lyle barely let me out of her sight. There weren’t a lot of options, even if I did wish for it.”

“Fuck.”

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. I just… might have been… I don’t know. But…”

“Is it a problem?” I ask, mortification ruining the high I was on a few moments ago, and I stand to put distance between us. “Because I seem to remember neither of us had a problem up until now.”

“It’s not a problem. Trust me,” he tacks on.

“I made an assumption, and it was wrong given the situation we started in,” he nods towards the chair, “and I came very close to doing everything we both wanted to do. That might have looked slightly different if I had known. There hasn’t been a single thing wrong with anything that’s happened between us.

Believe me.” His eyes are on me. I can feel him.

“Ever. Everything between us tonight happened much quicker than I anticipated, but that doesn’t take away from the fact that I wanted it. And more.”

I don’t know why the words seem to mean more when they sound inside my mind, maybe because they can only ever be for me this way.

“Do you still want me to stay?” Ten switches to speaking.

I nod and bring the books that he delivered onto the bed. “Will you help me with these?”

“Sure.”

I finally dare to look him in the eye, but I can’t really read what he’s thinking and knowing that I can venture into his mind makes me careful now.

I don’t want to take his thoughts away. Somehow, after tonight, I didn’t think it would be a problem to slip into his emotions, his thoughts, like we’ve opened a mental connection, one that won’t simply close.

I start to flick through the pages, but I’m not in the mood to research. I want to settle the ruffles between us.

“Can I trust you?” I ask, even though I already trust him more than anyone else here.

“Of course.”

“I didn’t tell you or Kamari everything the Maker told me.” I keep my gaze on the books, flicking absentmindedly. His gaze is fixed on me, the gentle fizzle along the surface of my skin where he is staring is back. Another sense heightened now, perhaps?

“You want to tell me now?” His face looks strained, and I wonder if it’s because he thinks I don’t trust him.

I run the words we spoke about over in my mind. The riddle and warnings. The words I have yet to unpick or learn to understand. Like another piece of the puzzle, slotting into place.

“She told me I was more than just one thing.”

His head cocks to the side. “What do you mean?”

“Earth and space and time and everything in between. And that I will see possibilities. But more than that, she said that I will choose. I have the power to influence for good or bad.”

He looks up at me, assessing me. “You didn’t want to share this with everyone.”

“No,” I answer . “Is that bad?”

“No. We all have conversations with the Maker. It’s not always a good experience or one that delivers pleasant news. I don’t think anyone would judge you for keeping her words between the two of you.”

“I wanted to tell you after what happened in Kamari’s office and what we saw.

And now, after tonight, I think it’s a little easier to believe what she told me.

” I hadn’t admitted to anyone, maybe not even myself, that there were aspects of this—of being a Fifth—that were exciting, if I could move past all the death.

“You agree that it’s possible futures when we touch?” he clarifies.

“I mean, I hope so. I think sometimes they might be. The visions are a blur, mixed up with memories as well. Like when we first touched before the Transference, I saw myself when we first met. Colours.”

“Red and Purple. The two sides to my world. Guard and Warrior. You sort of shook me into realising I wasn’t doing my new Order any justice. Or myself.”

“Well, we have that in common, then. Learning. Is that why you took me along to speak to Kamari?”

“I’ve been seeing her to help myself. After Aurelia said that our gifts might be similar, I thought it would be a win-win.” He lies back down on the bed, book forgotten, and takes up that position with his arms behind his head, fingers cradling it, and displaying his impressive arms.

My eyes close for a moment, and I take a deep breath, taking him in. I did ask him to stay.

“Time for bed. Or you’ll regret it in the morning.”

“I don’t want you to go. Not yet.” It slips into my mind. “And what about tomorrow? And us?” I ask as I crawl along the mattress towards him, making sure I keep a healthy distance between us. I pull the pillow and hug it against me.

“Tomorrow, you’ll find out what it feels like to be in Kirrasia under a new moon. And as for us… Well, you know how I feel about you, Little Siren. You saw. You felt. That’s not going to change. Now, sleep. I’ll see you in the morning.”